The Boston Police Department has begun a city-wide crackdown on minors attempting to return empty alcohol containers for the 5 cent bottle deposit refund, claiming it is the next step in reinforcing the city’s new tough stance on alcohol related criminal violations, or more specifically, college student partying.
“Our legislators were only concerned about the environmental effects of this law when they put it on the books, and nobody ever realized that it could also be used as a crime fighting tool”, explains Police Captain Evan O. Verzealus. “The fact is, now that we’ve started enforcing this age limit, it will certainly serve as a deterrent for our young people by making them think twice before attempting to profit from empty alcohol containers.”
Hidden cameras are now being installed in Boston’s bottle return centers and liquor stores to monitor activity, and all workers have been instructed to ask for identification and proof of age from anyone returning empty bottles who looks like they could be underage. Violators will be arrested and prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law, enabling police to better control underage drinking, and hopefully also many of the accompanying problems, such as loud parties, rap music and teenage pregnancy.
“They have been warned, now we’re going to lock them up”, says Captain Verzealus. “Having to explain to their parents that they have been arrested and need some bail money, and may possibly end up with a criminal record for life, should help put an end to this hedonistic lifestyle that many students have come to expect from college life. We’re just not going to allow minors to continue to contribute to the delinquency of adults.”
Some homeless people are already mounting a legal challenge to this new police tactic, claiming it robs them of their right as American citizens to make a living by picking up other people’s trash. Spokespersons William Buthold, a 19-year old former law student know affectionately as “Bottle” Bill, and his current partner-in-law Can Meely, a former star professional hockey player who lost his manhood in a freak fall onto a team mate’s skate and is now also homeless, point out that enforcement of this new interpretation of the law is unconstitutional, and pledge to take their case to the state’s higher courts.
“I understand their concern, but this just goes too far”, Meely says. “This zero-tolerance attitude is not going to sit well with most people. I mean, an empty bottle is just a piece of glass, and although I admit it could be used as a weapon, most of us just want to turn it in for a nickel. What’s wrong with that? I bet it’s far more successful than the gun buy-back program in keeping the crime rate down! I’ve been hit with lots of hockey sticks, and that’s legal, but I’ve never gotten hit with an empty bottle being returned.”
The official response, from both Boston Mayor Tom Menino and Boston Bruins General Manager Harry Sinden was, “No comment”.
© Tony Biscaia October 1997
