I warn you, this is deeply personal. You may not understand and you may think this is one of the worst things I have written.... but it was a significant dawning to me and of such substantiality that I felt the need to write of it.
''The dawning is like the dying of a rose. It can happen nearly overnight. When the rose is just slightly wilted, one might not notice, because they might be used to seeing the cylomatic deterioration. One day we gander upon it's ugliness and think to ourselves, 'I've really got to throw out that thing....' And then it is gone. The joy, the wilting, the death. Just like that....''
There comes a time, like a sudden awakening, when we realize the truth about some things we never will get back, some things we ought not have, and some things we have to deny ourselves. Realizing this may devastate some. But others might choose to turn their heads and shut their mouths, smile, walk away. I walked away.
I shall never catch that desire again. And I smile as my heart settles on a pillow of peace, O, peace. The dawning of the knowlage of our getting past such a position is a feeling which I cannot tell in generalization form, but only by my personal experience.
For me, I can be sure I am past things when I am finally able to look with the eyes of my heart into the heartful eyes of my desire and feel it inside me. The sinking, that is. The sorrowful descent of the seat of my emotions into it's painful little well. Although this encourages such grief, it is the strong part of me -- the part proving my overcoming -- whom pokes forth and brings me back to the knowing that everything (as it really seems, everything) will be just fine. This is a simple knowing, as it contains no true proof; all it may provide one with is simple positivity about the situation. And that sort of knowing is good enough for me.
From such a turning I feel great enlightenment, as though I am thinking wiser from it -- clearer, if you please. I have henceforth recognized the benefits and promise in the container of my future, the employer of my dreams. They say to be dreaming, one must be asleep. But I have awakened, and found that these dreams are in the awake world as well! I understand this position that I have just experienced to be an achievement, not a misfortune. A loss, yes, but a necessary one, in oder to bloom. One cannot fly when accompanied with so much luggage ....So pack light!
This is something which I am over now. It was a wonderful experience and I mark it just as such. ''Life Experience''. Reminisce, speak of it if you must, but yea with your chin up.
Some might realize the chilling finality of this all and hunch their shoulders to lessen the hurt. I realize it, square my shoulders, and continue walking down the street, singing to myself. (I believe my heart swelled a little in adding that right then). This is because upon our recovery a new spark of life will shine over the floor. The only reason why so many dwell in post-loss devastation is because they choose not to see the break in the clouds. They choose not to understand that without the cloud, there would be no silver lining.
As we learn the necessary losses we must endure in order to grow, we consequently learn to flourish into a more beautiful and breathtaking us. Not until then will we hear the sounds of beauty and truimph as they fill the vast air around us.
''....I hung the rose to dry this morning. T'was inadvertadly symbolic and perhaps a little predicting.... It was just beginning to wilt when I noticed it and said, 'That's quite enough'. The beauty is gone and it is time to move on.''
