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HARLEY-DAVIDSON TO MARKET MOTORSKICYCLE

In a move analysts predict will create a new sport and position the company for explosive growth in the booming ski industry, the Harley-Davidson Motorcycle Company has announced plans to manufacture a new hybrid motorcycle using skis instead of wheels.

“Motorskicycle” prototypes have secretly been undergoing performance tests at an undisclosed ski resort, and have created quite an uproar among skiing enthusiasts. The rear “wheel” is similar to a skimobile-type tread that provides traction on snow, while the front “wheel” is actually a mini ski, complete with shock absorbers, for superb handling even in bumpy mogul fields.

“This vehicle will be the ultimate thrill for the avid skier who has already mastered snowboarding, and is ready for some high speed excitement on the slopes.” claims spokesperson Picabo Street, one of the athletes involved in preliminary testing of the Motorskicycle. “It will also move many motorcycle enthusiasts to experience the exciting sport of motor skiing.”

Some ski areas are already considering expanding to provide trails for motorskiers, as no ski lifts are necessary, obviously making this a very attractive low-cost investment for ski area operators. In fact, judging from comments heard after many test runs, many people believe that uphill skiing will eventually overtake both cross-country and downhill in popularity, as well as profitability.

Opposition is expected from environmental groups, regarding the possible impact of the noise from the famous Harley-Davidson muffler system on the surrounding mountain wildlife. “We could end up with a bunch of deaf birds and animals,” points out Mr. Jack Audubon, a leading magazine publisher and wildlife sanitarium operator. “We’re also very concerned about wild animals that may be struck by speeding negligent motorskiers.”

Although Harley-Davidson does not yet plan to market the Motorskicycle as a street motorcycle, the National Police Chief’s Union has expressed concern that northern states may be faced with illegal street use of these uni-wheeled vehicles. “How could we tell if they’re going too fast? This kind of bike’s never any safety record that I’m aware of.” complained the National Police Chief’s Union president, Mr. Joe N. Forsser. “Should we allow people to use these things like regular motorcyles? And what about helmets, and plates, and insurance, and titles, and registration, and plates, and stickers, and what are the applicable rules of the road?”

A nationwide Harley-Davidson Motorskicycle Club called “Hill’s Angels” has already been launched, apparently confident that the Motorskicycle will become the vehicle of choice for outlaws on the slopes. “We’ve had our go-carts, dirt bikes, dune buggies, jet-skis and monster trucks. Now it’s the Harley “Hogski” Motorskicycle’s turn to make an impact on the american way of life.”

© Tony Biscaia, February 1997