“Do you think anyone’ll miss me if I leave?” she asked.
“I don’t know,” he replied.
“Do you think anyone’ll care if I leave?” she asked.
“I don’t know.”
“Do you think I’m strong?”
“Of course you’re strong.”
“I used to think so, too. Now I know I’m not. I’m just afraid. I’m just a coward. Scared shitless.”
“Of what?”
“I was always scared; I just hid it. Scared of life, of trusting, of caring, of being alone like this forever, of absolutely everything. And I’m scared to death now.
“I don’t know. . .I don’t know anything anymore. Maybe of being wrong. Maybe of learning that life isn’t what I expected. It’s not what I wanted and I can’t seem to change it.”
“Expected? I thought you didn’t have expectations, though.”
“I’m not supposed to. I try not to. But I still find myself having expectations of everyone else. I’m so sorry. It seems I’ve committed the ultimate sin.”
“No, you haven’t. You’ve just-“
“Yes, I have! I’ve worked so hard to eliminate any expectations of me and yet I still make them for everyone else! It’s not fair!”
“You’re only human. Calm down and come here. Come over here and talk to me.”
“You know what?”
“What?”
“I’ve always wanted someone to hold me. To keep me warm against that cold chilling wind.”
“Come here then. All you have to do is come here.”
She walked over to him, and he wrapped his arms around her, holding her as if he wouldn’t ever let go. She stepped back to look at him through the blinding helicopter lights.
“Thank you,” she whispered softly, with the noise and confusion swelling like a heart ready to burst open.
“For what?” he asked, trying to hold onto her hand.
“For listening. I’ve always wanted someone to listen to me.”
“Then stay. Stay here and I’ll listen. I’ll listen forever if you just stay.”
“I don’t want to stay. No one wants me here. I can’t go on like this anymore.”
She took her hand out of his and turned around.
“I’ll care. I’ll care if you stay. Please, don’t do this.”
“You don’t understand. I’m sorry. Goodbye. I hope you care even if I don’t stay.”
She took a step forward and was gone. He tried to grab her, but his hands came back empty. Empty. He slumped against the wall, like a failure. He missed her presence already. The fire trucks and police cars below began racing out of the area, almost injuring the crowd.
He sat there and waited for the firefighters to come get him. While he sat there waiting, he wondered if this was that feeling of loneliness that she kept talking about and finally he understood. Two minutes too late.
