Post-Thanksgiving pre-Christmas slump. I go to classes...anyway, the body goes to classes. I think. It eats a lot. It types much and often.
Where the mind has gone, I know not.
End-of-semester burn-out, we hope. A taste of home and Splutting every night has left me twitchy for the three more weeks I get in...seventeen days? Tomorrow is Puddi’s birthday. She’ll be nineteen. Punkie’s birthday was last month. She’s eighteen.
Dammit. I’m still the baby. but like I told Mom, I’m also Neo-Queen Lady Princess Sailorkitty, Aspiring Empress, so I don’t have to do dishes.
*sob* Yes, it has come to this, I too shall start recycling my mail.
Splut Does Sailormoon R
(No one be too offended by this, it was approximately one in the morning and we know how I get...Sorry bout that, Chammers, someone had to be the Mamo-chan template.)
Scene I: Oddly petal-shaped chunk of rock which has just been deflected from smashing the planet in the general area of Tokyo. A group of rather diseased-looking adolescents huddle in the roaring wind, somehow managing not to asphyxiate from lack of atmosphere. Japanese women play "Moon Revenge" on kazoos in the background.
Kitty is passed out in Sailorwombat’s lap. Punkie is busily trying to poke fried grease balls up her nose. Puddi is staring at a rock, drooling.
Punkie: Kitty! Kitty! Wake up! You can't die now! We still have three seasons, two movies, five musicals, and an order of cheese fries left!
Puddi: We've just lost the most important thing to us...She's the only one that can drive a stick shift and we brought her car up here.
Sailorwombat: Gee these are good cream horns. *munch*
Puddi: Oooh, I want one!
Punkie: Save some for meeee!
Scene II: Back on Earth, Sailorendor sits at ThisPookie with Alexis and Kilgore.
Alexis: I hope the Spluts are all right.
Kilgore: Yeah...
Sailorendor: Don't worry! Sailorkitty is everybody’s Pookiemama!
Alexis and Kilgore: The world is doomed...
Sailorendor: Waaaaaah what does "Cannot read from drive C:" mean?
Alexis: Doomed, doomed, doomed....
Kilgore: Hey, who ate all the cream horns?
Scene III: Back on asteroid. Punkie is still attempting to shove lard into various holes in Kitty. Puddi is now fighting Sailorwombat for the last cream horn.
Punkie: What good does it do us if we saved the world if now we're all alone? Who can I make eat these now?
Puddi: Gimme that, you…gimp!
Sailorwombat: Miiiiiine!
Kitty’s head thunks into a rock and no one notices. A small red and white striped alien appears.
Punkie: Ooh what's that?
Puddi: It's the MISSING COKE!
Alien: I'm sorry I tried to blow up the Earth just because I was possessed by an evil flower that wanted to suck the energy from every living creature in this solar system and was pissed cause I couldn't get it on with Sailorwombat!
Sailorwombat: Same lame excuse Gates used.
Puddi, Punkie, and Alien stare at him.
Sailorwombat: Whaaaaaat?
Puddi: *grabs the cream horn* Gotcha!
Alien: *points at Kitty* What's wrong with her?
Punkie: She used all the power in the Magic Pentium Chip to save the world, so she died.
Sailorwombat: Ewwwww you mean I'm holding a corpse?? Getitoffgetitoffgetitoff!!!
Puddi: Careful, it might bleed or something.
Alien: Ooh, I'm sorry...Here. Give her this Magic Caffeine Drink and it'll bring her back to...hey...where'd it go??
Sailorwombat: *burp*
Everyone looks at him.
Sailorwombat: Those damn cream horns make me thirsty...why are you looking at me like that?
Alien: Well get it in her somehow. I'm done.
Alien floats away. Sailorspluts look at each other....
Kitty: *wakes up spluttering* Aaaaaaaahhhhhh!!!!! *spit* Gourd, what the fuck were you DOING, backwashing in my MOUTH????
Sailorwombat: well, yeah....
Kitty: *mutter* *hack*
Sailorwombat: Hey, it's not THAT bad, Usagi didn't gag when Mamoru did it!
Kitty: That was just a MOVIE...*sigh*...minna?
Sailorspluts lean in close, overjoyed that she's not dead.
Kitty: I...told you...I'd save...everyone...*sniff* wait a minute...What the hell is this...cheese in my nose? *whacks Punkie*
Sailorspluts start beating each other and mass chaos ensues.
FADE TO CREDITS over MOON REVENGE SPLUT MIX, movie length:
Finally I have made it here, I tear off my boot
The man who rests unconscious and bleeding
On your closed eyes, I hit you again
In the garden of time I left you to die
Love will not go on if it is just in our dreams
When my desire is strong, I'd rather make you a beautiful corpse
If you wish for pain, then chase after me
That open wound is a red tattoo
A bleeding notice of destiny, that tattoo
For I can tell with a single glance you're asking for another
In the shape of my spiked heel, that painful tattoo
You cannot hide it, the disease will spread
It's Splut Revenge, woo...
Thanks for watching, and until next week....
*cue ending theme "Otome no Policy" over rolling credits superimposed on animated Spluts beating the cream-horns out of each other*
"Woo-hoo! We made it another week without any major gunfights or permanent scarring!"
"Nowhere real obvious, anyway..."
"Waaaaah, I have a spontaneous nosebleed!"
"If you have long nails and pick at it, what do you expect?"
"Next week we take on the KGB from an alternate dimension in which Russia dropped the Bomb in 1953, a couple battalions of computer-animated toy soldiers, the illegitimate crack baby of Xena, Warrior Princess, and the Phantom of the Opera!"
"Do we get paid overtime, and do we have to be our own stunt doubles again?"
"Shut up and hand me that spatula. This place is infested with Antz."
"If you'd ever change your sheets, it wouldn't be a problem."
"Hey, guys, come on, we're late for Makeup."
"Minna henshin yo! See you next week!"
"If we're still around."
*fade ending theme over pained shrieks as Spluts whack each other with the spatula while the Antz carry them away*
"Koi no hikari wa Ai no Message."
"Shut up."
Good advice.