Topic: the other side
For anyone out there, like myself, who has searched for hints of the past from Mount Hope, I want to share with you some of my experiences. I would love to hear from you. I want to know your experiences both positive or negative.
After hours of searching the web, it seems the only one who is writing is Laura Jones. After reading her emails over the years, it is clear to me that she does not see the evil, selfishness, extreme pride, and controlling behavior of Herbert Schwartz.
Sexual abuse is wrong. It cannot be justified. Even if it's Herbert doing it. Controlling weak people through mind control and physical abuse is wrong. It's not the Catholic way. Jesus did not tend to his sheep in this fashion. But as I know, Herbert did not follow Jesus. He followed his own desires even when his desires meant hurting people.
Herbert had his favorites and I was not one of them.
I was born at Mount Hope and lived my childhood in the commune (cult) for 12 years. I have blocked many memories which later came back to haunt me in my adult years. I remembered the time when I put a puzzle away in the wrong place in kindergarden. Two women (whom I won't mention) carried me to Herbert's room. Herbert hit me in the face, and then again. After ward he ordered the woman to pull my pants down and whipp me with a belt while he watched.
I remembered the little school, in that house somewhere. The kids in my class had to leave the room while one of our precious classmates got whipped for spilling his milk yet another time.
The cruelty of Betty Braun - I have to mention her. I was so shy and affraid to read aloud. When it was my turn to read, I tried my best. My best was not good enough because Betty kicked me out of the classroom in front of all my peers because I was reading too slowely. After class she asked me "What is the matter with you? Why can't you read well?" After that experience I not only couldn't read well, I also began to stutter. How scared I was of Herbert. God only knows what else he did to the other kids.
After all these years my mother finally confided in me an experience we had in Herbert's room. Herbert sexually abused my mother in front of us. I was very young and I came up to my mother and Herbert during the act and asked what they were doing. I think I was 5. How would one think an experience such as this would effect the relationship between a mother and her daughter?
I have so many questions that my parents cannot answer. The reason they can't answer is because they don't know. They weren't there most of the time. Herbert believed that parents should be separated from their children. Not to be loved too much.
Herbert knew nothing about children and it is so unbeleivable that he was able to get away with so many acts of child abuse. His followers were so beaten down emotionally. Herbert wanted his followers to become weak and have no confidence in themselves or anyone exept for him. What ever Herbert taught, they beleived. He was the master.
Herbert had sexual relationships with many women at Mount Hope. So many wives. Did he sexually abuse the young girls too? It would not surprise me.
There were good times I remember. The horses, the pool, and the babysitters that were nice. To me, Mount Hope was my family. As cruel as it was. And after all those years in one school, in one world, in one crazy family, it vanished. No talk of it, nothing. It was just gone. Not one person said good by. Not one babysitter wanted to keep in touch. Not one teacher. They were too busy trying to understand things and to somehow put their lives back together.
Abuse and then abandonment. That was my childhood.
My Mount Hope experience. Some of it anyway.
Children don't normally develop defense mechanisms until they are 8. When Herbert told me I was trash, I beleived him without interpretation. When he beat me, it was because I was bad, dirty, and rotten. Herbert beleived that the evil in the world came from children being spoiled. What's wrong with this world is not too much love, it's the lack of love. Jesus said to love one another as ourselves. We have to love ourselves in order to love one another. Herbert was a complete idiot in my opinion.
I know I am not alone.