Why do blacks hate square dancing?
>>>Everytime someone yells "hoe-down" they think one of their bitches has
been shot.
How are a black scholar and a pound of uncooked hamburger alike?
>>>They're both very rare.
What do you call one white guy with three black guys?
>>>Victim.
A black guy and a Puerto Rican guy are in a car. Who's driving?
>>>The cop.
Why did the black guy have a heart attack on Halloween?
>>>Someone came to his door dressed as a job.
What's another name for Harlem?
>>>"Scene of the Crime".
How do you get 20 Haitians into a paper cup?
>>>Tell them it floats.
Why do mutes masturbate with only one hand?
>>>So they can moan with the other.
What's a transvestite's view of life?
>>>"Eat, drink, and be Mary".
Why does it take four women with PMS to screw in a light bulb?
>>>IT JUST DOES, OKAY?
What is 69 and 69?
>>>Dinner for four.
Why do hunters make the best lovers?
>>>Because they go deep into the bush, always shoot more than once, and always eat what they shoot.
What's the definition of group sex?
>>>Masturbating with both hands.
How many queers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
>>>None. Queers don't screw. They butt-fuck.
What did the lesbian say as she guided her girlfriend's tongue to her clitoris?
>>>"This bud's for you."
Why did the lesbian return home from her European vacation a week early?
>>>She missed her native tongue.
How do you know when you're getting old?
>>>You're with a girl all night and the only thing that comes is the dawn.
What's the difference between like and love?
>>>Spit or swallow.
Ed's wife is so depressed he takes her to see a psychiatrist. Ed waits outside
while the shrink checks her over. Later, he calls Ed into his office.
"In my opinion," the shrink tells Ed, "your wife is depressed because she's not getting enough sex." "What can I do?" Ed asks. "I recommend that your wife have sex at least ten times a month,", the shrink advises. "Fair enough,", says Ed. "Put me down for two." Then there was the guy whose wife was ailing, so he took her to see the doctor.
>>> The doctor is shocked at her appearance. He says, "I don't like the looks
of your wife." "Neither do I," says her husband, "but she's great with the kids."
What is the difference between a nigger and a tyre ?
... Tyres don't sing when you put chains on them
Why do pakistanis carry shit in their wallets ?
... For identificaion
Did you hear about the poof who got fired from the sperm bank ?
... He was caught drinking on the job
Whats the definition of a perfect woman ?
a) She's three feet tall, has a round hole for a mouth and her head
is flat so you can put a pint glass on it.
b) The sports model has pull down ears and her teeth fold in
c) The economy model fucks all evening and at midnight turns into
a roast beef sandwich and a six pack.
Did you hear about the queer burgular ?
... He couldn't blow the safe so he went down on the elevator
Did you hear about the queer indian ?
... He jumped into the canoe, took three strokes, and shot across
the lake
How do you get four poofs on a bar stool ?
... Turn it upside down
Why don't black cheerleaders do the splits ?
... Because if they did they would stick to the floor
Why do blacks wear wide brimmed hats ?
... To keep the birds from shitting on their lips
Why do blacks wear platform shoes ?
... To keep their knuckles from dragging on the ground
Why don't Irish people eat pickles ?
... Because they can't get their heads into the jars
What do you do in case of fallout ?
... Put it back in and take shorter strokes
Why don't Italians eat fleas ?
... Because they can't get their little legs apart
Whats better than roses on your piano ?
... Two lips on your organ
What does it say inside a niggers lips ?
... Inflate to 20 p.s.i.
. Did you hear about the new Irish parachute ?
... It opens on impact
Why do Brixton coons have such small steering wheels ?
... So they can drive with handcuffs on
What is the difference between a Jew and a pizza ?
... A pizza doesn't scream when you put it in an oven
Why did the pakistani trade in his wife for the toilet ?
... Because the hole was smaller, the smell better
What do you have when you're up to your ankles in niggers ?
... Afro-Turf
Whats yellow, ugly, and sleeps alone ?
... Yoko Ono
Why don't they have black snow skiers ?
... Because their lips would explode at 1,000 feet.
Why don't they let pakistanis in Lake Windermere ?
... Because they leave a ring
Why are Ice Hockey goalkeepers and West Indian Girls alike ?
... They both change their pads after three periods
Why did God create the orgasm ?
... So that niggers know when to stop fucking.
Whats the defination of a real mate ?
... One who'll go into town, get two blow-jobs and come back and
give you one.
Whats red and white and makes you laugh ?
... A bus load of Pakistanis going over a cliff
How do you save a drowning nigger ?
... throw him an anchor
Why do women have two holes so close together ?
... In case you miss
Did you hear about the new Vietnamese cookbook ?
... 100 ways to Wok your dog
Why don't niggers drive convertables ?
... Because their lips would flap in the wind and slap them to death
How do you tell how many Pakistanis live in a town ?
... Count the windows of the cellars and multiply by 36
How do you kill a West Indian ?
... Smash the toilet seat over his head when he's taking a drink of
water.
How many blacks does it take to pave a driveway ?
... Depends on how thin you slice them
Whats the difference between a coloured girl and a bowling ball ?
... You can only stick three fingers in a bowling ball.
Did you hear about the Klu Klux Knieval ?
... He tried to jump over 8 niggers with a steam-roller
Why don't blacks have cheque books ?
... Because its hard to sign your name with spray paint.
Why do black people smell so bad ?
... So blind people can hate them as well
Why do women have two holes so close together ?
... So you can carry them home like a six pack
How do you brainwash an Irishman ?
... Give him an enema
Why wasn't Christ born in the Africa.
... They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.
Did you hear about the Italian who cleaned his ears out ?
... His head caved in.
Why don't fairies get pregnant ?
... They always go to goblin parties
What do you call a van with 5 homosexuals in it ?
... The aids team
What is the definition of a virgin sheep ?
... One that can run faster than the welsh rugby team
Q: Whats the difference between Jewish American princesses, and Mexican American princesses.
A: Mexican American princesses have fake jewlery and real orgasams!
Why are all Jewish men circumcised?
Because Jewish women insist on having EVERYTHING at least 10% off!
What's the Jewish version of foreplay?
Half an hour of begging.
This black guy was walking down 125th Street, kicking rubbish out of his
way, when he spotted something amid the trash that gleamed strangely. It
turned out to be an oddly shaped bottle, and when he rubbed it, a Jewish
genie appeared. 'I'll give you two wishes,' intoned the genie.
'Far out,' said the black guy. 'First, I want to be white,
uptight, and out of sight. Second, I want to be surrounded by warm, sweet
pussy. So the genie turned him into a tampon.
THE MORAL OF THE STORY = You can't get anything from a Jew without
strings attached.
Why is money green?
Because the Jews pick it before it's ripe.
Why did the Jews wander in the desert for forty years?
Somebody dropped a quarter.
Why do Jews have such big noses?
Because air is free.
What happens when a Jew with an erection walks into a wall?
He breaks his nose.
What's a Jewish dilemma?
Free ham.
Whats the definition of a queer Jew?
Someone who likes girls more than money.
How do you stop a Jewish girl from fucking you?
Marry her.
Did you hear about the bum who walked up to the Jewish mother on the street
and said, 'Lady, I haven't eaten in three days'Force yourself,' she replied.
Did you hear that the limbo was invented by the Jews?
Yeah, from sneaking into pay toilets.
What's the difference between karate and judo?
Karate is a method of self-defence, and judo is what bagels are
made of.
How did they know Jesus was Jewish?
Because he lived at home until he was thirty, he went into his
father's business, his mother thought he was God -- and he thought his
mother was a virgin.
How many Jewish mothers does it take to change a light bulb?
'None, dahling. I'll sit in the dark . . .'
This black guy walks into a bar with a beautiful parrot on his shoulder.
'Wow!' says the bartender. 'That is really something. Where'd you get it?'
'Africa,' says the parrot.
What has six legs and goes 'Ho-de-do, ho-de-do, ho-de-do'?
Three blacks running for the elevator.
What's another word for cocoon?
N-nigger.
What's black and white and goes rolling along the boardwalk?
A black and a pigeon fighting over a chicken wing.
How do you shoot a black man?
Aim for the radio.
What do you call a black boy with a bicycle?
Thief!
What's the new Webster's definition of the word 'confusion'?
Father's Day in Harlem.
What's the new Webster's definition of the word 'reneg'?
Shift change at the carwash.
A black guy knew he had it made when the old brass bottle he found in the
back yard turned out to have a genie in it. Any three wishes he had would
be granted, the genie informed him.
'I wanna be rich,' said the black man. The back yard filled up with chests of gold coins and jewels in the blinking of an eye.
'I'm no fool,' said the black. 'I wanna be white.' And there he
stood, white, blond-haired and blue-eyed.'Thirdly, I never want to work another day in my life.'
And he was black again.
A successful black banker got into the latest fad -- hang gliding. He went
out and bought a beautiful, sky-blue jumpsuit, took his hang glider, and
proceeded to float off over the woods. Two old white farmers, Royce and
J.T., had picked the same day to do a little hunting. Royce looked up and
said to J.T., 'Shit! Dat's de biggest goddam bird I eva seen!
'Let's get em,' said J.T.
They fired off several rounds, but the glider floated serenely over
the trees and out of sight.
'Hell, Royce,' said J.T., 'I believe we dusted dat bird.'
'Shit, I KNOW we dusted em. Did you see how fast it dropped dat
nigger?
What do you get when you bury a thousand blacks up to their necks?
Afroturf.
An old Southern planter goes into the hospital and is informed by the
doctor that his condition is pretty serious. In fact, he's going to
require a heart transplant. 'Well, doctor,' drawls the planter, 'you'd best get on with it. But
whatever you do, just don't give me the heart of a nigger.'
When he comes out of the anesthetic, the doctor is leaning over his
bedside anxiously. 'Cal,' he says, 'I got some good news and some bad
news. I HAD to use a nigger's heart.' Cal pales.
'But the good news is - Your dick is three inches longer.
What do you call a black millionaire industrialist?
A tycoon.
What do you call a black Frenchman?
Jacques Custodian.
What do you call a black test-tube baby?
Janitor in a Drum.
Do you know why so many blacks were killed in Vietnam?
Because every time the sergeant said 'Get down,' they stood up and started dancing.
Why are the palms of black people's hands white?
Because they were all leaned up against cop cars when God spray-painted.
Did you hear about the new perfume for black women?
It's called Eau-de-doo-dah-day.
How do you keep little black kids from jumping up and down on the bed?
Put Velcro on the ceiling.
What color's a black who's been run over by a steamroller?
Flat black.
There was a promiscuous young couple making out in the back seat of a car.
Temperatures were rising and things were getting pretty intense, and
finally the girl gasped, 'Oh darling, darling, kiss me where it smells.
So he drove her to New Jersey.
Why did God invent booze?
So fat, ugly girls could have a chance to get laid, too.
Why did God give black men such huge pricks?
Because he was so sorry about what he'd done to their hair.
What's long and hard and full of semen?
A submarine.
What are the five biggest lies?
'The check is in the mail.'
'I won't come in your mouth.'
'Some of my best friends are Jewish.'
'Black is beautiful.'
'I'm from the government and I'm here to help you.'
Do you know about the world's shortest books?
'Polish Wit and Wisdom'
'Jewish Business Ethics'
'Italian War Heroes'
and 'Negroes I Have Met While Yachting'
What's six miles long and goes four miles per hour?
A Mexican funeral with only one set of jumper cables.
Why did God give Mexicans noses?
So they'd have something to pick in the off season.
A bomb drops at noon on each of the houses of a black family, white
family, and Mexican family. Which is the only family that survives?
The white family--the kids were at school and the parents were at work.
Do you know how to tell when it is bedtime at Michael Jackson's
house?
When the big hand touches the little hand.
What did the black kid get for his birthday?
My bicycle.
Why can't black guys do pushups?
Because their lips stick them to the floor on the first "down."
What is another name for a Scotsman with lots of girlfriends?
Shepherd.
How many real men does it take to open a can of beer?
None. The bitch better have it open when she gets it for me.
Why can't girls wear miniskirts in the winter?
Chapped lips
How many straight male hairdressers does it take to change a lightbulb?
Both of them.
Why can there never be any Mexican astronauts?
Because every time someone yells "Launch!" they go out and eat.
What is the difference between a Polish woman and a Bigfoot?
One is 6 feet tall, dirty, hairy, and smelly, and the other just
has really big feet.
What is the primary difference between eating pussy and eating sushi?
The rice.
Little Johnny was saying his prayers one night, and ended with
"God bless Grandpa." In the morning the family discovered Grandpa dead
in his bed. Johnny explained the possible link between his special
prayer the night before and the sudden death, but no one payed him heed.
The next night Johnny prayed, "God bless Grandma." She too was found
dead the next morning, and when Johnny told of his prayer, everyone became
very concerned. On the third night Johnny prayed, "God bless Pa." Johnny's mother told
her husband of the prayer, and he became instantly paranoid and was unable
to sleep a wink. In the morning he dragged his ass to work. At the end of
the day he returned and complained,
"What a horrible day! No sleep last night, accidents at work, and
everyone arguing!"
"Hah! You think you had a bad day!" said his wife, "The mailman
dropped dead on our front porch this morning."
Why did it take the Polish couple six weeks to drive across the U.S.?
Because they kept encountering signs that said, "Clean Rest Rooms."
How did the Polish woman keep her son from biting his nails?
She made him wear shoes
>>> >THE LIST (1876 strong) (C) Tim Nelson
>>> >----------------------
>>> >(This list was taken over from James V Baber aka JVB8939@cs.tamu.edu)
>>> >
>>> >
>>> >=-> SO FAT,
Yo momma so fat her nickname is "DAMN"
Yo momma so fat she eats Wheat Thicks.
Yo momma so fat were in her right now
Yo momma so fat people jog around her for exercise
Yo momma so fat she went to the movies and sat next to everyone
Yo momma so fat she has been declared a natural habitat for Condors
Yo mamma so fat you haveta roll over twice to get off her...
Yo momma so fat she was floating in the ocean and spain claimed her for
then new world
Yo momma so fat she lay on the beach and people run around yelling Free
Willy
Yo momma so fat when you get on top of her your ears pop!
Yo momma so fat when she has sex, she has to give directions!
Yo momma so fat she goes to a resturant, looks at the menu and says
"okay!"
Yo momma so fat when she wears a yellow raincoat, people said "Taxi!"
Yo momma so fat she had to go to Sea World to get baptized
Yo momma so fat she got to iron her pants on the driveway
Yo momma so fat she put on her lipstick with a paint-roller
Yo momma so fat she got to pull down her pants to get into her pockets
Yo momma so fat when she tripped over on 4th Ave, she landed on 12th
Yo momma so fat when she bungee jumps, she brings down the bridge too
Yo momma so fat the highway patrol made her wear "Caution! Wide Turn"
Yo momma so fat when she sits around the house, she SITS AROUND THE
HOUSE!
Yo momma so fat when she steps on a scale, it read "one at a time,
please"
Yo momma so fat when she sits on my face I can't hear the stereo.
Yo momma so fat she fell in love and broke it.
Yo momma so fat when she gets on the scale it says to be continued.
Yo momma so fat when she gets on the scale it says we don't do livestock.
Yo momma so fat her neck looks like a pair of hot dogs!
Yo momma so fat she's got her own area code!
Yo momma so fat she looks like she's smuggling a Volkswagon!
Yo momma so fat God couldn't light Earth till she moved!
Yo momma so fat NASA has to orbit a satellite around her!
Yo momma so fat whenever she goes to the beach the tide comes in!
Yo momma so fat when she plays hopscotch, she goes New York, L.A.,
Chicago...
Yo momma so fat she's got Amtrak written on her leg.
Yo momma so fat even Bill Gates couldn't pay for her liposuction!
Yo momma so fat her legs is like spoiled milk - white & chunky!
Yo momma so fat you have to roll her ass in flour and look for the wet spot to fuck her!
Yo momma so fat I had to take a train and two buses just to get on the bitches good side!
Yo momma so fat she wakes up in sections!
Yo momma so fat when she goes to an amusement park, people try to ride HER!
Yo momma so fat she sat on a quarter and a booger shot out of george washington's nose.
Yo momma so fat she was mistaken for God's bowling ball!
Yo momma so fat she rolled over 4 quarters and it made a dollar!
Yo momma so fat when she lies on the beach no one else gets sun!
Yo momma so fat when she bunje jumps she goes straight to hell!
Yo momma so fat when she jumps up in the air she gets stuck!!!
Yo momma so fat she's got more Chins than a Hong Kong phone book!
Yo momma so fat that her senior pictures had to be arial views!
Yo momma so fat she's on both sides of the family!
Yo momma so fat everytime she walks in high heels, she strikes oil!
Yo momma so fat she fell and made the Grand Canyon!
Yo momma so fat she sat on the beach and Greenpeace threw her in!
Yo momma so fat that when she hauls ass, she has to make two trips!
Yo momma so fat even her clothes have stretch marks!
Yo momma so fat she has a wooden leg with a kickstand!
Yo momma so fat she has to use a VCR as a beeper!
Yo momma so fat she broke her leg, and gravy poured out!
Yo momma so fat when she rides in a hot air balloon, it looks like she's wearin tights!
Yo momma so fat she got hit by a parked car!
Yo momma so fat they have to grease the bath tub to get her out!
Yo momma so fat she has a run in her blue-jeans!
Yo momma so fat when she gets on the scale it says to be continued.
Yo momma so fat when she wears a yellow raincoat people say "Taxi!"
Yo momma so fat she got to iron her pants on the driveway!
Yo momma so fat she put on her lipstick with a paint-roller!
Yo momma so fat when she tripped over on 4th Ave she landed on 12th
Yo momma so fat when she bungee jumps she pulls down the bridge too
Yo momma so fat she steps on a scale & it goes one at a time please
Yo momma so fat she fell in love and broke it!
Yo momma so fat she jumped up in the air and got stuck!
Yo momma so fat she fell in love and broke it.
Yo momma so fat when she sits on my face I can't hear the stereo.
Yo momma so fat they use the elastic in her underwear for bungee jumping
Yo momma so fat when they used her underwear elastic for bungee jumping,
they hit the ground.
Yo momma so fat when she back up she beep.
Yo momma so fat she jumped up in the air and got stuck.
Yo momma so fat she has to buy two airline tickets.
Yo momma so fat when she fell over she rocked herself asleep trying to get up again.
Yo momma so fat she influences the tides.
Yo momma so fat that when I tried to drive around her I ran out of gas.
Yo momma so fat she broke her leg and gravy fell out.
Yo momma so fat the animals at the zoo feed her.
Yo momma so fat she was baptized at Marine World.
Yo momma so fat she's on both sides of the family!
Yo momma so fat when she dances at a concert the whole band skips.
Yo momma so fat the Aids quilt wouldn't cover her
Yo momma so fat she stands in two time zones.
Yo momma so fat I tried to drive around her and I ran out of gas.
Yo momma so fat she left the house in high heels and when she came back she had on flip flops.
Yo momma so fat you have to grease the door frame and hold a twinkie on
the other side just to get her through
Yo momma so fat when the bitch goes to an all you can eat buffet, they have to install speed bumps.
Yo momma so fat that she cant tie her own shoes.
Yo momma so fat sets off car alarms when she runs.
Yo momma so fat she cant reach her back pocket.
Yo momma so fat when she wears one of those X jackets, helicopters try to land on her back!
Yo momma so fat her college graduation picture was an airial.
Yo momma so fat she lays on the beach and greenpeace tried to push her
back in the water
Yo momma so fat she broke her leg and gravy poured out
Yo momma so fat she uses redwoods to pick her teeth
Yo momma so fat the only pictures you have of her are satellite pictures
Yo momma so fat she jumped in the air and got stuck.
Yo momma so fat she put on some BVD's and by the time they reached her waist they spelled out boulevard.
Yo momma so fat she sat on a dollar and squeezed a booger out George
Washington's nose.
Yo momma so fat she stepped on a rainbow and made Skittles.
Yo momma so fat she uses a mattress for a tampon.
Yo momma so fat that when she sits on the beach, Greenpeace shows up and
tries to tow her back into the ocean.....
Yo momma so fat that she would have been in E.T., but when she rode the
bike across the moon, the bitch caused an eclipse.
Yo momma so fat she hoola-hooped the super bowl.
Yo momma so fat she was baptised in the ocean.
Yo momma so fat she has to iron her clothes in the driveway.
Yo momma so fat they tie a rope around her shoulders and drag her through
a tunnel when they want to clean it.
Yo momma so fat when she got hit by a bus, she said, "Who threw that
rock?"
Yo momma so fat when she stands in a left-turn lane it gives her the
green arrow!
Yo momma so fat that when whe was born, she gave the hospital stretch
marks.
Yo momma so fat the National Weather Agency has to assign names to her farts!!!
Yo momma so fat we went to the drive-in and didn't have to pay because we
dressed her as a Chevrolet.
SO STUPID,
Yo momma so stupid it took her 2 hours to watch 60 minutes
Yo momma so stupid when she saw the NC-17 (under 17 not admitted) sign,
she went home and got 16 friends
Yo momma so stupid when your dad said it was chilly outside, she ran
outside with a spoon
Yo momma so stupid she told everyone that she was "illegitiment" because
she couldn't read
Yo momma so stupid that she puts lipstick on her head just to make-up her
mind
Yo momma so stupid she hears it's chilly outside so she gets a bowl
Yo momma so stupid you have to dig for her IQ!
Yo momma so stupid she got locked in a grocery store and starved!
Yo momma so stupid it took her 2 hours to watch 60 Minutes!
Yo momma so stupid that she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order!
Yo momma so stupid she could trip over a cordless phone!
Yo momma so stupid she sold her car for gasoline money!
Yo momma so stupid she bought a solar-powered flashlight!
Yo momma so stupid she thinks a quarterback is a refund!
Yo momma so stupid she took a cup to see Juice.
Yo momma so stupid that she sold the car for gas money.
Yo momma so stupid she called Dan Quayle for a spell check.
Yo momma so stupid she stepped on a crack and broke her own back.
Yo momma so stupid she makes Beavis and Butt-Head look like Nobel Prize winners.
Yo momma so stupid she thought she needed a token to get on Soul Train.
Yo momma so stupid when asked on an application, "Sex?", she marked, "M,
F and sometimes Wednesday too."
Yo momma so stupid she took the Pepsi challenge and chose Jif.
Yo momma so stupid when you stand next to her you hear the ocean!
Yo momma so stupid she hears it's chilly outside so she gets a bowl
Yo momma so stupid she got locked in a grocery store and starved!
Yo momma so stupid she thinks Fleetwood Mac is a new hamburger at McDonalds!
Yo momma so stupid she sits on the TV, and watches the couch!
Yo momma so stupid that she thought Boyz II Men was a day care center.
Yo momma so stupid she bought a videocamera to record cable tv shows at
home.
Yo momma so stupid when she went to take the 44 bus, she took the 22 twice instead.
Yo momma so stupid she jumped out the window and went up.
Yo momma so stupid she thought a quarterback was an income tax refund.
Yo momma so stupid she took a umbrella to see Purple Rain.
Yo momma so stupid that under "Education" on her job apllication, she put
"Hooked on Phonics."
Yo momma so stupid she put out the cigarette butt that was heating your
house.
Yo momma so stupid she put lipstick on her forehead, talking about she
was trying to makeup her mind.
Yo momma so stupid she watches "The Three Stooges" and takes notes.
Yo momma so ugly when she joined an ugly contest, they said "Sorry, no
professionals."
