M: Whattup Greg? There is an issue at hand that poses an imminet threat to our society.
G: Marcelo...
M: Jaywalking! If the jaywalking issue is not confronted...
G: Shut up! Don't you think there are bigger concerns to be dealt with?
M: Oh yeah Mr. Smarty, what's bigger than jaywalking ?
G: Look at this brochure this guy on the street gave me. It says on the front: "Come hither, I will show thee the judgment of the great harlot that sitteth upon many waters" (Rev 17.1b). I was intrigued, so I took one. I thought it was an ad for a club or something.
M: That's from the Bible, you moron.
G: I know. I found out when I read the rest of it. I'll sum up the the flyer for you. There is some beast with 10 horns and a fat whore in Babylon and these things have got to be destroyed. I thought, "big freaking deal." But then it says that our society is the beast and the whore, and we're going to be destroyed soon by some cloud dude.
M: That's from Daniel, "I saw in the night-visions, and, behold, there came with the clouds of heaven one like unto a son of man, . . . and his dominion is an everlasting dominion, which shall not pass away, and his kingdom that which shall not be destroyed." It's talking about the end of the world and God triumphing over His enemies.
G: You seem to know a lot about this stuff.
M: You mean the Bible? I am a religion major Greg.
G: Aw, how cute. Marcelo is actually using his major for something.
M: Shut up.
G: Okay, Mr. Bible, so this brochure says that this Son of Man person is coming to destroy the world on New Year's Day in the year 2000. That really sucks. I'll have just finished finals. The last thing I need is some supernatural being incinerating me on my vacation.
M: Fear not, Greg. I took care of it.
G: You 'took care' of the Apocalypse? Wow, I have new respect for religion majors everywhere.
M: Pay attention. I foresaw the end of the world last summer in a vision. Remember that night I ate all the tacos and passed out?
G: Yeah, what a mess. There were taco remnants everywhere.
M: Well, I had a vision of the end of the world. Then a voice said, "Marcelo, prepare ye the way of the Lord, make his paths straight."(Isa. 40.3a)
G: It says that in the brochure too. Right here: "God hates gay people."
M: That's not what the quote means. It means that it is my job to educate the people of the earth in the way of the lord. What do we write about almost every week?
G: Well, usually you have some dumb idea, then I hit you a few times and you realize how stupid it is.
M: No Greg, each week we write about some plague on society that we must be rid of. Our column is social prophesy. We are doing God's work. Through our thoughtful and witty commentary, we are curbing the spread of countless evils.
G: What does this have to do with the end of the world?
M: If you ever read the Bible you would be familiar with the role of a prophet. We point out the sins of the people so that they may repent and prevent God's coming wrath. Without our column, the Son of Man will come and lay waste to the earth.
G: So we're saving the world?
M: No Greg. You're saving the world.
G: What do you mean? All I do is punch you a few times every week. If that is saving the world, we could just throw you in a cage with a gorilla.
M: No, Greg. Every week you bring me out of error. Every week I have some ill conceived notion that you correct me on. You are the chosen one of God. The Book of Mormon talks about the final prophet who will be named Joseph. Greg, your middle name is Joseph. It was my mission to find you and let your word be known so that we may be saved. You think I want to be your friend? You're grumpy, bitter, and smelly. But God has chosen me to find you, and that's why we write every week.
G: You're crazy!
M: I'm not crazy. I'm the High Priest of The Church of the Blue Monkey. Our ranks include hundreds of people devoted to word of Greg. You are doing God's work and we mean to keep you doing it.
G: I'm leaving. This is way too scary. You're a freak.
M: Greg, if you step out that door you will find twelve eunuch soldiers of the Blue Monkey Guard with machetes. Their mission in life is to make sure you keep writing. Although they can't kill you, you don't really need your legs to write... or your eyes... or your spleen...
G: Crap! They're huge! I thought eunuchs were supposed to be small and wimpy.
M: Sit down Greg. So where were we? That's right, jaywalking. I like to jaywalk. What do you think Greg?
G: I think you should never eat tacos again.
M: Greg, if we don't do this, God will exterminate the human race.... and Jo Jo will cut off your ear.
G: Uh... um... jaywalking is bad?
M: And?
G: You're stupid?
M: Preach on brother. Preach on.