New ones are green.
Splut on School
"If the entire campus explodes before Thursday, I'll be great." Kitty
"You should autograph my analpookie book next to the teeth marks and I can show it to people." Kitty
"Dude, they don't feed MONKEYS this badly." Chamelaeon
"I am SO insanely tempted to argue that Charlotte Bronte was really a man in drag." Kitty
"I'm not over the parabola yet, dear."
"sigh. Some of us never got over the parabolas." Chamelaeon and Kitty
"I would almost sponsor keg parties on test nights just to wave the percentile in my direction." Punkin
"When I grow up, I'm going to create things like 'cherry beef hash bake' and see if they'll try to feed it to students." Kitty
"Sometimes poop is just hard to find." Dr. Billie Cunningham on LIFO and FIFO cost flow assumptions
"I should go to student disability services and demand an eyewash station in my room next year." Kitty
"yeah, like all my formal reports will be like, 'There was this cute little gimp with a creamy voice and one day sucky sucky bang.'" Biskit
"I am not making much progress on my class. It is my albatross. Maybe it would help if I went in dressed as an albatross. But then I'd have to explain the whole thing to them and half prly still wouldn't understand." Kitty's mama
Splut on Pookie
"If I'd known it was going to be collectible I wouldn't have taken a hammer to it." Kitty
"But of course! In C++, friends can always access your privates." someone named Mikey whose brain was instantly destroyed after seeing me without makeup
"Punkin doesn't think rolling around on the floor next to Pookie and asking if it's "mommy's pwecious wittle pookie baby boo" is normal." Kitty
"YES! Kiss the FAT32!" Bill
"I close this in the tiny hope of preventing Armageddon." Kitty
"You are an emoticon suckhead." Punkin
"I have this basic incompatibility problem with the entire human race. it's like Macs and PCs. we can run silently in the same lab next to each other but that's about it." Kitty
"The CRT monitor was invented by angry Amish who want to kill geeks and return the world to toil and labor." Sailorsomething
"I hope Kernigan and Ritchie get leprosy." Kitty
"Hey, I didn't make this shit up. Stupid, isn't it." Dr. Dale Musser on Perl
"I knoooow you can do this with strtok but that function disturbs me." Kitty
"Ascii art is weird shit." Chamelaeon
"It's still fucked up, but it compiles. My TA said I'm special." Kitty
"If you stay up all night playing weird pookie games, swallows are going to drop coconuts on your head tomorrow." Kitty
"You are lucky I haven't figured out how to take screenshots of this yet." Chamelaeon
"Do they all get off a bus somewhere at an icq terminal and all decide to BE RANDOM at me at once. IS it some sort of geek cycle of the moon or something?" Punkin
"That would be a KICKASS gang. 'Hell's Cursors.' We could hang out in downtown Seattle and chew 386 processors." Kitty
"Guess whose pookie I gave the jumping shits." Kitty
"Are you making mad rhino noises into that or is that what Pookie wants me to hear?" Kitty
"If you put the mic any farther down your shirt, I just might." Chamelaeon
"I'm sure no one in the lounge wants to watch me do interpretive dance of Windows crashing." Kitty
"I wanted to poke things in the tape drive. grapes. matchbooks. teeth. rubber bands." Kitty
"I think that you're going to have a hard time explaining to Dad that you need a new computer because your old one turned into Xelloss and is currently feeding off your classmates." Brat
"Pookie is a messy baby full of minotaurs." Kitty
Splut on Motherhood
"I wonder if the subtle joys of parenthood include digging in your eighteen-year-old daughter's leg with dull tweezers while she screams." Kitty
"You are NOT a mamasita. TRUST me." Chamelaeon
"My mama said 'shitstompers.'" Kitty
"MOMMY!! MOMMY!! HELLO KITTY HAS NO MOUTH!!!" Sailorsomething
"The other sheep are evil and possessed by my mother." Kitty
"I always was curious about spontaneous combustion, but I rather had hoped to watch your father at it." Kitty's mama
"Goodnight mama. dream shiny. eat eat eat eat eat eat eat" Kitty to her mama
"Never too many mommies. Or dykes. Is what I always say." Punkin
"My angora sweater makes me feel like my MOTHERRRR." Kitty
"It is like living with a baby doll. you poke it and it burps or says mama." Kitty on Punkie
"She is mad because I won't call her by her pod name. Sandy told me she is a Toni doll. so her Pod name is Toni 213. That's the number they gave her in the pie. Sometimes she is 213x, and that is bad, but if we call her Primrose then she can't suck our souls out and feed them to the pie. They will give me a number. They want me to be 023k because they think I have the best sugar energy." Kitty
This is why I am not allowed to have real children.
"Poor, poor Biskit's mother. you should never have to watch someone else's kid puke through her nose." Kitty
Splut on Love and Friendship
"He was prly jealous when he saw you in my pants." Chamelaeon
"Many people will kick you around in life. Only a true friend will leave footprints on your ass." Kitty
"I leave for a powder and he turns into an ass." Chamelaeon
"Lint is not love. Hot bitch wax is love." Kitty
"It's like, well, at least if this turns into one of those national enquirer horror stories with his head cut out and glued on a monkey suit and me all covered in twenty pounds of bananas, at LEAST I CAN LOOK BACK AND SAY 'Well, I was 19! What the hell else better did I have to do?'" Punkin
"It is our DIVINE RIGHT to be drooling groupies." Kitty
"You and your big eyed anime bois. Why dont you just get a telekinetic cow?" Punkin
"He's all wah wah fucking wah and the top K is just like Yeah fuck the wah." Kitty
"I touch YOUR butt, and we're still friends." Biskit
"Suki da yo precious arse." "Suki da yo, dumbass." Kitty and Bunny
"If someone starts inflicting gashes on me in my sleep, someone is sleeping in the lounge until May." Kitty
"Oh god, but what if I have to live here again? I still have to go to school here. And do you think a guy would NOTICE if his car were covered in flowers?" Punkin
"Okay. I will talk to you later. Send all my love and venereal diseases to that damn boi." Punkin
"If *I* had a splutcam, I'd show YOU "exposed," little girl! Want some CANDY?!" Bill
Bill and Punkie have such a special relationship.
"Smack her like a good oppressive control freak dictator." Sailorsomething
"Future pronouns based on past behavior." Kitty
"Um. never play with the corpses, Kits." Bunny
"You can be a famous philosopher or a wandering minstrel or something and do whatever they do while I languish in the nunnery making tapestries or something, and it will all be really sad and beautiful, and they'll write epic poems in Latin about it and force kids to read the translations in ninth-grade English, and THAT, my dear, is our ticket to immortality." Kitty
"Say to freakboy 'you haven't seen the bad egg side of mr what's his ass yet, so just yooou wait/ *spit*/bologna' It's a poem." Punkin
"My parents love me enough to put me through college and give me a car but not enough to buy me Sudafed." Kitty
"Pherooomooooones. Pheromoans. hehe. Hey, when is our one way trip to england to find out if Paul is a moaner or a screamer?" Punkin
"it's like ducks that imprint, isn't it. we were very very young and had hormones and saw his shining face and died and came back as TOTAL CRACKHEADS." Kitty
"funny how I mention sleeping with someone and you instantly mention 'networking better' heeh" Punkin
Splut on Food
"Take time to torment the jello cubes." Chamelaeon
"Um, why does my hunger need to be filed with your oatmeal?" Punkin
"Everything carbonated I have ever consumed is making chunks of charcoal in my spleen. I know this is somehow Punkie's doing." Kitty
"Nooooo 'tis a bomb, not a cookie." Chamelaeon
"I am decorating the room with makeup and raw oatmeal. Happy Peaches Day." Kitty
"We will feed you magic amnesia biscuits." Kitty
"We are commenting on the mood of your banana." Chamelaeon
"She just asked why there's a candy wrapper stuck to my foot. It is a granola bar wrapper, and it's clenched between my toes. She didn't seem to think that cleared things up any." Kitty
"I should go into food as art cooking. hehehe Or aluminum foil as an art, cooking, textile medium. I cold sell aluminum foil to anyone for all reasons." Punkin
""I hate people who eat smugly. Someday I'm going to start a new trend of living on pine nuts and mango juice and mock vegans for being weak." Kitty
"Would it warp them too much if I just put silver fabric paint on their foreheads and lead them around on tiny children leashes and make them apple pancakes????" Punkin
"Tip o' the day: Never do violent aerobic dancing just after consuming twice your weight in melted cheese." Kitty
"I'm sorry I have mashed potatoes for braaaaiiiins just throw me to the nuns and buy a blow up doll." Kitty
"I did a punki-no-no. I ate broccoli on pasta that wasn't steamed into oblivion, and now the tummy monkeys are setting fire to the place. eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." Punkie
"I am going to chew this book into little shreds. they made it out of shiny food paper." Kitty
Splut on the Decay of Various Body Parts
"IT'S A STAINLESS STEEL ARM. I WILL BE POLISHING IT." Chamelaeon
"Why aren't I a blender? I've known some nice-looking blenders." Kitty
"BUT your thighs will SELL computers I tell you!" Punkin
"I don't want to be the ingrown hair girllll. My life sucks." Kitty
"Punkie's stomach is non-euclidean." Chamelaeon
"Will you still love me when I only have one and a half legs and a wheel instead of my right foot?" Kitty
"He needs a dog, not a girfriend, and he'd probably end up killing a dog." Punkin
"Does Paul know about your legs, and that you are waiting for him? Perhaps you should write." Kitty's aunt Sandy
"YAY my nails are 'Teflon Tuff'!" Kitty
"He means well, but I am having to bite off my tongue."
"NOT ALLOWED."
"I can keep it in a little box."
"We could call it Agnes, but it's still not allowed."
Chamelaeon and Kitty
"Now my fingers are hornful." Kitty
"mwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa damn my head!" Bunny
"Hey! I can tell time by your ass! right now it's at Kitty's Butt past 5! in 20 minutes, it'll be Punkie's Crotch before 6!" Billsplut
"I think I just made a big hole in my face." Kitty
"Your insides are M.E.A.T. loyalists." Sailorsomething
"Just because I'm a girl doesn't mean my thumbs are." Kitty
"We have cute asses though, we really do. I was considering it the other day, and a lot of people with really vast flat awful butts show them off a lot more than we do, and our kind isn't bad. (see section four inthe "analyzing princess anatomy" for princess ass type c)" Punkin
"If I have to have an ass, it's better to be sugar-coated, so when I tell people to KISS IT it's not too hard on them." Kitty
"Victoria is making dead babies and a spinal column." Kitty
Splut on Splut
"Did somebody say McWhores?" Bill
"You are like a little chimp that someone hit with a stick until it stopped socializing, aren't you?" Punkin
"Like I really want to be Walgreens manager, you fuck-o's!!! I'd rather be a Ched-R-Bite gurl!!!" Biskit
"I was stoned. No, I was coerced. Um. Aliens? Government agents? SANTA CLAUS? THE TOOTH FAIRY? JESUS GODDESS I DID NOT DO IT." Chamelaeon
"It's hard to be female -and- antisocial. the genetic programming says HERD, and the mind says THEY ALL HAVE COOTIES." Kitty
"I heard the perky Japanese girl and immediately thought it was you. You were singing to me from a small metal bookshelf." Biskit
"aauuuurrorraabeaninfernohellfiresadistcrueltywashwishlistfishdishcannedyams!" one of the Punkies
"You have been completely utterly insane for many years. All the rest of us can do is wear our flak helmets." Kitty on Punkin
"Lime Girls as a whole is my revenge. On who for what, I haven't decided yet." Kitty
"We Are Zamboni." Chamelaeon
"It's kind of like living in a Dali painting that Vonnegut spit on." Kitty
"FREAKY PSYCHIC CHICK!!!!!!!!!!!!" Bill
"I am not a 'great infestation among mortal men,' dammit. " Kitty
Splut on Life, the Universe, and Everything
"I want to pet all the little Felixes...Felices? damn plurals." Kitty
"Oak tree, oak shit, it's just logical." Bunny
"Chicken-lubed kitten arse. Interesting mental." Kitty
"Just once I would like to be in a high speed car chase with some point to it." Kitty
"Azathoth can eat his own arse." Chamelaeon
"The Crack Fairies have been getting in my toothpaste again." Kitty
"There are days I'm so glad you don't have a large caliber firearm." Bill
"Don't make me get her to do the Bulgarian thing." Kitty
".. ::: : :: : : :: :: : :: . . .. ." Bunny
"Come on, smile and show some cleavage!" Kitty's dirty old man father
"You've never lived until you've watched a roomful of middle-aged women sitting around burping plastic." Kitty
"There are many fun games. Very few involve bleach." Chamelaeon
"I think your dad smokes from the same stash as Tori Amos." Biskit
"Punkie's aunt sent her an Advent calendar. We can hang it next to Bettie Page." Kitty
"Sleeping with you is the best option I've heard yet. OH CRAP. that came out wrong." Chamelaeon
"HUMANS. suck. Kit want go back home planet. urrgh." Kitty
"I will take the karma fall for this one, dear." Chamelaeon
"You know it's going to be one of those days when you get Cool Whip up your nose before nine in the morning." Kitty
"'Uruguay' is actually a guy named Vick, living alone in a small stone cellar, operating a two-way radio and eating deviled ham out of the can. I know these things, yet I get no respect." Biskit
"God is in the plastic bubble from the quarter machine."Punkin
"That should be in the fade-out...'what the fuck is an ibid?'" Kitty
"You should definitely call the Hot Monk Hotline and rent a monk." Biskit
"My life is contact stupid." Kitty
"No need to be subtle unless you're dead!" Punkin
"Fine, it will look like crap. but NOW it looks like SHIT so that's still a step up." Kitty
"They all look like they climbed out of a garbage dumpster where they've been held hostage but it's soo pretty I wanna look like that!" Punkin
"If wishes were horses, we'd be up to our knees in horse shit." Kitty
"I keep trying to make the world a better place for you and Erinn, but I don't seem to be having much effect. (It seems to be full of men. Not much I can do about it.)" Kitty's aunt Sandy
"Walmart is like a big roach motel for Iowans." Kitty
"sometimes enlightenment comes when youre standing knee deep in an ocean of cranberries, or in your case.... a mouthfull of spit." Punkin
"I hear the starving nihilistic wombat look is all the rage in France this year." Chamelaeon
"I want a lobotomy, dad, thanks for asking. a one way ticket to sunny palm beach, a condo in Provence, an overly affectionate male supermodel." Punkin
"Don't make me send Punkin and the Bitchkitties out there to get mid-eighties on your ass, mister." Kitty
"I was aware that her birthday was at some point in October, but I was not aware that this was, in fact, October." Kitty
"Voltaire was a pompous little twit. I would probably have beaten him up." Sailorsomething
"I think he's trying to see how long until I backhand his butt into the rings of Saturn." Kitty
"So I'm bringing out the balls BEFORE they get hard." Punkin
"My flute case smells so...analog." Sailorsomething
"People would buy your stuff JUST because you were one-armed. you could, like, dip your head into a bucket of paint and then slam it into paper taped to the wall. like sponge painting, only not." Kitty
"well, now in the bootlegs we're seeing the parts of Paul that his pr reps did not want to release to the general public, and if you believe certain rumors from the other ground, both Lennon and Mccartney had their places reserved at Liverpool BDSM clubs as earlie as 1957. According to secret files, the Beating Song, and the unmentionable, but we're sure quite catchy, I Wanna Zap You with 64 Volts, were rejected by other members of the band, and later the tapes were destroyed by Brian Epstein, who only threw them away and never managed to burn the original copies. lucky us." Punkin
"But all of a sudden we're discussing the meaning of "A Young Housewife" by Robert Frost like he'd never threatened to do things to me with rusty razors." Chamelaeon
"I told him he's a wanker. and I spelled it out for him. What more can a girl do?" Punker
"HEHEHE. WAH WAH WAH WAH WAH YOU'RE TOUCHED. I'M TOUCHED. WE'RE ALL TOUCHED. IT'S THE NEVERENDING WE USED TO BE JAILBAIT, WON'T YOU BUY US JEWELRY EVEN THOUGH WE'RE LEGAL SUCK CIRCLE?" Punkin
"DAMMIT _I_ had forgotten ALL ABOUT THAT. I haaaate when they retain more than I do from my own life." Kitty