In the beginning there was the computer. And God said
%Let there be light!
#Enter user id.
%God
#Enter password.
%Omniscient
#Password incorrect. Try again.
%Omnipotent
#Password incorrect. Try again.
%Technocrat
#And God logged on at 12:01:00 AM, Sunday, March 1.
%Let there be light!
#Unrecognizable command. Try again.
%Create light
#Done
%Run heaven and earth
#And God created Day and Night. And God saw there were 0 errors.
#And God logged off at 12:02:00 AM, Sunday, March 1.
#Approx. funds remaining: $92.50.
#And God logged on at 12:01:00 AM, Monday, March 2.
%Let there be firmament in the midst of water and light
#Unrecognizable command. Try again.
%Create firmament
#Done.
%Run firmament
#And God divided the waters. And God saw there were 0 errors.
#And God logged off
At this point the farmer faints.
A cattle producer in Alberta, Chuck Groeneveld, was elected to the
committee for the Beef Information Centre by the Alberta Cattle
Commission earlier this month. During his speech to win election, he
told the following story:
TRUE STORY
"A fellow went into a restaurant and asked 'What's the special of the
day?'
The waiter replied, 'Beef Tongue.'
The fellow said, 'Ugh! I don't want anything coming out of a cow's
mouth. Fry me up a couple of eggs!'"
IN THE BEGINNING [author unknown]
A wealthy country squire has been away on business. He arrives
home by train and is met by his hired hand at the station. As
the hired hand drives, the following conversation takes place:SUBJECT: OLD SHEP DIED
Farmer(F): Did anything important happen while I was away?
Hired hand(H): Naw, nothing important...except Ole Shep died.
F: He was my very favorite dog! How did he die?
H: He ate a bunch of burned horse meat and died.
F: Burned horse meat??? Where did he get burned horse meat???
H: Oh, I forgot about that. See, the barn burned down and the horses
were all killed and Shep ate a bunch of burned horse meat and he died
F: How did the barn catch fire???!!!
H: Sparks. Oh, I forgot about that. See, the house was on fire and the
wind blew sparks onto the barn and the barn burned down and the horses
were all killed and Shep ate a bunch of burned horsemeat and he died.
F: How did the house catch fire???
H: The curtains. See, the wind blew the curtains against the candles,
and they caught on fire and the house caught on fire, and the house
burned down and the wind blew the sparks onto the barn and the barn
burned down and the horses were all killed and Shep ate a bunch of
burned horse meat and he died.
F: Candles??? We haven't used candles for years! Why were there candles
burning in the house???!!!
H: They were around the coffin.
F: THE COFFIN!! WHAT COFFIN??!!
H: Oh, I forgot about that. Your mother-in-law died. I think it was
the shock that killed her. And we laid her out with candles around the
coffin, and the wind blew the curtains against the candles, and the
curtains caught fire and the house caught fire and the wind blew sparks
onto the barn and the barn burned down and the horses were all killed
and Shep ate a bunch of burned horse meat and died.
F: Shock? You said my mother-in-law died of shock?
H: Oh, I forgot about that. Your wife ran away with a Bible salesman,
and the shock killed your mother-in-law and we laid her out with candles
all around her and the wind blew the curtains against the candles and
the curtains caught fire, and the house burned down and the wind blew
sparks onto the barn and the barn burned down and the horses were all
killed and Shep ate a bunch of burned horse meat and he died...but
let me think...well, other than that, nothing much happened while you
were away.
