I can’t believe that I am getting married. I am marrying a man, I barely know, and don’t even love. I don’t know how I can stand up in front of God, and say such solemn vows. This is not how my life was supposed to turn out. I had always pictured marrying the man of my dreams, and feeling like my heart would burst when the priest pronounced us husband and wife. I am just hoping that I won’t get sick. I don’t even thinking of Jesse will help.
The more I am stuck here in Casa Santos, the more I think about Jesse. And I am starting to wonder if he would really make me happy. I wonder if he knows the real Michelle. Does he understand and love all of me? But Danny has seen all the different sides of me. In these short months, he has had to put with the bratty, spoiled, obnxious and vunerable sides of me. Yet, he seems to accept all of me. I know that he cares about me. I wish that I could return his feelings. But you do care about him, a little voice whispers, you care more than you would like to admit. Maybe, I would be able to think more clearly, if I was not so confused.
Danny was gone again when I woke up this morning. Where was he? Probably avoiding me like the plague. I guess that I can’t really blame him. I could always find comfort in having Danny on the floor. I feel safe with him around. I haven’t told him that. I have not told him a lot of things actually, I have not told that I miss him when he is gone. It’s funny, because when he was around, I would be rude or ignore him, but he was always there. And now, he isn’t.
Breakfast was horrible. I could feel Carmen’s icy glare on me all through breakfast. She makes me so uncomfortable, and she enjoys making me squirm. I kept stealing glances at the door expecting Danny to walk in, but he didn’t. And of course, Carmen noticed, and she informed me that Danny had gone out for a business meeting. I knew that she wouldn’t elaborate any farther.
I had to keep myself busy until Danny came home, but there were not a lot of fun things to do at the Santos mansion. I’ve always wondered how Danny managed to have any happy memories in this cold and empty house. So, I decided to wander the other end of the house. Suddenly, I found myself in a small sitting room with old pictures covering the wall. One picture caught my eye. It was a picture of Danny and his father sitting at beach. I can feel tears form in my eyes. I had always tried to picture Danny as a young boy, filled with so many dreams. Before it was all ripped away from him. I wish that Danny had a chance to be a child. Why did life have to be so cruel? I am so engrossed in the pictures that I don’t hear someone come in the room.
“So, you must be Michelle. My Danny has told me a lot about you.”
I find myself staring at Danny’s grandmother. Her kind eyes are smiling. I manage to sputter a reply “I thought, I thought that..”
“You thought I was Carmen, didn’t you?”
I nod my head sheepishly
“Don’t be embarrassed, my dear. I can assure you that this is one of the places that Carmen never sets foot in. This is one place that I can come for some peace. Danny used to come here all the time when he was younger.”
In some ways, being in that room, I felt closer to Danny that I had since I first met him. I realized that his Grandmother was the one person that Danny loved more than anything. I can’t believe that I am jealous of his relationship with his grandmother. It is so silly. I have never given Danny anything but grief. But being in that room, I had an overwhelming desire to know Danny better. I knew very little about him, and I felt that he knew everything about me, his eyes just penerate my soul. He seems to know my thoughts and feelings. How would Danny react? He will probably become sucipious and shut down. I hope that he doesn’t. Maybe, if you are honest with him, a voice snears, then he would open up to you.
His grandmother is so wise and sweet. She never judged me when I told her about Mick, she showed the same kindness that Danny showed me. She told me that Danny does love me, but he is trying to protect himself. Protect himself from me. She knows that I care about him, and she told me that a real love has developed. I am just so terrified. I know that I will have to deal with Carmen, and that Danny will not always be there to protect me. Loving Danny was going to be too hard. But his grandmother keeps telling me that if I want to, I can find a way. We both can. I am not sure. Can love conquer all?
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