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Fall 2001
September 9	9:00	Mean Machine	40	Heisman Highlights	32
September 16	4:30	Mean Machine	34	The Red Bulls	40
September 23	12:00	Mean Machine	34	Orange Crush	14
September 30	3:15	Mean Machine	58	Beer Guts	28
October 7	2:30	Mean Machine	34	Steelers	29
October 14	10:15	Mean Machine	20	All Stars	36
October 21	12:30	Mean Machine	24	Flagadelic	66
Playoffs
October 28	TBD	Mean Machine	28	Chargers	44
Total Points		Mean Machine	272	Opponents	289
Average PPG		Mean Machine	34.00	Opponents	36.13
September 9 - "FIVE AGAINST THE WORLD" After an unsuccessful attempt to fire himself during the offseason, team captain Frank lead the Mean Machine onto the McKinney Park field for their 7th season. While the team was technically the defending "Best of the Rest" champions, they still carried the weight of a disappointing all-time record of only 11-33-1 into the season. Things did not look promising for the team either, as they were forced to play the game with only five players, and had lost their previous matchup with the Heisman Highlights by a score of 43-19 last Fall. However the Mean Machine stunned the Heismans with a 40-32 victory and their first-ever 1-0 start. The team jumped out to a surprising 16-8 halftime lead behind two rushing TD's and a rushing 2-point PAT from Anthony, and a 2-pt PAT pass from Anthony to Frank. The team's 5-man zone defense, featuring no pass rusher, seemed to thoroughly confuse the Heisman's offense. John in particular thrived in this defense, intercepting a record four passes from his "centerfield" position during the game. The Mean Machine narrowly missed opening up the game with a 3rd TD in the half when the two referees present (John and Charlie) inexplicably both failed to see Jeff's TD reception in the corner of the endzone. The second half was closer, as the Heismans rallied for 3 TD's. The Mean Machine kept pace however, scoring on 2 TD passes by Anthony to John and Kellie, and another rushing TD by Anthony. The scoring was closed out by 2-pt PAT passes from Anthony to John and Kellie, and another rushing PAT by Anthony. John's catch featured him dragging a desperately hanging-on defender (later ejected from the game) the last five yards to win one of the game's two "SportsCenter Moment" awards. The other award goes to Anthony who caught a bomb pass from Kellie and rumbled down the sideline for a certain TD, however in a Deion Sanders-esque moment he slowed down to walk in for the score and was tackled just short of the endzone. Anthony nearly won a second SportsCenter award in the game when he managed to sack himself while scrambling to run out the clock late in the game. Anthony's 3 rushing TD's also gave the former Harvard RB the single game, single season (3) and career (6) rushing TD records. Scary moment of the game occurred when play was briefly stopped after Frank suffered his 3rd flag football-induced head injury (and 2nd black eye) in less then a year when he took an elbow to the face while trying to make a tackle. Team physician Dr. Arthur Pappas attributed the recurring collisions to Frank's "extraordinarily large noggin," and immediately cleared him to continue playing. Next up for the team is a matchup with the "Red Bulls," and those cursed red shirts!  Did Not Play list - Leanne (Red Sox Reserve List), Brenda & Kristen (Hangover Reserve List), Chris (Wedding Guest Reserve List), Patrick (Workin' for Da Man Reserve List), Marianne (Sleeping-in Reserve List)  Back to Top
September 16 - "A PRODIGAL SON RETURNS" After an upset win over the Heisman Highlights on opening weekend, the undefeated Mean Machine lost a close contest to the Red Bulls 40-34. As the team took the McKinney Park field, it appeared that they would once again be forced to play with only five players, however Kristen arrived just in time for the opening snap to get the team to full strength. Kristen, who it would later be discovered was suffering from food poisoning, immediately proclaimed that she thought she "was going to throw up." Despite her illness, she helped to stake the team to a 14-12 halftime lead by hauling in 2 TD passes from Anthony and picking up a QB sack on defense. First-half scoring was completed by Frank who hauled in a 2-point PAT pass from Anthony, and narrowly missed a second when he lost a ball in the sun. Reinforcements arrived midway through the first half when 7-season veteran and "prodigal son" Jeremy, who retired to the California Penal League last season, joined the fray. Rumor has it that Jeremy heard about Anthony breaking his team rushing records last weekend and wanted a chance to preserve his legacy with a big game. Also joining the team was another veteran from last season, Anthony's friend and former Harvard teammate Joe, along with his girlfriend and newcomer to the team Persis. The team missed an opportunity however, when they failed in four chances to score from near the goal line as time ran out in the first half. This would come back to haunt the team, as the Red Bulls scored 4 TD's and 28 second-half points. The Mean Machine tried desperately to keep pace, scoring 2 TD's on bomb passes from Anthony to Joe, a TD on a pass from Anthony to Kellie, and a 2-pt PAT on a diving catch by Jeremy. It was not enough however, as the Red Bulls ran out the clock and ended any hope of a 2-0 start by the Mean Machine. "SportCenter Moment" of the game goes to Joe, who had his pants start to fall down as he ran into the endzone after one of his bomb receptions. Unfortunately the team may have lost Joe for several games, as he suffered a dislocated shoulder while trying to make a diving catch of another bomb pass from Anthony. For the supersticious fan, the Mean Machine have now lost 3 straight games to teams wearing red shirts since they made the switch to navy blue shirts. The Mean Machine try to get back in the Win column next Sunday versus "Orange Crush."  Did Not Play list - John (Locobazooka Reserve List), Leanne (Red Sox Reserve List), Brenda (Would Rather be Playing Softball Reserve List), Marianne (Wedding Guest Reserve List), Patrick (Workin' for Da Man Reserve List)  Back to Top
September 23 - "ORANGE CRUSH-ED" For only the second time in their 44 game history over 7 seasons, the Mean Machine stepped onto the turf at sprawling Smith Field. Playing in the shadow of Harvard's Soldiers Field for the first time since a 43-19 loss there last October, the Mean Machine rose to the occasion and soundly defeated the Orange Crush 34-14. For the third week in a row, it appeared that the team would be starting a game with only five players. However the arrival of Kristen after two defensive plays restored the team to full strength. The Mean Machine took a 6-0 lead into halftime after a first half shortened due to the clock running while the team waited for enough players to arrive to start the game. The lone TD of the half came on an Anthony pass to Kellie. The second half would again be all Kellie, as she hauled in 3 more TD passes from Anthony. Kellie's 4 TD catches on the day set a new team single game record. A pair of 2-point PAT's were added on an Anthony pass to Brenda and a rushing PAT by Anthony. The Orange Crush were able to pull within 14-6 and 22-14 in the second half, before Kellie's 4th TD put the game out of reach at 28-14. The Orange Crush were plagued by erratic play from their rotating QB's, being intercepted four times by an alert Mean Machine defense. John collected two more interceptions to give him a record six on the season, Anthony picked off one and nearly became only the second Mean Machine player to ever return one for a TD. The final interception came from Jeff to end the final Orange Crush drive. Aggravated by erratic calls and apparent favoritism toward the Orange Crush by the referee (Charlie), the Mean Machine chose to make a statement by going for it instead of taking a knee to end the game. Anthony threw his 5th TD pass of the game on a final play toss to Frank to close out the scoring. The Mean Machine raised their record to 2-1 for the first time since the Spring 2001 season, and appear to be playing their best football ever as they head into their game vs "Beer Guts" next Sunday back at the familiar surroundings of McKinney Park.  Did Not Play list - Leanne (Miscellaneous Lame Excuse Reserve List), Joe (Actual Football-Realted Shoulder Injury Reserve List), Persis (Where Joe Goes, I Go Reserve List), Chris (Getting Drunk in Maine Reserve List), Marianne (Suddenly Retired Reserve List), Patrick (Suddenly Retired Yet Again Reserve List)  Back to Top
September 30 - "NO BEER GUTS, NO GLORY" The suddenly mighty Mean Machine continued their improbable roll as they pummeled an overmatched Beer Guts squad by a score of 58-28. The win was even more impressive when factoring in that for the second time in four weeks the team was forced to play with only five players. The Mean Machine played perhaps their finest half of football ever, as they dominated the first half 34-0 despite being down one player. After a borrowed player had to leave Beer Guts at halftime, the second half was played as an even 5-on-5 game. The Mean Machine defense softened in the second half of the rout, particularly late in the game, allowing 28 points. Nonetheless the team added 24 second half points of their own to break the team single-game scoring record of 54 set during the 2001 indoor playoffs. Standouts for the team included Anthony, who tied his own team record with 6 TD passes, 3 each to Kellie and John. Anthony also rushed for a 2-point PAT and caught 2 TD passes from Kellie, a passing combination that was dubbed "K2 to A2" by Frank. Kellie's 2 passing TD's and 3 TD receptions made her the team's all-time female leader in both categories. Chris caught a pair of 2-pt PAT's, including a dramatic one that was deflected to him off of Jeff's hands, thus earning the "SportsCenter Moment" of the game award. Closing out the scoring for the team were PAT receptions from John and newcomer Mike (another former Harvard teammate of Anthony's). Self-proclaimed "defensive specialist" Mike had a memorable debut for the team, screaming "Oh my god" and "I'm so open" prior to making a reception, then running with abandon from sideline to sideline to avoid would-be tacklers. Mike's directionally-challenged effort prompted the referee to remind him which direction the endzone could be found in. Fruitless lateral movement like this has not been seen on the field since the glory days of "East-West" Hunnewell himself. Defensively the Mean Machine's zone defense produced five interceptions, including 3 more for John, who extended his single-season record to 9 on the year, and one each for Chris and Anthony. One of John's interceptions was almost run back all the way for a TD, but was called back by the referee on a questionable flag-guarding penalty. The Mean Machine, now 3-1 for the first time since the Spring 2000 season, next face the Steelers for the first time since March 2000 in their final Smith Field appearance of the season.  Did Not Play list - Kristen & Leanne (Hangover Reserve List), Brenda (Miscellaneous Lame Excuse Reserve List), Joe (Actual Football-Realted Shoulder Injury Reserve List), Persis (Where Joe Goes, I Go Reserve List), Marianne (Suddenly Retired Reserve List), Patrick (Suddenly Retired Yet Again Reserve List)  Back to Top
October 7 - "SNATCHING VICTORY FROM THE JAWS OF DEFEAT" The surprising 3-1 Mean Machine rolled into their contest versus the 1-3 Steelers expecting an easy victory, but were pushed to the limit before coming away with a 34-29 win. The contest was played on an extremely cold and windy day at Smith Field, which impaired the passing game for both sides in the first half. The Mean Machine struck first as John intercepted his 10th pass of the season and became only the second player to return one for a TD. After the Mean Machine missed the PAT, the Steelers marched downfield for their only score of the half. The Steeler PAT failed on an interception by newcomer Mike Q, his first of three on the day. The Mean Machine, between the weather and trying to integrate 3 more friends of Anthony's (Mike, Chris and Eric) into the lineup, were unable to mount a sustained offensive drive in the first half. Both teams seemed to be playing in slow motion, perhaps affected by the cold weather, as the half ended at a 6-6 tie. In the 2nd half the wily Steeler QB made up for a weak arm by carefully picking apart the Mean Machine zone with short passes and the occasional scramble. In time the Mean Machine defense collapsed on the short stuff, thus opening up the field for longer completions. This game represented the first time this season that holes were exposed in the Mean Machine zone (the team used a mix of zone and man-to-man in their lone loss to the Red Bulls). In a see-saw 2nd half, the Mean Machine scored on a pair of TD catches by Brenda (from Kellie and Anthony), a TD run by Anthony, and 2-point PAT's by Chris (not that Chris, the "new" one) and Anthony. Nonetheless after the Mean Machine took a 28-22 lead, their first since the score was 6-0, the Steelers quickly struck again to tie the game. With 1:01 left in the game, the Steelers converted a 1-point conversion for a 29-28 edge. The Mean Machine carefully worked the clock on their final drive, re-taking the lead with 18 seconds to go on a TD pass from Kellie to Anthony. After the PAT attempt failed, the Mean Machine defense bent and nearly broke, allowing the Steelers to advance to the 25-yard line with 3 seconds to go before a last-play interception by Mike Q ended the game. After escaping with the win, the team tied their best-ever start at 4-1. The team faces their toughest tests of the season over the next two weeks, as they first put their three-game winning streak on the line next week versus the All Stars, followed by a season-ending matchup with Flagadelic.  Did Not Play list - Kristen & Leanne (BC Game Hangover Reserve List), Chris (Miscellaneous Lame Excuse Reserve List), Jeff (Actual Football-Realted Finger Injury Reserve List), Joe (Actual Football-Realted Shoulder Injury Reserve List), Persis (Where Joe Goes, I Go Reserve List), Marianne (Suddenly Retired Reserve List), Patrick (Suddenly Retired Yet Again Reserve List)  Back to Top
October 14 - "GOING TO THE WELL ONCE TOO OFTEN" The Mean Machine took the field at McKinney Park with a surprising 4-1 record and a share of second place in the East Division, their only loss having come in Week 2 by a single touchdown. The team was riding a three-game winning streak and coming off of a big come-from-behind victory the previous week versus the Steelers. The All Stars however loomed as a major challenge, also sharing second place with a 4-1 record and having dispatched the Machine 56-22 in the regular season finale last season. The game started with a bad omen however, as for the third time in six weeks the team played with only one female player (Kellie). The Machine apparently went to the well once too often, as the All Stars took advantage early, building a commanding 20-0 halftime lead. A shocked Mean Machine squad regrouped at halftime, showing the determination that allowed them to get off to such a fast start by scoring the first two TD's of the second half. Although the Mean Machine would have the edge in the second half by a 20-16 margin, the All Stars were able to hang on for a convincing 36-20 lead and sole possession of second place. Offensively for the team, Anthony threw 3 TD passes, two to John and one to Kellie. Anthony also connected with John on a 2-point PAT. "SportsCenter Moment" of the game goes to Anthony, who managed to complete a pass to himself by catching a batted-down ball and running for a short gain. Although the team was clearly disappointed by the loss, their second-half resurgence gave them hope as they approach next week's matchup with undefeated and first-place Flagadelic. The team's lone previous meeting with Flagadelic resulted in a 63-44 loss in September 2000, still the highest combined scoring game in team history.  Did Not Play list - Kristen, Leanne & Brenda (Miscellaneous Lame Excuses Reserve List), Joe (Actual Football-Realted Shoulder Injury Reserve List), Persis (Where Joe Goes, I Go Reserve List), Marianne (Suddenly Retired Reserve List), Patrick (Suddenly Retired Yet Again Reserve List)  Back to Top
October 21 - "ANOTHER PRODIGAL SON RETURNS...ANOTHER LOSS" The Mean Machine welcomed back another prodigal son as founding team member Patrick returned to action for the first time in three seasons. Joining Patrick was another founding team member, and one of only five veterans of all seven seasons, as Leanne made her first appearance of the season. The team needed all the help it could get, as 6-0 Flagadelic loomed as their biggest challenge of the season. The Machine struggled throughout the game with missed opportunities and turnovers, as a fast and precise Flagadelic executed their game plan to perfection in a disheartening 66-24 victory. There were highlights for the Mean Machine, as Kellie threw for 2 TD's (to Patrick & Jeff) to give her a female team record of six on the season. Patrick nearly hauled in a second TD, only to run out of gas and be tackled just short of the end zone. The team was unable to capitalize on the great field position however as time ran out in the first half before they could break into the end zone. Anthony also connected for 2 TD passes on the day, to John and Kellie. After the game a suddenly 4-3 and clearly shell-shocked Mean Machine faced the reality of having been knocked out of the Gold playoff picture. The team now staggers into the Silver playoffs on a two-game losing streak and coming off of their largest margin of defeat in twenty games (42 points). The Mean Machine faces the 4-3 Chargers for the first time ever next Sunday.  Did Not Play list - Kristen, Brenda & Chris (Miscellaneous Lame Excuses Reserve List), Joe (Actual Football-Realted Shoulder Injury Reserve List), Persis (Where Joe Goes, I Go Reserve List), Marianne (Suddenly Retired Reserve List)  Back to Top
October 28 - "SWEPT AWAY" The Mean Machine proved once again that they are incapable of learning the lessons of past mistakes. They had twice this season brought back "prodigal sons" by suiting up clearly past-their-prime players Jeremy and Patrick, resulting in two losses. So for the playoffs the team chose to bring back a "prodigal daughter" as founding team member Dana took the field for the first time since the Spring 2000 season. While Dana played well (as did Jeremy and Patrick, in all honesty), the Mean Machine saw their season draw to an inauspicious conclusion with a 44-28 loss to the Chargers. The first half was actually close, as the Chargers held on for an 18-12 advantage. The second half however, was a different story as the Chargers dominated to the tune of a 26-16 margin. Highlights for the Mean Machine included Anthony throwing for four more TD passes (2 to John, and 1 each to Dana and Kellie) to extend his single-season record to 28, and rushing for a 2-point PAT. Thus ends what can only be described as the Mean Machine's "Lost Season." Having started with so much promise by opening 4-1 with a combined 200-143 point advantage, yet going down in flames with three straight losses by a combined 146-72 margin. The loss represented the team's fifth first-round playoff elimination in seven seasons. After the game Frank announced to the team his intention to step down as team captain after seven seasons and a 15-37-1 record. The team reacted to the news with cheers...um, I mean tears. Saying he had stayed on one season longer then he had wanted to, Frank announced that team standout Kellie would be taking over the team beginning with the approaching indoor season.  Did Not Play list - Kristen, Leanne & Brenda (Miscellaneous Lame Excuses Reserve List), Joe (Actual Football-Realted Shoulder Injury Reserve List), Persis (Where Joe Goes, I Go Reserve List), Marianne (Suddenly Retired Reserve List), Patrick (Suddenly Retired Yet Again Reserve List)  Back to Top