That, sir, is one scary bumper sticker indeed!
As it is written in Guy's info: "This is my bumber sticker." Oh, help us all...
Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm schizophrenic, and so am I.
You're so boring if you threw a boomerang, it wouldn't come back to you.
A friend is someone you can call to help you move. A best friend is someone you can call to help you move a body.
Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.
The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
Lead me not into temptation...I can find the way myself.
There are two types of pedestrians...the quick and the dead.
A closed mouth gathers no feet.
The more people I meet, the more I like my cat.
Don't blame me, I'm only doing what my Rice Krispies told me to do.
My child was inmate of the month at the county jail.
My son beat up your honor student.
My son got your honor student pregnant.
One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, FLOOR.
Fight crime, shoot back!
If Clinton's answer is yes, than it must have been a really stupid question.
Skydivers: Good to the last drop.
The grass is always greener on TV.
Easier said than sung in Russian.
Smile and the world audits your taxes.
If you try to fail and succeed, which have you done?
According to my calculations, the problem doesn't exist.
Pride is what we have. Vanity is what others have.
How can I miss you if you won't go away?
Warning: dates in calendar are closer than they appear.
Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
Make it idiot-proof and someone will make a better idiot.
Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
Puritanism: The haunting fear that somewhere, someone may be happy.
Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
i souport publik edekashun.
Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.
There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't.
Ever stop to think and forget to start again?
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.
He who hesitates is probably right.
Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with.
No one is listening until you make a mistake.
<Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view.
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles.
Two wrongs are only the beginning.
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
What's the number for 911?
My REALITY CHECK Bounced.
My school colors were clear.
I stayed in a really old hotel last night. They sent me a wake-up letter.
Hermits have no peer pressure.
There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
I just got skylights put in my place. The people who live above me are furious.
I live on a one-way dead-end street.
SUPPORT LAW ENFORCEMENT! Officer, will this bumper sticker stop you from giving me a ticket?
If it's called Tourist Season, then why can't we shoot 'em?
To all nosepickers: just because you're in the car doesn't mean you're invisible.
I can go from 0 to Bitch in .06 seconds.
He who laughs last, thinks slowest.