Okay, It was never easy for me being the shy one, the geek with glasses and braces, the outcast. It was very hard growing up an only child with only one friend in the whole world, come to find out they backstabbed me all along. Having everyone tell you you're spoiled by your parents when you're starving any form of attention from your peers. Then all the rejection that you have ever known is taken and multiplied as you go to high school where everyone is the new kid. But still you suffer rejeciton and ridicule because no one understands your increasing sense of lonliness.
I began to write poetry. Dark depressing stanzas full of the anger that I couldn't releash on the world so i harnessed my thoughts into the safety of my own notebooks, things i felt i could trust. Then, the most devastatingly possible thing in the world happens: my beloved notebook is stolen by a classmate, ripped from my bag while my back is turned. The little self confidence i had was shattered as the entire school ridiculed me again. Just when I thought things couldn't get worse, something nearly fatal happened to the one person I had let in. He turned on me and I once again was left in the dust. I went home near the beginning of finals that year with a bottle of medication and began to swallow. But being scared of everything else in the world, I couldn't get past 6. One of my friends happened to stumble onto my unfinished poem about this very incident the next day and preceeded to yell at me. How could i be so stupid? didn't i know how much all my friends cared about me? All at once friends I never realized or believed I had crawled out of the woodwork and were there for me. I went home that night and flushed the contents of that bottle down the toilet. And soon after, I went somewhere and talked out all my concerns and worries and paranoias. I got what I needed, and I finally moved myself out of that deep dark lonely whole. The poems got happier, the sadness was gone, and a smile finally crossed my face.
Now the reason I write this is to tell people that life may have it's rough points and yes there's lots of sad days that suck. But i guarantee things are a lot worse if you're dead. However bad things get, remember there's always someone to talk to, always someone with an ear willing to listen. Even if you think there's not, there are. That's what I thought but a dozen people I didn't realize cared were there for me to listen and i love them because they saved me. If it weren't for them I probably wouldn't be here right now. And there's so many things in life I could have missed out on: friendships, relationships, jokes, memories. Not a day goes by that I don't stand outside, look around me, take a deep breath, and smile. I'm grateful for everything pro and con that's happened to me, although lately everything has been good.....i'm wondering when the bad is coming. It's life and I'm glad to be a part of it. If you ever feel that you're not glad to be a part of it, talk to someone. Life is a wonderful thing. You have a reason to be here. Stick around to find out what that reason is.
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