I am a person that survived the horrors of childhood abuse and this is a little about me. I suffer for MPD/DID. I fight with this disorder everyday. I like helping others. I pray that all who read this will take caution also As a survivor of childhood abuse I write this page with some vain idea that maybe I can help just one child. Through it all I have found that CHILD ABUSE does hurt the child's future. The Pain and the hidden scars are hard to overcome. LIVING with over Sixty-seven alters has taught me how to stand on uneven ground. I know just one thing that HEAVEN IS NOT BEYOND THE CLOUDS IT IS JUST BEYOND THE FEAR!!!! I missed out how to be a child. Never knew what it felt like to be loved. I have learned to love through my son. He taught me more than any teacher could ever tell me. He has taught me how to just be me. He showed me how to laugh and play. Just to let the child inside of me out without worrying what other People might think. With him I am allowed to be what ever I want to be. I am finding out who I was meant to truly be. I am finding myself though his eyes. He is not only playing to have fun but playing to grow up. I allow him to just to be who he wants to be. I know that I can never be a child again but now is the time for my son to have his. I hope that GOD will protect him and watch over all he does. We know that it is a constant battle within us and we know that we must stay on our guard at all times. We fight with forces that are unseen. If we can save just one child or person from the pain and suffering that we went through it will be worth it all. We hope that anyone who reads this and is going through any kind of abuse will seek help. There may not seem like no one cares but there are people out there that do care and will help. I am a person and this is a little about me. I suffer for MPD/DID. I fight with this disorder everyday. I like helping others. I I pray that all who read this will take caution also. God has helped me through some very hard times. He has held on to me when there was no one around to keep me safe. I am a survivor of the horrors of the abuse only because of God's grace. God gave my mind the chance to spilt and overcome the horror and the pain. He did not let me get destroyed by it all. When I would not listen to what he had to say he just stood behind me until I turned back to him. He stayed with me even when I did not trust in his word anymore. He let me go and find out how much I really need him. He showed me that I was someone to him and that I truly meant something to him. He deserves all the credit for my existence. He knows what we all can bear and he will never give more than we can. He will provide a way out of it all. He took me out of the deepest darkest pit that anyone could ever imaging and saved my life. When the abuse started at the age of 1 1/2 he helped me through it all. He let me overcome all odds and survive it all to testify to his love and his mercy. I carry many unseen scars. I still feel all the shame and all the blame from the abuse. I know i am not to blame for it but i still feel that i was. there are days i wished i didnt live though it and days that i wished i would have not survived. parts of me i am afraid didnt survive. i still can many secerts i swore i would never tell and i cant tell i feel bound by my honor not to. I do have good days when thoughts dont creep in but there are days when thoughts flood my my and my dreams. I have walked through hell and came out the otherside broken but not defeated. There are times in my life I feel that my life isn't my own and I struggle throughout this cold world never knowing where I really belong I live in fear and uncertain of the what the future holds for me.I have lived thru the pain of horrors of the abuse refusing to let it rule who i am today. But there is one thing that I do know and that is the Abuse of children has to stop and it needs to stop now. I AM JUST ANOTHER SURVIVOR IN A UNDECLARED WAR PRAY THE ABUSE OF CHILDREN ENDS!!!

My Favorite Site for Home Pages

child abuse help

POEMS

Life Poem

Throughout it all how can we survive?

Can we face the past in our minds and walk out whole again?

Do we die inside just a little more each time?

We can hide deep inside the shadows while hiding from the light of day. Would it even matter anymore if I just laid down and surrendered all.

It's heartaches and hard knocks.

And things that I do not know where will it all go?

There is a glimpse of the child within and if she learns to fly

She will never touch the ground

We are scared I will lose this battle in the end.

We fight just to fall it seems

It is an endless battle

The pain is real yet no one believes.

We know the wounds will never heal.

We are doing our best and all we can but it is never enough it seems.

Life 2

I am tired not sure what to do.

tears that never fall build up in my eyes

I would give anything for an ordinary life

But i feel trapped inside

I am out of time and out of luck

I thought i was dreaming when i woke

i will go on i will survive??????

i dont know how but i will try

WHAT NOW

Do I dare to cost the line?

How much am I truly worthy of

It is a sound or the silence

It is the thought of what I have done

That I just can't undo

It is the night or it is the morning

Is this wrong or is this pain real

Am I to deny the fear inside?

Do I dare to cost the line?

I feel like I and doing something

I am not suppose to

It is like the fire is burning inside

Like trying to survive in a world that is cold as ice

Do I stand alone, or do I fall

Am I even real?

Is this life even real?

Am I just an empty shell of what once was there?

Am I to surrender or keep waiting for that last final blow?

The Child

As a child lays sleeping

The shadows creeps upon the wall

Like a thief innocence is stolen

And the pain begins

Fear grips the heart of the child

The battle rages on inside till the end of time

No one ever truly winning

The blood of the child is constantly shed over and over

The child becomes nothing but an empty shell

Then darkness falls upon the soul

Never letting in the light that holds safety

The child never knows peace

Never to know what it to be free

That child is me

This Survivor's Art Foundation WebRing site is owned by Lynn Brown.

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IN MEMORY OF THE 32 LOST AT VIRGINIA TECH APRIL 16, 2007