The Return Of The King
Being the much anticipated
History Of The Head Of King Charles I
As reconstructed from the remains of several large
kites built by that noted gentleman
better known as
It was the best of times, it was the worst of times...hmm...no
that doesn't sound right. I'd better start over.
It was a lovely day to be a king, cold and dark and windy. He was surrounded by all the leaders of Parliament who had come to be with him on his special day. The Lord Protector Oliver Cromwell smiled at His Majesty and nodded politely to the man with the ax.
"Three cheers for the King," somebody yelled.
"Hurrah! Hurrah! Hurrah!"
The Head of State rolled along the scaffold to much rejoicing. As his subjects celebrated, the royal head rolled down the steps and landed in the back of a cart which belonged to a cabbage farmer who was on his way to market. It had been a hard day at the market for all the people who had come looking for cabbages, because there weren't any. Not until the farmer arrived. Then there was more rejoicing and the people surrounded his cart and admired his produce. Then one old woman with particularly bad eyesight got hold of the King's head and held it up to the farmer with a great deal of admiration.
"What a fine cabbage this is!" She exclaimed. "It looks just like His Majesty!"
"Long live the cabbage!" Some wag shouted and then was promptly blind sided with a tomato for his trouble.
"Hold on there, my good lady", said Cromwell's cook who was out doing his shopping, "let's have a look at that novelty cabbage."
The cook knew the lord protector's favorite food was cabbage and he was certain to be impressed with this unusual specimen. "A cabbage a day keeps the monarchy away", Cromwell liked to say and the cook bought the royal cabbage much to the chagrin of the old lady who cheered herself up by lifting his purse as he ambled away with his purchase.
Meanwhile, back at the Cromwell residence, the Lord Protector was being mollified by Molly the Lady Protector.
"There, there now," she said giving him a pat on the head.
"It pains my conscience," the Lord Protector sniffed.
"Think nothing of it, dear. You'll have much nicer executions tomorrow."
"It was going to be the biggest day of my life! But to lose the King's head at my moment of triumph! The shame!"
"Oh, dear. First the King lost his head and then you lost it too! You boys really should be more careful."
"It's almost as if it disappeared by divine will. That head I worked so hard to get is tormenting me! I see it everyplace now.'
"Just forget about it dear. Oh, look. Here comes your cook with your daily cabbage. A little food is just the thing to take your mind off of business."
"I suppose you're right. Thank you, cook. Just remove the cover, please...AAAHHH!!!"
© 2000 by Michael Sullivan
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