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HEAD LINES
?The blind leading the blind?
Stevie Wonder, who was recently in Boston attending the Foxboro Fair as Bob Kraft’s special guest, has become the latest and biggest investor in the MLS, having purchased a controlling interest of 50.5% in the entire league.

“Stevie loves Ferris Wheels, but when he heard the crowd noise at the stadium by Revolution fans, he was hooked. He called Elton John on his cell phone, and after a brief conversation in which he learned that the MLS expansion teams for 1998 had already been sold, he decided to buy out the entire league.” explained Mr. Wonder’s agent, Bora Fox.

When Stevie heard the chant RE-VO-LU-TION, which he mistakenly interpreted as SU-PERS-TI-TION, he proudly exclaimed “Wow, they’re singing my song!” and immediately proceeded to the ticket window. He then watched the second half of the game from the Fort, was extremely impressed by the Midnight Riders’ musicianship and vibes, and just fell in love with the sport.

“Stevie never played sports as a youngster, having been so wrapped up in his music, so this is like a dream come true for him” says Mr. Fox. “He has a vision, and intends to make soccer the most popular sport in America. He’s already come up with some great ideas on how to improve the marketing of the sport.”

Among these ideas, according to Mr. Fox, will be permanent yard lines on the field, in Braille, so that blind fans can also enjoy soccer along with all other handicapped people. This would also make it possible to have blind referees, who would officiate based on crowd reactions to the play. “Stevie wants to be a referee himself, he loves blowing his harmonica but thinks a blowing a whistle might be even more fun. In fact, he firmly believes that the quality of officiating in the MLS would definitely improve.”

Stevie also believes he has a solution for all the fans who dispute the validity of the shootout system adopted by the MLS. “We’re going to blindfold both the goalie and the shooter.” he says. “Then we’ll see which way the donkey tails.”

Mr. Wonder has also attempted to buy out POCM, as he feels that using a line from the Beatles song, instead of one of his, would be inappropriate now that he controls the league. Negotiations are under way with the “Gang Of Four”, but in spite of the big money being tossed around, the Midnight Riders’ leaders have so far refused to budge, claiming that the titles ”You believe in things that you don’t understand”, or “Signed, sealed and delivered” just would not be good names for a soccer team fanzine.