I wonder if I'll find the books I need at the library...I better. I don't want to waste all that time and then have nothing to show for it. Wow. It's bright outside. I wonder what time it is...sigh. I'm tired. Mental note: take a nap.
I see your eyes staring intently into mine, as though I held the answer to a question you desperately needed to answer. And, now, sitting here before you, I realize that you believe in me, that you love me, and that I am part of your hope. Suddenly, I am guilt-ridden. I am not someone you should believe in. I am nothing special enough for you or your love. I am not what you think I am and certainly shouldn’t be anything to place your hopes on.
I am so sorry. I had no idea that this would happen. I did not know when we met that our lives would become so entangled. But you must leave me. I am nothing but a weary soul with nothing to offer but unsure wisdom and poor guidance. Perhaps I love you as much as you might love me but I cannot be sure, and I do not wish to cause you any harm. So, I shall leave now. I shall depart from your presence, hoping that someday you will find someone worthy of everything you have to give.
I am sorry, for tricking you into believing in me. I am sorry that you wasted your love upon me and that you had faith in me. I can only ask now for your forgiveness. So, my dear—if I may call you that—will you forgive me for all the wrongs I have allowed to occur? I am deeply sorry. I never meant to hurt you...
10-23-99
