Education

Training is a very subjective thing, as different as the Dom/mes who do it. I would never pressume to offer to instruct anyone, but what I hope to do on this web page is offer you some help, to make your entrance into this lifestyle a little easier. There are certain rules of "etiquette" that are pretty standard, hopefully they may help you. As a submissive/slave, you want to make a good first impression, sometimes you may not get a chance at a second one. So always show respect to everyone, and in turn, expect respect for yourself. No matter what side of the D/s coin you reside on, respect is still your due. Anyone can slap a Miztress or Lord or Duke on their name, they still must earn your respect. If you are looking for a Dominant, please take your time and choose wisely, just because a Dom/me approaches you, the desicion is still yours.

The first thing I would tell any submissive/slave to do is observe. Observation will be the best teacher that you can possibly have. Enter a room, greet everyone respectfully, then sit back and watch the screen. Notice how other subs greet, address and act. If you see one sub/slave who seems to be more outgoing, and if you are not to shy, you might ask to PM her or him. (ALWAYS remember to ask, one of the quickest ways to be ignored is to PM without asking) Explain that you are new to the lifestyle, ask for pointers, if you are lucky the submissive will help you, perhaps even take you under his or her wing. But even if they only offer suggestions, it is still a great learning tool. You can learn more from one experienced submissive then any 100 pages you might read. Do not feel that on your first, or second, or even third trip into the room you have to do anything more then observe. Even tho the desire is there to get involved, please take the time to learn, it will make meeting a Dom/me, and perhaps forming a relationship that much easier.

Second, and I hate to say this . . read. Yep, do your homework. Many subs ( and even some Dom/mes) will have reccomended sites on their profiles - check them out. Castlerealm will probably be one of the most often reccommended sites. Check it out, read the information they offer for submissives, learn what to expect, what your rights are in a relationship, etc. The more you know the better you will be able to serve a Dominant. And after all, that is your quest.

As I said, Dom/mes vary as do submissives. For some serving, greeting and kneeling are great attributes. I am one of those Dommes. My submissive is highly skilled in kneeling and serving. Those are 2 things that mean a lot to me. On entering any room, before greeting and chatting with his friends, he always kneels respectfully before me. If you have no Dom/me, kneeling can still be presented in a general sort of way. I must admit, to this day, I will stop chatting to watch a submissive/slave kneel. It is an art form, one that sadly seems to be slipping away. My advice to you as a newcomer to the lifestyle, and remembering that this is cyber, and the only way a Dom/me can see you . . is if you present a picture of yourself. You must learn to present yourself so that One can "see" you. Kneeling and serving are subtle ways of flirting, use them as tools to attract a Dom/mes eye.

For example:" mia walks gracefully across the room, her long legs carrying her swiftly to the furs. Tossing her blonde tresses, she kneels in one fluid motion. Her rounded bottom resting on her feet, her back arched, her tiny hands coming to rest along her ivory colored thighs. Her eyes lowered in submission." In that paragraph, I have given a small description of myself, in such a way as to perhaps catch someone's eye, and have denoted my submission
For a male submissive it would be slightly different: "m_sub enters the room quietly, his strong, muscled legs carrying him to the furs. Dropping to his knees, he holds his back errect, his hands clasped tightly behind himself, his brown hair, slipping forward onto his forehead as he holds his head high in pride, his dark eyes lowered in submission."
These are merely examples, to give you an idea of how to use a "kneel" to make your entrance and to perhaps catch the eye of a watching Dom/me. You should tailor them to yourself and add touches that are unique to yourself. If ever given a chance, watch a Gorean slave kneel. In Gor kneeling is a requirement, and the slaves there have taken it to a fine art form. Their kneels are not only beautiful but the images that they create with their words are often very provocative, and I am sure - highly rewarding.

And always remember, that this is a form of flirting, it is your chance at center stage, use it wisely. The time and effort you put into your kneel (and your serve) will show your dedication and committment.

Serving. You have caught a Dom/mes eye, and they ask you to bring them something, lets pretend that it's a soda. Remember, just by their asking you have their interest, now is the time to really show them your style and manners. Please do not serve like this: "mia dashes to the kitchen and returns with His ice cold soda", mia may do that, but it may also be the last time she holds his attention. Your serve like your kneel, should be descriptive, show the respect you wish to offer this Dom/me, and above all show your skills as a submissive. Always seek to make yourself stand out, remembering that many more eyes watch you other then just the one you serve. Here is a brief example, please remember to break it up in stages, do not fill the screen with one long serve.

mia rises gracefully from her knees, taking 3 steps backwards she turns on her toes and makes her way to the kitchen her eyes scanning the shelves, looking for a glass worthy of the One that she serves.

Spying one on the top shelf, she stretches upwards, her blue silks rising softly along the curve of her backside, her muscled legs flexing. Bringing the glass down she holds it to the light checking for any imperfections, seeing none, she runs the rim lightly across her lips. Smiling at the perfection of the glass and her selection of it, she sets it on the counter, lifting her emerald eyes momentarily to smile at the One she serves, blushing softly as she meets His gaze.

Opening the fridge she bends slowly from the waist, her backside once again rising for His viewing pleasure. she finds an ice cold soda and carries it back to the counter Holding the neck firmly with her long, lean fingers she twists the top off. Giggling for a moment as the soda fizzes and tickles her nose.

Reaching under the counter she lifts out a tray and selects a linen cloth to cover it. Slowly tipping the glass she pours His drink. Smiling and standing back she wonders what is missing.

Reaching to a vase of flowers, she selects a long red rose and places it on the tray next to His soda. Tossing back her golden mane, she lifts the tray and begins to make her way back to Him. Kneeling gracefully before Him, she offers up the tray. "May this drink and this serve please You, Master as much as it has pleased me to bring it to You."

Again this is but an example, every serve should be individual and represent you. Little touches are always noticed. I had one submissive that wore a red rose behind her ear, every time that she served me, she would take that rose and place it on my tray . . it was her signature, and you should try to find one also. Something that is exclusively yours. Serving is something that you should practice when you are alone. Perhaps writing guidelines for yourself. And one thing to remember, never stop during a serve to greet a friend. It appears disrespectful and as if your concentration is not where it should be, on the One that you are serving.

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I recently met a sweet little submissive, she was brand new to yahoo and to the BDSM rooms. We chatted a bit and I offered her some tips to help her along. As I was leaving she asked if we might meet again, for she was really new and would like some more information. I told her it would be my pleasure to help her out. I didnt see her the next day, but I did the following . . .by then she had a Master. I watched her serve Him, she used the first method I described, and as I watched I realized that they were both extremely new. I am happy for her, happy for both of them actually - for he seems like a nice guy, but I see a velcro collar here. I may be wrong, but they have no foundation to build a relationship on.

Meeting a Master/Mistress/submissive or slave, should never be taken lightly. Before attaching someone's name to Y/yours, you should really get to know the person. In r/l, you would not meet one day and be Mrs. So & So the next. And you shouldn't do that here. Forming a partnership, no matter what your lifestyle, should not be entered into on a whim ~ unless of course you are a player. One submissive, who I personally enjoy talking to, has had more Masters then I would like to count. She has had enough collars to open a pet store!

Please take your time, find a Master or Mistress who is compatible to you ~ you deserve that. Just because a Dom/me pays attention to you, does not mean that He or She is the Dom/me for you. Wait... be patient, the right one will come along and you will be glad that you waited. Choose wisely and carefully.

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Okay you think you have found the Dom/me for you. Now is the time for you both to interview each other. Find out your compatibilities. Where and what are your limits? What do you wish to derive from this relationship? What will He/She expect from you? How much do you wish to give? Will you be the only submissive or slave that He/She has? If not, can you deal with that? Do you seek r/l with Him/Her? or only online? Be as honest as you possibly can ~ communicate your worries, your fears, your hopes and your fantasies. Look to see ~ is He/She patient with you? Does He/She listen? Does He/She treat you with respect? Or does He/She care only about satisfying Themself? Do you have "safe" words or are you not familiar with the term? Will He/She respect what limits you have? There are so many questions to ask before accepting a collar. And you have every right to ask them. If the Dom/me does not answer or acts like these questions are not within your rights to ask....then back away. A true Dom/me will listen and answer and should even respect the fact that you are this concerned and committed to your D/s relationship.

If while getting to know Him/Her you have had doubts - above all else, listen to your inner alarm. It probably is telling you something, you may not wish to hear.

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Serving ~ as I said before, serving is an art form. You need to show your submission, your skills, and above all else, you need to let the One that you serve, know that serving Him/Her is what brings you pleasure. In anything...you must educate yourself. If you are serving coffee - you need to know how to brew it, how He/She takes it (sugar,cream,milk etc), you have to decide on a mug. For wine - you need to know red or white, how to uncork it, chilled or room temperature, and find a crystal glass. For mixed drinks - that can be harder and it might be wise to even ask how to make the drink. There are all those little things that will help to make your serve special and unique. Always remember that your submission is a gift, wrapping it as prettily as you can will only enhance it.

Again each Dom/me has their likes and dislikes and it is up to you to find out what they are. Some they will indicate to you in the training They give you, others you may need to ask about. The taking 3 steps backwards maybe something They wish or something They don't care about. Do they wish you to check the glass for imperfections... some do - some don't care. Some Dom/mes like you to take the first sip. others do not. Some like flirty serves, while others prefer the more traditional and formal serve. It is up to you and your Dom/me to work out the fine details, which is why I suggest that your first serve be in private, where Y/you can correct or add the things that your Dom/me likes. Just remember it is a learning thing and as such, takes time to perfect.



Remember

you are as worthy as anyone out there. Worthiness (like respect) knows no title.

you also deserve respect - it is just as much your right as anyone elses.

Just because a "title" is attached does not mean that you must immediately obey anyone. As a submissive/slave you are not an empty-minded doormat

Always be polite to A/all. That is simple common courtesy. It does not indicate anything, except for the fact that you have manners.

you are not required to take anyone's pms. Just because a Master or Mistress is attached to the name gives them no right to treat you as they would not allow you to treat them. Asking to pm someone is a common courtesy, we dont walk up to strangers and whisper to them and sending an unasked for pm is the same thing.

Do not troll. Entering a room advertising yourself and asking for a Dom/me will get you ignored immediately. Do you wish to be tied up, punished, etc...fine, there will be a time and place for that ~ but that is not in the open room.

~ to be continued ~