Top 40 Mistakes men Make While Making Love

 1. NOT KISSING FIRST 
Avoiding her lips and diving straight for the erogenous zones makes her feel like 
you're paying by the hour and trying to get your money's worth by cutting out 
nonessentials. A proper passionate kiss is the ultimate form of foreplay. 

2. BLOWING TOO HARD IN HER EAR 
Admit it, some kid at school told you girls love this.
Well, there's a difference between being erotic and blowing as if you're
trying to extinguish the candles on your 50th birthday cake. That hurts. 

3. NOT SHAVING 
You often forget you have a porcupine strapped to your
chin which you rake repeatedly across your partner's face and thighs. 
When she turns her head from side to side, it's not passion, it's avoidance. 

4. SQUEEZING HER BREAST 
Most men act like a housewife testing a melon for ripeness when they 
get their hand on a pair. Stroke, caress, and smooth them. 

5. BITING HER NIPPLES 
Why do men fasten on to a woman's nipples, then clamp
down like they're trying to deflate her body via her breasts? Nipples are 
highly sensitive. They can't stand up to chewing. Lick
and suck them gently. Flicking your tongue across them is good. Pretending 
they're a doggie toy isn't. 

6. TWIDDLING HER NIPPLES 
Stop doing that thing where you twiddle the nipples
between your finger and your thumb like you're trying to find a radio
station in a hilly area. Focus on the whole breast, not just
 the exclamation points. 

7. IGNORING THE OTHER PARTS OF HER BODY 
A woman is not a highway with just three turnoffs.
Breastville East and West and the Midtown Tunnel. There are vast areas of 
her body which you've ignored far too often as you go
bombing straight into downtown Vagina. So start paying them some attention. 

8. GETTING THE HAND TRAPPED 
Poor manual dexterity in the underskirt region can
result in tangled fingers and underpants. If you're going to be that
aggressive, just ask her to take the damn things off. 

9. LEAVING HER A LITTLE PRESENT 
Condom disposal is the man's responsibility. You wore it, you store it. 

10. ATTACKING THE CLITORIS 
Direct pressure is very unpleasant, so gently rotate
your fingers along side of the clitoris. 

11. STOPPING FOR A BREAK 
Women, unlike men, don't pick up where they left off.
If you stop, they plummet back to square one very fast. If you can tell
she's not there, keep going at all costs, numb jaw or not. 

12. UNDRESSING HER AWKWARDLY 
Women hate looking stupid, but stupid she will look
when naked at the waist with a sweater stuck over her head. Unwrap her 
like an elegant present, not a kid's toy. 

13. GIVING HER A WEDGIE DURING FOREPLAY 
Stroking her gently through her panties can be very
sexy. Pulling the material up between her thighs and yanking it back and 
forth is not. 

14. BEING OBSESSED WITH THE VAGINA 
Although most men can find the clitoris without maps,
 they still believe that the vagina is where it's all at. No sooner is your
hand down there than you're trying to stuff stolen banknotes
up a chimney. This is OK in principle, but if you're not careful, it can 
hurt-so don't get carried away. It's best to pay more
attention to her clitoris and the exterior of her vagina at first, then
gently slip a finger inside her and see if she likes it. 

15. MASSAGING TOO ROUGHLY 
You're attempting to give her a sensual, relaxing
massage to get her in the mood. Hands and fingertips are OK, elbows and 
knees are not. 

16. UNDRESSING PREMATURELY 
Don't force the issue by stripping before she's at
least made some move toward getting your stuff off, even if it's just
undoing a couple of buttons. 

17. TAKING YOUR PANTS OFF FIRST 
A man in socks and underpants is at his worst. Lose the
socks first. 

18. GOING TOO FAST 
When you get to the penis-in-vagina situation, the
worst thing you can do is pump away like an industrial power tool-she'll
soon feel like an assembly-line worker making obsolete by
 your technology. Build up slowly with clean, straight, regular thrusts. 

19. GOING TOO HARD 
If you bash your great triangular hip bones into her
thigh or stomach, the pain is equal to two weeks of horseback riding 
concentrated into a few seconds. 

20. COMING TOO SOON 
Every man's fear. With reason. If you shoot before you
see the whites of her eyes, make sure you have a backup plan to ensure 
her pleasure too. 

21. NOT COMING SOON ENOUGH 
It may appear to you that humping for an hour without
climaxing is the mark of a sex god, but to her it's more likely the mark of a 
numb vagina. At least buy some intriguing wall hanging,
so she has something to hold her interest while you're playing Marathon Man. 

                      22. ASKING IF SHE HAS COME 
                      You really ought to be able to tell. Most women make
 noise, but if you really don't know, don't ask. 

                      23. PERFORMING ORAL SEX TOO GENTLY 
                      Don't act like a giant cat at a saucer of milk. Get
 your whole mouth down there and concentrate on gently rotating or flicking
 your 
                      tongue on her clitoris. 

                      24. NUDGING HER HEAD DOWN 
                      Men persist in doing this until she's eyeball-to-penis,
 hoping that it will lead very swiftly to mouth-to-penis. All women hate
 this. 
                      It's about three steps from being dragged to a cave by
 their hair. If you want her to use her mouth, use yours, try talking 
                      seductively to her. 

                      25. NOT WARNING HER BEFORE YOU CLIMAX 
                      Sperm tastes like sea water mixed with egg whites. Not
 everybody likes it. When she's performing oral sex, warn her before you 
                      come so she can do what's necessary. 

                      26. MOVING AROUND DURING FELLATIO 
                      Don't thrust. She'll do all the moving during fellatio.
 You just lie there. And don't grab her head (or ears). 

                      27. TAKING ETIQUETTE ADVICE FROM PORN STARS 
                      In X-rated movies, women seem to love it when men
 ejaculate over them. In real life, it just means more laundry to do. 

                      28. MAKING HER RIDE ON TOP FOR AGES 
                      Asking her to be on top is fine. Lying there grunting
 while she does all the hard work is not. Caress her gently, so that she 
                      doesn't feel quite so much like the captain of a
 schooner. And let her have a rest. 

                      29. ATTEMPTING ANAL SEX AND PRETENDING IT WAS AN
 ACCIDENT 
                      This is how men earn a reputation for not being able to
 follow directions. If you want to put it there, ask her first. And don't
 think 
                      that being drunk is an excuse. 

                      30. TAKING PICTURES 
                      When a man says, "Can I take a photo of you?" she'll
 hear the words "Can I take a photo of you...to show to my buddies?" At 
                      least let her have custody of them. 

                      31. NOT BEING IMAGINATIVE ENOUGH 
                      Imagination is anything from drawing patterns on her
 back to pouring honey on her and licking it off. Fruit, vegetables, ice and 
                      feathers are all handy props; hot candle wax and
 permanent dye are a no-no. 

                      32. SLAPPING YOUR STOMACH AGAINST HERS 
                      There is no less erotic noise. It is as sexy as a
 belching contest. 

                      33. ARRANGING HER IN STUPID POSES 
                      If she wants to do advanced yoga in bed, fine, but
 unless she's a Romanian gymnast, don't get too ambitious. Ask yourself if
 you 
                      want a sexual partner with snapped hamstrings. 

                      34. LOOKING FOR HER PROSTATE 
                      Read this carefully. Anal stimulation feels good for
 men because they have a prostate. Women don't. 

                      35. GIVING LOVE BITES 
                      It is highly erotic to exert some gentle suction on the
 sides of the neck, if you do it carefully. No woman wants to have to wear 
                      turtlenecks and jaunty scarves for weeks on end. 

                      36. BARKING INSTRUCTIONS 
                      Don't shout encouragement like a coach with a
 megaphone. It's not a big turn-on. 

                      37. TALKING DIRTY 
                      It makes you sound like a lonely magazine editor
 calling a 1-900 line. If she likes nasty talk, she'll let you know. 

                      38. NOT CARING WHETHER SHE COMES 
                      You have to finish the job. Keep on trying until you
 get it right, and she might even do the same for you. 

                      39. SQUASHING HER 
                      Men generally weigh more that women, so if you lie on
 her a bit too heavily, she will turn blue. 

                      40. THANKING HER 
                      Never thank a woman for having sex with you. Your
 bedroom is not a soup kitchen. 

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