10
Single Parent Resolutions
Presented
by Single Parent Central
Stop
Feeling Guilty
–Feel guilty
because your children’s dad/mom isn’t involved? Feel guilty because
your kids aren’t being raised in a "traditional"
family"? The list of reasons to feel guilty can be endless.
Parenting is often synonymous with guilt. Guilt, however, is a waste of
your valuable time. It drains your energy and makes you focus on things
you usually can’t control anyway.No, we don't have "Leave it To
Beaver" families. But not many people do these days. 28 million
children in the US live with one parent. Some single parents are
divorced, some were never married, some are widowed and some are single
parents who have adopted. Whatever the reasons or circumstances that led
you to become a single parent, right now is the life you have.
Embrace it and make the most of it. Life is to short to feel guilty
about things you can't control
Stop Worrying-See
guilt above. Allocate a half-hour a day for a worry session if you must
- then move on to productive things.
Be More Patient With The
Kids-Too little
money, too much to do, not enough time. Stresses are all around,
especially when you are going it alone. However, don't take it out on
the kids. They are easy targets because the balance of power favors you.
If you feel yourself becoming stressed lock yourself in the bathroom
until you get it together. Count to ten before you react. Do whatever
works to show your kids they aren’t the targets of your frustration.
If you feel you’re starting to lose control contact Parents Anonymous,
(www.parentsanonymous-natl.org)
or (909) 621-6184. The National Organization will be able to locate a
chapter near you. They have group support groups for parents while the
children participate in kid’s groups at the same time.
Go On a Date-Try
it and see what it’s like to talk to an adult all evening. It might
not turn into the romance of the century. However, you get to practice
your conversational skills, see a first run movie that’s not animated,
and eat at a restaurant that doesn’t give you a cup of crayons and
placement to color.
Do One Nice Thing A Week
Just for Yourself-The
kids, work, the house, etc., etc., etc. With all the responsibilities
your needs often come last or not at all. It’s vital that you treat
yourself well. Do something for yourself at least once a week. Buy
yourself the book you wanted, go see a movie without the kids, take a
bubble bath after the kids are in bed. Just remember not to neglect
yourself.
Laugh More-Having
a sense of humor definitely makes all the stress more manageable and
puts things in perspective. I have a friend who will only watch comedies
on television and at the movies. Her philosophy is that real life is
dramatic enough why watch it on TV? Keeping a sense of humor is easier
on your psyche and role models good coping skills to your children.
Let the Little Stuff Go-Are
the kids clean? Well-fed? Loved? Receiving an education? Getting hugs
every day? Then you’re doing your job. If the house is messy,
the leaves not raked, who cares?
Keep Yourself Informed-Information
is empowering. Keep yourself informed about current
parenting/childcare/child support legislation. Write your
congressman/woman if legislation comes up you feel strongly about. Learn
basic home repair through community colleges and university extension
services so you are not so dependent on expensive repairman. Continue to
upgrade your professional skills.
Get Help If You Need It-Life
can often get overwhelming. Seeking help doesn’t make you weak or
needy -it makes you smart. Don’t let lack of money prevent you from
seeking help if you feel you or your children need some type of
assistance. There are many free and low-cost counseling programs in most
cities. Look in the blue pages of your phone book for organizations.
Call your state United Way Information and Referral Line for referrals
in your area. There are also programs in every state to help you
pay your heat and water bills. Each state has free or low cost health
insurance for your kids, food stamps, free immunizations and other
programs. Don’t assume, also, that you are over income for these
programs. For instance, the Women’s, Infants and Children’s Program
(WIC) has a fairly high-income standard. Single Parent Central’s
Government Page has income guidelines for some government programs.
It’s a good starting point.
Congratulate Yourself
Often-Look what
you're handling. You are raising children, running a household, working
outside the house and handling a thousand other things. You are CEO,
coach, driver, cook, educator and provider. You are holding it all
together. Many of you are doing this without any child support or help
from an ex-partner. Single parenting is not for the meek or mild. You
have a lot to be proud of.
The article is free
to reprint in any format provided the information at the bottom,
including this, remains intact. Reprinted from Single Parent Central,
www.singleparentcentral.com, which offers information and resources to
single parent families. ©2000 SingleParentCentral.com
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