Results of a study recently completed at Urasmus University in Rotterdam, The Netherlands, which will be published in the next issue of the American Medical Association Journal, indicate that animal and human cloning may not be all it’s been cracked up to be.

While American scientists have been restricted by the US government in conducting cloning experiments, Dutch scientists have forged ahead and made some startling discoveries, which may alter the direction of similar future studies.

“Purebreds have a much higher risk for mutations, the sudden variations of inheritable characteristics different from that of their parents, and are much more susceptible to have immune system deficiencies” explained Dr. Peter Small, the leading american scientist collaborating in this research project. “We’ve found that cross-cloning actually results in healthier offspring, that combines the best elements of both parents.”

While it’s too early to predict the changes in mental capacity in humans produced by cloning, it’s apparent that the physical characteristics are more predictable and produce better specimens, when cross-cloning techniques are used rather than straight cloning. “Theoretically, if you took a Michael Jordan gene and cross-cloned it with a Michael Jackson, you’d get an awesome basketball player that could dunk while grabbing his crotch, and could also sing at the same time” according to D. Small. “We’re really excited about what the results would be if you cross-cloned, say, Stephen Hawking with Steven King, or Hillary Clinton with Mother Theresa. The possibilities and potential of this technique are tremendous, and it seems that the only opponents are the right-wing traditionalists, who are typically afraid of true pioneering research.”

The idea for this research was an outgrowth of the Dutch inclination to experiment with various breeding techniques, which so far have resulted in the world’s prettiest tulips, the prettiest blue-eyed blondes, and the best marijuana on the planet. It seems a natural progression that improving the human race would be next.

Any volunteers?