__________ _____________________________________________________ / \_/ | < G.M.C.A. |_| _________________________________________________| \__________/ | | ||||_||||_||||_||||_||||_||||_||||_||||_|||| _____________| | / __________________________________________ \ / | | | the GRAND MERCHANDISABLE | | | ____________/ < | | > | | | |___________________CLASH of AUTHORS_______| | | |[ CHAPTER \ \____________________________________________/ | |[ 00.07 / |___|_____________ THE INTRODUCTION OF TEAM KAIJU / _______________ \ | | | | | | By: | | I. The Beginning | | Signus Megido | | ================== | | and | | | | ClassicDrogn | | An ear-shattering roar echoed throughout | |_______________| | MaRaMaLa's Lair. \__________________/ "Dammit," Skribulous roared aloud to no one in particular as the Dragon paced around the main hall in his favorite form. "I'm bored." And in Ansalon, every single kender trembled in fear. Back in the Lair, Signus Megido looked up from what he was writing on the table at one end of the enormous cavern. "Do you mind, Skrib? I still have to finish this essay of yours." Skrib casually flicked his tail towards the corner where a personal computer was stowed, careful not to disturb the Icy Manipulator atop his hoard while he did so, and managed not to crush the old 486 clone into so much scrap as he booted the ancient machine on. "Let's see what new worlds can we visit today, or what old ones we can drop by again..." "...And proceed to tear up that said world's continuity into so many little shredded pieces. Ooh, I can't wait," Signus finished sarcastically. "Hush, Siggy..." Skrib adopted a thoughtful expression as he peered into the monitor, which was way too small for him. "Hmm, howzabout we drop by Metallicana? Di-Amon still owes me for dispelling that Accused spell Darshu hexed him with." Signus shivered. "The Exploder Wizard was none too pleased about that... Until things cool off, say maybe in two hundred years or so, there's no way in the Abyss will I go back there." Skrib snickered. "Well, It ain't my fault you've gotten the whole Ghost Cohort after your case." "How'd you like it if an entire battalion of nearly-invincible battle wizards chasing after you," Signus shot back, "and all of then randomly alternating from wanting you dead and just wanting you?" "How about: 'Memo to self: Never attempt to seduce Dark Elves, especially powerful ones'?" Signus' eye twitched. "Let's get one thing straight here. She _seduced_ _me_, not the other way around. I never asked for it, and I'm still blaming you and your stupid Plotline Bullshit Field." "Heh. That's Plot Contrivance Field. Myself, I'd sit back, ride the wave, and enjoy every minute of it," Skrib replied. "Like that time we -- I mean, you -- joined Takeru's merry little band." "You would," Signus fumed. "I still can't believe you suckered me into helping out those pansy Dragon Knights. Personally, I'd have Dragon Slaved the whole simpering lot of them, planet and all. I still have Joestar's Hamon Amplifier, you know, and I'm very willing and able to use it." "You did, actually," Skrib pointed out. "Several times too. But you always missed totaling the party while conveniently wiping out the bad guys at the same time... Besides, that red gem only amplifies Martial Arts based abilities, so unless you learn any Gold Armor Cosmo attacks or the Turtle Hermit School of Extreme Martial Arts, it's useless." "Ugh. Don't remind me," Signus groaned, throwing the aforementioned red gem over his shoulder, which landed and promptly got lost among Skrib's hoard. "Maybe I should have stuck to gratuitous glitched Ultima functioning abuse instead." "Heh..." Skrib trailed off as he fired up Netscrape and clicked on the bookmarked message boards. "Now this is interesting..." Signus raised an eyebrow as he paused from going back to his writing. Skrib looked up at Signus. "Well? Aren't you going to ask me what's so interesting?" "The last time you found something of interest," Signus replied, "we ended up 'accidentally' rescuing your girlfriend Bloody August from the Wizard's Academy." "Hey, Azari is kinda cute, but I'd rather have that friendly relationship stay at a cordial distance," Skrib mused. "Besides, she's still seeing that Orphen guy." "Geezas... Can't you do anything without pissing anybody else off?" "Nope," Skrib shook his head ruefully. "You really need to get a girlfriend or something and settle down and have fun every once in a while, Siggy." "And YOU need to restrain yourself from your tendency to muck up the shiny-happy-happy-joy-joy-fun-fun little worlds of other people," Signus finished the essay and stood up as he filed the document in the OUT box on the table. "And maybe I'll consider not keeping an eye out for you for a few." Skrib didn't say anything more, apparently engrossed in some website displayed on the browser. "All right," Curiosity finally gotten the better of him, Signus relented as he walked towards the Dragon on the computer, kicking aside the Zuran Orb along the way. "I'll bite. What's the deal?" "Oh, you'll love this..." ********** Many Realities Away... An ear-shattering roar echoed throughout Tokyo. "Dammit," Drogn roared aloud to no one in particular as the Superguy Author paced around the ruins of the city in his kaiju form, bodies of innumerable Giant Plastic Super Robots and Giant Rubber Monsters Of The Week strewn all around him and throughout the city in heaps. "I'm bored." And once again in Ansalon, every single kender trembled in fear. Unknowingly echoing the other Author Avatar in another reality, Drogn took a moment to reflect on his current situation. It had been quite a while since he decided on learning martial arts skills in the hopes of improving his chances of survival in the Author's Altiverse, a reality created by the Elder Farts for the exclusive use of Authors and their Musae. In the Author's Altiverse having an edge was a always good thing, and fighting prowess was a very good edge to possess. So Drogn had programmed his paradigm with Mad Fighting Game Martial Arts SkillzzzZZZzzz using a Kinescopic Hypnomatic Oscillating Ultraviolent Device, and proceeded to spend some time trying them out on the various Giant Plastic Super Robots and Giant Rubber Monsters Of The Week that tended to pop up for no apparent reason in areas like Tokyo. It didn't take him long to realize that even having raised the difficulty level to the highest settings, the artificial environment was no place to truly practice the combat skills he wanted to master. In order to be able to access them properly, he needed a real live scenario to use them in, or maybe find a real live martial arts master to practice them on. This presented another problem, as there were no 300-year-old martial arts masters in the Author's Altiverse insane enough to be associated with an Author, and unpolished as they were, the moves were still powerful enough to make sparring with anyone who wasn't a master incredibly irresponsible. "*Sigh*... Oh well, time for another round of Gamera vs. Mazinger again, I suppose... Maybe I'll side with Gamera this time. o/~ Gamera is really neat/he is full of turtle meat/three cheers for Gamera/hooray hooray hooray! o/~" he sang, while setting up the scenario. II. The Meeting ================= The two Avatars Realitized on the mountain range near what appeared to be a rocky valley in the middle of the mountainous region of a desert planet. Signus, having recovered first, took deep gulps of air... and immediately collapsed to the ground, hacking up as he breathed in the heavy ferrous oxide dust blown in from the mountainside. "*Hack*... Koff... Gag... The Fuck?!? Where the Hell are we?" Signus exclaimed between coughs while he struggled to stand. Skribulous, having taken human form again, briefly assumed a thoughtful expression. "Hmm... I believe we are lost..." "Great, just frikkin' great," Signus, finally regaining composure, grumbled. He then appeared frightened as he saw the vast expanses of desert in the wide horizon. "Is this, by any chance, Arrakis?" Skrib grinned maliciously as they surveyed the area around them, being unaffected by the heavy particles in the air. "Relax, Siggy... Smell the air. There's no Spice here." Signus raised the neck of his shirt to cover his nose in response. "Or maybe this is Aiur. I'll be very unhappy if that was the case, Skrib. I have no desire to end my Existence Consumed by either a sandworm or an ultralisk." "Tarrasque," Skrib corrected, waving a hand dismissively.. "Don't worry, don't worry... I'm pretty sure we're in the right place. Follow me." Signus gazed at the broad desert plain. "You know," he sighed sadly in remembrance, "this place reminds me of my former Family's Ancestral Lands back home..." He trailed off as he realized Skrib was already way ahead of him, and ran after his draconic fellow Avatar. "Hey! Wait up!" The two Avatars hiked for a few minutes down the mountain, Signus barely able to keep up with Skrib's jaunty pace. They reached a valley in the middle of the mountain range by midday. Both of them spent a moment to rest and gaze at the breathtaking view of the sprawling Sportsplex Plaza. All around the place, various robots swarmed, busily putting up the finishing touches of the stadium. "So this is the Focal Point..." Skrib commented, impressed. "Amazing," Signus added. "Simply amazing..." They continued on towards the Plaza. "Hey there!" Skrib called to the unassuming tech that seemed to be overseeing the construction. "AUGH!!!" The said tech nearly leaped out of his clothes at the sound of Skrib's voice. Signus facepalmed. "Real smooth there, Skrib." "Quiet, you..." Skrib turned to the shocked tech. "Um... Hello?" The tech looked really angry as he jabbed scrawny fingers at them. "Not another one! You people are TOO EARLY! We were supposed to call for you TOMORROW!" "Er... Whoops? Sorry, we'll be going now..." Skrib meekly turned around to leave, but Signus quickly gripped at his shoulder. "Skrib..." Signus hissed. "You got us into this, do something!" "You know I'm not very good at these sort of things..." Skrib hissed back. "Hey! Were are you two going?" The tech demanded. Before Skrib could begin a multimediocre reply, Signus quickly stepped between them. "So sorry about that, my good man," he quickly explained in a quick burst of omni-assimilation to the flustered tech, "but he tends to act up like that. It's sort of an inborn flaw, among other stuff. No real harm done, right?" The tech slumped his shoulders. "True, true... I guess you'll have to hear the introductions all newcomers get: "Welcome to our dimension. If you want someone to show you around..." "'Sall right," Skrib interjected, already poking at one of Tiktok's robotic creations. "We'll manage by ourselves." "ACK! Don't touch--" There was a short crackle, and the cybernetic organism seemed to freeze in shock. Then for some unfantomable reason, the living robot slave collapsed in itself. "Whoops," Skrib scratched the back of his head. "Sorry. I tend to crash any computer-type techno-thingamajig stuff every once in a while too, you know?" Signus facepalmed again. "Skrib..." "--that... *sigh*," the tech groaned. "Anyway, while here, you have to remember the following: One, no leaving the mountains. You can go almost wherever you want in the Sportsplex, but people coming in from other universes isn't that common, and we don't want any trouble starting." "But we just walked here from -- mmph!" Skrib began to speak but Signus quickly clamped down his mouth. "Sorry again," Signus apologized. "Please continue." The tech sighed again. "Two, we don't use money in this universe, so if you were expecting to make a ton of it, you'll be pretty disappointed. You can make some if you're popular enough, since you'll get merchandised in some other dimensions we have a presence in." Signus' eye twitched. Turning to Skrib, he fumed. "You didn't tell me we're in the Star Trek Universe?!?" "*Mmph*!" The still-muffled Skrib eloquently replied. "Ahem," the tech cleared his throat. "To continue: Three, no trying to take anything from here back home with you. Technology, especially. Feel free to use whatever you want while you're here, though. The reason we don't need money is because we have pretty much infinite amounts of everything, thanks to the... what the?!?" the tech gasped as he noticed a missing niche on the wall where a Duplicator panel was supposed to be on. Signus glared at Skrib as he let his go. "What did you do, Skrib!?" "Nothing! Nothing at all!" Skrib raised his arms in denial. "Honest!" Signus peered at Skrib's sweating face... ...and without warning poked him on the gut with a bokken in his hands that clearly wasn't there a moment ago. To the hilt. "Cough it up!" "*GWARK!*" Skrib did so, improbably spitting out the entire machine in one equally improbable piece. The tech sweatdropped. "I wish they'd stop trying that..." he mused to himself. "If the Boss finds out... Then again, if anyone tried using mutation-based biotech in their home dimensions, they'd be too dead to talk about it afterward." "I'll get you for that..." Skrib groaned from his fetal position on the hard ground, clutching his poked gut in agony. Signus shrugged. "Sorry, won't happen again... So, where are we staying anyway?" he asked the tech. The tech pointed to a six story building in the distance. "Over there is where all of you guests will be staying. By the way, our guests are mostly participants in the tournament, but if you don't want to fight, you could always be a ref, or something. We hold the actual matches every other day. This'll give you time to recover between bouts. And our medical science can treat almost every injury known." He pulled out an e-pad and handed it to Signus. "Here are the actual tournament rules. If you agree to all of that, you'll officially be a participant, and can stay for as long as the tournament lasts. If you can't follow the rules, you're out of the tournament, and this universe. Any questions?" Skrib raised a hand. "Can we get the penthouse suite?" Both the tech and Signus facepalmed. "We'll come up with something as soon as you sign up," the tech weakly replied. "What is the prize, anyway?" Signus asked after skimming the rules. "Whatever You Ask For, of course." Signus digested this. "A [Wish], huh? Hmm..." ********** "This is not what I had in mind..." Drogn groaned to the ground where he lay, flattened under three collapsed skyscrapers piled atop him. He'd thought it would be a good idea to pull up a "King of The Hill" scenario for today, and called up the Ultraman cast along with Godzilla and the Evangelion series. He fully expected EVA-01 enter into its Berserker Mode when fighting the kaijus; the little EVA-fic he'd read before deciding to skip on that setting except for NXE had mentioned it. What he didn't count on was EVA-02 going into a sympathetic Berserker Mode upon seeing the SEELE Mass Production Evangelion Series. He was distracted long enough for the Ultraman group to gang up on him in their usual show of sickeningly hammy, overrated heroism and teamwork, finishing it up by tricking one of the SEELE EVAs to clobber him with the uprooted buildings. They would have won if it wasn't for that stupid 60-second time limit, and were promptly squashed. Godzilla won, of course. Who were we kidding? Drogn used one of the later incarnations of the beloved mascot of Mass Destruction - specifically, the Jolly Green Giant (no relation to Chaobino) who appeared in Godzilla 2000. That, and the fact that the other EVAs were too busy ripping into each other to really pay the true King of Monsters any notice. While Godzilla roared in victory as he paddled off to sea, Drogn was painfully contemplating his situation again. "Okay, scratch that. No more attempts at mass combat for me for now... Looks like it's time to find a real opponent." Just as he gathered the strength and force of will to dig out and irresponsibly find some sparring partner inexperienced enough not to know better, his cel phone rang. With a slight grimace of pain he pulled it out and answered. "hellowww?" "Hello, Drogn, I'm Gladys Knight from the Psychic Hotline. One of our most talented psychics just received a message for you." For some reason, Drogn thought of a monkey sitting in front of an old electric typewriter, pounding away with one hand while scratching itself with the other. He blinked at the image presented. "oww?", he questioned. Gladys continued, "A mysterious mental presence contacted him, saying that it couldn't find your mind, or in fact anything but the desire for odd foods and the mental construct of an executive desk toy. It said to tell you that you could get lots of practice with your new 'mad fighting game martial arts ... skills?' if you enter the Grand Merchandisable Clash of Authors, and you could get there by--" At this point the signal faded out into static as the buildings Drogn was buried under collapsed further and their combined weight drove him through the asthphalt into an underground parking garage. Despite the pain, Drogn was now happy. He finally knew the place to practice his skills. (Gladys Knight was happy too, since she'd clairvoyantly read the numbers off his credit card while on the phone and charged the standard $10 for the first minute, $3.50 for each additional minute to his account.) His joy was short-lived, however, since he had no idea how to get there. "If only I had someone to guide me...", he muttered. The moment he said that, a psychedelic VW microbus popped out of a dimensional tear a few feet in front of him. "Whoa." "Need a lift?" asked Zen Navigator, an Aspect of friend and fellow Superguy Author The Swede. Unwisely, Drogn agreed. ********** While the tech looked on, Signus pored over the rules. "It says here that fighters need to register in pairs." "You'll be my partner, Siggy!" Skrib declared. Signus' eye twitched again. "No." "Awww..." Skrib pleaded. "C'mon, it'll be fun, trust me." "Hell, no. Unlike you, I'm not immortal, and I'm not that nutty to join this crazy gig." "But who'll be my partner?" Signus shrugged. "I'm sure that someone will drop down from the sky just for you..." At the very instant he said that, Zen's psychedelic VW microbus popped out of a dimensional tear a few feet in front of them. "Whoa," Skrib reacted. The doors opened, and a strange being popped out of the vehicle. At first the creature looked like a draconian, but upon closer inspection actually looked more like a muscular humanoid aardvark with bird wings and a long, prehensile tail. The new arrival was covered in soft, medium gray fur except for the wings, which were a darker shade of gray. Over this the newcomer wore a spiffy helmet and what looked like a partial suit of armor and utility belt in silver-white and green color schemes. Right now the being was happily kissing the floor, repeatedly muttering, "Never again, thank God... Never, ever again..." As Zen departed, Signus slowly turned to face Skrib. "Are you responsible for this?" Skrib looked innocent enough. "Me? No way. I've never even seen the guy in my entire life before. Don't look at me like that. Besides, you said it, not me." "I was being rhetorical..." Drogn looked up to see the three people looking down at him. Two of them were a lot alike; if not for their clothing and postures, they could be mistaken for brothers. "Zeen, youte," he greeted, then grinned at the one dressed in a trench coat and plain business suit. "Are you The One?" "The what?" Signus was startled in surprise at first. Comprehending the question directed at him, he jabbed a thumb towards his look-alike, who was wearing a pair of faded jeans and a loud tropical shirt unbuttoned to show the sleeveless undershirt with the word "BROKE" crudely scrawled on it. "You must mean him. He's Skribulous, and I'm Signus Megido, his Manager. We're not related, by the way." "Oh, okay." Drogn turned to Skrib. "Are you The One?" Skrib assumed a serious air in response. A faint sound akin to chanting could be heard in the distance as he spoke. "Ah, grasshopper, there is no One. There is only Me," he pointed to himself, "and there is only You," he then pointed at Drogn. "There are Many," he waved around, "but there is No One. Let us contemplate on this insightful koan while indulging in massive quantities of various alcoholic and possibly hallucinogenic concoctions and other recreational drinks, my inquisitive student." Somewhere in the distance, a gong sounded. Drogn cracked a smile. "Great! Where do I sign up?" Signus handed him the e-pad. "Here, might as well be this idiot's partner if you're that crazy." "Thanks much cheez," Drogn happily took the e-pad. "This calls for a celebration! Onwards to the nearest refreshments corner!" "Um..." the tech timidly stepped forward. "We don't have a bar or any such establishment here yet, sirs." "Oh?" Drogn paused for a moment, then grinned. "We'll have to fix that, toot-sweet. But first, tell me where we'll be hanging our hat, so it won't be a long walk." "Whatever..." the techie sighed. "Look, I've called for one of our normal meet'n'greeters to come get you three and give you the tour - and here she comes now. PLEASE don't touch anything until you know what it does?" he pleaded. Leaving them in the care of the tour guide, he walked quickly back the way he'd originally come, muttering about draconic wrecking crews and stupidly powerful reality-warpers. The rather fetching woman in vaguely bellhop-like clothing was far more interesting than some muttering tech guy, though, so the three gave her their attention while she introduced herself and started leading them around. Of course, the sort of interest they were giving her was totally different. Drogn was genuinely interested with what she had to say, taking in every word nodding in places, plans formulating in his mind all the while. Skrib looked bored after a while, but was also visibly leering whenever the guide wasn't looking. Although he looked disaffected by all this, Signus, on the other hand, was silently concerned, since he was very sure that the tech they were conversing with didn't have the opportunity to call for someone without him noticing. Were they already expected? He'd said they were early... The little group passed through the telepad room, the gyms, the lunchroom, the lounge, made a quick stop at the showers/contestant restroom, and finally came to a halt in the high atrium of the guest quarters building. "Yes..." Drogn murmured, then repeated at normal volume, "Yes. This is the PERFECT spot!" Deciding to show off a bit, he waved his arms, making hand motions similar to a conductor as he slowly Edited up the sort of place he had in mind. A golden, glowing disk spun into existence on the wall, seeming to be a portal onto a shifting, swirling background of more shades of gold than Charnel had ever known there were... Nor ever cared to learn about. The gold was cut off by a spot of sky-blue, which spread until it was the only thing visible in the space beyond, then was populated by some puffy white clouds. A ball of rock formed, and most of the top half faded away again, leaving a roughly sculpted hemisphere with a cliff covering the rear quarter, from which grew grass and a palm tree. Water flowed up out of a deep hole in the lower area, and filled the trough prepared for it, flowing uphill along the right hand side of the floating island. Several men (Signus assumed they were human, that is) came out of the cave at the foot of the cliff face, carrying round tables and chairs, while others brought out building materials and supplies and started putting up bridges over the river, a structure leaning against the cliff face, and a smaller one on the upper level. While this was taking place, the portal expanded to be a square about fourteen feet on each side, then was bounded by a pair of fluted marble pillars topped by an archway with a carving of a palm tree on the front of the keystone. Finally, an eight-foot wide ribbon of cement snaked out from the floor of the Sportsplex, small pieces of the tasteful blue carpet being torn off and carried with it, joining the floating island to the archway right where the lower level bridge was just being completed. Finishing off the archway was a small stand, bearing the sign "Blue Gecko Bar and Grill". Letting the golden glow of Edit die down, Drogn turned to the heavily sweatdropping Signus and the nonplussed tour guide. "Nothing quite like a friendly bar to make a place feel like home, eh?", he asked. "It'll be nice to be on Holy Ground again." "H-Holy...?" the tour guide stammered, not understanding the apparent shift in topic, while Signus reflexively flinched for a brief moment. Drogn frowned, gripping his snout again. "That's right, I suppose there might be some Unholy entrants to this tournament. Well, that's easily enough handled." Not bothering with the flashy effects this time, he let the slight glow of his Authorial aura speak for itself as he made a minor alteration to the pillars of the archway. Seeming to reach behind one, he pulled out a small, crystalline amulet on a black string and handed it to the girl. "There you go, one Amulet of Unholy Protection +5, proof against spirit wards of Class Five or below, most Magical Girl attacks, and Holy Ground. There's plenty more back there, just tell anyone who needs to know about it, okay?" "Coolness," Skrib commented, having spent the last few moments briefly examining the construction with his Authorial senses. Not bad. Not bad at all. "And now, for a drink!" So saying, Drogn began to take a step through the archway. Signus stared. He then turned to Skrib, preparing to berate him for flagrantly warping the Continuum again, but finding a super-deformed Dragon clinging to Drogn's leg instead. "..." , said the signpost he held up to Signus' face. Sighing, Signus turned towards Drogn. "We have seriously got to talk sometime, Mister..." "ClassicDrogn, currently, but most people just call me Drogn or CD. Take your pick, and let's sally forth," Drogn flippantly replied as he strode confidentally through the archway and entered his new premises. SD-Skrib happily waddled behind him, occasionally poinging along the way in obvious glee while carrying a sign with the word "Wai." written on it. "...Drogn. Hey, wait up," Signus called out, hurrying after them while stifling the urge to pull out Huma's Dragonlance from his WOMAD-PSD (Weapon Of Mass Destruction-Personal Spatial Demense(TM), or 'HammerSpace' in vulgar lingo) and smacking Skrib with it. Still, there was the Prize to consider... ********** Charnel mused as she watched the Avatar trio and about to be Team Kaiju head down the ribbon of concrete beyond the portal, idly noting Signus' brief hesitation before stepping through the entrance. "This is unexpected..." Then, realizing 'she' had never gotten to the last stop on the tour, Charnel called out, "Wait, I didn't show you your quarters yet!" Apparently, Drogn didn't hear, and Charnel didn't feel like following the idiots after they'd already disrupted the preparations, and just casually punched a hole in reality. If he hadn't seen Neovid's jacket already, he'd have wondered how he could get away with it with the Ultimas around, but having seen entirely too much of that particular jacket, and its owner, he just wrote it off to another stupidly overpowered being and went back to more immediately important things. Several hours later, Drogn emerged again and found one of his bodies to ask where his assigned quarters were, producing a hammer and pounding a nail into the door to hang some kindd of sign and a small brass trumpet. Seeing the whole assembly sommehow shrink away and vanish into the crack as the power door slid open afterwards, Charnel could only facepalm, repeating the gesture after it closed and he read the sign. "For enter, tootle Drogn. If answer is none, tootle him vigourously. Riiiiight." III. The Training =================== Some time later... Tokyo. An oppressive silence covered this technological city of wonders, like an oversized thermal blanket smothering a snowman. The city was empty of life, all the inhabitants having been previously evacuated earlier. Now there were no visible signs of human life anywhere in this once-bustling metropolis. On opposite sides at the outer ends of Tokyo stood two massive behemoths. These giant monsters were the reason why the people fled. They had come to fight, and the city was now their arena. Strewn around them where the remains of the Japan Self Defense Force, the country's standing military, considered by those in the know to be the most well-equipped police force in the world, and the first, last, and only line of defense against invaders, whatever incarnation they may assume. They never stood a chance against the two titans. Those who witnessed the clash between the two awesome giants were awestruck by the incredible duo. On one side of the battlefield stood the one in the form of a dragon, for that was what he was, a huge beast only vaguely humanoid in configuration. A ridge of spines jutted out the length of his back. The dragon's body was covered in bright, shiny scales of various scintillating colors. Its undersized leathery wings jutted out of its back like an afterthought. The dragon's long prehensile tail swept back and forth, easily leveling several buildings in its path. The other combatant was a gray humanoid aardvark, a *gigantic* humanoid aardvark in silvery-white and green armor. This kaiju also sported wings, but in this case they were over three times his height, and its appearance was almost angelic in nature. In one hand the oversized warrior wielded a shadowy greatsword, burry at the edges and partly transparent. On the other hand was strapped a gold techno-watch with a glowing blue wristband. The Dragon pulled out a huge weapon, a long wooden pole about half his height with a flat board attached to the far end. On the board were written the words: "So, are you giving up now, consumer of THEM and doer of unmentionables?" His aardly opponent shook his head. He then looked forward and fixed Skribulous with what seemed to be an annoyed glare as his lightly tinted HUD visor briefly flashed red. "Skrib, that actually sounds like an encouragement, not a taunt." "Eheheh, you like?" Was written on the other side of the board, that resembled even more a wooden sign than an actual weapon, and which Skrib turned over for Drogn to read. "Embarrassed, more like. Not even halfway impressed. You should work on taunting some more. Add some more flashy stuff, or something along those lines. Or condiments. Mustard is always in style, you know." Skrib did his best approximation of a nonchalant shrug, and flipped the sign over again to let Drogn read what was written there. "So, shall we move on to the next event?" Drogn readied his sword. "You can go first. It'll probably be the only chance you have to get some telling hits in, and that's if you're extremely lucky." Skrib flipped the sign around. "HA! We'll see about that!" Without warning, he threw the upraised sign towards CD, and charged behind it. Drogn was quick to react, batting the sign aside with Shadow Zephyr with more than enough time to spare, and swung towards the charging Skrib. Belatedly he realized his mistake right after Skrib grabbed his shoulders from where he reappeared behind him. Moments later, CD was sent airborne. Skrib got up and leaped, glowing, after CD, his outstretched hand morphed into a reptilian claw, only to have the flat side of Shadow Zephyr slam the side of his head. CD was quick to follow up as he clapped his wings forward, generating a powerful gust of wind that sent Skrib in the opposite direction, plowing through the city's main highway. Skrib got back on his feet, only to find CD already charging right at him, winding up for a sword strike. He raised his arms to block, which exposed his lower body for the wheel kick that hit him squarely on the side instead. He rolled back to dodge the follow-up swing, putting some distance between himself and the giant aarvark. Seeing Skrib widen his stance and raise his arms again in a defensive posture, CD threw Shadow Zephyr, the blade lengthening out into a flowing ribbon of blackness. The Shadowrang looped in towards the dragon with lightning speed, but Skribulous was already preparing a countermove.. "...Activate!" Skrib announced. CD was surprised when Skrib reached out to snatch the ribbon in mid-air, and then sent it back on its path to clang off his helmet. CD reformed his weapon, but could do little else but defend with his sword and wings as Skrib took the offensive again. Skrib repeatedly mixed up his claw strikes, most of them missing intentionally as the real hits slowly drove CD back. "C'mon, let's PUSH IT! PUSH IT! Yeah, PUSH IT..." Skrib growled/sing-songed in his usual draconic way as he continued his reckless assault, wholly intent on dealing death by tick damage at his opponent. CD hopped back for a breather, the attacks starting to wear him down and denting his defenses. Skrib continued to advance, but this time CD met his charge with one of his own. As CD spun out of the way of Skrib's claw swipe, he sent a devastating punch that sent Skrib sprawling, the sonic boom from the impact shattering any nearby windows in the area that was still intact before. While Skrib recovered, CD spread his massive wings and took to the air, kicking up dust devils along the way and knocking down several skyscrapers below him from the hurricane force winds alone. Skrib cleared his head and found several distortion balls hurtling towards him. He rolled out of the way of the first barrage of chaotic energy blasts, and CD threw several more towards him. Skrib managed to quickly spit out enough fireballs to cancel out CD's projectiles, then sent a few more towards CD. CD weaved around the fireballs' flight path and dove down towards Skrib, feet first in response. "BOOT TO THE HEAD!" Skrib felt the impact of CD's kicks, but he did not go down. CD felt Skrib's hands snake up and grab his legs, right before he was spun around in mid-air, then sent down crashing to the ground, flattening even more buildings Skrib chose not to follow this with an attack, instead pausing to suck at the fore finger and middle fingers of his hand. His eyes begin to glow a malevolent gold. Seeing this, CD raised Shadow Zephyr. Gravatic distortions built up around the length of its blade. "Final attack time! Have a cookie!" "Ha! It'll take a miracle, the Silver Pack, a coterie of Inconnu monitors, and a couple of satyristic Marauders to even slow me down from whooping your mammalian arse, D--" Suddenly something huge crashed right between them, crushing buildings underneath like it was paper. The force of the huge object sent both kaiju flying back in opposite directions. This was followed moments later by a familiar voice booming from the heavens. "WHAT IN THE HOLY NAME OF [KIBO] ARE YOU TWO OVERCOMPENSATING LUNATICS DOING!?!" "So... Checked a mirror recently, Mr. Floating Head in the Sky?" CD asked casually, nonplussed at the roar from the newcomer. "Anyway, whassup?" "He is, technically," Skrib signed. "Wassup?" "Whassup!" "Whassup!" "Whassup." "Whassup!" "SHUT THE FRELL UP!" Signus roared from above. "In case you two scatterbrained loons have forgotten by now, today's your first match." "Oh." CD paused. "Ohhh..." "Oh, yeah," Skrib agreed. He then scratched his head. "Um, what?" A loud noise that sounded like a palm of a hand smacking a forehead could be heard from the skies. "Hello? The Grand Merchandisable Clash of Authors? Any bells ringing?" "We knew that," CD grunted. "No need to be so picky, old nit... Looks like we'll have to cut today's sparring session short, Skrib." "Aw, nuts," Skrib said. "And I was hoping we can do the Dynasty Kaiju scenario afterwards." Both Skribulous and ClassicDrogn instantaneously relocated themselves right beside Signus, as if they'd been standing there the whole time. On a table before then was a miniaturized version of Tokyo - in fact, it was the same place that they battled before. The huge object that separated them earlier turned out to be Signus' kendo practice stick, which he'd slammed on the table moments ago. "You're really proud of that mod you built, eh?" CD ribbed Skrib. Skrib, having reverted to his human form, grinned. "Hey, recruiting Mothra and King Ghidora in your army, and sending them out on a mission to go stomp Borneo down to an undersea crater can be rather fun, in a twisted sort of way." "Not as much fun as ordering Biolante around, and Gigan taking out that freaky Pikathul-" "AHEM!" Signus, a vein throbbing on his forehead, cleared his throat. "May I remind you two, of the match coming up? You're late as it is... Do you really want to throw out your first outing that badly?" "Relax, Siggy," Skrib patted Signus' head in much the same way as a person would pat their favorite pet. "We're already there." And they was. ================== -Excerpts from the GMCA One Chapter, part of "Shin Skribulous Razing", a pseudo-autobiographical series of the notorious Skribulous, The Dragon Avatar With Way Too Many Titles. ----v----v----v----v----v----v----v----v----v----v----v----v----v----v-| 5 10 15 20 25 30 35 40 45 50 55 60 64 7072 ^This is just a cluler for manual linewrapping