Welcome to Arizona...but it's a dry heat! The hot desert sun of Arizona beats down upon unsuspecting tourists as they traverse the cacti-infested landscape. Gila monsters snap at your heels while vultures circle overhead, waiting for you to die. Giant rattlesnakes wrap around your neck as you lay on the ground dying of thirst. Every breath leaving your body is just dust. Truly a horrid place to be...and that's what an idiot's perception of Arizona might be.
The truth is Arizona is a wonderful state, blessed with the In-N-Out burger chain, exclusive to three states, which produces the best burgers on the globe. There's also a few colleges around those parts, and Arizona State has obtained this sinister-looking man as their official mascot. Sparky The Sun Devil is a satanic creature that hails from, where else, the hot sun. As little as a touch to his back can burn your entire hand off, so don't try to grope him. He's called Sparky The Sun Devil for a damn reason! Don't mess with him or he'll melt your face off!
First off, it's a little obvious that Sparky was designed by an artist from Walt Disney (no joke), because he's oh so precious! Those cute little horns and light red skull, I could just eat him up! All joking aside, Sparky really does mean business. He's got some evil eyebrows penciled in above his eye sockets. And talk about your evil eye. That right pupil is fucking white! Aren't most pupils black? His eye resembles a lifesaver! The more I stare at it, the more entranced I become, the more I want to take out that damned eye a la The Telltale Heart. As I cough and look around awkwardly, I quickly point out that neat little moustache under his nearly-invisble nose. That arm he's got raised in defiance has some kind of accessory wrapped around it. With an educated guess I decided that his mom knitted it for him so he wouldn't catch pneumonia with his arm dangling there under the rough conditions of the court. Finally, we can tell he's an integral part of the Arizona State organization with that big number 1 nestled on his jersey. You don't get to be number 1 without being really important (or sucking up to the big fellows, but Sparky's got fire powers, so he doesn't have to do that.)
I love satanic figures as mascots. I don't think they are a bad influence on anyone, especially those created by one of Michael Eisner's croonies. Sparky's got truckloads of moxy, and his evil eye is...well I'd rather not dwindle on that or my brain will fizzle out and I'll go into convulsions. I hope he's got a pitchfork as a prop so he can add a little something to his repertoire, such as poking and prodding. But he's impressive enough as it is, giving him a little something extra would push him over the top. Final verdict: devilish! So devilish and cute!
Final Score: 4/5
