Path glimmering and wavering seductively ahead silvery

WARNING: The contents of these diaries is spontaneous writing, that is not edited afterwards. If I even thought of editing them, I'd probably chop almost all of every entry I type....... sometimes I'm horrified and/or embarrassed when I read some of this stuff..... (though sometimes I laugh and cry and chortle) (chortle?)........ but..... the policy is not to edit it. So it's very raw. Unless you like verbal sushi so fresh it's been sliced off and put warm in your mouth while the fish is still squirming on the hook........

DO NOT READ ANY FURTHER. DEAR TENDER FRIEND!

Woah!

Okay, so, will write first entry later tonight........

Austin Powers 2, Star Wars 1, And the loading of Magical energies upped by alignment with the elliptic during physical "exercises".......

laytuh, lovers............

JUNE 14th 1999

Okay, so I fell asleep last night, sue me. Or not. God, people are so sue-happy anymore. It's definitely helped to increase the paranoia level, as if us human beings need any help in that regard.

Mustuh been mentally exhausted from

Watching Austin Powers. Tee hee. REAL intellectual heady stuff, ey? God, it feels good to laugh.

Saw Star Wars last week, too. Fairly disappointing. Lucas could have done a real service by giving this generation a sophisticated, yet fun and lighthearted, interpretation of The Myth as he gave us with the previous installment. I'm not sure if it was his underestimating the intellectual/emotional maturity of this generation (which I've found to be quite high maybe against current opinion, then again, seems most people like to put a negative spin on things right off, then, prove them wrong if you will).
In particular, in the first movies, you got to know the characters fairly well fairly quickly, and like all of them in some way, even eventually Vader.... but not in "The Phantom Menace". Funny enough, the female character(s) of "The Queen" was the best developed one. Yeah, I liked her pretty well. I always thought Leia was too heavy on the bitch end with her feisty strength, The Queen was nicely balanced. The only other character I liked was one that seemed to annoy most people at first, yet I've heard a few other crazies stating publicly that they liked "The Fool" (also known as Jar-Jar Binks!). Between him and the Queen (Fool and Queen, sound familiar?) the poorly edited flick was saved for me, but I'm not sure I'd see it again, even though John the Singing Paniolo wants to take me...... well........ get to see the beautiful artwork for awhile, that's, of course, another good point to this film. It IS visually beautiful. Dreamworks no ka oi, fa sureuh!

Got a new program called "Dragon Natural Speak". It's a voice recognition dictation program. This should make transcribing onto disk the plethora of writings in years of boxes in my home. Gotta get the Rainbow Trilogy of novels in right away, definitely. Work on these, wedged between packing, cleaning, painting, weedwacking, repairing screens........

Moving time. And I have no idea where I'm going. Looks like whatever happens with the land I REALLY want to be on, and help heal, it'll be too late for me. Have to be outta here by August 15th, at least, I think so, though they keep changing their mind..... I really, my SOUL really, needs a place I can start doing my music and gardening, placing pohaku, making catchment and drip systems, making and/or restoring pools/streams, getting alternative energy stuff together. I was in a great workshop/garage at a children's birthday party a few weeks ago. Almost had an orgasm it was so packed with toys AND clean and well organized. I'd love to have a shop, tinker, mumbling and humming under my breathe. Am particularly interested in finding a nice old late-50's early 60's thunderbird, hollowing it out, and making it solar charged battery- powered. The girth, and, of course, thereby, weight, of such a vehicle will probably make it prohibitive if not downright difficult to do this, but....... tell me it's hard I wanttuh ride it, so......

AND the large trunk space could come in handy for the ten 12V battery sequence and stationary bike back-up charger system, ey?

Sometimes I feel more masculine than feminine. Hum (she says, stroking her small manchurian-style beard). Hum.

Till laytuh (en'lessen I's passes out, into strange dreams a'geen 'fore I's get on it).............

3SE's \

June 15th 1999

Time....... is on my side, yes it is

If I could save time in a bottle..............

Time.........

Reading Einstein. Well, if I'm seriously thinking of being an astronomer I ougghta "get in the physics mind", but, gee, it's spacey in there. It reminds me of the peak point of many a hallucinogenic trip......

At one point in this book, which is actually a compilation of Einstein's general writings on many subjects through his whole life (I think earliest submission is when he's 17) he quotes Bertrand Russell from the intro to his (Bertrand's) book "An Inquiry Into Meaning And Truth":
"The observer, when he seems to himself be observing a stone, is really, if physics is to be believed, observing the effects of the stone upon himself." (italics mine)

Hello!

Whew.

And it's one of those alchemical-like brain change things in life that, when it starts to occur, initializes almost an electro-magnetic synergy in that all life events start being those associated with the new awareness/initiation into knowledge, diving from a high-board into it for full immediate immersion rather than demurely putting in a toe at a time.......

I go to take a break from Einstein (who reminds me a lot of me, hum?!?) and eat while watching some TV (yeah, American, what can be said?) and bring my re-heated veggie lasagna from Charley's in Paia, where I had dinnerous interruptus the other night (what is that and can I tell you the story----- well, for now, let's just safely say anything that's been occurring lately has to do with time, and

Maybe I'll tell you more of the dinner date from hell story, with some other humorous anecdotes of past events of such, well,

later, you know, when I have the time.

So, anyway, the best show that was on (and it woulduh probably won as best no matter what was counter programmed) was "Talk Story" with Serge King. This man is brilliant and philosophical at the same time, has PHD's and titles AND speaks about "magic" as a thing which exists. What a winning combo, and the subject of this week's show was

Time. This show is made on Kauai, my favorite island (I know, given my royal title here, choosing on of the islands "in my domain" and/or "under my protection", is like choosing a favorite child) in the chain. He is a Kahua (closest to "Shaman" in Hawaiian language)

One of the things I found very interesting is how he spoke of "River-culture time" and "Island-culture time". Linear/ circular

In river cultures, time is linear. You start at the beginning of the river, and follow the relatively narrow path along it's chosen route, till it eventually "spills out into some distant sea" (beautifully put, Serge!)

In Island cultures, especially the Hawaiian Islands, which are all basically circular, you are surrounded by water (time). In a river, you have a relatively fixed route from point A-B. In an Ocean Culture, Your boat goes into the vast ocean, and can get where you're going by any number of means. routes, etc. Time is, as the ocean is, open.

He went on to explain that that's why us Hawaiians don't like to commit to anything in the future. TIME IS FLEXIBLE! Anything could happen. Most specifically, an emergency/higher priority could come up, especially something/anything involving Ohana (family)

Knowing this all was going somewhere, you'll now see why I wish for this diary to be FLEXIBLE with time. I might or might not have a new, and/or multiple, submission (s) every day. Especially as a Kahua, often, a person and/or people will literally show up at our doors giving birth, bleeding, weeping uncontrollably (well, not for long!) needing immediate attention. We are, as in my case, often, also, the Matriarchs/Patriarchs of the Ohana, so expect any family crises large small and in between to be brought to you, by phone e-mail or form knocking at door, for your advice, crises management, etc.

So, here's the deal, guys. Whenever the mood strikes me, I'll add something new here. Will still start each new page on the new or full moon, well, aroun' dere, ey, but..... no set time for my typing. FLEXIBLE!

Have so much more to share with you about time now, but I have taxes to do (oh, hello. MAUI TIME! ) and people to get to the airport, and a lei to make and

Next time I have time, though........

ha ha ha.

3SE's  :)

June 16th 1999

Tonight's submission is a letter I just wrote to one of my fave TV shows.

On the personal front, I am withdrawing to the max and a little alarmed/confused about this, feels like I'm "giving up hope", more after beach tomarrow, need to go visit "The Church Of The Holy Ocean" for awhile to sort things out. Laytuh, loved ones!

Mahalo from the top of my heart for your show, Forrest. As a Grandmother, an Elder, and a
human being, I am extremely concerned with what the horrific "teachings" of fearful,
misguided people, is doing to our grandchildren. We on the Council Of Elders are particularly
alarmed at the infiltration of these fear inducing beliefs into the mainstream in such a way that
the injurious brainwashing is continuing, even into the "adulthood" stages of the Keiki.
    I've tried to call the last few weeks, but the lines have been busy (yeah!) so, since after this
evening's show I found my list of points and questions and additions to be getting too long for
any reasonable phone conversation, decided to jot em down and send em.
    First of all, something that's really pissed me off for awhile that last week's "what's your
college credentials" caller brought up in my soul like a hurricane. This is how insidious this
kindof shit can be, that even an old wise lady like me, with an obscene IQ, and who grew up
in the 60's right next store to Greenwich village, can let this event I will describe to you
happen, and not only did I not speak of it right away (as any intelligent, hip Gramma would!),
but, even, held it inside like an inner shameful confusion/wound till something reminded me of
it.
    Basically, the Colleges, the places that, "back in my younger days" were the hotbed of free
thought and disscussion...............the Christians have taken that too. In fact, in "History Of
World Civilization" class at a college I attended last year right here in Hawaii, the Professor,
a repeatedly professed Christian, was speaking on the introduction of the Christian religion to
the Greeks and said (paraphrasing now, but close, from classroom notes) "The Greeks amoral
Gods, such as Zeus, who would come down to Earth and sleep with mortal woman, were
easily replaced by a moral loving God, Jehovah" (italics mine)
    HELLO! One one hand, we have a God that has lots of sex. On the other hand, we have one
that orders fathers to kill their children, or send them out to be gang raped rather than two
strangers that show up at their door, or orders people to not kill and in the next breath (and/or
chapter) to exterminate whole races of peoples, men woman children elders all (cept maybe
the animals?) and on and on. A moral, loving god? And this is AT THE COLLEGE LEVEL!
    Speaking of college level (and beyond) that Einstein quote was pretty close but no cigar,
yet the point remains that the deeper he, and others among us, get into Physics, the more we
are baffled by layers of Enigma so deep that each one "solved" or understood, when peeled
back, reveals 1,000's of new one's now created by the new revelation. Many of the Dieitizing
bent have then said "maybe there is some vast creator", as you yourself state. "Maybe" is in
my feelings, a sign of intelligence..... "If you claim you know, you do not. If you claim to not
know, you know" is a fave old Zen saying of mine. No proof for or against, so........
    "Witch" is a term that means, in it's original translation, "wise-woman", not, "Satanic bitch
dressed in black and smelly and ugly to boot".

So, speaking of slight mis-translations such as these, what I'd like you to research is, beyond
the strange "new" translations such as the one "The Book" by Pat Robertson, what about the
first translations? If "The Bible" is to be followed "to the letter", tell me, just when was "the
letter" pure? I was told, by, actually, an akamai local Christian Fanatic (they also are NOT
ALL BLIND SHEEPLE!) that in the original (Greek?) written books (guess some new
testament ones) that there were THREE WORDS used for "love", Filial (brotherly) Eros
(sexual/"married", and Agape ("divine"). These were all "translated" into "love"., for, what,
simplicities sake?
    Now, as someone who obviously thinks sex is NOT evil (as per my Zeus comment earlier)
this DOES make me wonder. Does the bible really tell us that we can speak with the tounges
of angels, etc (Corinthians 1:13) but if we have not GOOD SEX (sexual love) it's like
sounding an empty bell (metaphor double entendra just noticed while typing this tee hee)

Or, make love with your neighbor AS YOU WOULD HAVE THEM LOVE YOU (more fore
play? at least SOME?)

or........

Well, food for thought anyway....

P.S. You may guess with a name like 3singingeagles I encounter a lot of spontaneous Christian
hatred JUST UPON INTRODUCTION- without these dangerous judgmental fanatics knowing
ANYTHING about my beliefs, morals, cultures, which are, I suspect, WAY stricter towards
MORAL and LIFE inducing/producing/perpetuating then many of these that literally look at
me, a little old Gramma who has spent her whole life helping others, as if I was the scum at
the bottom of the scum pot, giving "stink eye erectus" and sometimes doing other hateful things
that have deeply harmed me (and therefore my children). I have been DEEPLY wounded by
this "demonizing" of anyone who has assumed or otherwise, pegged me as a "non-believer"
and IT HAS GOT TO STOP RIGHT THIS VERY MOMENT! What happened to the "love"
part of "Christianity?". Well, maybe it's just been..... translated out.

You are very brave to come out with this show, and I am so grateful! I myself was one of the
first Public TV producers in the country 20 years ago, in Ithaca, N.Y., where I had a show
named "Survival Into The Twenty-first Century", where I taught wild food identification,
survival (independence) skills, and even showed what plants would get you high and where to
find them, had one of my (home) births on the show, was "re-birthed" to relive my rape and
stabbing at age 13...... this was all before the "new age movement" happened, in a town where
Cornell and Ithaca College was half the population. And it was the show that was picked to
tour nationally, on what was then known as "the bike", to all the public access stations in the
country (in 1981) out of all the shows on the channel, the echelons picked the rebel!

My wish is, that we have not de-evolved, and that you will find the same attention and
respect, it's time to cut the bull and stop the abuse of society by these sadistic, dangerous,
hypocritical, lying, fear inducing, fanatics.

Thank you guys, from the (summit) of my heart  :) 3SE's
 

Reading a lot today, The Tao Of Physics, Animal Speak, Einstein, book debunking ley lines..... some TV..... filling the well I guess ( ?!?) so, candy......for you........ my creative friends!

We are all creative beings. We are all artists. You are an artist. Enjoy Julie's words, even if you don't consider yourself a "writer". Substitute "creative being" wherever the word "writer" shows up, though that's the cheapshit way out...... Julie helped bring my creative life back to me with her incredible book "The Artist's Way", and she is a light in this world that I'm greatful to...... she helped fish me out of the sea of chicken-shitness regarding the reality of creativity being similar to blood and breath.

Till tomarruh..........        3SE's  :)

P.S. Here is also the address to sign up for the free electronic newsletter from writer's digest, Thanks to them for the info!

TIPS FROM JULIA CAMERON ON BECOMING INTIMATE
WITH YOUR OWN CREATIVE IMPULSES

Personal writing is the key to all writing, Julia Cameron ("The
Artist's Way," "The Right to Write") tells Writer's Digest's
Brad Crawford: "Pivotal to a happy writing life is a practice
of daily personal writing. For me, that's the writing tool I call
'morning pages,' which are three pages of long-hand morning
writing. I believe that those are ideal, bedrock practice for
writers who work in any format. Whether they are poets,
advertising copywriters, journalists or playwrights, the use
of morning pages makes people intimate with their own
creative impulses, and all other forms of writing are
easier to do. . . . Morning pages train you to drop down
the well very easily so that you can write any time, any
place, the minute your hand hits the page. When I travel,
I write in airports, I write in cafes, I write in bus stations,
I write in all of the nooks and crannies of time. . . . I
always bring things back to dailiness and to small bites."

Cameron's comments appear in "Julia Cameron: Writers
should keep their ideal, not common, reader in mind," in
the July 1999 Writer's Digest, on newsstands June 25.
To read the interview, including material that space
constraints squeezed out of the print version, visit
http://www.writersdigest.com/cameron.html -- an
address being posted only in this newsletter for the
time being.

 Julia Cameron:
   Writers should keep their ideal, not common,
   reader in mind.
 

   By Brad Crawford from Writer's Digest July 1999.

   With The Artist's Way and The Vein of Gold, Julia
   Cameron offered creative hope and help to millions of
   writers and artists. She has continued her advocacy in
   The Right To Write (Tarcher/Putnam). Enunciating
   crisply and choosing words carefully, Cameron
   dismissed writing's status quo and discussed routine,
   balance, and opening oneself to the page and the
   audience.

   WRITER'S DIGEST: In your terms, what is the writing life?

   JULIA CAMERON: I would say that a writing life is a life in
   which writing is central, organic, reflexive and natural. A lot of
   times when people talk about a writing life, they are taking
   about an idea of being a writer. They are talking being
   published, they're talking about being reviewed, they're talking
   about agents, they're talking about markets. What they're not
   often talking about is that what makes all the rest of that
   possible if the bedrock, daily or near-daily writing practice.

   So when I talk about a writing life, I'm talking about a life in
   which writing is the dominant response to living.

   WD: Where does creativity fit into that?

   CAMERON: First of all I want to say that I don't believe in the
   hierarchy of writing as it exists in America. I believe that all
   writing is creative writing. I believe that with encouragement
   and some pragmatic tools, all writers can write in many
   different forms.

   WD: Are there ways that those with less creative aspects to
   their writing can inject that into their daily routine?

   CAMERON: Pivotal to a happy writing life is a practice of
   daily personal writing. For me, that's the writing tool I call
   “morning pages,” which are three pages of long-hand morning
   writing. I believe that those are ideal, bedrock practice for
   writers for writers who work any format, whether they are
   poets, advertising copywriters, journalists, playwrights, the use
   of morning pages makes people intimate with their own
   creative impulses, and all other forms of writing are easier to
   do.

   WD: Do you think the marketability demands can infringe on
   the creativity?

   CAMERON: I think we have it backwards in America. I think
   we try to figure out what the market will bear and then try and
   write for that. The reality, which is very well disguised, is that
   we determine the market by what we right and that very often
   we will say there's no market for a certain kind of writing, and
   when someone does that writing, we suddenly discover “Oh!”
   there's a market for it. And so we have to remember that the
   word originality has the word “origin” in it and that we are the
   origin of the market as writers. I know my book The Artist's
   Way has sold probably a million and a half books by now.
   When I sent it to my William Morris agent, my agent said,
   “Julia, there's no market for this.” So I self-published the book,
   and of course discovered there was quite a market for it.

   The thing that I would over and over again tell writers is that, “If
   you want to be writers, simply write. Trust that what you care
   about will be cared about by others. Trust that as you are
   accurate and particular, you will be able to communicate more
   and more universally. Trust the intelligence of your readers.
   Assume that they will understand exactly what you mean if you
   say exactly what you mean. We waste a lot of time and a lot of
   talent trying to write for the common reader, whom we will
   never meet. And instead we should be writing for our ideal
   reader.

   WD: Does your admonition of honesty for writers change
   when the work's for publication?

   CAMERON: Actually, no. In my experience the more honest a
   piece of work is, the more successful it will probably be when
   published and that our safety as writers lies not in disguising
   our vulnerability but in exposing it because the reader then
   identifies and empathizes with the writer and becomes
   involved in their own inner process. And that tends to make
   them not only more receptive to you as a writer but more
   receptive to the ideas that you're trying to convey.

   WD: When you're traveling, does your writing routine change
   at all?

   CAMERON: Morning pages train you to able to drop down
   the well very easily so that you can write any time, any place,
   the minute your hand hits the page. I find that, when I travel, I
   write in airports, I write in cafes, I write in bus stations. I write
   while I'm waiting for a phone call. I write in all of the nooks and
   crannies of time. I say to myself, “I only have five minutes; I'll
   spend it writing.” I think that's why I'm so productive. What
   people say is “I don't have time to write a novel,” but what they
   don't realize is that a novel is written a page at a time. So, you
   don't have time to write a whole novel today, but you have time
   to write a page of it. And if you do a page a day, you have 365
   pages at the end of the year. I always bring things back to
   dailiness and to small bites.

   For me, writing is a way to metabolize life. It's a way to make
   life more understandable, it's a way to make life more
   comfortable, it's a way to make life more interesting. It's a way
   to make life more passionate. When I picture the writing life,
   what I'm talking about is a life where writing is your dominant
   response. People can learn to do that. They can learn when
   they have their feelings hurt to get on the page instead of on
   the telephone. They can learn to keep a notebook next to them
   and write when they're in gridlock traffic.

   WD: Does the spirit of your surroundings influence the writing
   you do at the time?

   CAMERON: Writing is a combination of being alert to your
   outer surroundings and alive to your inner reality. And I find
   that if I take the time at least once a week to consciously focus
   on bringing in images by a long walk or a creative adventure,
   something I call an artist's date, that then I have a richer inner
   flow when I try to tap into it.

   Right now I'm in the middle of writing a thriller, and I felt that my
   life in New York was a little too claustrophobic for how much
   writing I was doing, so I came out to New Mexico, and I'm
   driving every day and just putting in an hour or so behind the
   wheel and really soaking in images, and those come out in my
   novel. I'm in Taos, N.M.; my detective is in Las Vegas, but
   there is something about my watching the precise way that a
   magpie flies from a cottonwood tree that allows me to write
   clearly about a neon sign blinking in the desert twilight. So, I've
   found that the Druids are right and that the land does speak to
   us. It speaks to us if we will listen

   [But when] I moved back to New York, it was interesting
   because all sorts of support showed up. I sold my mystery, I
   sold my short story collection, my musical has support—but I
   found that in terms of filling the well, I had to be much more
   conscious in New York than [in Taos]. It was very easy to live
   in three rooms [in New York] because the city was so
   overwhelming. I think it was actually really healthy for me to get
   a good dose of how difficult can be, because Taos can be
   pretty idyllic.

   WD: Do you ever have to get away from your writing and
   distract yourself with reality?

   CAMERON: I think it's very important to have a life in which
   we write. I think that when writing becomes too dominant, it
   gets leached of its own power. We spend more and more
   time writing and we have less and less to write about. So I
   think it's really important to keep a rich enough cultural life, a
   rich enough emotional life, a rich enough visual life and a rich
   enough sonic life. We don't often talk about the fact that writing
   is all about rhythm. When you get too up in your head, you can
   lose a lot of your writing. Sometimes what a writer really
   needs to do is go dancing. For me, I get out and walk and
   walk and walk. I find it will straighten out my plots its will let my
   characters speak more freely.

   There's a huge amount of wisdom that we carry in our bodies.
   When we talk about having a body of work, we can't make it
   just with our heads.

   WD: Are there personal problems that writing can't solve?

   CAMERON: I think sometimes we ask [writing] to do too
   many things. For me, writing is a companion, writing is a lover,
   writing is a source of nurturance and a place for expression.
   But writing is not a kiss.
 
 

   Brad Crawford is the assistant editor of Writer's Digest.

Sat. June 19, 99,750AM HST

"Only The Fool, fixed in his folly, can think." ----T.S. Elliot

Wow. The sunlight is streaming on to my keyboard. And I'm thinking strongly of the phrase "The truth is always easy to remember".

When you live your life completely open, you have nothing to fear from what people say, for you know what the truth is. It's ever amazing to me that, with such a quiet and reclusive life I've led for many years, how many rumors and stories have been made up around me. I remember once that I was accused of having sex repeatedly with this woman's husband, and breaking up her marriage. I heard this years afterwards. Well, the truth was, her husband was under medical care at the time because he was impotent, and there were records. I also had only seen him once, at the beach with a group of people, and spoken to him twice on the phone during that time. AND she had actually left him to go live with his cousin in Lahina. Because of these things, oh, and also, neither he nor I had a car, and I lived 3700 feet up the mountain (Haleakala. Neighborhood's called "upper Kula") so I had never been even called into court over this one, guess divorce lawyers and judges are aware of the techniques people use in such disputes and shake their heads and don't let them get away with them. Yet, somehow, maybe to appease her quilt and/or look good/get sympathy from others, she re-wrote history using my name without my permission (no duh) and spread it around so that it became a fact for anyone hearing it.

What IS that? This is just one example. Is it the "soap opera" mentality? The "trauma and drama" urge.

No thanks.

Yet, easily proved and not to be disputed by either of us would be that we were in love. Her husband and I. We met years earlier, in her house, when she was there, and it was one of those situations where your eyes lock once and there is immediate, complete recognition. But Love is not adultery in the courts systems. Yet at least.
But watch out is the keyword lately so it seems, each day there's new laws. It seems nowadays that if you even think of something as really really pleasurable, there's a bunch of lawyers and thought police that sit in a room somewhere together, pick up on the thought(s), and say: "Ooooo- we'd better make a law against THAT cause

People who are unhappy are sheeple. Are easy to control. To dehumanize. To drive into extinction.

I for one refuse to have my soul's light be extinguished, and am certainly loathe for it to even be dimmed somewhat. I think I come from another planet.

No, really, I'm serious. Maybe soon I'll get my hands on Robert Heinlein's brilliant novel: "Stranger In A Strange Land", which I read once quite awhile ago, and think now I'll appreciate, and "grok" much more now. Each day that passes, more and more, I don't "get" this society. Of course, I know hypnotism has a lot to do with it. For instance, who ever thought up the idea that humans should only love one person? Like, we're incapable of  loving more than one person deeply at the same time? I'm not just talking about sexual relationships. Best Friends. Parents (stepparents) and more.

This, I believe, is the most injurious belief to the PHYSICAL heath of humans (speaking as a medicine woman, elder, shaman here). Sure, the soul is "hurt" in the jelousy/trama/drama, but the stress, the closed tension, the words unsaid (tumor inducing) and also the lessened physical touch (healing, necessary to all humans to live, scientifically proven !?!) which could help balance out the afformentioned energy-draining immune-system weakening effects, loving often, open, hugging a lot, holding, kissing, patting on the back, smiling, being alone one on one with a variety of people, often bouncing the same problem in your life off them, diverse, to get a cross-section of opinions and/or suggestions........

Then again, a society like this wouldn't need therapists. Medication. Massage therapists. A lot of people would be "out of business". And they don't want this. A neurotic society is a needy society.

Guess that's why I'm glad I was pushed on the road to Shamanism, just barely (by a few months, actually) rescued from the medical school-AMA route I was about to fully enter. Well, guess even if I had gone, the only thing different would be that, had I actually went all the way towards getting my license and letters, they would have been taken away at some point, cause I am a rebel, and would have eventually started running with the rebels......

See, us Shamans want desperately to be unneeded. To work ourselves out of business. When everyone is happy and healthy, we can spend more time doing other things we enjoy. It is only a culture that has been hypnotized into believing that they are limited in their dimensions, talents, self-sufficiency, that creates the fears and/or violence that serve well to keep evolution down in the dirty basement where it strives towards the light. That creates a race of people that panic when they can cut no more trees for their lumber business, when a new invention comes out that makes their product unnessasary, whatever. At this rate, the human race could easily kill each other and then there certainly would be no more evolution, but, really, for those who wish to lead whole countries of dependent sheeple, this quite honestly seems like an unwise strategy to me, for, who will you have left to rule, then?

Hum.

Well, just for today, with the truth always easy to remember, I will remember myself.

Oooooh- that feels good. Maybe not from a different planet, just from a different clan. The loosely defined/formed clan of those that walk the earth, believing themselves to be devoted to being a help, a positive force, a 24/7 good Samaritan, a doer of random acts of kindness, Bodhisattva, spiritual warrior, Milarepic wannabe, Bhakti yogin...........

Wow, loosely defined we may be, yet LARGE our group, ey?

"Which is stronger, Master Yoda, the dark or the light side of The Force?"
"The light side. But the dark side is the easier way"
                    -----loosely paraphrased conversation snippet of Luke Skywalker and Master Yoda from one of the "star wars" myths

It's easy to see the faults and problems in things, it takes great creativity to see what's real good. Worthy. Happy inducing.

Till laytuh............

3singingeagles Grady  :)

June 21st 1999
Solstice o' dee summuh!

Ey guys, last hour of Spring here, reading "Magic's Promise"  by Mercedes Lackey, 2nd book in the Vanyel trilogy, getting ready for a big meeting of the council, and later, rainmaking (no, I do not wonder what it's like to be the rainmaker) or, well, more exactly, caller. Asker. One of my favorite musicians here in Hawaii, Kealii Reichel, said once that you call the rain like you would call a lover, telling the rain in poetic and suductive terms, how you long for it, how much you wish to feel it's touch on your skin, to feel it's wet5ness cascade from the sky over your body, etc. We have a SERIOUS drought in Maui, and there's been enough time for other Shamans and/or rain-magic-wise individuals to do their thing, kinda like in college, I pause and wait before ansewering a question, to give someone else a chance.

More later. Ceremony calls.

Oh, PS, other book I've been reading is "Man and Myth" book by Joe Campbell.
 

LOVE!!!!!!!!!!!

Laytuh (Solstice night):

Finished Vanyel book #2.......

WOW!

What IS Magic's Promise.

Well, the thing IS, that the promise is not one given to you. When you recieve these powers, it is, implied or not, one that YOU GIVE. To use it to help others. No matter what the cost, how much the pain, or, even, how TIRED you feel!

More on this tomarrow. Have some rain-helping work to do  :)

And then, maybe, some sleep. After all, unless there are situations that need immediate attention, sleepin and eatin an takin care of yourself regular-like helps you be at full power when you gotta sing a shark away from someone they're headed towards attacking, or whatever.

On that note, too, here's the solstice I-ching for my "Ohana", thrown and provided by The Great Mother (mah momma!) "Sunshine":

Happy Summer!  Threw the Ching for the summer message and got #8-HOLDING
TOGETHER!  You know the one ... tells you to inquire of the oracle once
again whether you possess sublimity, constancy, and perseverance....

"But when there is a real rallying point, those who at first are hesitant or
uncertain gradually come in of their own accord.  Late-comers must suffer
the consequences, for in holding together the question of the right time is
also import.  Relationships are formed and firmly established according to
definite inner laws.  Common experiences strengthn these ties, and he who
comes too late to share in these basic experiences must suffer for it if, as
a straggler, he finds the door locked."

With a very interesting change line ....

"Nine in the fifth place means:
Manifestation of holding together.
In the hunt the king uses beaters on three sides only
And foregoes game that runs off in front.
The citizens need no warning.
Good fortune.

"In the royal hunts of ancient China it was customary to drive up the game
from three sides, but on the fourth the animals had a chance to run off.  If
they failed to do this they had to pass through a gate behind which the king
stood ready to shoot.  Only animals that entered here were shot; those that
ran off in front were permitted to escape.  This custom accorded with a
kingly attitude; the royal hunter did not wish to turn the chase into a
slaughter, but held that the kill should consist only of those animals which
had so to speak voluntarily exposed themselves.

"There is depicted here a ruler, or influential man, to whom people are
attracted.  Those who come to him he accepts, those who do not come are
allowed to go their own way.  He invites none, flatters none -- all come of
their own free will.  In this way there develops a voluntary dependence
among those who hold to him.  They do not have to be constantly on their
guard but may express their opinions openly.  Police measures not not
necessary, and they cleave to their ruler of their own volition.  The same
prinicple of freedom is valid for life in general.  We should not woo favor
from people.  If a man cultivates within himself the purity and the strength
that are necessary for one who is the center of a fellowship, those who are
meant for him come of their own accord."

Love, 3SE's  :)

 http://www.mauigateway.com/~singinge/index.htm

Above sits in serene repose the second home of
Well, who knows
Who anyone is really
How less a woman
Who also identifies with the
Moon?
 

JUNE 22 1999

This morning I found a dead grasshopper, one of those large beautiful green ones, so thoroughly drowned it was beige, in the forgot-to-drain-it-last-night children's bath. And tonight, just a short time ago in fact, I saw another one- on the toothbrush holder when I went to get one for teeth-brushin (man I got this great new Auravedic toothpaste with like a million herbs in it) it was bright green and alive and pretty and I sighed, happy.

Michaela Alohi found a mother lode of Anole lizards, a whole family or maybe tribe, that I guess has decided to move into our living room, and form a little community of sorts. She loved one particular baby one (Ayla even found eggs! They have PLANS!) and we made a little place for it, she went out and special-cut Ti-leaves to line the cage, being careful to cut the one that looked eaten cause they may still have bug invaders on for the baby to eat..... get some hibiscus flowers from the part of the hedge that's being attacked by aphids, ummmmm, candy to da baby anoles.

Later, after we got home from the (blew off all our errands except getting the mail) beach, she came in with the baby gecko. "It doesn't look too good" she said, extending it towards me.

It's hard not to think of the Monty Python skit here with the bird. It was a "once-upon-an-anole. Dead. Deceased. Gone. The lizard is no more. It is no longer in this world. It is....."

Well, you get the idea.

She shed some tears, crying is allowed in our family, then went to bury it "Indian Style" (throw it out for the birds to eat). She came inside, and I heard her crying softly in the living room, very briefly. Then she popped her head in my office again. Hand out.

"The Mommy is still alive. She's pretty, isn't she?"
 
 

Oh, went to do the rain-thing last night and was told that the draught is a crises wake up call, and that it needs to continue for a while till it reaches a point that will keep certain developments that are threatening the island to be built. 3-4 more days I can try. Just as well, I was so tired last night, and my drum has sat Idle so long I've had to spend some considerable time and energy tightening and oiling the skins.

Did do an astral visit to one of my favorite writers, who was struck by a van  this weekend, while walking on the sidewalk in his residential neighborhood.

See, you ain't gonna die before you do, and fear of things that'll cause it is useless cause you have no control, when it's your time it is and not any sooner.

And the circle of life, will, go on.

Till tomorrow!   3SE's  :)

P.S. I'll put the 2nd web site address on as a link on the main page, once I get it a little more developed. I just made it this afternoon, so, it's a work in progress.

LOVE!!!!!! (Now, when else?)
3singingeagles

June 23rd!

Wow!

(Okay, so I'm a closet cheerleader!)

Wanna make something of it!

Oh, I mean.......  ?..........!

Did I ever want to be a cheerleader, as expected for us Science Nurds?

No. But only because my high school had no sports. Well, unless you want to consider the speech and debate team one..... yes.... imagine the cheer leaders

Yes! Yes! Pro-life is best!

Or

We bee-lieve that! The world IS flat!

Well, maybe not. Actually, if you've ever seen and heard the British Parliament in action, well, I guess that really is an example of cheering squad/debate team interaction.

See, my high school didn't even just NOT have sports..... we were famous as the brunt of jokes cause

We had a mosaic over the front door of all kinds of famous scientists (the name of the school was The Bronx High School Of Science) and this was not just a little pretty mural, this was an enormous, imposing, 100 thousand dollar mural. It was ostentatious even. It was a presence. If we'all weren't so science-oriented and non superstitious, we'd think it was alive, a bevy of looking down their noses scientific genius-demons and/or saints depending on our "head" at the time........ coming back from "the field" where we would mingle with the students from Fordham high, who DID have sports, and also good grass (yes, that's what we called it back then!) was risky at best cause you had to pass under.......them

But ANYWAYS---- the mural was bought instead of a pool. HELLO! Yes, we were not athletic with our bodies, but we made up for it in being over athletic with our minds.

And we did have some competitive sports! For instance, there were two school newspapers, one set up like The New York Times, and one like the Village Voice. Guess which one I was on.

Yeah, running with the rebels. But, we had little "wars" with eachother. We had circulation wars. Letters to the editor wars. Submission quantity wars. Good fun,

Of course, there was also in-house competition. In the conservative tome, who could out John Birch each other while still keeping the New York Timesian stringent accuracy in reporting (right!) and with us rebel-rousers, well, of course, who could be more risky, outrageous, bold without a cause. Shocking was good, but shocking and subtle got bigger brownie points. Though there were degrees in this. If you were so subtle in your shockingness, no one seemed to notice, you got points. If the school threatened to shut us down cause of your piece, you got more points. But if there were just a lot of angry letters generated from readers you got less than if it had been unnoticed (except by "the gang" of course,High school newspapers are cliques, though we called ourselves colleagues of course).

High school is a wonderful marvelous thing.

For those who don't have to face dead scientists staring down at them every morning as they entered. I probably wouldn't have swam anyway. I wasn't quite at peace with my body shape. It WAS high school.

I guess some things are universal.

Goodnight, fellow students!
3SE's  :)

WEBATION MOTIONATION!

                -or-

SPIDEES!  SPIDEES!  SPIDEES EVERYWHERE!

June 24th:
 

Oh, grasshopper, why do you insist on taking a shower with me after my repeated proved to be futile attempts to shoo you off the curtain before I turned on the warm spray. Sometimes, I do believe, you grasshoppers like showers. Why then, fleeing to dry yourself off, do you skitter right up to the only spider web in the WHOLE DAMNED SHOWER and proceed to lumber with difficulty out then turn around again, as if you miss the slow panic induced by this tread through the sticky invisible mud---- and go through the whole damn thing all over again????? HELLO! Why?

And I'm entranced. Particularly, though, by the SPIDEE'S movements, or, maybe mostly, lack of.

One thing I found particularly interesting about this was the SENSITIVITY of the spider to each movement on each strand. And that it remained calm through it all. It was a spindly spider, so maybe it felt it too challenging to face off with the grasshopper.... I saw a smaller spider quickly take down a large cockroach a few weeks ago, but the roach was already exhausted and wounded at the hands (paws) of Sara Quinn The Medicine Cat the night before, and was limping and tired and

Yeah, sure, it sounds crazy for those that haven't watched all the little creatures carefully, as obviously I make a frequent habit of doing, but, you know, I DO believe that spider judged the situation well. That grasshopper has plenty MANA! Saw it square off with a gecko on the bathroom window a while ago.

Yes, grasshoppers must like water, all my encounters with them in my house are in the bathroom. Well, unless they're just lechers. Will make a mental note to observe this in the wilds (be aware of it)------ whether they like it near water, not if you'll find many of them hiding in bushes near necking lovers on blankets on warm beach sands! Jeezzzzz-------comeon now!

Well..... or maybe.
 

A lot of mana. Yet choosing to go back through the web. Are we like that? I know I have been at times. Shit, how many experiences have we gone through and breathed a sigh of relief when we were out only to turn around and enter the same sticky situation again?

Yet, plentee mana, lotsa power, that charming grasshopper has, ey? Playing with a gecko later. The spider content with misquitos. The gecko singing. Sigh.

There's a song out on top 40 radio now, where one of the lines sums up the feelings of those of us who are moved by nature. "I'm such a baby, the dolphins make me cry".

Oh yeah, and the spidees, grasshoppers, lizards........

Sunbeams on leaves lightly moving in the wind................

A single blade of grass growing out of a crack in the sidewalk..........

Could list more, but I'm gonna go for now. I think there's a nice moon out tonight.............
 

3SE's  :)

June 26

Man, I'm sad. Not normal sad either. Really depressed.

I'm not sure what it is. Sure, I could point to a lot of things, but couldn't we all! What makes some of us unable to handle the sadnesses of life, to be "tough".

I know one thing for sure, I haven't been taking care of business. Well, thoroughly at least. For instance, I picked up the forms for renewing my car insurance, but haven't sent them in yet. They're due by July. Like, any day now.

I'm either going to have to move soon, or, at least, get the house inspected by HUD, and I haven't repaired the screens, or replaced the two broken window pieces. I've hardly packed. Or even cleaned much. My office, the bathroom, and kitchen are always clean, but the rest of the house is awful. Not health hazard awful, but bad enough.

And I feel so alone. I guess I've been forgotten. I meet people, we immediately click, they ask for my number, then never call. Maybe they're too busy taking care of business. I'm jealous.

My children won't give me even a short massage without me paying them. I do, cause I need to be cared for, touched, but it would be so nice if they'd do it for free. I'd love to be rich enough to pay for massages for single parents who can't afford it. When you have to be both parents, and to do all the chores and errands a massage once a week is the least you could be rewarded with.

It's unnatural for people to live alone. Even the "nuclear family" is set up to be stressful, I haven't gotten to read Hillary's book, but just the concept embodied in the title, "It takes a village" rings true to me, especially in these days, where usually you've got both parents working just to make ends meet, and kids are overburdened by homework in a school system that's finding the teachers burdened by pressures to have high scores and grades produced. I have even heard that prices of real estate are actually influenced by these scores. I hope that's not true, but, if it is, shouldn't we be paying these teachers more? Actually, I think we should anyway. Most of the teachers I know don't stop working when the bell sounds. Michaela's kindergarten teacher, last year, put together a beautiful book of photos and written memories of Michaela's year. It was clear she had put an incredible amount of work into it. Now, I'm assuming she did this for each of her students, so multiply that by, what, 22 students? Wow. But anyways, we have these overworked parents and students that aren't able to even sit down and eat dinner together most nights. Who see each other in passing. No wonder we're so sad.

Well, some more than others.

It does take a village to, not just raise children, to raise a healthy society. I'm worried about this world.

Till tomorrow,    3SE's

Sunday June 27th 1999

Well, this wraps up yet another moon cycle of REFLECTIONS, and how better to wrap up "At The Sacred Magi's Request" then to talk about magic.

Yet, I wonder if magic is really a separate word than life.

I know that when I do exercises in line with the ecliptic they feel different.

I know when I put my hands on a bleeding wound and close my eyes and visualize the wound closing and the bleeding stopping (well, no duh) that it does, and that I feel electricity going through my hands and they warm up.

I know that when it's raining, and I feel a deep love-vibe surging from me it becomes a deluge.

I know that I can have conversations with birds.

 I Feel, in the arms of a love deep and strong,  that I could melt into the universe at that moment and be in ecstasy.

The list could go on, but I've been using my mouse hand for hours and it needs a rest, so, what I'll leave you with for this moon cycle, is

The chance to make your own list. See if you can stop.

Sun Bear used to say "all good". I'm beginning to think that is the same as saying "all magic". This means, definitely, going into that middle zone, where there exists no good or bad. Maybe "comfortable and less comfortable " but

All getting us to where we need to be

At each and every

Luminous moment.

Till tomorrow, full moon, new page, Anon, fellow magic-awareness lunar friends,
I am, your,
3singingeagles Ma'hinahinahina Grady  Z

Open Secrets
 

WARNING! If you are close-minded, judgemental, conservative and/or easily shocked/offended, I strongly suggest you leave this page right now. Really.

From the essay "My first impressions of the U.S.A."
Page 6 of "Ideas and opinions" by Albert Einstein

The prestige of government has undoubtedly been lowered considerably by (the prohibition) law. For nothing is more destructive of respect for the government and the law of the land than passing laws which cannot be enforced. It is an open secret that the dangerous increase of crime in this country is closely connected with this.

Full Moon, Monday, June 28th, 1999:

Perhaps there are those that would substitute marijuana "prohibition" for the alcohol one Albert referred to. Many in Maui have written full length articles and letters regarding this, especially in the most excellent paper, The Haleakala Times. Many say that crack is cheaper and makes people violent, where pacalolo is so expensive, the local joke is:
Friend one: "Boy, I'd love to get a little smoke and drive down to the beach, catch a buzz, and watch the stars come out"
Friend two: "Me too. Let's see if I could sell my car. Maybe we could buy a bud"
-or-
Friend one: "Hey, I just got 50 bucks worth of Maui Wowee"
Friend two: "Cool. Let me get my electron microscope out and see if we can find it in that zip lock!"
The greed of many growers has also gotten so it's nearly impossible to find any "shake, the low quality stuff that's good for combating nausea, cramping, loss of appetite, anxiety......... the bottom leaves that don't even get you stoned, they burn it, so that you must buy the expensive stuff (from them) even if you don't like getting "stoned".
Many growers don't use their own land, because if the herb is discovered by the "green harvest" police, the land can be seized. So they use public lands, and usually guard their crops with impressive artillery. There have been many horror stories told by hikers, out to enjoy the beauty of The Wild Places.
An open secret.
Many have also laughed at the comparative destructiveness of Marijuana use and, say, two legal substances, tobacco and alcohol.
On Saturday Night Live's "News" segment (weekend update) two nights ago, they had a clip of "Drug Czar Barry McCafferty" re-emphasizing that marijuana, though preported to be medicinally effective to many suffering, should be, and will be, still classified as an illegal narcotic. Then they showed him pulling away from the press conference is a van with "Marlboro" printed on the side.
An open secret.
A joke. A sick joke.

Each night during this phase of the moon, I'll talk about another "open secret" that's causing people to laugh at our government and/or lean towards open revolution. I would really like anyone out there who has comments on these things, a topic to bring up, a horror story, a tirade, to please e-mail me at:
singingeagles3@hotmail.com
I WILL NOT use your name unless you SPECIFICALLY request it. I'm putting myself on the line here, let me take the heat. What I want to know, is what's going on, with the people, not articles and stats but real feelings, real experiences. What pisses you off? That CPS takes children quickly away from wonderful parents who are gay, yet thousands of kids are physically abused in this country every day and the legal system is sluggish and often ineffectual is taking THESE children away? Open secret.

That it is on-the-books illegal in many states to have oral sex with your legal spouse, and that people have actually been prosecuted for it?

That there are unmarked video cameras all over the place, even on streets in some areas?

That people have been arrested for giving birth at home instead of the hospital?

OPEN SECRETS

The authors of the constitution did not have ANY of this shit in mind. This country is already buckling under the pressure and absurdity of these laws.

It's an

Open secret..................

Till tomorrow............   3SE's

Judging a book.......

Another open secret is the depth of racism that not only still remains, but is getting so broad as to go WAY beyond race in the most ridiculous ways.

It's almost as if, in the nature-abhorrs-a-vaccumn tradition, as races have mixed, becoming harder to clearly identify (for taunting purposes) the age-ism, sex-ism, and, most especially, economic prejudice has GREATLY increased. It really scares me that it seems there's a great movement to "cull off the undesirables".
It's interesting, that I've found this to be true in my own personal life, as well as well known as a basic psychological principle, weather you approach it from Freud, Jung, or any number of "philosophies", what bugs you a REAL LOT about someone/something only does because it's, somewhere, in some degree, present in you. The most scape-goated, hated person in history (except maybe by skin-heads and neo-facists) is undoubtedly Hitler.
Yet, I see the same "pious" people that scream about the demonic philosophies of Hitler, espousing the same exact ideas, yet wording them differently. Putting a different "spin" on them.
I DO know one thing for sure, because I have been (and are now) poor and unknown, and I have also be well- off and famous, and I know that I have been the same wonderful person at either stage of my life (and, equally in both, with occasional periods of not being so wonderful) yet have been treated consistently extremely differently depending SOLELY on my financial status.

More tomorrow, on the "culling out" by laws and lawmakers of:
The poor
The sick
The elderly
The addicted

and more..................

PS There's even plans to send AIDS patients, burn victims, and the elderly into space for alleged "healing". Nowhere in these (corporate) plans is there a mention of the extreme bone marrow deterioration in zero gravity environments! I'll give ya some URL's (got this stuff while searching for space debris removal systems as I started designing my module idea for John Pye the Science Guy at MCC) on the morrow.

Some secrets are more open than other, yet I have a can opener here, so let's feast. The truth sucks sometimes, yet since it exists, talking about it won't make it more real, hum?

Maybe, even, if enough of us talk about a dirty truth, it will at least, in being aired out, if not be cleaned, will at lest smell better, hum?

All right, into laundry metaphors. Time to go out and get some air myself.
 

3SE's  :)

June 30th 1999:

Judging a book....... part two

and/or burning it?

Burning with a stare? A pen?

Well well well........ how many times have YOU given stink-eye today? Received it?
Stink eye: Look of hatred directed at someone you don't know usually based solely on your perception of who they are according to: The clothes they're wearing, car they're driving, action they're doing that annoys you (I've actually received stink-eye for singing in a parking lot!  And my voice is beautiful!)

For me, who has an excessively tender spirit, sometimes someone can give me a dirty look (stink eye) and it can make me cry. At least, VERY VERY sad. In fact, today, I came out of the Minute Stop in Pa'ia town,  where I'd paid for my gas and bought a few of those big great fries they have, and talked story with the ladies there, who are SO NICE, and we were even laughing together,
And I came out smiling, passed a brand-new-shiny-van parked behind my old sweet Maui Cruiser

And received such an incredibly terrible stink-eye from the lady in the passenger side, I gasped.

Later, in Longs drug store down in Kihei, a lady started staring at me disapprovingly (I do not wear shoes, I am a Medicine woman/Shaman, it is my way) and especially down at my feet, as I approached the check-out counters. Her look was SO full of hatred, I could hardly believe it. I was already weakened by the previous stink-eye. So, as I passed her, I shivered and went:  Agggghhhhhh!

Then, it went one more step that I'm so ashamed of. At one point, she started  walking towards me, and I gave her

A VERY dirty look.

Shit. Shit shit shit shit shit. Beaten. My spirit beaten.

If we keep hating people for NO GOOD REASON, based simply on the cover of their book , eventually, even the most loving of them (us) will start to hate, and this whole world is going to go DOWN THE FUCKING TOILET!

Stop hating. You never know what someone is going through. There's a great song on top40 radio right now that asks:

What would it be like to walk in their shoes......
Then you might know what it's like..........

Will get the title and performer for you tomorrow, and the space-hospital info I promised yesterday, AND a shocking story about censorship in a local junior high yearbook. But for now, think I'm gonna wrap myself in a blanket and rock back and forth for awhile.
 

Hate not, if possible. You never know just HOW DEEPLY it may hurt someone.
 

3SE's  :)

July 1st 1999

Let's send all the undesirables into space so their bones can deteriorate, they can die up there, and we can give them a beautiful burial in space (throw their bodies out the hatch so they can add to the garbage we've already tossed out there):
See for yourself some of the corporate plans and see what YOU think!
file:///C|/WINDOWS/Desktop/LIGHT!/Solutions/CommSpacTransSec37.html#3_7_4

I've gotten some response to the statement that What really bugs you is present in you (paraphrasing), so I'll clarify my understanding of it, in myself and theoretically in Psychological/Religio concepts.

It doesn't mean everything that bugs you. That would make us all psychotic! (though some would argue that we all are, that's another topic altogether) (any thoughts on that? GIVE EM TO ME!!!!!)

It means, anything that REALLY bugs you, that you find yourself way too emotional about, screaming about. I've had to face this in myself many times, especially with my kids. Here's an example: I used to get SO PISSED OFF at them for interrupting people when they were talking. Then I read an article about a local man who had a children's show on public access (bless you, Uncle Wayne!) and he had said that parents often ask their kids to stop doing things (screaming, biting nails, INTERRUPTING etc.) that the parents themselves are doing. They will not respect your orders if you are doing the same thing you're telling them not to do.

HELLO! On observing, I noticed that I possessed THIS VERY CHARACTER DEFECT.

So, I've gotten better. Progress, not perfection.

I am reminded of Shakespeare's line:
I think thou doth protest too greatly!

So that segs real good into the OPEN SECRET that the conservatism, reactionism, and fear of wrong-wingers (aka right-wing. teh.) is causing confusion, loss of respect, and anarchistic feelings among the youth.

Really young, too. Here on Maui, an incident just occurred at a junior high school that really illustrates this. The following is exerpts from a letter published in The Haleakala Times, by someone that, CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS, IN THIS ALLEGED FREEDOM LOVING COUNTRY, felt that

if I should mention my name, my child will pay the price.

Woah.

Friday last, my 6th grader at Lokelani came home with her brand new shiny hardcover yearbook. She was very proud to show it off, and pointed out where she was featured, and the whole thing was a real positive end to her first year at Lokelani. She managed excellent grades and made friends. It was a milestone.
Monday they were told to bring the yearbooks back for signing, which she did. At the end of the day, the administration recalled all the yearbooks.
They proceeded to deface each and every yearbook with felt-tip blackout pen. They even went so far as to tear out a page, rip it out without care or respect for the owner.
At some point in the distribution senario, someone noticed there were several pictures of kids signing THE ANARCHY SIGN
(Caps mine)
I counted six that were blackened out with felt tip pen. They missed one on page 18 if you care to look it up.
I have always had a great respect for books, and I hope my children will feel the same in their life. But how can this be perpetuated when the principal of her intermediate school defaces an entire shipment of new yearbooks?
Mahalo for your time, a concerned and frustrated parent
 

Well, guys. The parent, who in the letter mentioned she is a member of the PTA who attends meetings, therefore she has had faith and/or respect in the system, now doesn't. In fact, she's pissed enough to write the letter. The system is fucking itself, by losing the remaining advocates, ey? I was a parent such as this, and I, too, have become MORE than disenchanted with the public school system. I even used to volunteer. Now, I'm real close to pulling all my kids out. And I used to be a CLASSROOM VOLUNTEER. I have some terrible, recent horror stories regarding this, that I'll share with you before this two-week dialogue is over.

You also have CHILDREN signing THE ANARCHY SIGN

Now, I ask you, what do YOU think (trying) to black out/censor this has done?

Called attention to it, even for those who didn't notice the signs and/or know what they were?

I THINK SO

Made those (already) revolutionary-leaning pre-teens even more anarchist/ pissed at authority

MORE THAN LIKELY

Look what's happening in our schools! There are some angry kids. Do things like this make it worse?

Brainless to answer that one, ey?

More tomorrow, guys---- PLEASE ADD YOUR THOUGHTS or you'll be stuck with mine, and so will I.

Oh, and P.S., the title of the letter was.........
WHAT NEXT, BOOK BURNING?

And, as far as I know, that's already happening.

Tell tell !

OH yeah.

Now.

We will not take this crap too much longer.
 

3SE's  :)

MY DIRTY LAUNDRY, July 03, 1999

-or-

Shit, I, an enlightened, intellectual type human being, may, just, be, a, little,

"ism'ist MYSELF ?

By Three Singing Eagles Ma'hinahinahina Grady the first
 

Hi. Day late, yet rich enough to satisfy I hope or if not TOO BAD nothin I can do fell asleep besides the valiant efforts of misquitos throughout the night and was glad cause

"Sarah Quinn The Medicine Cat" woke me up between 5-6 AM, even though I had only slept till 1AM, by

CRASHING THROUGH MY WINDOW

Actually, she hurled herself at the window, partially ajar, clung to it, and opened it with her free paw if you REALLY need to know the details but

And then leaped on to me, desperately trying to get back to a non happy dream just so I could sleep during the movie and

She looked so calm peaceful and innocent snoozing near Ayla (at her feet) when I finally staggered towards the coffee pot, as if she had been there forever though I knew different and gently but firmly put her outside admonishing

"you cannot be allowed to get away with that crap" and

Over ground the beans so they'd be really strong soz I could go to beach and errands and

Now it's afternoon 3rd time and I'm gonna tell you of as many ism shames as I possess soz you can have courage and

share em with me cause

God, they can't be THAT bad if The Medicine Woman has them too..............
 
 

Yesterday, I was looking at a really cool place to rent in Haiku, only blocks really from my present house. I'm not sure how it came up, but I told it the same for the ungteenth time, the story of my car, Maui Cruiser, old falling apart but dependable-with-heart cruiser being stolen by a hitchhiker last November and

Mentioned how it was an OLD MAN who was HAWAIIAN and........

I think older people are more sacred? Hawaiians?

I remember nearly two decades ago, I was a young mother then, a TV and radio and MC star locally, and was making a phone call from a shopping mall and

A group (gang to me , ey?) of young, black males passed by the pay phone where

I had been, previously, letting my 2-year old daughter (now with children of her own) Mira play while I made my calls since my phone service at home was out for some reason and

Hung up on whoever was on the line at the time to

Gather her up in my protective arms I'm

Prejudiced and fearful in my own ways, as "enlightened" as I allegedly am, ey?

Any stories you'll wanna share?

Till tomorrow,

Me.

July 5th

I feel so overwhelmed by sadness, it feels as if the weight of the world is on my soul.

I can't watch the news anymore. Maybe I fear being desensitized. But mostly, I'm losing faith. I see so much hatred and fighting, brother against brother, nation against nation, even in the "same" religion, fighting to bloodshed- look at Northern Ireland..... so much hatred, violence, I know- look at the beauty. Don't think about what's terrible. Buck up, be strong, oh how I have even chanted these things to my own self! It's not effective sometimes. The world is a really sad place. I'm not so sure I like being a human being. I'm almost, well, embarrassed with my species. As I've been listening to my own prejudices and irrational fears, it's, well, making me feel kinda hopeless. I'm a gramma for God's sake! Am I EVER gonna "get" it?

Sometimes the spiritual journey seems SO LONG!

July 6th

Blessed are the tenderhearted
For they shall feel the weight of the world like thorns and walk through with quickly healing wounds disappearing rapidly
Along the path as they
Walk through a patch of fire and
Burn wounds healing rapidly they
And then a little way down the path and

Bids fly in the brains of the tenderhearted
Rustling rushing them to action.

Oh, the river flows.......

Over rock and stone.............

July 7th 1999
 

"I thought my house was clean until I moved the furniture"
-or-
The Cinderella Saga Goes On

In dealing with people, was you're in a state of super awareness of it, as I've been lately

You become quieter.

I always used to think
(oooo- ooooo- here comes another prejudice again) that
"holier than thou" people who were unusually quiet all the time did it as a power trip thing, like, that they "had an attitude" and now I'm startin ti think

It's because, when you decide and/or spontaneously come to the point where you don't wish to say anything even remotely mean/judgemental/ disempowering to anyone you just

Start having real less to say for awhile

Then, nature abhorring a vacuum and all, you usually get to the stage where you're talking as much as everyone else again but

What you're saying is different

Than many. For now.

Sure, there are some that remain physically silent, but you can know they're  inwardly saying (or, best known as "vibeing") positive self-esteem love- generating thoughts an' NRG's!

Walking on the planet, silently doing "magic". LOVE is the magic.

Open secret.

3SE's  :)

July 8 99

Wow. Another day.

So tired. So much to do. Sometimes thinking of all the things we have to do in our personal lives is just as tiring as thinking bout all the things we could do if we had extra special magic powers, on the earth
 
 

My Secret Wish, Now Open:

I swear, I used to wish, when I was younger, that I had some kinda magic pixie dust, kinda like Tinkerbell's, only instead of just making you fly (magic dust that makes you fly, as long as you're thinking good thoughts? Hum.) that I'd spread it around the whole earth and everybody would suddenly not want to hurt any one or thing ever again. Everyone would be COMPLETELY loving. Yeah, gee, the crazy things we think when we're so much younger and so naive and foolish and Utopically inclined. Gee, that must have been AT LEAST two or three days ago!

Butt seriously, guess some of us never grow out of being outrageously unrealistic dreamers.

And look at the metaphors and myths and how they've changed with the times. When I was young, a trip down the rabbit hole and/or into the sky would be enough to deal with all the World Problems, as enormous as they were, but now,

You have the power rangers, Sailor Moon, Matrix'ed warriors, heavy armored morphing mega-sheilded "heroes".

The problems have gotten more intense. And now, the nuke threat is humming again, after a time we thought: well, they (this generation) has aids, and religious fanatics, and tyrants, but we hid under desks in school (boy, that REALLY would have saved us, huh?) but now, especially with the Pakastani-India nuke tests and tensions, and the flare-up in tensions between the Country formally known as the USSR and the USA during the recent bombings in Belgrade,

Guess they have that TOO. Shit. What a burden.

No WONDER they want to Morph.

Sometimes I do too.

But, when I drift off, I usually feel,

A granular substance clutched in my hands as I start to slip from my body and fly fly fly fly fly!

Till tomarruh-
Flying Moon Maiden  :)

 July 11

Alllllrighty then! Time to close up another moon cycle. Tomorrow is the new moon, and a new page, think I'll call it "The Wanderer". Cause I may be soon. Homeless.

Open secret.........
When people are not rich enough to own their own land, and/or spiritually opposed to it, unless they are wanderers, they are at the whims of landlords. A whole section of rights are taken away. And there is never any security, truly. Yet, is there, in life, anyway, you may of course be philosophically musing at this time, and I say

FUCK THAT! Let me be touchy feely sky-like in consciousness when I

STOP BEING SO AFRAID!

Because I have 3 children still living with me, all in school, who need showers, baths, light at night, cause

I am almost to the latest deadline to formalize my on-line studies, and without a place to plug in a computer, TV, and VCR, I will have to take a semester off, at least, and I WANT TO STAY IN COLLEGE, even though not on campus for the next year or two, till I can get a house/garden running up and established firmly in order and the kids really doing well with their homework (this has been a MAJOR thing in my household!) (ow, it hurts) I'll study at home (I thought)

And now........
I HAVE had a rather funny idea. Back when I lived in Kihei (the desert land of sugar cane smoke suffocating mornings) (and crank/crack/batu addicts) (and an enormous amount of homeless people, some with just tarps spread between trees and a bedroll, not with a vehicle, which I should at least be able to afford if I don't find a place to put a deposit down on) I remember taking early morning walks to the beach down near star market, and I'd see homeless people plugged into outside electrical sockets along the building and sometimes on metal poles, sometimes. Not often, but it must of stuck in that brain there somewhere cause

And this is The Writers life. She's facing being without a place to put her computer so she

Writes a story about a woman who became homeless, and decided she was going to continue her web page design business, her only income, by driving her little Mazda to the parking lot of the supermarket each morning, and plugging in her computer and working from the back of the car and

The media attention, what happens? She'll have to have someone famous drive up and have a sound bite in front of the cameras and start a foundation that sets up people with their own home businesses or something, or maybe, someone rich sees the story, sends someone to follow her to her campsite, and leaves her a check for enough to buy her own house (it'll have to be set in Maui, I already know that) (and, though the rental market is in a severe crises right now, the "for sale" market is totally glutted) anonymously like, slipped under a book of prayers on her dashboard?) OH yeah! Should be pricing and putting out things for the yard sale this coming weekend (I'm putting almost everything we own up for sale. Whatever's left, we either keep, putting in storage, or donate to big brothers/big sisters) (2019 Lelehuna Place, Haiku, Maui, July 16, 17, 18, 808-575-9573) and instead, I'm writing a wacky story.

Writers. Go figguh.

Well, this has been an interesting self dialogue this month. Sometimes I wonder if anybody's even "out there". ARE you?

Well, my page gets hits, according to the counter, so, I know your there I can

Hear you breathing.

More later tonight, I think, A list of dirty secrets about life I have learned in this Long Life, hum, maybe. Till then,

3SE's

Laytuh...............

You know, it's really all just come down to basics with me anymore. Sure, there's a lot of "social injustice", yet it all seems to really come down to each of us being particularly good human beings. Each of us, running well separately, will, therefore, by the laws of mathematics as well as karma dharma and marma (marma?) (Okay, just thought I'd toss that in for a lil' o' that comic relief an' all.) but anyways,

Yeah, corny. Big steamy heaps of corn, butter melting platters full o'.............

Thanks as usual for this half-moon, approx. 2 week journey together,

Anon the morrow, if it should come, new pretty moon (look, you can see it in your minds eye, K allreddy?) hangin SOMEWHERE up there!

Like us all, ey?

Will conclude with a song from the musical HAIR that I will be doing a cover of on my first CD (I sing, ey?) (and compose) FACES OF THE MOON ............... sums up this moon..........what next............during the time of..........The wanderer.

How can people be so heartless
How can people be so cruel
Easy to be hard
Easy to be cold

How can people have no feelings
How can they ignore their friends
Easy to be proud
Easy to say no

And especially people
Who care about strangers
Who care about evil
And social injustice
Do you only
Care about the bleeding crowd?
How about a needing friend?
I need a friend

How can people be so heartless
You know I'm hung up on you
Easy to give in
Easy to help out

And especially people
Who care about strangers
Who say they care about social injustice
Do you only
Care about the bleeding crowd
How about a needing friend?
I need a friend

How can people have no feelings
How can they ignore their friends
Easy to be hard
Easy to be cold
Easy to be proud
Easy to say no

http://www.sun-angel.com/alchemist/a.cgi

The Alchemist
 
 

                    Online Demonstration
         of the Highly Acclaimed CD-ROM!

   THE ALCHEMIST, developed and created by Enteractive,
 Inc., is the first multimedia CD-ROM in the Mystic Messenger
                                 Series.

   The ALCHEMIST is a personal guidance system based on
   Amy Zerner and Monte Farber's best-selling book and card
 set. They are also the creators of the Enchanted Tarot, Psychic
    Circle, Karma Cards, and Cupid Cards. Amy Zerner and
     Monte Farber are regular guests on CNBC's "Alive and
                               Wellness."

   This demonstration, developed by Sun Angel Innovations,
      gives a small taste of the wonders to be found on The
                         Alchemist CDROM.

  See the product information for more details.
Programming by Technoetic.
© 1995-1997 Sun Angel Innovations (webmaster@sun-angel.com)

 MY READING: (gulp)
             Action
                    8 The action you should take...
VOLCANO
Push to overcome all obstacles. You are a force that cannot be contained.
 
 

                Idea
                      7 The idea you should keep in mind...
BUTTERFLY
Find nurturing people with shared goals to feed your transformation.
 
 
 

 Emotion
                   5 The emotion you will encounter...
WATERFALL
Powerful, cleansing joy is yours. Enjoy it now, for sorrow will follow.
 
 

Path
                11 The next stage of your process...

METEORITE
Disruptions can aid you as you advance toward your goal. Remain flexible.

Wow. A force to be reckoned with? REMAIN flexible (implying that I am hope hope)

See ya later loves, off to shower, go look at some houses for rent, be a force to be reckoned with, ya know, same old same old.

LOVE FOR YOU!         3SE's  :)

 THE WANDERER

The Path Yes Taken

And what other choice
Do we have than to take paths
Seldom seen
On the threshold
Of a dream?

Warning: Reflections are not always beautiful lovey dovey things to behold. Everything here is raw and unedited, so READ AT YOUR OWN RISK!

Have strength, oh weary traveler
I have come, to stroke the top of your weary head
Your soft feelings in the crook of my arms
Always touching green in you
Smell of chlorophyll helping my heart
Helping my heart.

JULY 13 99
 

Dwelling in the
Place your own
Body home is where
The heart is portable
Turtle medicine, but shoved on you, stuck really really hard
Into your sacred, silent, soup pot
Adding screams.
 
 
 
 

Bleach. Disinfecting my life, cleansing the walls of my life, emptying the rooms of my life,

Moving has always been symbolic for me, yet this time has a certain flavor that's different. The last place I'll live with walls for awhile?

Yeah, this is quite possible!

Every blessed item I've touched, used, sang with my hand resting on, ate off of, hugged in my arms and handed bedtime to small child hands lifting up

All for sale, to give away the rest the

Tiny porcelain cup with
No handles renegade
From a tea-set I spect
That I had actually kept from breaking or chipping
All these many years the

Sterno and lanterns and candle-making supplies and
The sewing machine I never used (but will put in storage if noone pays the firm price)
Bran'new baby-lock machine and It's
Out to the world
And fabric for free, to boot. And threads. And bobbins. And
My prize posession. My luminous collection.
My dress-up collection.

But, THE OUTFITS? OH yes, the BEAUTIFUL clothes.
Hanging them out, all of them, each shimmery thing, each soft natural fibered body-sheath
My eyes shut upon parting each one
One dollar each, parting, flying off, will be like saying goodbye to
A treasured friend
Wow.
I loved to dress up. I've had sexual fantasies of having a lover that would like to dress me up..... in all the ways,
Dress and undress of course, fun/wacky,
Thespian like
Dress me, baby------yeah. OH yeah. Dress me GOOD!
Dress me up for photos surreal
Wrap me and a large rock in sari cloth long
electric blue slip underneath pale salmon sari, (please?)
Ummmm, yeah, leathers----animal skins
Nah- real not faux
Smelling musty and once-alive and some faint with tannin and some
Old oil smelling um
Tight enough to leave marks later, but not enough to cut off the circulation.
But looks like my dress up days are over for now.

Oil paints? CAN I? Can I. No, the fishing equipment
Will go the
Hurricane kit
Will go the
Desks and beds and small pretty wooden tables and
Extra: computers, TV's, VCR's, Garden tools, remote cars and trucks
All remote, crystals through the years,
Some so powerful they should almost not be touched
Spread out on the porch
In the carport spread out
Batteries and cords so
You can test them, you know? but
Even the hats and scarves and long flowy incredibly gorgeous clothes
Carefully collected, through the years,
The beads and shells and sewing dreams the
Candle stuff, scent, waxes, broken crayons for color, even they can go but
The paints will stay with me.
They will, a friend in wet tears time.
 

Till tomorrow-----
            3SE's

July 14th 1999:
 

So the shadows fall of night abysmal clear
All over, showers of stars
Increase their presence.

Is today your birthday, fair lady is the
Warm summer sun the friend undenying?

Lightning
Crumpling plates
My life.

Open fields
Flashing rain
Ink wells slightly cracked
My life poor

Peeled grapes two days old not
Enough for wine too much for
Fresh soon
Another year is marked, another cycle and still
Yet I live on
Exhausted in just the saying of there.

July 16

You Are An Uninterrupted Part Of My Core, Lover I Wish For:
 

All over the crazed tunnel of visions myriad and powers formally hidden
Heimliched into awareness
What now, do we do, with these insights, with this grace,
We've been given

DO we do something
Is reading "The Tao Of Physics" ENCOURAGING dizzying
Up all night fantasy nor fiction exists
It's that between zone
I've wandered there with gently spreading

Jaws that speak
Of cabbage perogies for kings
Fried crisp in one bowl
Dipped in strong grainy brown mustard
Steamy boiled in another vessel
Slurped with red onions swimming
And, OH!

YOU still on MY MIND.
 

So intensely.

Yeah, another year, DOWN THE TUBES (where ARE these mythical tubes, by the way, cause I have a few things that have gone down there that I may want to retrieve.............)

If all thoughts and/or feelings ARE truly made of some form of matter, able to be identified, measured, etc. as buddha, various scientists, magicians, and many others have claimed,

Maybe there is a black-hole white-hole configuration where my old thoughts and feelings have been

Sucked in, then

Are (will be?) spit out of the white hole on the other side it would

Be interesting to stand there because right about now I'd like to retrieve

Any small patch of joy in living I ever had, putting them into a big lump

Maybe like the biggest rubber band ball and

After the Guinness World Records people measure my ball of joy and put it in their book I'll

Put it in my living room and look at it so I can put one foot in front of the other in this tiring life or

Leave my entire life as it stands behind, and start rolling the ball of my accumulated joys down roads and up hills and over vales and through water on
Roman roads and Hawaiian Kings roads on
Paths made by centuries of deer
All related on
Ground that has never felt a path or even footstep of a human upon it
Rolling my ball of joy around the planet looking
Looking For My Home.

Anon,  3SE's

July 18th  & 19th

WOULD
YOU
Like to live
Upon the moon?
Is it a nice
Place to visit, somewhere, in your,
Science fiction fantasies?

Well, then check out article below, and maybe even go to the URL (site) and follow the links...... intriguing shit! Whew!

But.........I wonder.

Oh yeah, you think me, a real moon-lover, would OF COURSE want to be one of the first to visit and
Would DEFINITELY want to

"Someday own.......the first house.....on the......moon.........
There would be no neighbors-------
And no population boom!"

And so on that pop tune snippet thread of thought I think:
NOT!

Wanting to go to the moon, another planet, heaven, into a space ship or station, whatevers,
off the earth!

I mean, really, that's the key of all this. Really wanna be off of this

World FULL OF SUFFERING

Gates of Heaven people following the tail of the comet.
 

I like this planet. I think it's not dead yet, which means it can be healed.

IT AINT OVER TILL THE FAT PLANETESMAL SINGS

Actually, the universe makes a sound, which means everything in (of ) the universe makes a sound, so, I guess you could then say everything sings (we're leaping and skipping through the process that was long for me originally----leap-----leap'uh with ME'uh baybee)!

No conclusions, tonight. Just thoughts.
                                            3SE's
 

From:
http://www.msnbc.com/news/289635.asp#BODY

                                   "The Moon" is both serious and    whimsical.  Fnally,a   travel guide to    the moon   Book for ‘first-time   visitors’   is one giant leap for  publishing
                                           By Robin Dalmas          MSNBC
 

            July 14 —  On July 20, 1969, humans  walked on the moon for the first time.  Thirty years later, Frommer’s travel   publications has launched a guidebook    guaranteed to give the moonstruck a   chuckle — not to mention a highly  explosive burst of inspiration to plan a
            vacation that’s out of this world.
 

                            WHEN THE MOON hits your eye like a  big pizza pie, should you call your travel agent? A new book by Frommer’s seems to  suggest so.
                            “The Moon: A Guide for First-Time Visitors” landed on bookshelves in June. While the title is whimsical, and the book is  filled with lively anecdotes and amusing                cartoons, “The Moon” is designed to be a  serious travel guide for the extremely  proactive lunar tourist.
                            Former NASA    employees have  already established  companies that are creating viable spacecraft that can   take groups of  civilians into space.   Several commercial   tour operators are   making plans for the first tourist trips into the Great Beyond.
                     Zegrahm Space Voyages, a Seattle-based  company, has signed up 30 passengers for a   space flight scheduled for Dec. 1, 2001.
                            Can moon excursions be far behind?
 
 

     Would you like to  visit the moon?
     * 1170 responses
     Yes    92%
     No    5%
     Uncertain  3%

                               “The moment a moon base is set up,   tourism will begin — because it is a perfect   opportunity for economic gain,” writes author  Werner Kustenmacher.
                            “The Moon” provides everything you  need to know to plan that exhaustive 208,000-mile journey. Richly illustrated  chapters include “Preparing for the Trip,”  which includes a list of training camps such as Space Camp Huntsville and Star City,  Moscow.
                            You’ll also discover handy tips such as  this: “In space, you won’t have much use for   cash. Take your credit cards.” The book  insists that once lunar accommodations are ready, you’ll be able to use your plastic to the max.
                            “Life in Space” floats factoids about   food, vacuum toilets and sleeping. Kustenmacher also unlocks the secrets of an   unexplored subject — sex in space.
                            “The German astronaut and physicist   Ulrich Walter reported that in space, one  experiences a marked slump in one’s libido,”    Kustenmacher reports. Apparently, zero gravity wreaks havoc with your hormones.  Still, perhaps you’d like to do some research?
                            The chapter “On the Scene” includes tips  for the first day, such as the recommendation  that you take a nap after your first steps from  the lunar lander to the moon base.

                               “Resources” tells lunar fanatics how to   contact former astronauts and the producers of dehydrated space provisions (in the event   you’d like to throw a space party). This section also includes Web addresses for  NASA, Buzz Aldrin and a company called    Incredible Adventures, which offers  “all-inclusive 7-day space experience travel  programs with passenger flights to space in   2001.”
                            So, what happens if the concept of space  travel launches fear in your gut, and freefall  inspires you to “paint” the inside of a    rocketship green? No worries. Frommer’s "The Moon” will melt in your mouth like  astronaut ice cream. It’s educational, it’s  funny, and it just might put all your  earthbound cares into startling perspective.
 

To quote Buzz Aldrin after he walked on the moon 30 years ago this month: “The Earth   would eventually be so small I could blot it  out of the universe simply by holding up my thumb.”
 

                     Robin Dalmas is Travel Editor & Producer   for MSNBC.com.

 http://encarta.msn.com/events/world/space/space.shtm
This is a site I found following a link from the previous one
Encarta Encyclopedia! Guess what? There's a free shareware version download. The page is pretty too. Encouraging a visit, I am.
 

Hui Ho!

July 20th

Oh, how I MISS COLLEGE

Went today to the campus to pick up video editing-titleing equipment that I will be donating to  a children's dance/art school on the island, leave a little message of love for one I adore, and

Yes, pick up the grades from last semester.

Boy, have I put this off. (count if you will with me boyz and girlers....April, May, June......)

Last semester, I realized that it was the stupidest thing in the world for me to think I could go to college full-time, successfully, and be a single mom with three kids who are in school themselves (one full time job) and a three bedroom house to keep clean, with lots of property to weedwack/mow (another full time job) and was

Forced to siphon much of my academic energies and study-time to dealing with

Meetings at my children's schools, trying to keep THEM from failing, working on their homework with them, Meeting numerous social workers and therapists that the elementary schools "sicced" on me, because they felt I must be neglecting them I guess...... so, I realized there was no way I could follow my dreams now

PS my house looked bad. Not health hazard bad, but,

It kept me from fantasizing hard that the one I love would show up unexpectantly ("I sought you out, and found you, BE MINE, youI under the stars") cause, really, how COULD he love me with this funky house hanging on my skin

So, at least, that was a LITTLE more time  :)

But, anyways, I realized that this powerful shaman could call the wind, stop blood flowing from a wound with a touch, have psychic sex so strong the other person feels it, heat up her body so much she melts snow, but she was

Not doing very well as a house holder.

NOT LIKE I HAD ANY HELP!

Oh, but people were quick to give me their energy by criticizing. People would come to my house and make cracks about the grass-farm on the lawn, or how they had to hack their way into my living room with a machete
But did anyone OFFER TO HELP-
Well, what YOU think?

At one point, 1 1/2 weeks into the semester, my Father, whom I had only seen once in the last 12 years, came on a sudden trip to Maui. Do I concentrate on college at the most important time, when the first few "classes" are done, and now we're setting the groundwork and getting into the serious stuff or

Guess which I chose.

Missed the first 5 minutes of the movie, I did.

There were a lot of other things to deal with during the semester, deaths, being assigned seats on two councils, lots of sorrow and suffering, there were days I wept constantly through whole classes (silently, but, WOAH the swollen eyes) and

I still sat there and took notes and

When my car was disabled for a couple of weeks I

Hitchhiked from far Haiku Country to school in town
Nary late for my 9AM Geography
Hitching in the Maui Rain and
Missed almost no school meaning some days
At least my body was there and
Tried to be as positive and loving as possible no matter how much soul wrenching grief I went through and

Ended up facing getting the first F in my life, In 3D computer animation and web design class cause
I was thwarted in all attempts to get my files to my teacher
This was extremely ironic cause this was actually the one class I put SERIOUS hours of (home) work into
(God, I LOVE computer art!)

And it looked like a B in World Civ and Geography at least I knew

I got an A in Astronomy (barely, and through the good graces of John who is the most encouraging and flexible teacher I've ever been associated with) (ask anyone who's taken his final about his compassion for any of us poor schmucks who ended up there, needing it for a better grade, and the give-away questions he proffered)

But, anyways, I had never gotten less than a 3.5 average in my career, and, my ego grieved much, embarrassing to admit- but-
(This is my honest soul, why even bother doing all this work if I'm not going to expose something REALLY valuable, like the things most people won't admit about themselves)

I put off picking up my grades, and the second wave of grieving sure to be generated by seeing it all in print and........
 

Well, sometimes. the inner and/or spontaneous and sincere good in your heart, freely expressed, comes back to you.

I loved computer class, even though the teacher had his moods that were dark, critical, and much like he'd been up all night working on some out-of-school project and/or problem and had no patience for us

I looked forward to the classes, learned a lot, took proliferate notes, and, according to him
Was a REALLY positive addition/force in the class and
I guess he said thanks in a silent way cause, even though I had all my files and was still confident I'd get them in before the deadline (which was moved up one week which I didn't find out till the "new last day") and knew I'd do REAL GOOD on the final test (which was canceled too) so I didn't choose a no-credit option by the deadline
He, somehow, found a way to give me an NC

Now, this means I'll have to pay back financial aid for the money I got for those credits, probably, but........

In addition, I went to give a lei to my CIV teacher the day after grades were submitted (soas to not be construed as a bribe?) and he told me I had gotten a B, cause,
"He thought I could have put more effort into it"
And I said, yes, I could have, and that a B sounded like more than I would have graded my OWN effort, but that the grade I GOT did not matter as much in HIS particular class, because the grade I gave to what I LEARNED from him was an A. His face lit up briefly at this, then we sat on a bench and talked story for awhile, laughed, he went off to Ping-Pong, me home and I guess
Sometime that day or soon after he made some time to

Change my grade.

He gave me an A.

I looked at my "report card" (adult name, transcript)
And nearly wept but instead
Screamed a small inside-building scream of joy then scurried out with the kids to the lawn out front and
DID A WORTHY HAPPY-DANCE and
On the way to the car, passed purposely by the peace pole, the one where I did the ceremony fictionally altered in "Spanish Gravy" (Writings page, in links, on "FACES OF THE MOON") and took
The flowers from my hair (one pink/red, one white, plumeria)
And kinda tied them into
One of the ti-leaf leis I had
Wrapped around it, or draped, last year, the symbolic phallus of peace bedecked at my hand and

Am still in shock, I guess. I pulled a 3.85. Wow.
 

WOW!

Till tomorrow,
Proud AND in pleasant shock,
I am, your,
3SE's  :)
 

P.S. It took the 30th anniversary of the moon walk to make me realize that my last child was born on the day they walked on the moon!

Happy Birthday, Michaela Alohi! Malama pono!

July 21st

The perfection of the silhouette of your face
Excruciating. Her heart
Should be dead, Rasputin would be proud
Kicked, bludgeoned, stabbed, shot, trampled in da kine dust
Gettin knocked down and back up again
Feeling like a soldier faced down in battlefield mud
SO TIRED just let me
Lay here a little while,  I'm-----

Getting up?!?
Oh, jeez.
Well, guess the wound ain't fatal
Again
This time

Till tommaruh-
            3SE's

July 23rd

Hum, where did yesterday go?

-or-

Stuck In The Middle With You!

by, 3singingeagles  :)
 
 
 

Once upon a time, a great flood came upon the world.
It was a flood of tears, not of some reclused piece of Zion
I watched it, I did, from my perch
Sighing quite aloud.
 

And so, the receding tide schisms.

Till tomorrow 3SE's  :)

Oh, PS, been spendin some time at an online discussion forum (a new thing fuh mee), at:
http://www.insidetheweb.com/messageboard/mbs.cgi?acct=mb150180

It's been interesting. It seems that, more even than the topics discussed, the chief alchemy is the way we all, SO very different, from all PARTS of this planet, communicate with each other, and the refinement after tentative sometimes scary reaching out, that occurs. This is indeed a revolution.

We are accessible, at least, moreso, to each other. Cross cultural/religio/racial/etc.

It is TOTALLY turning me on!

Hui Ho!

 July 24

From Sailor Moon:

    Moonlight Densetsu (Moonlight Legend)

Gomen ne sunao ja nakute
Yume no naka nara ieru
Shikou kairo wa shotto sunzen
Ima sugu aitai yo
Nakitaku naru you-na Moonlight
Denwa mo dekinai Midnight
Datte junjou dou shiyou
Haato wa mangekyou
        I'm sorry, I'm not gentle
        I can't say if it's in my dreams
        My thoughts are about to short circuit
        Right now, I want to meet!
        Making me want to cry, moonlight
        I can't telephone either, midnight
        Because of my naivete, what will i do?
        My heart is a kaleidoscope

Tsuki no hikari ni michibikare
Nandomo meguri-au
Seiza no matataki kazoe uranau koi no yukue
Onaji kuni ni umareta no mirakuru romansu
        Led by moonlight
        we meet by chance many times over
        The number of twinklings of the constellations
           foretell love's whereabouts
        Born on the same earth, a miracle romance

Mo ichido futari de weekend
Kami-sama kanaete happy-end
Genzai kako mirai mo
Anata ni kubittake
        Once more, a weekend with you
        God, grant me a happy end
        In the present, past, and future
        I'll be completely devoted to you

Deatta toki no natsukashii, Manazashi  wasurenai
Ikusenman no hoshi kara anata o mitsukerareru
Guuzen mo chansu ni kaeru ikikata ga suki yo
        I won't forget your dear look when we met
        Out of [tens of] millions of stars, I can find you
        Changing even serendipity to opportunity
           I love this way of life!

Fushigi-na kiseki kurosu-shite
Nandomo meguri-au
Seiza no matataki kazoe uranau koi no yukue
Onaji kuni ni umareta no mirakuru romansu
Shinjite-iru no mirakuru romansu
        A wondrous miracle growing close
        we meet by chance many times over
        The number of twinklings of the constellations
           foretell love's whereabouts
        Born on the same earth, a miracle romance
        that I believe in, a miracle romance

Sailor Moon: Theme Song

  Fighting evil by moonlight
                          Winning love by daylight
                      Never running from a real fight
                     She is the one named Sailor Moon

                  She will never turn her back on a friend
                        She is always there to defend
                   She is the one on whom we can depend
                       She is the one named Sailor...

                                Sailor Venus
                              Sailor Mercury
                                Sailor Mars
                               Sailor Jupiter

                    With secret powers all so new to her
                     She is the one named Sailor Moon

                         Fighting evil by moonlight
                          Winning love by daylight
                     With her Sailor Scouts to help fight
                     She is the one named Sailor Moon
                     She is the one named Sailor Moon

                         She is the one Sailor Moon
 
 
 

                        Original music by Tetsuya Komoro
                      Original Japanese lyric by Kanako Oda
                         English lyric by Andy Heyward
    Music arranged, performed and produced by Bob Summers for Don Perry Music Co.
                      Vocals: Nicole Price and Brynne Price
 
 
 
 

Visit this site (sample below) and/or suffer de kine con se quences.
 

http://www.lhl.lib.mo.us/pubserv/hos/moon/cover.htm
 
 

1 Galilei, Galileo (1564-1642). Sidereus nuncius . -- Venice: apud Thomam Baglionum, 1610.

The modern face of the moon first emerged in the early evening of November 30, 1609, when Galileo Galilei in Padua turned his telescope toward the moon, noted the irregularities of the crescent face, and made a drawing to record his discoveries. He made at least five more drawings of the moon over the next eighteen days, prepared careful watercolor sketches from these drawings, and then selected four of these to be engraved for his revolutionary Starry Messenger , which appeared the following March. Galileo's treatise announced to an astonished public that the moon was a cratered chunk of elements--a world --and not some globe of quintessential perfection. It was a new land, to be explored, charted, and named. The science of selenography was born.
 

 Several lunar features are quite recognizable in this engraving, the second in the
series, based on a sketch made on December 3, 1609. The mountains east of
Mare Imbrium (Sea of Rains) form the ring at the top, and the sizable crater at the
bottom is probably Albategnius, here quite a bit larger than life, and undoubtedly
conveying by its grandeur the impression it made on Galileo's mind.
 
 

                {Next page} - {Table of Contents} - {Index} - {Home}
 
 
 

This is only for the initiated this is only
For my lovers dancing on tounges of fire
Hot coals you love boys I
Have a place ready for you on my bedroll!

Full Moon,7/27
I think I remember someone once saying that when you get knocked flat on the ground by life, all you can see is heaven

Well, I guess, unless you land face down.

I've just spent three days face down and now I want to

I will

Roll over.

And kiss the sky

Because, sometimes, doing something spiritually potent is the only way out of the desperate blues.

I saw myself as a drunken white trash loser. I saw my brightness not. All the junk I've accumulated. What will I do with it all? How dusty everything is. I'm just falling apart at the seams here. What do I do, live in a car? With three kids? My therapist told me to take this semester off. I was actually thinking of hooking up my computer into the van or pickup truck or whatever and finding someplace to run a line, then I realized I need a phone line for internet access. She's right. I dreamed I could be superwoman and woke up as a derelict.

I feel lost, and so alone, and pitiful. What can I do?

Kiss the sky?

In response to a post at the bible phonies forum, at:
http://www.insidetheweb.com/messageboard/mbs.cgi?acct=mb150180
On "Good" Christians, and "bad" Christians

But felt they were some thoughts to pass on wider. Any comments, post em at the forum, or e-mail me.

I tend to think that all people are a blend of "good" and "evil", in my own life I've seen where I try to do Good but often hurt myself and others, I think we all have our own struggles, and are spiritually brighter at sometimes than others.

Even if there were two lists somewhere, definitive lists,1)These things are good 2)These things are bad, and it was proven that the lists were 100% accurate, and were accepted by the whole world, across the globe, would you
Want to struggle to do everything on the good list, and nothing on the bad. Think of the length of those list, they'd be volumes, they'd go on and on my friends.

I think that's why Jesus, mythical figure or not, seems to me to have a message that people are attracted to. He simplified the process to
LOVE
If you live with Love, do all with love, etc. your
Intention alone should protect your butt from gettin in trouble.

Jesus is a character that is accessible too, he laughed, cried, drank, got angry, I think in a lot of ways, it comforts people to think, "if the Son Of God displays these emotions, then I can too (be human too) and still be divine.

I know many people that have been helped by Christ's words, and have become better people. Are these, then, the "good" christians?

I'm too busy getting the beam out of my own eye on a daily basis, to, even if possible, go around judgeing people.

I do know though that many people have been damaged by the misuse of the books contents, and I'm particularly upset at the damage done to children by teaching them about demons and a burning hell, yet, I too, have found that not all Christians are "wakko", and am humble at my own frailty enough to not put them down. Many people attracted to Christ's words do so from a sincere place, a, dare I say it, "good" place?

On the lighter side, two Sailor Moon songs. I'm a huge fan. I know some would think that's not a thing to admit like

It's uncool but

I was a science geek when I was young so

I think I've had a strong base of resiliancy to feeling uncool.

Till tomarruh~
3SE's
 
 

 July 24

From Sailor Moon:

    Moonlight Densetsu (Moonlight Legend)

Gomen ne sunao ja nakute
Yume no naka nara ieru
Shikou kairo wa shotto sunzen
Ima sugu aitai yo
Nakitaku naru you-na Moonlight
Denwa mo dekinai Midnight
Datte junjou dou shiyou
Haato wa mangekyou
        I'm sorry, I'm not gentle
        I can't say if it's in my dreams
        My thoughts are about to short circuit
        Right now, I want to meet!
        Making me want to cry, moonlight
        I can't telephone either, midnight
        Because of my naivete, what will i do?
        My heart is a kaleidoscope

Tsuki no hikari ni michibikare
Nandomo meguri-au
Seiza no matataki kazoe uranau koi no yukue
Onaji kuni ni umareta no mirakuru romansu
        Led by moonlight
        we meet by chance many times over
        The number of twinklings of the constellations
           foretell love's whereabouts
        Born on the same earth, a miracle romance

Mo ichido futari de weekend
Kami-sama kanaete happy-end
Genzai kako mirai mo
Anata ni kubittake
        Once more, a weekend with you
        God, grant me a happy end
        In the present, past, and future
        I'll be completely devoted to you

Deatta toki no natsukashii, Manazashi  wasurenai
Ikusenman no hoshi kara anata o mitsukerareru
Guuzen mo chansu ni kaeru ikikata ga suki yo
        I won't forget your dear look when we met
        Out of [tens of] millions of stars, I can find you
        Changing even serendipity to opportunity
           I love this way of life!

Fushigi-na kiseki kurosu-shite
Nandomo meguri-au
Seiza no matataki kazoe uranau koi no yukue
Onaji kuni ni umareta no mirakuru romansu
Shinjite-iru no mirakuru romansu
        A wondrous miracle growing close
        we meet by chance many times over
        The number of twinklings of the constellations
           foretell love's whereabouts
        Born on the same earth, a miracle romance
        that I believe in, a miracle romance

Sailor Moon: Theme Song

  Fighting evil by moonlight
                          Winning love by daylight
                      Never running from a real fight
                     She is the one named Sailor Moon

                  She will never turn her back on a friend
                        She is always there to defend
                   She is the one on whom we can depend
                       She is the one named Sailor...

                                Sailor Venus
                              Sailor Mercury
                                Sailor Mars
                               Sailor Jupiter

                    With secret powers all so new to her
                     She is the one named Sailor Moon

                         Fighting evil by moonlight
                          Winning love by daylight
                     With her Sailor Scouts to help fight
                     She is the one named Sailor Moon
                     She is the one named Sailor Moon

                         She is the one Sailor Moon
 
 
 

                        Original music by Tetsuya Komoro
                      Original Japanese lyric by Kanako Oda
                         English lyric by Andy Heyward
    Music arranged, performed and produced by Bob Summers for Don Perry Music Co.
                      Vocals: Nicole Price and Brynne Price

July 29!

"Who knows,
Where the time goes
Who knows where the TIME..........
Goes........."

                    - Judy Collins

"We're all bozos on this bus"

                    - The Firesign Theater
 

Some days are very potent in Magic.

Today, a bee flew through my car window as I was driving back with my two girls, from looking at three houses to move into. We had been talking about the day, Ayla had said something about how special this day had seemed, and I said "Yes, it certainly has seemed perfectly magical" and in through the drivers side window barreled a bee, splat (really, it was wet) right onto the upper part of my left breast. I kept driving as usual, not a glich, pulled the stinger out, held it between my fingers, rubbed some saliva on the wound, pressed the stinger on and kept my hand there (I always drive with one hand anyways) and proceeded to

Praise the bee, all its clan and all it's activities, (If you're tittering at this point, I dare you to think of the wonders of the bees for a moment) and sing a song of them.

This is the kinda family these children live in. I love that. It makes me wish I was a child and I was them.

Wow, that's cool. Says somethin bout my (when active and pono) Mothering Style.
 

Later........ when going up for some Aloha Friday snacks, milk (always) and a paper (PLEASE let me find a PLACE TO LIVE!) to Fukashima's lil' store (if you're ever in Haiku, on Maui, go there. They are so cool. I love shops that are sincerly-friendly "talk story" places)

Michela sang the bee song, almost perfectly. And I had made it up on the spot and sang it only once hours before.
 
 
 
 

Wow.

~3SE's  :)

August SECOND 1999

Yeah, missed a coupla days. Been desperately looking for a house. And desperately is, speaking as a writer here, the MOST COMPLETELY ACCURATE WORD  to describe it. I have been literally begging people to rent to me.

I am in shock, I think, because of this (well, maybe a few other contributors, but...........this is the main shock-inducing concept)

I'm posting a picture of me on the page where these REFLECTIONS are updated daily:

that really drives this point home. See, it's a picture of me around 13,14 years ago (I was a couple of weeks pregnant with my son, Elijah, when the photo was taken, yet was not yet aware of it. He's 121/2 now.)

I was, at the time:
A disc Jockey on 3 different radio stations in town
Had my own weekly TV show
MC'd different events, particularly benefit concerts and "free" music festivals (you haven't lived till you've been a stage manager/MC at a loosely organized Music Festival. Rotating bands. Sound equipment cords, wrapping wrapping, unwrapping, unwrapping, disentangling ............the flows of performances and mood of the crowd........... part bad cop, part stand-up comic, part ambassador. Sigh, memories)
Worked at a Psychic center, and various psychic fairs
Had a child in school
Was married

And did it all. And more. Oh, and was going to college full time too- did I mention that, hum.

Pulled a 4.0 and a 3.85 respectively that year

Where did she go?

I'm a Grandmother now. On the World Council Of Mothers. Have 3 kids, single mom, no lover, no outside jobs, and it feels

I'm not even able to do this

Or even, some days, put one foot in front of the other I

Am SO overwhelmed. Yet I know that as soon as I get a place to live, all this will change.

Well, or, at the very least, it will be as if someone turned me over where I've been laying face down in the battle field weeping and

Given me water to drink, cold and not tasting of dust, smoothed my forehead with a loving hand, putting one light kiss upon it, cradled my head in their hands, gently yet with sparkle looked me in the eyes and said:

"Arise, dear one"

Keep a good thought for me, please? I'm started to dry in this mud here, and my heart is

Slowing down.

Remembering who I was,
3SE's

 On how looking for a place to rent can be a life review
-or-
Applying Our Existence

8/3/99

    She sat in the office and described herself to the complete stranger behind the desk. What has she done the past 10-15 years. What jobs has she held? For how long? What are the names and phone numbers of people the man could call and get even more details on her life? Oh, sure, anything, ANYTHING if you'll just rent this place to me missuh please I don't want to be

Living on the beach in a tent with my three kids social security number, sure, check my credit, car reg # drivers license, boy I'm glad my abstract's clean...... state of my health, do I smoke, do I have boyfriends over....

YES! I GET GANG BANGED EVERY DAMN DAY AND ALL NIGHT LONG MY KIDS ARE BIKERS THAT RUN WITH BOMB-MAKING SURVIVALIST VETS IN THE UPPER SLOPED WILDERNESS OF KIPAHULU WHEN THEIR NOT GUARDING OUR EXTENSIVE CROPS OF MARIJUANA WITH UZZIES IT'LL BE NICE TO RENT YOUR PLACE SO WE CAN KEEP THE CROP CLOSER TO HOME

she wants to scream out. And part of her wants to muster up The Glamour that brings all men to their knees and make him want her then blackmail him into giving her the place

COMEON! FUCK these pesky vows! Throw away your goodness, has it GOTTEN you a place? Huh? HAS it?????

Just another day of house hunting as a single mom with three kids on the island of Maui
And I'm getting, really, TOO old for this,
I am your,
3singingeagles  :)

 "Finally......
I real-a-lize!
I'm to be!
My own sur-prise!

This is the sea-son of fare well.
And I've fine a lee broke-en the spell!
This is the SEAson of fare, well
And I want you to know!
Be-fore you go!"

REFLECTIONS August 5th, 1999

Rent your house to me.
I have three children.
Rent your house to me.
I have one cat.
Rent your house to me.
I am a loner.
Rent your house to me.
I like loud opera.
Rent your home to me.
I am a writer.
Rent your house to me
Though I am poor
Rent your house to me
I'm never late with the rent
Let me have a home

Where I can lay my dreams.
 
 

Sometimes I feel like Oliver Twist.
A
Till tomorrow,
3SE's  :)

 Augustus Caesar 6th 1999
 

At Least She Was Well Loved.............

The two houses I was second and first (respectively) on the list for were not to be mine. First one took the first one. It was a cute 2-bedroom cottage in Makawao, near some cows. It wuz da won I'zz reeelie wonted. Yep.
The one I was first place for was taken by the tenant next door, who upgraded
from the two bedroom which I might get at the end of hillbilly street I'll know on Tuesday I
Offered to paint and clean and fix up screens
To get it ready for the HUD inspection if only they would
PROMISE IT TO ME
There's a two bedroom cottage in Haiku that we can stay at for two weeks, with a horse next door, close, and chickens (sigh) at the home of one of my old lovers. What would that be like?

He still thinks I'm incredibly beautiful. He still loves me. What IS this in me that inspires such life-long love? I have three husbands, all under different legal systems, none who have divorced me and they never will, I love them all, they keep in touch, call me in crises severe. When they needed me to save their lives, for instance.

And beyond that, there are hardly any men who have loved with me that I do not still know and that do not
Still love me very much.

So, why aren't they with me?

Oh, varieties of reasons. And no reasons. I really like to see eagles fly free in the sky, and to see one in a cage is a deep sorrow, even if it's cause it's being "rehabilitated" or whatever.........you get it? Good, could you then be so kind as to please tell me?

Ha ha.

I don't have any urge to own anyone, and they know it, and I think

The world has gone through enough generations of monogamous heterosexual married contractual jealous possessive relationships that even in those that feel their "free" are subtly, subconcious/emotionally influenced by it in that

Somewhere in there is a little voice saying "If she's this relaxed I guess she could take me or leave me"

Yet they know they're never far from me.

"Whenever you're a-way from me,
Wherever you go--------
You're never far away from me,
I want you to- know--------------"

                        ----From the movie "Xanadu"

A Funny Thing Happened On The Way Outta The Forum:

LUNAR SEE!

From the Forum:
The Bible: POINT/COUNTERPOINT

 Should Christians Be Worshipping The Moon?
 Friday, 06-Aug-1999 21:22:05

    207.175.212.40 writes:

    Much of biblical mythology is centered around the sun, moon, and stars in a
    time when people had NO CLUE that the moon was rock material and that the
    sun and stars were burning gasses.

    The writers of the different books that make up the anthology, thought that
    these were all objects hung on a solid dome called the "firmament". See
    Genesis chapter 1.

    Many fundamentalist christians feel that we should follow ALL of the Old
    Testament laws because of what men wrote "Jesus" said in Matthew 5:17&18.

    How do they feel about the honoring monthly on the day of the New Moon?
    The old Jewish traditions certainly held sacred the day of the New Moon as did
    men of the New Testament.

    Numbers 29:06 "...Besides the burnt offering with its grain offering for the New
    Moon..."

    IIKings 4:23 "Why are you going to him today? It is neither the New Moon nor
    the Sabbath?"

    Psalm 81:03 "Blow the trumpet at the time of the New Moon, At the full moon,
    on our solemn feast day. For this is a statute for Israel, a law of the God of
    Jacob.

    Ezekiel 46:01 "The gateway of the inner court that faces toward the east shall
    be shut the six working days; but on the Sabbath it shall be opened, and on
    the day of the New Moon it shall be opened.

    Ezekiel 46:03 "Likewise the people of the land shall worship at the entrance to
    this gateway before the Lord on the Sabbaths and the New Moons.

    Ezekiel 46:06 "On the day of the New Moon it shall be a young bull without
    blemish, six lambs, and a ram; they shall be without blemish."

    Amos 08:05 "When will the New Moon be past, that we may sell grain? And
    the Sabbath, that we may trade wheat?..."

    Colossians 02:16 "So let no man judge you in food or in drink , or regarding a
    festival or a new moon or sabbaths.

    LEAF

Well, that's it for tonight, guys. Have a lot to think about.....early morning, beach with Momma down at Charley Young Beach, so sweet, Drive by house in Wailuku on way, Call Mr. Kealoha if I want it......will see. If I don't find something soon, everything left from the yard sale gets given away, outdoor equipment (pool, water slide, swing, etc) (bikes) to battered woman's shelter (saw an ad they were looking for these items), then anything that won't fit in car loads, and all my clothes except the really treasured ones (god-I love them ALL! Aggggh!) get donated to Ka Lima O Maui, then my boxes and boxes of writings and bagfuls of children's toys into storage.

And horsing around for a couple of weeks.

What will this week bring? What will it BE?

I'll be staying tuned myself, won't you join me?

Till laytuh,
LUV enduring and loose,
3SE's  :)

 Wow, can you believe this moon is almost over already?

Aug. 8, 1999

Today is the birthday of my first Gran'baby, Samantha Ivy Angelina

Happy birthday, sweetheart

In your new house in Colorado!

I think I'm ready to give up house hunting. This week, get rid of everything I own. Stay at an old lover's house for 2 weeks. Find a van (or houseboat?) in the interim. Then, dig in somewhere to finish the other two novels in my trilogy so they can get published, then

Make a shitload of money, so that, not only that I am never in this position again, nor any of my children and grandchildren, but enough so that

I can make sure as many single parents as possible never have to go through this

I'm not sure of the specifics of how, but, first, I'll make the money, then it will come to me.

I have a good brain.

Till laytuh,
3SE's  :)
 

Later, same day.......

I'm crying. Maybe that doesn't matter to anyone, but the tears are flowing down my cheeks.

See, I just heard George Michael's song "Father Figure" on the radio, and it reminded me of Sun Bear, my love, friend, great Medicine Chief and human being.

He's dead and I miss him. I'm about to become homeless, and I realize that I'd have a place at Mount Shasta with him in the Bear Tribe if he were still alive.

I'M GOING TO HOMELESS IN JUST SEVEN DAYS!

Oh, and also, out of work, and out of college,

Since I work on the computer, and will have no place to plug it in.
And I'm to go on school online, since going on campus AND raising the 3 children still at home all by myself was REALLY REALLY HARD.

I can't believe what is happening. I'm in shock I think.

More later, if I can. My eyes are a little blurried right about now............

August 9th

Sojourn of the soul
Never know. never know,
Every whisper of the tree
Pagan breath, dank wood voices into me
Piercing me, you remind me I'm a woman
Soothing my restless gypsy soul
My thoughts are on pause
Briefly, hung, a Himalayan Monk's breath
Then I'm riled again
And you let me dance wild and naked, screaming, in front of you for awhile,
Just to get it out
Then you take the gypsy to solace
Once again like you always do.

Anon.
3SE's

August 10 th 1999

 Who knows where we will meet again
Or where good-byes falling like rain scattered
Countryside's at ease while our souls screech in our darkened lonely corners of life

I

Reached for your hand and it held a dollar bill
Not enough to free
And not what would have been most precious----
For you to TAKE IT and
Fill my empty heart with your liquid.

Will we meet by chance on the street somewhere, another day of wander aimless for me a
nother day of country breezed safe sweatered security of deadness for you I

Have no place to hang my hat and
I am alive and
You are dead but could
Rise in my arms I'd
Just one touch- your hand into mine- nothing between them- no papered excuse to even bring us there just
Destiny ambushing us into
Face to face can't you
Just take it---- one touch----- it wouldn't hurt you------ do you think you'll burn------- do you
Know you'll
Weep in my arms, ice of our self restrain and extended facades cracking, chipping, breaking off onto the floor of some shopping mall outside
Some chain clothing store with it's warm sweaters and nice ties
No more ties for you
No more freedom for me
You were right
Nothing is the same now
Unsheathed hand.
 
 
 
 

This is the end of the REFLECTIONS (diary):
727: Scuse Me, While I Kiss The Sky.

It's been real,

As always.

Guys, even though I might not have a place to plug in my computer after Sunday, I'm startin the next diary (New moon eclipse, 8/11--- Full moon if I haven't dissolved in grief by then) and I'll go to coffeehouses or libraries or someplace to try n' stay with you here. If I stop writing, well,

"Perhaps we shall meet again, someday"

Hello Good-bye,
3SE's  :)

REFLECTIONS, New Moon Eclipse, 1999-----

???????????????????????????????????????????????
 

HELLO GOODBYE
                                John Lennon, Paul McCartney
                            From the album "Magical Mystery Tour"

You say yes
I say no
You say stop
And I say go, go, go!
Oh, no

You say goodbye, and I say hello

Hello, hello
I don't know why you say goodbye, I say hello
Hello, hello
I don't know why you say goodbye, I say hello

I say high
You say low
You say why
And I say I don't know
Oh, no

You say goodbye, and I say hello

Hello, hello
(Hello, goodbye, hello, goodbye)
I don't know why you say goodbye, I say hello
(Hello, goodbye                 hello, goodbye)
Hello, hello
I don't know why you say goodbye, I say hello

La-la-la-la-la-la, do you say
Goodbye?
Oh, no

You say goodbye, and I say hello

Hello, hello
I don't know why you say goodbye, I say hello
Hello, hello
I don't know why you say goodbye, I say hello

You say yes
(I say yes)
I say no
(Do-re-mi-no)
You say stop
(I can stay)
And I say go, go, go
(Till it's time to go)
Oh, no

You say goodbye, and I say hello

Hello, hello
I don't know why you say goodbye, I say hello
Hello, hello
I don't know why you say goodbye, I say hello
Hello, hello
I don't know why you say goodbye, I say hello-o-o-o-o-o
Hello-o-o

(Outro)

Hey-la!
Hey-hey-lo-la!
Hey-la!
Hey-hey-lo-la!
(repeat and fade)
 
 

Every season of my life seems to roll around my mouth, tasted. What will the repast be THIS season? Dry crusts of bread? Ice cream floats, soda cold and ice-cream soft? Loneliness?

"This loneliness is killing me"
                          -Zobo Funn Band

Right now, I feel as if there is no one in the world but me. The silence is deafening. I want to turn on the radio just to have some noise.

Actually, think I'll put on Enya, she always soothes me. Till that song comes on that reminds me of Craig, anyway. How could he leave, after all we'd been through together, without saying goodbye? How could he allow himself to be suffocated by a life that won't let him write, changing his own destiny as one of our great literary figures......could I not inspire him enough? Was it my reluctance to use my magical powers that will let him slip into anonymity, doing always everything for everyone else but
His own poet-soul?

And, am I talking just about him, or me?

Oh, if the fates were different, we would be some pair.........in a pretty little shack on the beach, with weather-worn wood and big lighted rooms writing all day, occasionally bumping into each other, reading each other's work, laughing,

Why is it so rare that two writers, by nature so compatible in our ways of living, looking at life, questioning, laughing, screaming on the page, being 24/7 voyeurs of every nuance and detail of people, things, the taste of a smell, the touch of a thought,

Get to be together, with the only kind of person that will truly understand us?

Of course, I know me and Craig ever being together is impossible, not just because of our life situations, but because I drive him crazy. The thought is more a way to express my deep affection and caring for him, not a true sought after destiny.

I think.

It seems that for me, anyway, my time of being someone's love, and/or lover, are over, and

I think I need some music, and to take the vanilla Haagan Daas and the ginger ale out while I'm in the kitchen turning on the music

And to sit, ice cream floating while this page uploads and

Hope Leno comes on before the Medieval song that makes me think

Of one I wish

Would follow their luminous destiny.
 

Myself, of course.

Love all ways,
3SE's  :)

 Happy birthday Momma!

August 12, 1999

Every day is a sigh. A breath is mine today. If I move in love, it's answered in apathy and yet I go on. I send magic to someone and they wake up feeling better but I never sign my name. Anonymous Samaritan, I walk. Acceptor of peace and avoider of name-calling and back-biting I am. I graze the grass of hypocrisy and turn it into vitamins for my body. When I'm too embarrassed to get down on all fours I civilly mow it, and secretly take the clippings to my blender to add to the smoothie. All alone in this world I am, when I'm not needed, and still I go on, trying to think the load is light when I know damn fucking well it's atrociously heavy. My feet move, one in front of the other, and I stare down at them in dumb amazement.

Till tomaarah,
3SE's

 August 13th

Triscadictaphobia Revised

See, some would say 3 hurricanes (The Tropical Storms Formally Known As Hurricanes?) pointed straight at you on the weekend you are to become officially a homeless Grandmother with three kids is "bad luck", and SOME make a special trip to your house to say

"I see your power weather is coming"

Some say 13 is a "bad" number

Some, "mos' sacred NUMBUH massuh........."

In the Jesus story, Mary was the "Thirteenth Apostle" (play by that name by me, work still in progress, will post it when I'm done if I'm still alive and there's still such a thing as the internet)

Some build high-rises without a thirteenth floor

Others relish "the bakers dozen"

Donut filling dripping down onto the sidewalk on a Friday the 13th, I lick the powdered sugar from the corners of my mouth as I
Follow the black cat under the ladder
And eat wet donuts in the rain.

Laytuh, and/or tomorrow,
3SE's  :)

 August 14

Dancing The Mop Fantastic With Gloria
 

Gloria! by Laura Brannigan came on the "retro hot-tracks" program. She had a brand new mop she'd gotten at the little hardware store up by Fukashima's lil' mom an pop store. There's something about a dry, perfectly clean, lint free, scent free, virgin mop.......

She got a little one, to fit her little body. The foam mop head, between little rollers that a nice convenient handle would wring out for her soon, on a marathon childless night of deep cleaning of now empty rooms, door sills on top even.......down the walls........dip in bleach water solution, get all the crevices, be pono now sweet lady, put as much love into the house as the owners put misery and suffering into your life.........ooooo, saturated, huh? Now put more. Yeah. OH yeah. NICE and wet..........

The head was a pleasant shade of deep blue. GLORIA! came on, and she turned it up. Unfettered in the shell house, she danced through rooms, doing twirls and stances integrating the mop into all the motions. If there is a deity, a bunch of them, ghosts, spirits, Santa Claus, whatever

Watching her, it/they are amazed. No human eye witnesses her warrior moves. Her cheerleader perfect twirling and passing. She drops it only once during the dionysian feast of movement, and even then she integrates it into the powerful song by, still moving, laughing, tilting her head defiantly, and snatching it within a wonderfully executed twirl.

She doesn't want to stop when the music does, but she does, spinning slowly down, the tail end of an orgasm,.
Her comet sends hot ice towards the Keiper belt.
 

Anon.
3SE's  :)

 Commentary on Rodin's "Caryatid Who Has Fallen Under Her Stone" by Rodin, and, my life lately, by "Father Jubal" (redundant to scholars of language) from Heinlein's "Stranger In A Strange Land":

.......for 3 thousand years architects designed buildings with columns shaped as female figures. At least Rodin pointed out that this was work too heavy for a girl. He didn't say, "look, you jerks, if you must do this, make it a brawny male figure.". No, he SHOWED it. This poor little caryatid has fallen under the load. She's a good girl- look at her face. Serious, unhappy at her failure, not blaming anyone, not even the gods.....and still trying to shoulder her load, after she's crumpled under it.
    But she's more than good art denouncing bad art; she's a symbol for every woman who ever shouldered a load too heavy. But not alone women- this symbol means every man and woman who ever sweated out life in uncomplaining fortitude until they crumpled under their loads. It's courage, Ben, and victory.
    "Victory?"
    Victory in defeat, there is none higher. She didn't give up, Ben; she's STILL TRYING TO LIFT THAT STONE AFTER IT HAS CRUSHED HER........

Till tomarruh,
3SE's

 Stayin With A Friend: Stressful, Stimulating, Growth Inducing

August 18th 1999

Just had a great dueling tirade on the failing state of our campuses,

The Places Formally Known As Non constipated Hotbeds Of Freethinking

And how if this continues we will surly sire a generation of future leaders that are scared sheeple stuck in conservative sue fearing establishment lackeys.

Living in someone's house, even when you're paying rent and have been very clear about the arrangements
Can be difficult due to the peccadilloes of the (original) householder, even when very temporary. Sometimes it feels like your walking on eggshells. I'm so exhausted and depleted that this is really

Testing.....testing......one two three.....testing........testing.........

And it (this time of asking me to be superwoman when I feel like the urchin selling pencils on the depression era street, ready to freeze to death) is not over with the move pau. Today I had to register my youngest in her new school, pick up Junior High schedules for the other two, then school supplies, stops for food drink and gas along the way, and magazines (I'm SO BORED mom!) then "home" and laundry, dishes, dealing with more boredom and hyperactive wrestling in one room while the house mate, taking a surprise day off from work, is on the phone during all the business hours so I'm not able to call to find out about this potential house in Makawao, check voice mail, e-mail.........

My friend is going to law school, cause he "cares about social injustices", but I really wonder if the system is the way to tackle it sometimes I really feel

A revolution is the only thing that gonna keep this country from constipative apathy and line-towing.

A social high colonic.

Till tomorrow,
3SE's

 August 19th

Here is the first of a series of articles I hope to have run in a local paper, "The Haleakala Times":

Homeless In Hawaii

Profiles of people, human beings, with lives, with faces, with hopes, with dreams, without, a home..........

My Story
Part One

 Commentary on Rodin's "Caryatid Who Has Fallen Under Her Stone" by Rodin, and, my life lately, by "Father Jubal" (redundant to scholars of language) from Heinlein's "Stranger In A Strange Land":

.......for 3 thousand years architects designed buildings with columns shaped as female figures. At least Rodin pointed out that this was work too heavy for a girl. He didn't say, "look, you jerks, if you must do this, make it a brawny male figure.". No, he SHOWED it. This poor little caryatid has fallen under the load. She's a good girl- look at her face. Serious, unhappy at her failure, not blaming anyone, not even the gods.....and still trying to shoulder her load, after she's crumpled under it.
    But she's more than good art denouncing bad art; she's a symbol for every woman who ever shouldered a load too heavy. But not alone women- this symbol means every man and woman who ever sweated out life in uncomplaining fortitude until they crumpled under their loads. It's courage, Ben, and victory.
    "Victory?"
    Victory in defeat, there is none higher. She didn't give up, Ben; she's STILL TRYING TO LIFT THAT STONE AFTER IT HAS CRUSHED HER........
 
 

As I'm writing this, I'm staying with a friend, in a small bedroom in his Haiku Cottage with my three children. I paid him rent, but as anyone who has stayed with someone who feels they are "doing them a favor" knows, it is no bed of roses. He can leave his dishes to dry in the sink for days, but if ours are in the sink more than 5 minutes (sometimes less) you'd better bet we hear about it. There's the endless comments...... "close that door" "Don't slam it" (it was the wind.....) "clean up those toys from outside (they're STILL PLAYING WITH THEM) "Be quiet" (THEY ARE CHILDREN!) "turn off the bathroom light when you're done" (but you can leave the TV and computer on all night) and on and on and on and on and

We are SO PSYCHICALLY TIRED this constant trivial nagging is a major burden on our souls. This is WHY I paid him. WHY I called a few days before coming to make sure this wouldn't happen.....having a very frank talk with him....telling him we'd get a motel room, or a tent and sleep on the beach, rather than be subjected to this because this move (from a house we were "promised" last year when we moved in, was "long term, 5- 10 years at least", guess peoples word doesn't mean much anymore, ey?) had been VERY difficult and we REALLY needed some time to REST so we didn't COMMIT SUICIDE OR HAVE A NERVOUS BREAKDOWN and he said (in English, our common language or so I thought) "I agree, I understand", and then.......

The nagging began anyway. Well, I have a roof over my head now till Sept. 4th so I guess I OUGHT TO BE GRATEFUL........

Not only did the "landlords from hell" break their promises to my family (we rented the place so we could have a garden, two weeks into being there they came up without even a phone call, another broken promise, and said we couldn't) but....

So did the movers, who took my money, stood me up, and didn't return my phone calls. So did the person who was to do the dump run. Again, no phone call, nothing.

So I, a Grandmother, 111 pounds at the most, rented a U-haul, threw away almost everything I owned into the landfill, and put nearly all the rest into storage, and tried to rest here

Oh, did I mention that on our second night here one of his friends came over, rip-roaring drunk at 2 AM, and threw a 2-3 hour tirade in the living room, while I huddled in the bedroom holding my sleeping children and hoping he wouldn't try to come in, and force me to "put him down" (I'm small, but know the ways of the warrior well, at least I've got that, ey?). I had to go register my kids in school the next day, and meet people, with circles under my bloodshot eyes. At least the kids slept through all this. Guess the TREE FROGS kept them lulled.

Now, while I was writing this, he just told my youngest to be careful with a plate or something and I went in to talk to him about it and he nearly threw me out...........

Though where I'd go, I don't know. I was promised a house in Makawao by Sept. 4th, I paid to apply, called back often, made a special trip to her office at her request with the HUD paperwork just last week, and now it seems the owner doesn't want to fix it up to even the minimal HUD standards, but, instead, rent it to someone who, in this very tight rental market, will rent a slum without batting an eye.

We're on the waiting list for the homeless shelter. We're tired and scared and sad and abused and feel that we're losing hope and I cling to my little children at night with my heart breaking and tearing and shedding and dying,

A grandmother. A Kupuna, an Elder. A mother with 3 small children. Genius IQ, 158. Started college again last year so I could reenter my field of radio/television after taking off to raise my second family, to upgrade my skills since the dinosaur time I was last on the air, and in the studios. To get my Masters degree, to work and get off welfare even though I'm on disability and could live off the system forever if I wish. A hero, one people stand up in churches and political rallies and etc. and say "let us help them up, those who are downtrodden, heavy laden, ESPECIALLY those that are TRYING let us....."

Say we wish to help her get out from under her stone. It sounds so noble. Then, when she is REALLY there, right in front of us, let us not only IGNORE her, but let's

Grind the stone REALLY  hard into her with our spiked boot.......

Next, part two: Who I am and where I've been or

Bust The Stereotypes, And See The Human Being (yourself?)...........

By,
Homeless Being With A Face #1
P.O. Box 2116
Kihei, Hawaii, 96753

Till tommorrow~
3SE's

 "Aloha" Friday, August 20th 1999

Giving Up Long Fights Or Seeing Small Progressions

-or-

How I Learned To Still Eat And Love The Magnetically Attracted Pilikia

There are some things in life that constantly follow you, dog you even, through all the ups and downs and in-betweens, through years and decades and what seems like forevers, things that

The psychiatrically inclined would be sure to point to as a repeating pattern forged in some stage of early growth, drawn to you be your own psychotic aversion to it much as a rabbit, shivering in the brush at the sight of the hawk circling overhead, makes itself the most visible prey.

Religious fanatics of various sects and denominations may say it's "karma", or that you're "possessed", or, perhaps the milder, "not right with the lord".

I'm not sure what to believe. Did some fairy not get invited to the party thrown when I was born, and, pronounced in loud reverberation, "From this day forth you shall never be able to eat a meal in peace"?

It seems for as far back into time as I can remember, my mealtimes have been cursed. It seems that whenever I eat, some signal goes out, and the beacon wakes up/alerts the Gremlins Of Destruction (sound like a name for a punk rock band?) and they

Cause mischievous havoc of my hoped for peaceful repast.

Perhaps I should have been born somewhere else. I remember in "Woman Who Run With The Wolves" that the author spoke about "finding your clan", and how many have felt, from the time they were born pretty much, that some cosmic mistake had been made- and they had been born into the wrong family/time period/society......etc.  Maybe I should have been born in one of those cultures where mealtime is like a quiet, holy ceremony. A deeply spiritual daily ritual of replenishment and joy. Slowly tasted and cherished (rather than inhaled, stuffed in while driving and talking with the cell phone cradled between shoulder and ear, an afterthought to the program on the TV)

I've heard of a certain kind of meal that stretches for hours. A VERY small portion of something is served, enjoyed slowly and thoroughly, a period of empty table palette and mind happens, the next precious portion of something new is brought in, it's appreciated, waves of sensual and silent.....

People eat like they have sex anymore. I've sworn off sex because I don't want to be fucked anymore. I think I'm going to stop eating altogether because I don't want to be fucked with while I'm eating. A pattern emerges. I want a slow, be here now fulfilling, deeply sensual and beatifically aware life in a world of fast food fast cars and fast anger

Of people who have hours of time to sit in front of the boob tube and watch whatever's on even if it's not interesting, but don't have 1.5 seconds to say my name (but it's SO long....CAN'T I call you SOMETHING for SHORT) I want...

The address of that spurned fairy. Perhaps I can make amends somehow, and get these gremlins offa my back.

Three Singing Eagles
(now, that really didn't take too long, did it? Savor it. It is TRULY a BEAUTIFUL name...........)

 August 23rd  1999

Wow, guess we must be in Virgo. Everything time-wise is a skewing.

This may be my last submission for awhile. We have to leave this place where we were allegedly "renting a room".

You know, it this point in my life I'm beginning to feel that, both men AND woman, see my radiant light, and (I think they're attracted to it so it'll rub off on them, we'll charge up each other and thereby the world) make a plan, conscious or otherwise, to kill it, or at least, maim it severely.

It's around 4 AM, the Girl's first day of school, "Kainoa", who of course, had the TV on all night as usual (see new page, "Homeless Faces Of Maui" on "Song Of The Moon" for background on this) turned it WAY up around 2:45, and kept it up, occasionally turning it louder, then softer, then louder, then louder still.........

Well, you get the idea.

So, We're going to rent a vacation rental or hotel room till we can get into the homeless shelter. I packed up most of our stuff yesterday, Elijah's school starts tomorrow, so he and I will

MOVE EVERYTHING

This is getting VERY old!

This time, 2/3 rds of what we brought here, thinking we were staying till Sept. 4th into storage, rest with us. Froze all our food in case we get a place without a fridge, so it'll last in the cooler longer. If I had known this shit would have been pulled on me, I would not have stocked the fridge.......I'm down to bout 50$ worth of food stamps, hardly enough for picnic stuff every night if we end up in a hotel sans fridge/cooking facilities. Most places are at least 40$ per night......and in Kihei........long drive to bring kids to school in Makawao every morning.......gas wise.......hopefully we'll get the 25$ a night place in Pa'ia.

Yet, if so, I strongly doubt that includes a phone. I may be able to save these pages onto disk and bring them to a public computer to upload, but, in case you don't hear from me for a few days, or a week, or......

You'll know why. Checked my lifeline, and it's still way off my hand and spiraling around my wrist

And if anything is stronger, and more deeply grooved. So I won't be dead, trust me. But, hopefully, by tonight, I will be able to be dead asleep. It's been 13 days since I have been able to sleep a full night and

Even warriors with incredibly deep and long lifelines get

Almost too exhausted to go on.

Sometimes............
 

Will leave you with a quote my mom forwarded me last night via e-mail........

Purrrrfect timing!

    " As a bee seeks nectar from all kinds of flowers,
>
>            seek teachings everywhere.
>
>       Like a deer that finds a quiet place to graze,
>             seek seclusion to digest all that you have gathered.
>
>       Like a mad one beyond all limits,
>
>              go where you please and live like a lion completely
>
>                           free of all fear."  - Dzogchen Tantra
 

Thank you all for staying with me here---- my love which is incredibly flowing much like a never dry spring bubbling up from the depths of the earth, beyond ANYONES control, even- (especially?) my own,

Flows to you.

Till we meet again,
3SE's  :)

Make Me One With Everything:
Reborn Reflections For The New millennium
 
 

It is said that when The Dalai Lama visited the island of Maui, he stopped at an outdoor hot-dog stand and asked the vendor to
"Make me one with everything"

It is, also, known as a fact, that on the aforementioned trip my friend Christian, a full-blooded Viking, got incredibly drunk (as usual) found the Dalai's hotel room (a drunken Viking magician, you see what kind of SPIRITUAL MANA I have to be able to NOT ONLY HANDLE, but LOVE such friends) and he banged on the door and said (okay, screamed) "Come outtuh there you little shit!"

WARNING: These REFLECTIONS (daily musings) are like this Dalai example, filled with all kindsuh shit...... he said "Make me one with everything", not just SELECTED SWEET LITTLE PARTS so that's what you'll find here and if you're faint of heart, pompous, uptight, judgmental, or ANYTHING in that vein, forget about reading this.... go to a smurf or furbie page or somethin. You have now been warned, I don't want to hear ANY bitching about what I say in these pages now. PERIOD.

Sincerely, 3singingeagles Ma'hinahinahina Grady  :)

1/11/00
Hi again folks.

Guess you'all thought you'd never hear from me again, what, with me dying left an' right, and being homeless and shit like that..... but...... going to college, on TV, working successfully as a part-time computer nerd, starting a newspaper ("The Rebel Yell") and still raising 3 kids by myself (though they, truth be told, raise me most of the time) (Learn...... from your child ren, well!)

Guess you noticed I didn't mention any love or sex in there. Well- WHAT'DYA THINK, I GOT TIME FOR EVERYTHING?????

Actually, that is partly true, but MORE true is that my heart is broken fairly easily and there's only so much I can take. Even cowgirls get the blues.
 

OOOOOO- which reminds me, I FINALLY got that book (by Tom Robbins) at the MCC (Maui Community College) library........since they SENT BACK THE COPY I ORDERED AT THE REGULAR LIBRARY, ALL THE WAY BACK OVER THE SEA TO OAHU, CAUSE I DIDN'T PICK IT UP WITHIN THREE FUCKING DAYS OF GETTING THE GODDAMN NOTICE IN THE MAIL and so I'll be reading it......

I'm gonna expand the "fear no learning" book review page. Taking a Literature course this year which is "writing intensive" (happier THAN a clam, yes I am, sir an' ma'am).......I have to keep a journal for the class noting the things in life that relate to whatever we're reading.... THIS should be interesting, hum?

Alrighty then, love ya guys, I'll write more about today tomorrow (what?!?) (It's not our jobs on the planet to understand EVERYTHING, relax)

LOVE,
3singingeagles  :)

 1/12/00

Sleeping on math books.......

Has anyone ever heard that if you sleep on books you'll absorb their info? Well, I tried that last night. Had a one-day notice that I'd be having a math test (today) which would determine whether I got to stay in the class or not, and had Mother-stuff to do all night, so I took a basic algebra book, and a very cool and small book on math by Issac Asimov out of the library and slept on them. I have no idea why, but maybe because I haven't taken a Math course since statistics as Tompkins Cortland Community College in 1984, it seems those chambers of my brain that had the math pathways grooved in, well, let's just say the paths are still there, they've just gotten a little overgrown WHERE'S THAT MACHETE but seriously QUADRUPLE BYPASS HERE, DOCTOR, but actually

When I took the "math placement" course that landed me in the level I landed in in the first place, (high!?!) I fucked myself over by using one of these little tricks, not the snoozing on books one, an old mind-control trick.... when you're taking a test, and reach a question you don't have any clue/know jack-shit about, you put the three fingers of your preferred hand (both if you're ambidextrous?) together INTO YOUR EARS, AND SCREAM ALOUD, I AM NOT AFRAID OF FAILING MY LIFE and then look at the answers (this is for multiple choice exams no duh). One answer should be "glowing" a little more than the others. Choose this before you come down from the acid, or take another hit, then.....

Okay, just kidding about the LSD thing- but- then again- maybe not- a lot of nuero-pathways were busted WIDE open during the days I was dropping (having part of a hit with coffee every morning) on a regular basis. Hum. But anyways, I guess it worked somewhat cause I scored high and now today I was faced with repeating my success only it wasn't a multiple choice test. Oooops.

It was a big deal for me to actually take a book out by Asimov, since when I was 11, I was at a convention in Albany sponsored by Silva Mind Control, and where my hands "before during and after a hands-on healing session" were part of the very first "Kirilean photography" slide show..... I was the child genius/darling of mind-control in those days. Now I'm a homeless Gramma. Go figguh.

BUT anyways, I had lunch at the table (sitting next to Jose Silva, who just LOVED me, he was like the Loving Grampa I never really had) where the two "famous" co-presenters of the photography, who spoke about its societal implications during the presentation, were also sitting, and they were Issac and Leonard Nimoy, neither of whom I knew anything about except what I had heard in the presentation, and Issac pretty much made believe I wasn't there- like- as in- ignored me but without even the attention of actively ignoring me, it was just as if I was nothing to him... and I wasn't used to that, being usually in the spot-light and I took an immediate dislike to him, and, consciously or not, have not read any of his books ever. Till last night. Well, okay, slept on it last night, DID scan it, and read a little, for about 1/2 hour this morning.

THINK MAYBE ITS TIME TO LET THIS GO?

Yeah, I THINK SO

Took out  (from the library, not shot in cold blood) "Even Cowgirls Get The Blues" by Tom Robbins and, on impulse (passed by it on the shelf on the way to Tom's section ) "The Rose Tattoo" by Fitzgerald,  only cause I happen to have a tattoo of a rose (over my heart, in fact) (YEAH IT HURT OKAY?) so, oughtuh read them over this extended weekend (wow- Martin Luther King Day is early this year, ey?) before school gets WAY TOO intense, return them, and get out one of his fictional novels. It's time to give the guy a break. Sure, he was a stuck-up bastard, but that doesn't mean he's not a brilliant writer, which I've heard consistently that he is..........

Man, I have so much more to say, but you'll have to wait till

"Tomorrow.........Is Another Day" (Hellllloooo Scarlett. Can you say "stating the obvious. Good! I just KNEW ya COOOD)

Love,
3SE's :)

 1/17

Well well well got lost for awhile and my whole life is crumbling as usual..... can I accomplish ANYTHING I feel like such a failure..... and being homeless.... it kicked my alcohalic butt back into dangerous binges, each one worser than the last. It might be that I will lose the kids, if we don't get a safe house for them to be together in, with or without me..... I might end up at Aloha house for awhile for treatment, I know it's real hard for people who haven't had this disease to understand that it really is a PHYSICAL THING I sware, you can FEEL IT IN YOUR BRAIN when the urge/ compulsion to drink comes on. Bill Moyers had a great special on addictions, and it showed the actual synaptic sweeps according to the drug..... alcohal IS a drug by the way, and many of us have come to see it as the worst, though I've heard in the meetings (AA and NA) (Alcohal IS A DRUG, HELLO) that crack is much worse, and black tar heroin is close.

We have set up a society which disenfranchises the best of us, the tender hearts, prone to addiction as well as consistant random acts of kindness. Then, lost and waundering all alone, we try to anestisize the pain of being too real. Velveteen Rabbit.

Well, this is enough for now, this inspiration e-mail I got will close out the day. Mucho homework. BY THE WAY this e-mail was those I ABSOLUTELY HATE GETTING that tells you how wonderful your life will become if you send it out to.....

Well, you get the drift. This kindof electronic coercian is something I WILL NOT be a party to. I will not bully or scare friends (and, not even enemies, on my good days!) so I have only put the "blessing" and cut out any and all referances to superstitious bullshit:

PS........... The Tibetans are really "coming through" lately. Maybe it's time to live wild in the caves and meditate like my life depended on it......... hum.......... pondering........

1/18/00

The cruel war is over..........

Done fighting, my blast is pertinent.
Son became a man today. 13 and getting his mustache and beard. Soon I will see him go from me.
My eyes get tired from the light reflected from my own soul.
I anticipate sleeping in a car with my baby close and nowhere to go but up.

 1/20/00

Two decades of being a mom, unoticed, no card, no lei, no call, no song. One day I will not be hated by my family, it will probubly be too late for me to love them again, then. All alone. As I have always been.

Sent To Daughter:

20 years ago.
A child was born.
2o years ago.
Beautiful girl, writer's cry.
Soft, fertile, not loud enough
For midwives. Though angels were
Pleased
2 decades ago.

One score ago
Black wet hair, young Woman-child pushes
Never asking what kind of Mother she'll be
Maybe good she didn't know
It all cause

20 small years ago
A tiny kitten entered
This ball of yarn planet
Ready to play.
 
 

To my beautiful Mira on her 20th birthday,
I am SO VERY GLAD that you were born!
Love,
Mommy

Where am I going who am I woke up with him is he thinking of me its as if he was here I could feel him holding me tightly desperatly protesting while losing control at the same time I

Wonder what will be the big talk with Doug today he may protest Michaela staying here with me, may I take the reading's advise, and my newfound deep and sad vision where unfortunately for my very tender soul I see the truth of what people are thinking and feeling again like when I was a child may I
Be PONO (righteous, in harmony, pa'a, all ways)

The Alchemist
 
 
 
 

         Action
                 4
                      Idea
                             7
                                 Emotion
                                          9
                                              Path
                                                      5
 
 

 Your Question...
 Please help me to understand how to serve
  The Greatest Good at this time in my life.
 
 

       The action you should take...
CauldronBe the mediator who brings unity. All will benefit from your actions.

The idea you should keep in mind...
Butterfly
Find nurturing people with shared goals to feed your transformation

The emotion you will encounter...
Storm
A tempest is brewing. Be tactful. Choose your words and actions with care.

The next stage of your process...
Gold
You will attain your goal. Your life will become rich with new meaning.

So be it. Amene'.

 1/21 Cont

As I was about to upload this, got this message from mah mama........... (forwarded)

From: quantum@aloha.net (by way of susand@aloha.net (Susan
Douglas))
>Subject: Hopi wisdom
>
>A Hopi elder speaks:
>
>"You have been telling the people that this is the Eleventh
>Hour, now you must go back and tell the people that  t h i s
>i s   t h e   H o u r.  And there are things to be considered...
>
>Where are you living?
>     What are you doing?
>          What are your relationships?
>               Are you in right relation?
>                    Where is your water?
>
>Know your garden.
>     It is time to speak your Truth.
>          Create your community.
>               Be good to each other.
>                    And do not look outside yourself for the
>                                                     leader."
>
>Then he clasped his hands together, smiled, and said,
>      " T h i s   c o u l d   b e   a   g o o d   t i m e ! "
>
>
>                    WISDOM OF THE ELDERS
>
>There is a river flowing now very fast.  It is so great and
>swift, that there are those who will be afraid.  They will
>try to hold on to the shore.  They will feel they are being
>torn apart and will suffer greatly.  Know the river has its
>destination.  The elders say we must let go of the shore,
>push off into the middle of the river, keep our eyes open,
>and our heads above the water.  And I say, see who is in
>there with you and celebrate.
>
>At this time in history, we are to take nothing personally.
>Least of all, ourselves.  For the moment that we do, our
>spiritual growth and journey comes to a halt.
>
>The time of the lone wolf is over.  Gather yourselves!
>
>Banish the word struggle from your attitude and your
>vocabulary.  All that we do now must be done in a sacred
>manner and in celebration.
>
>        WE ARE THE ONES WE'VE BEEN WAITING FOR.
>
>
>
>Oraibi, Arizona
>Hopi Nation

1/22

FishBrain Sandwich

If you live on the island of Maui, or ever get to visit here, and the big killer tsunamis and erupting of our sleeping volcano haven't wiped everything off the place so it could be at peace without all these garbage throwing poison spraying earth pokeing dune squatting
etc
"human beings"
PLEASE make sure to visit The Maui Ocean Center.

In fact, if you live on Maui, and haven't, shame on you (haha I can say that now since I finally did) For less $$ than a case uh beer (specially when you flash that Ka'amaina-rate-inducing local ID) you can spend the entire day there. Go early, they open at 9.

One of my husbands is visiting from Austin, Tx. (yes, I have 3 husbands, long story..... yet fun to tell. Anyone curious? e-mail me the request and I'll write it here) (singingeagles3@hotmail.com) (or other e-address, front page) and he's visiting. He decided to take us to the center. We only got there at 2:30 3 PM and they close at five, it soon reminded me of married sex, pleasureable, but always rushed.

But I sucked in every second of visual stimuli. Micheala and I will return there before we leave the island at the end of this semester. After over a decade here, it's amazing all the things I haven't seen. She, my Hawaiian baby, and I, will waunder this island over the next four months, together, seeing and drinking in as many square inches and rolling dunes and scented Eucalyptus groves and

As we can, ditgital camera in hand so

Sometimes, later, between entering Texas and the first royalty check from my trilogy of novels rolls in......

when I'm far away from Maui, and pineing

I'll look at these, and travel in my mind..................

More on the ocean center later, folks'll be waking up at this fucked up place I'm staying REAL soon so I'd better upload this now.

Love, 3SE's  :)

February WHAT?

Well, it's the second week and it's a Tuesday. OH YEAH---- that's right---- the 8th, My two library books were due today (Even Cowgirls Get The Blues by Tom Robbins, and The Rose Tatoo by Fizgerald) and I had to renew them. NOW I remember! TIME FOR READING IFFY YOU PLEASEY.......

Submitted the first draft of my first writing assignment this year and the teacher wept. She had two changes, noone became no one and sang became sung (see if you can find it) so, here it is...................

PS She wants me to submit it for the National College Literary Contest.

PPS I just LOVE it when the writing comes through pure and just right like this the first time!
 

    Lone Wolf # 117
 

When you study wolves, you find, often, most often, okay- almost a hundred percent of the time- that the lone wolf is the aberrant one. The one that is ill. The one that “doesn’t fit in with the pack”, (their family) or, even, ANY pack. The Human lone wolf, which we will study here, doesn’t fit in with “surrogate” families either: not gangs or churches or 12-step programs or THE WORLD AT LARGE but
 Every so often, there’s that special lone wolf. Often in legends, sometimes actually observed in Nature. Yes- the wolf that stories are made of, that songs are sung of, that totemic symbols are created of- and painted with careful hands on tipis and wooden pole-statues and cave walls and
 Yes- this could be a story of such a wolf. Right now she’s sitting (alone) in her car in a parking lot outside her favorite bookstore/café where, on a Saturday night, the place was too packed for someone ALL ALONE TO TAKE UP ONE WHOLE TABLE so she’s writing this story in her car, sipping her “Amore’ Special” coffee, designed by the Employee Currently Known As Hope. The coffee Hope made. Hope. Hope allows that fraction of one- percent chance that she will be a lone wolf that has a constellation named after her, whose songs may someday be sung around campfires. That lone wolf is me.
 Coincidentally, perhaps, this story starts in a car. Specifically, a cab. And, come to think of it, hope IS actually involved. For I find myself hoping that what was revealed to a twelve year old me in a cab on a chilly November day was indeed perceived right. Imagine if, all these years, I thought that one hundred and seventeen was my lucky number and it was actually my UNLUCKY number! Boy, there has to be a stronger word than fo-pah to describe such a thing!
 November seventeenth, and New York City was a dirty slush stain on the world. The metallic smell of dust was everywhere! I was waiting for the cab in my apartment. It was 11:07 on the digital clock when the buzzer rang: finally! The luncheon started at noon- and the damned clinic I worked at where it was to be held was just west of the Bowery! At least it was a Manhattan Cabbie. "Step on it, Jack, and see the sidewalks as your own personal thoroughfares if you must! I’m the goddamed volunteer of the year and the lovely mayor with the blue eyes even a hardened old spinster could melt under at one glance from them, melt into undirty water running down the city streets and cleaning and blessing and purifying everything it runs over, is waiting for me. Go!
 I enter the elevator and start the dreaded descent, 11 flights of hell- lord- how many times had I- the only white girl in this black and Puerto-Rican neighborhood- had the shit kicked out of me in this very elevator. Oh, God, if you exist, hear me? Please? Not today? Please please please please please please please please please?
 I was in my candy-striper outfit, pink and white striped smock over short sleeved white blouse all ironed carefully and little white socks and white laced dependable shoes. Key to the house on a string around my neck, carefully hid under the costume (as all uniforms are). Was the string white? Probubly. But out of sight. No, I didn’t want anyone to see it and ask questions and find out that I pretty much lived alone in apartment # 7, on the 11th floor.
 There was a stomach-tightening moment. I would have thrown up all over the elevator floor, pooling around my clean, white shoes, some dripping on my stiff clothing mask, if I hadn’t been too nervous to eat breakfast. The numbers went down smooth, almost there- 4, 3, then shivered------ hovered------ stopped------ the potential doom shown from the dirty yellow light of that 3. Door sliding open.
 Whew! It’s an old woman with an empty oversized canvas bag- the kind they carried groceries in back then- talking hurriedly in Spanish to no one I could see and shaking her head back and forth and it took two more floors for me to let the air out and then the light went from “one” to “L” and I flew down the lobby hall and out the door to enter cab
 Number 117. And Jack stepped on it. We almost flew to the edges of the Bowery. There, you could see, if you chose to look, as I did on that day, winos passed out in the wet slush. People stepped over them as if they were parking meters that had been knocked over once again by hoodlums or as if they were garbage bags thrown down from tenement windows by a woman alone with 16 children and afraid to leave them for even a minute to take it down by hand or as if they were an empty handbag cast aside after the contents had been gutted, any old obstacle of your choice. You were only a human being in the Bowery when you were upright, and even then, only to the other desperate souls. Otherwise you were trash-in-the-way.
 And then, suddenly, the bus was in front of us. Stopped for some reason, on one of the only narrow one way streets on our journey. Bus driver out on the sidewalk shoutin at someone, wavin the arms emphatically, bus doors open, bus idling with that humhumhumhumhum noise. Smell of diesel exhaust burning like high-grade cocaine to the nostrils, yet without the benefit of the buzz afterwards. It don’t mean a thing, if it, ain’t got that
 Sting of sight sound smell, in an excruciating pause in my journey. And there I was left alone with my thoughts, my self, staring at the back of the bus in hypnotic trance- at first, to avoid looking directly at either the altercation on the street OR the frustrated animal caged almost raged cabbie. Stare right between them, stare at the back of the bus that’s there, stare at the number emblazoned in cold and dirty silver on the back woah look it is
 110117.
 Where was the bus going? Where was I going? These questions briefly whooshed through my brain, drugging me into fog of the brain eyes glazed over trance of emptiness. A deep heat comes over my heart, slowly but spreading, as if injected through a syringe by a sadistic dealer. Alone. I am here in the stinging smell of the filth that is what we have done with our stinking little fucking lives on this tiny planet, going to make a stinkingly sweet speech in a usually stinking understaffed clinic (cleaned up for the occasion) to a buncha stinkingly hypocritical pseudo-do gooders over ½ of whom wished I hadn’t discovered the open-cans-of-tomatillos-in-the-fridges connection to the lead poisoning/mild malnutrition cause wouldn’t it be better if the blight of these ten to a room “Spics” would just be gone so they could knock down the buildings and put up some nice gentrifying high-rises and
 See, the lone wolf is crazy. 100% of all lone wolves. BUT- the small fraction of that one percent that are the stuff of legends are like the geniuses whose names we recognize----- rather than those that end up dead or in asylums.
 The day I realized that 117 was my lucky number was the day I realized I was all alone in this stinking world was the day my parents didn’t “find time” to come to my glory was the day I looked at the bus driver and willed him to immediately stop in mid-sentence and get on the bus and pull out lil’ doggie (wolfie?) was the day I went and read my sweet poem that drept candy pre speech was the day I threw the speech itself, written on two nice clean sheets of paper, out to the crowded room of spectators, was
 The day the face of the Wolf poked out of a starch-like ironed  pink and white striped costume, and Wolfie told everyone how it REALLY was------ red in faces, some walking out, the rest cheering me at the end----- though many, uncomfortably. Today they’d say: “You Go Girl!” Crazy wolf barking truth.
 Now, the old lady sits in her car, alone of course. A few weeks earlier, on 1/17/00, her children decided to fly away from her….. she will see them again after awhile, of course, yet that won’t make her less alone.

She spent her life howling out the raw words that burned.
 Many of the clan ran away.
  Some bared their teeth.
Mist is up. It falls down to the ground. There are some wolves still hanging around, circling, pacing, checkin her out. They, at once, as if carefully planned, raise their soft nozzles and croon their approval in varying tones. She turns and walks into the mist with no parting comment. She is sung in the stars- the constellation of Searing Truth- 4th to the left when the North Star is dependable, which is always, that’s her home…. she’s one of the lights that seem small from where you can see, but if you got really close would be large, hot, almost too bright to imagine.

Look close now……… you’ll find her there.
 

Hope you like it. There's almost too much to say to you, but, I'm off to do laundry and Math homework in Beautiful Pa'ia town, watch the sunset at the beach eating Gouda cheese and Smoked Salmon and Mana bread and Kula greens man I'm hungry with
Chocolate Halavah for desert and
The moan of the whales fresh between my thighs
Head to the wind.

2/10/2000

Nice numbers.

    How much of my life had been spent in my house?

Now, watching the sun rise 360 degrees around my house (car) as I lay there, cuddled in blankets, I wonder how I ever became so disconnected from the rythems of life, from, well, nature even. What happened to me?

Well, that's changed now. And once I get all this SS paperwork done and get secured in some way, I'd really like to roam around this island. Had planned to do it with Michaela earlier (as you who follow this may recall) yet it seems my mom and sister are hoarding her, and, they might as well, cause they're gonna lose her soon enough. Time flies. And she's coming to Texas with me whether they like it or not. Period. So, they got the next few months with her and I've got time to be the Real Shaman once again will you

Join me in my special journeys? Huh? WILL ya?

Will do the best to keep you posted,
As always, your,
3singingeagles :)

Hi loves!

Here's a letter I wrote to a friend who's in beautiful Ithaca! After it, is an e-mail I received regarding long distance charges for long distance e-mails...... does this piss you off too? E-ME baby, e-me! I'll post every response here. Love, 3SE's :)

Hey Babes!

Well, 2nd career...... more like going further with the first, gettin that ol' Masters in Telecommunications. No more RA/TV degrees, cause, pretty much no more REAL radio anymore, most through Satellite feeds from 2 or 3 cities (NYC, LA, Chicago) pre- recorded spots stacked and CD's played by computerized CD-stackdecks, etc etc.
   I'd like to teach at the College-level, but from what my professor-buddies tell me is that bullshit politics and paperwork are half the job, I wonder. Well, we'll see, if I ever DO finish this degree, perhaps so much basic college will be done on the net, the colleges would revert by natural course into
   A place filled with Artists, most of us deviant rebels of course..... those are the only courses that could not be taught on the computer. Painting, music, drama, etc
And, here, Oceanography. Sigh.
   You know what I'd love to take? Volcanic Geology..... on The Big Island of course.... but, doesn't look like it, as I'll be moving to Austin the end of this semester. Oh, well. Maybe someday. There's always....... a Doctorate?!? Dr. 3singingeagles. Whattuh ya think?

Well, off to find more info on moon colonies, since I'm going to be The Ambassador of The Moon in Political Science class. It's gonna be a hard sell, this is my first part of this Moon Nation thing that I'll be turning in on Monday, "If I were ambassador".... if it goes off alright (as I believe it shall..... there's a lot of research, info, model structures as well as communities and "governance" issues  on the web..... we'll see. Hope so. I DO SO love the idea of next, sitting on the UN general assembly as The Representative Of The Moon!

Okay, too many bites from Killer Bunnies for you, babe! I know. Must be Rabbitd.

Laytuh, Dude!
3singingeagles  :)

FYI: NO MORE FREE E-MAIL.....
CNN has reported that within the next two weeks Congress is going to
vote on allowing
telephone companies to CHARGE A TOLL FEE for Internet Access.

Translation: Every time we send a long distance e-mail we  will receive
a long distance
charge. This will get costly. Please visit the following web site and
file a complaint.

Complain to your Congressperson. We can't allow this to pass! The
following address will
allow you to send an e-mail on this subject DIRECTLY to your
Congressperson.

http://www.house.gov/writerep   ,

Pass this on to your friends. It is urgent. I hope all of you will pass
this on to all your
friends and family. We should ALL have an interest in this one.

WAIT, THERE'S MORE. IN ADDITION, The last few months have revealed an
alarming trend in the Government of the United States attempting to
quietly push through
legislation that will affect  your use of the Internet.   Under proposed
legislation the U.S.
Postal Service will be attempting to bilk email users out of alternate
postage fees". Bill
602P will permit the Federal Govt to charge a 5 cent surcharge on every
email delivered,
by billing Internet Service Providers at source. The consumer would then
be billed in turn
by the ISP.  Washington D.C. lawyer Richard Stepp isworking without pay
to prevent this
legislation from becoming law.

The U.S. Postal Service is claiming that lost revenue due to the
proliferation of e-mail
costing nearly $230,000,000 in revenue per year. You may have noticed
their recent ad
campaign "There is  nothing like a letter". Since the average citizen
received about 10
pieces of email per day in 1998, the cost to the typical individual
would be an additional
50 cents per day, or over $180 dollars per year, above and beyond their
regular Internet
costs.

Note that this would be money paid directly to the U.S. Postal Service
for a service they
do not even provide. The whole point of the Internet is democracy and
noninterference. If
the federal government is permitted to tamper with our  liberties by
adding a surcharge to
email, who knows where it will  end. You are already paying an
exorbitant price for snail
mail because of bureaucratic inefficiency. It currently takes up to 6
days for a letter to be
delivered from New York to Buffalo.  If the U.S. Postal Service is
allowed to tinker with
email, it will mark the end of the "free" Internet in the United States.
One congressman,
Tony Schnell has even suggested a "twenty to forty dollar per month
surcharge on all
Internet service" above and beyond the government's proposed email
charges.

Note that most of the major newspapers have ignored the story, the only
exception being
the Washingtonian which called the idea of email surcharge "a useful
concept who's time
has come" (March  6th,1999) Editorial.

Don't sit by and watch your freedoms erode away! Send this e-mail to
EVERYONE
on your list, and tell all your friends and relatives to write to their
Congressman and say
"No!" to Bill  602P.  It will only take a few moments of your time, and
could very well be
instrumental in killing a bill we don't want.

PASS THIS ON TO EVERYONE YOU KNOW WHO USES EMAIL REMEMBER
THESE ARE TWO SEPARATE ISSUES THAT EFFECT ALL OF US ONLINE.

LET YOUR VOICE BE HEARD NOW, NOT AFTER!!!!!!

"gee...... this just cannot continue, huh? Even old folks are talking through e-mails and in chat-halls, sharing concerns, banding together, empowering themselves with vitality, and education as per their rights and all..... can't let THIS continue oh nonono......."

Teh.

THIS MUST NOT OCCUR..... Big Brother is trying to screw us again where the sun don't shine. ENOUGH!

Shout
Shout
Let it all out
These are the things
I can
DO withOUT!

Sincerly,
And with a rebel yell,
3singingeagles :)

Maybe more laytuh, sweetie-pies :), 3SE's  :)

Will the REAL life please stand up and come forward?

Everywhere the screams are heard, tortured daydreams
She worked feverishly to take out her careful workshop clothes
Though she knew very well she'd get them dirty that way
Folks hoped to finger her, willing to always shine beyond expectations
And where ever she went, was stardust.
Luminous, her fingers coated with it.

It's like your Juices
Many were heard to worship under her sheets.
Ummmmmmmm.

Too Much Candy For The Little Girl

Some poetry from early 2,000 till today, Feb 15th
 

    WARNING: THESE POEMS ARE THE RAWEST EVER AND CONTAIN A
    LOT OF  SEXUALLY AND/OR EMOTIONALLY DISTURBING IMAGES.
                    ENTER AT YOUR OWN RISK ALREADY, EY?
 

2/15/00

The above is the intro to the new poetry page. It's pretty intense, from what I can see from the spectrum of poems that seemed to have (23 dedicated to the DNA strand as usual) gravitated to it's strange titled place!

The first one, even worse, starts out deceptivly benign..... later ranting verse regarding the illusion men have of the joys of rough finger-fucking follows later, but, anyways, the poem was written yesterday, so if you can take a Valentine's treat, here it is, his spying ways and days are still on my skin so I think I'll treat myself to dinner, maybe at the mall with the moving floor- nah- MUST be a quieter place nearby!
 

End The Watch, Bring Your Arms

I saw you had been watching me
After I rose from under the blanket tree.
I had given the tree a pink rosebud
Nestled it in a little bowl carved by time in its trunk,
Before I Left.
Rising from the pagan offering, I saw you.

I would have given you one too
If I could've gotten
Even a little close to you
But
The self-imposed gap
For the safety of our souls....................

So futile! Our love has already swallowed us whole
Till you must stand in the shadows
Just to catch a glimpse of my thigh on the grass blade!

I would've run to you-
You know.
I would've swept you into my warm arms
Beautiful Face
Cherished Poet-Lover, yes, I know
You're not a poet
You're not my lover
Keep telling yourself that
I hope you have better luck than I have

O- that is SUCH bullshit, I hope

You come out of the shadows, soon, NOW, and RUN TO ME
Arms and heart askew!
 

2/15 Contd'

The dusk is threatening
Darker than an oversucked experiance of life
Dryer than the former wetter whistle
Finer than cool-weather conviences.

Laytuh,
Luv Already,
3singingeagles :)

I'm gonna end this page now. Start a new one. What shall I name it? I think something with horses, lust, and wind..... but not sure yet.

Out for coffee and a smoke, back later with new page, for now...... send these URL's to your friends if you can, so they can, also, visit the moon..........

MUCH love to you'all, thanks for all the feedback, for those who follow this even though I disappear occasionally (will be taking a vision quest soon, but will warn ya) (less' I die again before then..........)

FACES OF THE MOON:
http://www.angelfire.com/ma/hinahinahina/index.html

Song Of The Moon:
http://www.mauigateway.com/~singinge/index.htm

Aloha oe------------------till we meet again!

WARNING:
Don't tread here, if your wish right this second is to tread lightly
Shouldering no psychic burdens, crying no empathetic tears,
Everything here screams. Only walk in these pages when you're brave and feisty.
It is good to have spoken.

2/17

Trudell speaks
I can smell the basements of the soul he's dipped his
Into dirt smelling hellholes of
Confused? I'm not, for I speak like him
Joshua was cute
Looks like I'm "moonbeam" to him
What is it that the simple touch of a hand,
Especially combined with in-eye looking AND smiles
The bond between me and him
Though we immediatly butt heads
And continue to rile eachother up

Hey- how come I rile so much?

Look- I'm swareing to you RIGHT NOW that there is NO EFFORT at all towards this goal, I prefer to be well loved, why is it the most innocent things I say can make

Blood boil. Look what it did to Craig! Gentle, smiling, everything's happy and/or rolls offuh my back Craig
I DROVE HIM FUCKIN CRAZY
Initially, I know, JUST BY BEING
(who I was..... ey?)
Long flowered and scarved and no shoes uncivilized beast and
Smoking a ciggarette like I was sucking someone's cock and
Eating a banana like I was Moses coming out of the desert and the fruit was the first thing I had eaten in, well,
QUITE some time like
Maybe 40 days and 40 nights or thereabouts hey wouldn't
The banana stick in such a dry throat?

It's so creamy, ya know.

Is it because I BLEED WHO I AM OUT OF EVERY SINGLE FUCKING PORE
And REFUSE TO BECOME A SHEEP IN THE WORLD-PEN and
Am uncivilized. And proud of it. Is that. Why. I.

Excite their passions?

2/17 contd'

Poem written while waiting for John to speak (WHEW!):

The Children's Circle

The medicine wheel has many faces.

Children play without any self-awareness around the talking-circle.

THEY don't know the circle is for "something important"

THEY don't know it's the circle, the ONLY circle, of unedited voices in this place.

The only place that we can speak.

And-
Do they know-
That we shall-
That we will-
That whithering is NOT an option, that
Drying up and blowing away is NOT an option
Bundles of nerves.

Gonzo poetry-
Political statement dancing-
Manipulation of the wheel
Spinning, turning, collegiate tides.

Leave it to the artists to do the upstart thing-
To do the unexpected.

The dancing children round' the cement wheel
Raised slightly up from the lawn,
The talking circle the full 360, the meadows hour, the unexpected flash of light
Sing aloud all the sacred words
Sing- nah- shout children
I'm waiting.

First, there is a mountain then there is no mountain, and then there is.....

2/18/00

To da kids in Texas
Who have blazed the Austin Way for mama to join them
When this semester is over
And summers dry heat can make
The transition for my tropical home that I
WILL GREATLY MISS AND LOVE SO DEARLY
At least a LITTLE
Easier  :)

Man, I wrote a really good long funny letter, went to print it up to read it before I sent it.... and the computer went haywire and was a bad computer and even though I had already saved it after I had to restart the thing, the WHOLE BEE UTIFUL LETTER WAS GONE!

Soz, I'm gonna try'in redo this (though it's never as BRILLIANT as the first time.... but anyways.... thought you should know that the batteries dead on my cell phone, so I'll call you when I retrieve my cord (long story) (laytuh, dudes)

Here in and out of comp. lab till 3PM our time today, tagyurit, Mamma!  :)

From:
 "Peter
 H.
 Rosen"
       To:
       bob.converse@mauicc.Hawaii.Edu
                                    CC:
                                    postbus@lovelyworld.demon.nl,
                                    kidcast@envirolink.org,
                                    kidcast@listbot.com,
                                                              Date: Sat,
                                                              19 Feb
                                                              2000
                                                              02:01:53
                                                              -1000
 PRESS RELEASE "KidCast For Peace;
 Solutions For a Better World"
 
 

G. Robert Converse
Project Director/Principal Investigator
National Science Foundation Advanced Technology Education Project
Project Director   USDOE Title III Project
EdTech Support Coordinator   UH-UK Faulkes Telescope Project
Co-PI MCC-CalTech Super Computing Specialties Project
Beowulf Cluster Project Director
Special Assistant to the Dean
Maui Community College
310 Ka'a Humanu Ave.
Kahului, Hawaii 96732
USA
Tel: +1-808-984 3447
 

Dear Mr. Connverse,

I am a Maui resident on Tak Utsumi's GLOSAS mailing list. I have seen your
name and now have a reason to make contact. I am KidCast Coordinator, mama
and papa. I need your assistance to enable the children of Maui to
participate as fully as possible in our project. Please let me know if you
might assist by hosting a group of keikis and/or youths in a multimedia,
teleconferencing facility at Maui Community College on Earth Day April
22nd. In the past, I have had the assistance of your associate Chris
Gentsch, and folks at the research and technology park, primarily Tom
Wright of Maui Educational Technology R & D Center. Congressperson Kalani
English endorces the project and the Kamili'i School in Kihei was one of
our award winning participants. The following is pre released to you FYI
and consideration. Please let me know if your would like to play? Gratitude
in advance... :)

Aloha Nui Loa,
-Peter-
Peter H. Rosen
V.A.R.I.O.U.S. Media
140 Uwapo Rd.,#49-204
Kihei HI  96753
808 875-4747
 

==============================================
Visionary Artists Resources Including Other Unique Services
PRESS PRE-RELEASE: Saturday, February 19, 2000

Maui Hawaii - February 22, 2000 - Children in classrooms from Hawaii to
Hanoi, Belfast to Beijing are gathering on Earth Day, April 22, 2000,
utilizing state-of-the-art technology during the nineth  Creativity Cafe
"KidCast For Peace?; Solutions For a Better World"  Internet multicast and
video conference. The purpose; to enable kids to suggest to the "adults"
how to heal the planet and its peoples. This award winning teleactivity
connects K-12 kids in schools, cyber cafes and homes around the world who
then share art, ideas and performances contemplating inner and outter
ecological significance. KidCast is sponsored by nonprofit Visionary
Artists Resources Including Other Unique Services (V.A.R.I.O.U.S. Media).
You can help give future leaders a voice in shaping their future, more
loving world. The group is seeking participants, sponsors and volunteers
locally and globally. Contact KidCast Coordinator; Peter H. Rosen for
details at (808) 875-4747, via email to: kidcast@creativity.net, or visit
KidCast Central at: http://creativity.net/kidcast2.html.

Teachers are encouraged to assist children prepare by understanding
important communication techniques, build self-esteem through creative
expression in many forms, and how to feel good about contributing to the
world they will inherit.  By having discussions about conflict resolution,
self-esteem, creative thinking and just how to be a loving person in what
can sometimes be a very hostile world, "KidCast For Peace" strives to
present a positive force for change. "We  are blessed to have received so
much recognition and linking all over the Web. We are delighted to announce
participation by our new European sponsor; 'Loving World' in Germany,"
offers Mr. Rosen, founder/coordinator of the event and director of the
edutainment concept; Creativity Cafe®.

"KidCast For Peace" is a prototype experience planned for the
Cybertheater-Artists Resource Center and "New School for the Next
Millennium." The developing KidCast Network is a grass roots effort.
V.A.R.I.O.U.S. is seeking inkind as well as financial sponsorship to enable
kids of all ages to make art and make a difference after discussing peace
and ecology issues affecting them personally, their community and our
world. The project was founded for the Children's World Peace Festival in
1995. Featured at the prestigious SIGGRAPH'98 Computer Graphics Conference,
KidCast For Peace has received awards including the 1998 SIG/TEL Online
Learning Award and recognition from The Millennium Institute.

The end result; a  "Gallery Of Solutions " carrying  documentation from the
current and past  events, many of which can be found in Creativity Cafe's
VRML (3-D) "EarthStation;" a repository for poems, Quicktime movies, Web
sites, images, animations, short stories, etc., created by KidCast
participants. While the focus is on K-12 kids, we encourage participation
by the child in everyone! Prizes for best entries will be awarded thanks to
Metacreations.

V.A.R.I.O.U.S. organizers seek mainstream involvement for this Earth Day
"happening" focusing on solutions from the children's point of view. "We
are asking younger generations for their assistance to help us heal
ourselves and our world. We want to know what you think, and what steps we
should take to insure a more peaceful, unified and abundant global
community," says Rosen. Demonstrate your interest. Indicate your level of
participation from among the possibilities listed in the KidCast Central
Web site. This project has the support of many inkind sponsors including
Caligary trueSpace® and Global SchoolNet Foundation. Financial sponsors can
make a big difference to enable excellence--so the project can really
spread its wings and continue to share the concern and love of our children
far and wide.
# # #

==========================================
  PLEASE CIRCULATE WIDELY ON FEBRUARY 22, 2000
  include the attached KidCast Flying Heart Logo
==========================================
CONTACTS:

Peter H. Rosen
V.A.R.I.O.U.S. Media
140 Uwapo Rd.,#49-204
Kihei HI  96753
808 875-4747

Michael G.F. Moegling
United Republic of LovelyWorld
MGFM MEDIA
Düsseldorf, Germany
"LovelyWorld"
http://www.lovelyworld.net/Kidcast/home.html

Hey guys! Looks like I'm representing the moon in our political science class! He not only ACCEPTED the proposal, he gave me a 3.85 out of a possible 4.00 on the paper! I am SO PSYC'D!

So, here it is.... for your readin' pleasure!:
 

I Am The Ambassador Of……

By 3singingeagles

A luminous hello to you from the United Colonies of the Moon,
I, The Honorable 3singingeagles Ma’hinahinahina Grady, ambassador to The Moon, welcome you.

The United Colonies Of The Moon have hithertofore remained a weapon-free, entirely peaceful group of multi-national research projects. Following the principles of the United Nations “Agreement Governing the Activities of States on the Moon (and other Celestial Bodies)”, we have fully co-operated with each other, though our installations are separate by geography, each enclosed individually, giving free assistance, loan of equiptments, and reasonable access to each other’s facilities with no conflicts to date
We are now deeply concerned as to the threat of peace on the moon, due to the interests and possibly impending settlement by various multi-national corporations which would be, for all practical purposes, exempt from following the provisions of this agreement, and, also, all the general and specific articles broadly outlined in the documents comprising the agreements of the United Nations Committee on The Peaceful Uses Of Outer Space, which, in addition to the “Moon Agreement”, include “The Treaty on Principles Governing the Activities of States in the Exploration and use of Outer Space, including the Moon and Other Celestial Bodies”  (Outer Space Treaty), “The Agreement on the Rescue of Astronauts, the return of Astronauts and the return of Objects Launched into Outer Space” (Rescue Agreement), “The Convention On International Liability for Damage Caused By Space Objects” (Liability Convention),  and “The Convention on Registration of Objects Launched into Outer Space (Registration Convention).
Our concerns are as such:
1) The only reference to State’s responsibility for “outside parties” and their interests in the Moon Agreement, is stated in Article 14, part one, in what we feel is watered down and ambiguous language: “States parties shall ensure that non- governmental entities under their jurisdiction shall engage in activities on The Moon only under the authority and continuing supervision of the appropriate state agency". Multi-national corporations, being under many jurisdictions, can claim innocence in getting around the regulations which hithertofore have ensured a weapon-free peaceful International Community of Scientists and Researchers on the Moon. These corporations may also claim exemption, through one of their many “States Parties” whom have NOT signed the agreement….. (2)
2) We urge all nations of The Earth, large and small, to ratify, or at the very least, sign The Moon Agreement with as much expedience as possible.
So far, it has only been ratified by Australia, Austria, Chile, Mexico, Morocco, Netherlands, Pakistan, Philippines, and Uruguay! It has been signed by France, Guatemala, India, and Peru! NOTICIBLY lacking from this list are the three “Depository Governments” listed in Article XIV of the Outer Space Treaty. These three are listed in this document which is, obviously, badly in need of an update, as: “the “United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland”, the “United States Of America”, and the “Union Of Soviet Socialist Republics”. This agreement, and, dare I say, all the agreements aforementioned, MUST be revised, and ratified by ALL nations of the earth with great expediency, or the threat to Peace In Space will go unhampered!
3) We propose, rather than a complete re-wording of the aforementioned documents to make clear the responsibility of MNC's to comply with this agreement, which, past examples seen, would be near-impossible to regulate, enforce, and/or penalize, a COMPLETE BAN on commercial interests in Space, including but not confined to: Hotels, Nursing Homes, Hospitals, Theme Parks, Manufacturing, Mining.

Esteemed colleagues, as we all know, when large profits are being made, protection by force is always brought in to ensure minimum losses, and maximum security. If Corporations are allowed in Space, they will find whatever means they can, often getting around the strongly stated charters on weaponry in Space, specifically article 3 of the Moon Agreement:  (From 1,2, and 3) “The Moon shall be used by all States Parties exclusively for peaceful purposes”. “Any threat or use of force or any other hostile act or threat of hostile act on the moon is prohibited” “States Parties shall not place in orbit around or other trajectory to or around the Moon objects carrying nuclear weapons or any other kinds of weapons of mass destruction or use such weapons on or IN the moon”.

We of The United Colonies of the Moon call on the nations of the Earth, of whom are citizens are comprised of, to please act immediately to insure the weapon-free virginity of The Moon, and, all outer space.

Thank you,
Sincerely,
Madame Ambassador "Moonbeam"  :)

Dreaming of being secretary general, here's the next lil' report. Prof. said many people participated in blatent plagerizing on their pieces..... Jeez, what the fuck is THAT all about? God, writing is SO MUCH fun, so pleasureable..... why steal the choice from yourself?!?

Dreaming..........

I Am Secretary General

by 3singingeagles

“ A dream is a wish your heart makes”
- Walt Disney

“ I see a world full of….. smiling happy people holding hands in…. in a global garden….. I…..zzzzzzzz……”
   -Ambassador Moonbeam, while rolling over in bed last week
 
 

 Hi everyone. As you know, I’m back! I know after I resigned as secretary general back in 69’, you thought you’d see me running for office, or taking some cushy ambassadorship position (no offense to the ambassadors present, of course) but for me, this was not to happen.
 I did not state the real reasons for my resignation when I left, I used diplomatic speech….. familiar to most here….. not soas to be dishonest, but rather because I did not want to dampen your spirits.
 See, I started to come to the realization that we really didn’t have much power here, that we were, at most, a VERY worthy forum for debate, but I was privy in my top level position to much cocktail-party and backroom discussions where I became aware that we were really just a big joke to most. It seems Big Business had more power than we did, and most governments as well.
 Then, I realized that, sitting in offices of fancy furniture and swivel chairs, at least for me, in combination with the routine statistical and generalizing statements of my contemporaries, caused ME to begin to think of people as numbers. I became desensitized! Someone would say: 4,000 woman were tortured and raped in so-and-so place today, and I wouldn’t blink, when I should have wept.
 So, as you now know from the reports in the press, both traditional AND tabloid, I “dropped out” and went on a Journey of discovery. The value of empathy over sympathy is not undervalued, I see, in this esteemed Assembly, since you have decided that one such as me, now, would be the best leader to bring us down to earth here.
 What did I learn among the people? Much. How can you NOT learn when you’re sitting next to someone on a train and they start weeping and you ask if they’re alright and they tell you they are going to pick up their dead brother who’d ended up in the drunk tank of a small prison, strung out on heroin, and when he told the jailer he needed an ambulance the jailer laughed and waved his hand and turned his back and didn’t even come right away when the other cellmates realized he hadn’t just passed out on the floor of the cell but he wasn’t breathing and called him, and that when the ambulance finally got there it was too late? Or, you’re walking down a rural road and a woman calls to you from behind some trees to ask you if you’d like to share her food and water and you ask what she’s doing alone out there and she tells you how they shot her husband and two sons and then some of the soldiers took turns raping her daughter and made her watch and now her daughter is in the asylum. Or, you go to take a drink from a stream that was clear the year before, when you had passed this way last, and now is full of dead fish and oily residue.
 There are so many experiences I wish to share with you during my tenure, however long it may be. I invite you to share stories too, personal stories that you lived or observed, and I believe we will begin to truly see that, even though we may be in these offices, our lives, our families, and, of course, the broader family of man, are affected by the atrocious dehumanization that is occurring world-wide. I would like us all to re-commit daily to Human rights, perhaps reading the International Declaration Of Human Rights at the opening of each session. I feel the most imperative issue on this small planet of ours is the re-humanization of us all. The time of humans as depersonalized numbers is over.
 You may ask, besides the glaring issue of human rights violations on the Globe, what else would you say was the biggest problem you observed?
 Loss of green.
 Not just obvious losses like in clear-cutting and “the paving” of countrysides: the basic loss of peoples CONNECTION TO THE LAND. In addition, the hypnotism of commerce has made many forget where food comes from, or that, even in an apartment in a big city, they can grow some of what they eat in containers. There are whole places that would experience mass starvation if their food imports were cut off. There are places already experiencing massive starvation that, with the right importing of new technologies, hydroponics being only one of many examples, and training in the use of these, the people can start growing their own food. If you give a man a fishing pole……
 So, thus said, I feel it is imperative to start re-greening the earth, NOW, though, not necessary for the benefit of the atmosphere, topsoil (stopping runoff and erosion), ozone, etc. which will most certainly be a wonderful SIDE EFFECT, but, instead, FOR THE PEOPLE, the HUMAN BEINGS.
 We must reach a consensus among all our assembled nations to immediately start funding and implementing:
1) Community based programs in urban areas, such as Community Gardens and Greenhouses, perhaps also a composting program to tie in with recycling efforts which I know are becoming mandatory in many of your diverse areas. In these cold cities, too, plant trees. Fruit and nut trees wherever possible. In concrete plazas where people congregate for lunch breaks, put a dense circle of trees and thick foliage, even in pots, so they may walk in and be surrounded by green. It is proven this helps mental and physical heath. It will help the air in many of these cities if the greening is done with relish and great hearty commitment.
2) A freeze on all existing agriculturally zoned land in rural areas from being converted to any other designation (i.e. commercial). Where applicable, separate assessment scales so that farm land does not become so highly taxed when high-priced homes and developments move into it’s vicinity, that it can no longer pay the taxes by just growing food
3) High incentives in both Urban and rural areas for edible landscaping rather than ornamentals, many of which, by the way, are poisonous. I have seen desperate children grab for a leaf and put it in their mouths and before someone could get it out of their mouths they were convulsing. Plant food that can feed people AND looks lovely. The same plantings can feed wildlife.

 These are just some of the ideas and initiatives we could take. I look forward to all your ideas and suggestions and proposals in this regard. But, I ask you, beg of you, let’s not be “just a great place for open debate”. Let’s START DOING SOMETHING NOW. Working together, we CAN make a difference!

 Thank you all, I look forward to the times ahead.

3singingeagles Ma’hinahinahina Grady
Secretary General
2/20/00
 

And, in case you're not tired of world changing dreaming..... what would I do if I could REALLY do what I want right now?

Prof. Joshua asked this of us. My first reaction was..... I'm already doing what I want! I am not simply following my bliss, but, quite completely drowning in it!

And, then, I got honest.

It surprised me to realize that I wish to have a big piece of land under my care, and rehabilitate injured eagles, and, perhaps, all injured birds I could get my loving lil' hands on. Release then into the wilds. The wilds which I walk frequently, foraging for good wild foods, and conversing with all living things!

"All the flowers....
Will have very EXtra special pow-ers!
They will sit
and
talk- with- me- for- hours!
In this world
Of my own!

I would be able to grow my own medicinal and psychotropic herbs, live fully like a Shaman walking in the other realms, and, of course, write write write! Would be hooked up to the net, And have a homepage showing videos of the current birds- in- residence, and (tear forming, heart swelling) video of their releases back

Free

Into the sky.

Perhaps someday.....................
For now, working on becoming a professor so I can go to college for the rest of my life and take free classes till I die (which should be really far away from now, since my lifeline runs into my "wrist bracelet" and spirals around)
How surprising that that's not EXACTLY what I'd be doing if I had my druthers (jeez- where- I knew I had them druthers 'round somewheres here.... jeez- oh, look, well......there's the remote! Druthers, druthers, druthers, where you be?.....)

Tee hee.

Met a 77 year old man on the side of the road today when I was walking to college from where my car is sitting, broken down.... he offered to carry my heaviest bag, I accepted (why am I treated like such a princess by men? I am so loved. It is beyond me, why?) It seems he has been searching for me, so I could write his memoirs in the form of a book designed to "help people survive the New Age" (i.e. keep from going to lala land from multiple psudo-enlightening gurus and/or "processes"). Well! I have been found! Brought him to college to buy him breakfast, and he not only paid, but gave me 20 bucks for the Poetry Book I gave him (which I only sell for 5 bucks usually) took my numbers and e-mail and it's looks like we'll be working through the computer, since he's returning to Canada soon. Wow. He'll send his stories, I'll put them in publishing ready form. TOO good. LIFE IS THE ADVENTURE! (No forty or four hundred or four thousand WAYS around it!).

Tonight, reforestation talk at MCC, then think I'll treat myself to dinner and a movie. Self-dating, a sophisticated form of masturbation.....

Though, I wouldn't mind if I had someone to take
With me
Warm soap
Of the wanting soul!

Till next time,
"Moonbeam"  :)
(3singingeagles)

Sadie Hawkins Day, Year 2000

Sometimes, I feel, like a motherless child........

My god, why have you forsaken me?

Life is now officially at the worst/hardest I could possibly imagine it to be. Don't think I can go on much longer. Meeting psychopaths. Rethinking my insistance that nothing is incurable. Crying, desperatly, in my salty, bitter tea.

I think I now officially hate life. I want to die so badly it hurts. Then, I see a flower in the sun, slight breeze moving it so that it does a dance, and the feeling dissapears for 10 minutes or so and then it's back.

Scuse me, I have to go to the hibiscus outside for awhile. It's white with a sfot pink throat. Or is it orange. I'm not sure. Sigh. Life sucks so bad it physically hurts.

Bye. 3singingeagles

"Don't quit a minute before the miracle"

Life is much better today. Think I'll go to the beach in a while, finish various paperworks, then just go and lay in the sun. Maybe sleep there tonight. Turn off my phone so that noone bugs me. Before that, call some folks to say I love them.

No school tomarrow, the entire staff is migrating to Oahu for two days. Hum.

I'm wearing such a sexy tight velvet dress I feel I might actually be able to Love again, and be loved. I feel REALLY  beautiful, I'm not kidding. I'm even sexuallly arousing myself just by BEING in my skin, in this dress, sitting and walking and moving..... MAN!

Here, I'll leave you with the poem that found me that I'm explicating for Literature (due next Wendsday) and my notes for it. Ummmmmm, wow......

Think back on this pastime and understand many of the incredible sychronicites, go to "make me one with everything" in the archived diaries (links, main page, hit back button if you didn't get here through the direct bookmark) if you haven't been a regular follower of these musings, you'll see. (insert twilight zone music here)

Later. Need.....beach.....

Love,
3singingeagles  :)

The Revival Song of the Wild Woman

     The wild woman will never let you go back to living alone.
     She has you in her control, leading you hopelessly astray,
     preaching her don't-care philosophy, "No matter what the people
     of the world may say."

     And she tells you now to go with her to where our music is buried,
     and sing loud revival songs that will waken the dead
     singers and players of instruments who sell out Don Drummond
     and Bob Marley's heritage.

     This morning she caught your attention early, told you to dress
     in fiery red, and you who have been keeping your life colors
     in the range between muted and pastel are now garbed
     in brimstone red

     with an infinite number of polka dot eyes all over so you
     are now able to see behind, before, above and all around you.
     And she is telling you to take a bus up to August Town to where
     Alexander Bedward dipped them.

     And she says that you are to throw stones in Hope River and trouble
     the water, to signal the time of the coming of a new shepherd. Then
     take a country bus down to Half Way Tree and go and stand
     by the fountain.

     There you are to testify freely and not worry what your enemies say,
     for they will never live long enough to vanquish you, therefore do
     your unconquered dance right there, your dance of David trump
     and wheel o' rock steady

     accompanied by tumbling tamborines and a funde drum and a kete
     drum and a silver horn to blow the bad-minded down. Yes,
     the wild woman is in ascendancy today, summoning the freed soul
     in you to testify and pray.

     To wear brimstone red and to wrap your head and to move seamlessly
     up and down between the worlds of spirit and sense, like the flight
     of the mystical dove. And if your mother won't come, and if your
     father won't come

     Peace and Love I leave with you, Peace and Love,
     and if your mother won't come, and if your father won't come
     peace and Love I leave with you, Peace and Love.
 

     Lorna Goodison
     Turn Thanks
     University of Illinois Press

     • To buy this book •

     Copyright © 1999 by Lorna Goodison.
     All rights reserved.
     Reproduced by Poetry Daily with permission.
 

                 REMEMBER TO SUPPORT POETRY DAILY'S GENEROUS SPONSORS...
 
 

  HOME | Today's Poem | News | Archive | Free Email Newsletter | Support PD | Bookstore | About PD
                         Copyright © 1999 The Daily Poetry Association
 

The Revival Song of the Wild Woman
By Lorna Goodison

The wild woman listens only to her inner voice, and the free and unfettered rhythms that exist all around, everywhere, including in her. She is rewarded by ACTIVLY LIVING in the Mystic Stream of Peace and Love.

Body:

She rules you:
- throw stones in Hope river
- she tells you now to go with her, sing loud revival songs that will waken the dead
- she has you in her control
- take a bus up to August town

Uncaring what people say or don’t:
- no matter what the people may say
- you are to testify freely and not worry what your enemies say
- they will never live long enough to vanquish you
- if your mother don’t come, if your father don’t come

Ways you’ve changed:

- dress in fiery red
- do your unconquered dance right there
- summoning the freed soul in you to testify and pray
- the wild woman will never let you go back to living alone

Mystic:
- like the flight of the mystical dove
- move seamlessly up & down between the worlds of spirit and sense
- an infinite # of polka dot eyes all over
- signal the time of the coming of a new shepherd
- a silver horn to blow the bad minded down

Music:
- go with her to where our music is buried
- singers and players of instruments who sell out Don Drummond and Bob Marley’s heritage
- tumbling tambourines and a funde drum and a kete drum and a silver horn

Conclusion:

Pending

Flowing:
With time
Place
Music
Dance
Life-events

Parallels with my own life (and way poem “chose me”) way I can include? Feels significant
Dove/lone valentine/dove in student lounge
Mother/father won’t come
Following inner “marching orders”
Bob Marley tribute temporarily interrupts writing of “lone wolf” where the wild woman obviously came into me hard
Sound and spirit, African instruments (day before)
Top of pile/search story
-

Dougie Wrote:

Dear miss moon—ie,

In reading the aforementioned document I was struck by your earnest, and
apparently zealfully, wish to end the peaceful existence of the moon
Colonies.
i.e....... "MUST be revised, and ratified by ALL
Nations
of the earth with great expediency, or the threat of  Peace In Space
will go
unhampered!"  (well ok so that's how I read it ... not what you wrote
)DYSLEXIA STRIKES AGAIN
     We here at Guns are U.S ( and all its subsidiaries) applaud your
efforts to amend these oversights and long for the day we can hunt birds
FROM the moon...
 
 

I responded:
UPI newsalert:
3/3/00

The double trinity in this date's number spelled disaster for the hawkpeople of the barrenlands Of The Moon........ The rebel tribe who has roamed the surface of the moon identifying every rock that could be used as a weapon, giving each it's own individual name and number (though, now that they've all mined their complete genealogies and exhausted all family names, there might be a brief lapse, to the United Colonies Of The Moon's advantage, while they debate what the next category of names should be)

Meanwhile, meteor showers are forecasted for tonight and many of the citizens of The Colonies are planning to go out and assist the rebels to safety, even when risking their own. "This is just the way we like to do it on the moon" Dr. 'Moonbeam' Forrester, close friend of the late "Honorable (tee-hee) Dr. Lucretia M. Forrester, Ambassador Of The Moon" (as she called herself when living) was quoted as saying, while rushing off into the non-domed raw moon's atmosphere in her Flying Monkey 101G suit.

Although the Flying Monkey is becoming more popular than the IntelliIcarus in pull-on flight/grounding suits, there ARE some questions as to its use on long retrieval trips, as it is untried in this arena. "Our wishes go out to Dr. Forrester and all her Luney colleagues,” said Dr. Petri Bodwin, 11, staying behind due to the restrictions on surface travel for minors. "We will have our OWN laws here, soon" he said cryptically. It has been rumored that The Moon is on the brink of declaring it's own separate identity, and succeeding from The Earth, now that gravity can be created in the domes, because the threat of rapid deterioration of bones and tissue in the 0Grav environment, making it viable for some Lunar residents to remain, now, forever- so to speak.
None of these rumors have been substantiated.

Tag yur it!

Love,
"Moonbeam"  :)
 

mORE LAYTUH! oUT FOR A SMOKE IN THE SUN........
(Caps off (sigh) 3singingeagles :)

March 7

Ever feel like there are not currently enough hours in the day to do what folks want you to do with/in those hours?

Sometimes, I think there's a mathematical variance which is either ignored, or greatly underrated, namely, the "snack factor". Of course, there are those long stretches of time that many of us find we've worked without even a drink of water..... but these obsessed work-drugged times excluded, the majority remains as spurts of good work and stretches of preparing, eating, and cleaning up afterwards

Snackin times.

"Snackin' time! Snackin time a'comin'"
                - line you did not hear at Tara in Gone With The Wind

For many centuries work was either non-stop and brutal, or almost non work at a Bourgeois pace. Now, Human Rights Movements and education in general, combined with the "I'm Fantastic, You're Pretty Cool Too" generation mid seventies- late 80's (punk added the ratchet..... and then there was Goth....)

Well, they've all swirled into the warm chocolate pudding that makes up our obsession with snacks even in the middle of very important wor--------
 

NOTICE:
3singingeagles is getting some pudding. It was too much for her, mentioning it, and not having it in her lips. There's no excuse for this, since she is a child of the 60's. Yet, she has succumbed. We may all be frightened now. She will return later...... maybe..... unless someone offers her some poke and guacamole and blue corn chips..... her favorite snacks  (this week anyways since she's a moonchild and changes pretty constantly)

To Austin, Texas family, if snacks don't periodically interrupt your work, constantly checking e-mail for cyberloving responses will, ey?

Hey guys I'm "on" (typing up while writing major paper due tomarrow, will be here awhile)

Tagyurit please please please I'm a'cryin for you'all lately and missing you EXTREMELY MUCH

Love,
Dr. Moonbeam

P.S. This moon project is turning into a novel. You were right again, Sir Dougalot, My Beautiful Love!

March 8th:

A response ?!?

From Missuh Doug:
"Re: dear miss...behavin moon--ie
 
 

well we got your pleads and letters as of this morning ....sorry I t was
thunderstormin' here and I am a chicken (bauck bauck bauck) to even
leave it plugged in let alone use it in that kind a storm.... gots to
protect the memory ..... and the puter too .....he he he ...
    yes I think the snack factor is a real and valid entity... akin to
S = w{-(t)2}2 as in snack need = work to be done times the inverse of
time you have to do it times two squared
almost as good as E= mc2 only not as massive a theory.... he he he
.....get it ....massive.... god I crack me up....
ok well that was fun... ok so  the kids are at school and I is about to
work so word to you mama... there i go again.... he he he .... man am i
my best audience or what...
love always
doug
tagurit"

Mauigateway seems to be down today, so iffin youse tried for to e-mails me, y'all don be sad iffin i's din't e ya back right quick cause I ain' red it yit, K? Getcha soon I hope, cause I got 2-3 bucks left, am low on gas, an' gave em' 33 bucks so I could make sure to keep the account active, so if it's down long, I'm gonna be MIGHTY pissed, ey? If I'm gonna be poor as a sacrifice to keep my account open, AT LEAST IT COULD BE OPEN !?! In the meantime, you can always e-me at singingeagles3@hotmail.com, though I didn't seem to be able to get into that mailbox today either...... ever feel like "the universe" is telling you to go to the beach?

Well, I'm headed there tonight. I have a psycho-friend who has been trying to take his past issues with woman, mom in particular, out on me. We were hanging out to watch the sunset, and Sundance and the gang were playin drums. He ranted throughout the whole set (sun and drums) and, after repeatedly telling him, in English, our given language, to stop or I was leaving, I got up and walked away, him still ranting. As I pulled out of the parking lot, I saw his silloette leaning against a tree, watching me depart. I hoped sincerly that I would not ever see him again. Some folks just don't seem to know when to stop sabotaging themselves (sigh) (mirror?) (al ways, what I see in others, is at least partly true, in me).

Had to sit in as President of the art club today, Pres missing, I'm vice. what it is. Lucky I had brought fruit and popcorn and juice and a sunny loving additude (the coating on my skin, the centrifuge of my heart.......) we had such a loving time! SO glad Jennifer wasn't there. Our turnout was low today, a few members expressed anguish at how she alienated so many people last time. She is so rude with such a beautiful soul in there..... what a fucking waste. Well, keep my own house clean, ey? "I'm looking at the lady in the mirror. I'm hopein that she'll..... CHANGE her WAYS! NO message, could get, any clearer! If you wanna make the world a better place, just take a look at yourself and make a
change
comeon
comeon
MAKE a CHANGE
comeon
comeon
comeon!"

-Michael Jackson slightly interpreted by moi

Gonna go now, set up an e-mail account for the art club, send a cc letter to all members, then go to the beach to meet Dave who wants to say he's sorry by watching the sunset mellowly this time, have "no more angry little Dave", and treat me to dinner at the Vegan. Well, worth a try. I CAN ALWAYS LEAVE IF I DON'T WANT TO TAKE HIS SHIT! Life is good.

Laytuh,
Love all ways,
3singingeagles :)

Well, so much for my apology dinner last night. It was the last night for Galaxy Quest, which I had told Dave he must see for laughter therapy, but we did watch the sunset and listen to music for awhile. Then, he went to the movies, I went to Mana foods to hit the salad bar (why? it never did anything to me!) and

Mana foods was closed, but I got an incredible smile from someone parked outside in a pickup truck. When I walked past again to go back to my car, the guy was leaning on his truck, outside, watching me. Big smile. "Hi Brian" I said. I look different from 5 years ago when last we met, yet he was still his beautiful self!

I had such a crush on this man when we used to go to the drug-free colitions meetings (I was on the board, representing my canoe club, Na Keiki O Ke Kai). He had (has) SUCH beautiful eyes, and would give me such a great hug when we'd part.... I even had sexual fantasies of him, and called him once years later....... but, we never connected in the flesh

Till last night. We talked awhile, then someone called his name. It was a Tibetian Lama, "Lama Tenzin". Guess we recieved a Tantric Blessing from him cause

Soon after we found ourselves in eachothers arms, causing quite a stir among the Youths he mentors in his Youth program, who were hangin on the streets of Pa'ia, and all congregated while we made love against his pick-up truck (not sex, foreplay, remember that? Sigh.). The energy with us is both sexual and relaxed at the same time. He gave me his remaining 1/2 bag of sprouts, and two blushed cheeks, and juicy kisses, and his card

Think we may get together?

Stay tuned..........

March 13th

Math is going great. The next time I'm found (by the police) sleeping in my car, they have told me that they will arrest me. One of my lovers wants to kidnap me. My baby wants to live with me again, she misses hugging and holding and loving me and being together, since we always have such a beautiful time, and I never yell at her, and gramma and auntie do A LOT. I am wishing I still could crave liquor, so I could get really plastered, but without giving up my high level of Chi that this healing regime is bringing. Thank "God" for Aloe. High chi has mojo-rising side effects. 3 cats spoke with me after a lecture at the college last week, in the parking lot. It was around 10:15 PM.

I am REALLY well loved by all sentient matter.

Hope this brings good puffs in your pipe,
3singingeagles  :)

March 21

"Shadows of ravens
Fall.......
And with em', a chill!

High o'er the hea-vens!
Above, the hill!

Just begun is my journey...........

You keep givin me facts,
figures and logic!
Feign would I hear lore, legends and magic!"
                                -Donovan Leitch, I thouroughly agree!

Let's start a new page for the spring, the equinox, the time of balanced light and dark, incredible things that have been happ'nin with me,

K?

Later, all. Post this for awhile while I go eat, then come back and create the next page, not even sure what I'm gonna call it yet.....

Love for you!
3singingeagles :)

There's A Fair Moon On The Right!

Some days are diamonds.
Some days are stones.
Sometimes the hard times,
Are when you find the stones are very rare, rarer and even more precious than diamonds, and you have to work really really hard using the money you make from selling them to fix as many of the wrongs and sufferings in the world as you can...................
 

These REFLECTIONS are analogous, in a Jungian kinda way, TO the actual Moon, beloved orb to this web mistress, Shaman, Grandma, Spiritual Warrior. They have a dark, a shadow, side. There shall be: phases. They are sometimes really sexy to look at. Whole ball a wax or nothing.................walk here and know that life is rich with feeling, breath through the birthing pains, eat chocolate in bed when you're done. It's my diary. I promise to be completely honest with you, and to tell you as much as I am brave enough to. In return, you promise not to be offended or hurt by my life as it unfolds.

Any comments, feel free to e-mail me at
singingeagles3@hotmail.com
Just be forewarned, if you say anything nasty (hasn't happened yet, but...) don't think I'll let you get away with it (unless it's very brilliantly and creatively said, of course).

Sincerely, and with great love (at least, at today's phase)
(This full moon was SO pritty!)
3singingeagles Ma'hinahinahina Grady :)

March 21, Equinox

And, by the way, who EVER thought of SELLING rocks and SELLING land. What a strange concept that must have been to the first people faced with a stone peddler: "Well, Ms. Knee Anderthal, dees is jus the moss PRETTiest rocks you ever DID see, dey iss WAY prett'yer den YOUR common everydays rocks you see" Ms. Anderthal:"Why, the rocks ARE greener on the other side of the tundra!"

Yeah, well, it coulduh happened.

I had the most intense experiance with someone I'd just met (right) last night. You know, when you meet someone and know (feel?) you have before. Light man, sets up stuff and breaks down, sound stuff too. I guessed when I saw the way he moved a lamp soz the light would reflect off the wall. Just even the way he moved the handle. Now I know why Craig was always soooooo fascinated by the way I moved (move).Dancer, warrior, PANTHER!  I saw Jim watching me move the whole time last night, when I went back after first meeting Bob to drop Torreyo and Brock ("the baby") back at their bus and go down for invited tea with Jim, his two angel-girls, Maya and Becca, and Lance and his Lady whose name I'm embarrassed to say I do not recall offhand yet I realize is SOMEWHERE there in that old memory bank! She's so beautiful!

Break into exciting soft-climatic buildup to a possible story of hours of the best sex I ever had in my entire long life up to now with a new kindred spirit to say

I must, if the theory is right that what you see in others is a reflection of what's in yourself, be VERY beautiful and loving. I mostly say people have "good hearts". I call people "angels" "princesses" or "sweet prince (s)" and "dear". Am I REALLY all those things? Wow. Pretty cool if I am.

My back hurts a little, so I'm not sure how long I'm gonna do this tonight. Hey---- cut that out now, I MENT type!

Yeah, Jim adores me. John called me "Moonchild" affectionately in passing yesterday, with the most beautiful radiant smile on his face, and it stayed with me all day. Bob adores me. I am really quite well-loved. I saw Craig across a feild today. I turned to watch the construction occurring in the college parking lot, partly cause I've been watching it's progression with the always intrigued eyes of a writer, and mostly cause I could hardly bare being that close and not RUNNING TO HIM. It's so intense, this thing with him and I. Whatever are we going to do? Shall we avoid each other till I fly away and never see him again (till, years hence, we meet by chance in some small club where I'm singing and he's alone and we run off together after the fourth encore and never look back) I mean, is that REALLY what's gonna happen to Our Love? The other night when a terrible scene was occurring at the house I was visiting, I went out to take a walk while they walked through heir stuff, and

Watched the full moon rise from a Haiku field and at one point FELT HIM thinking of me.

Yes, much beloved. You know, I won't finish the story of last night yet. I'm gonna let it brew in me, much like my coffee is prob'lee brewing at Borders right now, maybe add to it tonight, and give you more tomorrow.

Let's just sit with this being well loved thing!

Oh, and, P.S., my car, "Lokahi Alanui"*, passed her inspection with FLYING colors today! Guess that makes her an extra-terrain vehicle now! RIGHT on!

*It means "Harmony on the road" in Hawaiian

March 23rd

Goin bowling in awhile, and dancing tonight. Can you BELIEVE it?

Jeez, my dance card is full.

How many men can see me as their one true love? It is almost ridiculous to me to believe I could be so incredible. It doesn't feel that way in my skin. I feel like, well, a human being. No greater, no less, well, okay honest here...... sometimes less. Don't really know what shall become of me like everyone else. Walking on the planet, laughing crying sweating bathing talking refraining from talking hum.

Will probably not be able to keep you up-to-date over the spring break, the Learning Center at Maui Community College where I upload these will be closed for
testing testing 123......

Chance I may get a place for the computer that has no phone line, may be able to update, save, and upload from the coffee shops.....

If you don't hear from me, though, don't panic. I'll be back. Well, unless a bowling ball falls on my head flung by some nervous and thereby sweaty palmed contestant this afternoon, but, I AM planning to be here tomorrow and Saturday, so if you don't hear from me tomorrow, assume the worst

Or, don't assume. The Maui News has an on-line version. I believe a "freak fatal bowling accident" would probably make the papers, but, then again, who knows? If there's a story that would increase tourism, it may bump me.

Anyways, love ya guys. See ya tomorrow (we hope) where I can then tell you how many of my current boyfriends end up at the concert tonight. In the same room at once? Could get interesting.

I feel like Scarlet O'Hara under the tree at the picnic at the beginning of the book,

Hum. That was before her whole world exploded as was ever changed.

Well, should a fiery war come to Maui, guess that may be another reason you wouldn't here from me. Then again, it would be on YOUR local news, less' it was thermonuclear in which case

I shall see you in the place we all go after here (I DO NOT believe in hell)

Aloha oe, malama pono, and a hui ho aku!

PS

Here's a poem for your pleasure, written yesterday morning.

She doesn't ask invasive questions,
She doesn't burn her bridges down in front of her doors
She doesn't cry at old movies
Yet she collects sounds from them,
Bogart, Butler, Hepburn, Groucho,
Playing raspy upon her old computer
Playing new upon her brand new day.
Spiralina makes her cook
Cheese for the soul- sweet  cheese
The kind you call uncurded
Yet always remember.

She stayed in that quiet place in the woods
Until she had to leave for Math class
She studied well, not confused
She opened up hope, a tuna can
Danced till midnight then got up and danced again

Her eyes were intriguing
The woman at the door
They were intense to watch
There was a lot- SO much- going on there

She took shades and wore them- it was a long walk to over there.
You flowering? Hum? ARE ya? ARE ya?

March 25th? Sounds wrong.....it's Saturday. Who knows. I'm fucking confused. So, sue me if you dare! Ha ha!

Alrighty then with the attitude, huh.... but I'm

Pissed. I was stood up for a dinner date the night before the bowling tournament by the guy I was taking there. Then he had the nerve to call me two hours later and plead with me to come pick him up, sorry he was late, crying, he's starving, please come.... FUCK THAT- I WAS ALREADY HOME IN THE RAINFORREST AND HE LIVES DOWNTOWN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH HIM "Please, come, sweetie", and no message answering the question in the letter I left on his door after I waited over half an hour and he didn't show up about WHEN AND WHERE WE WERE TO MEET for the bowling thing the next day.

He stood me up for that, too, though luckily there was a friend from my Political science class who wanted to get in, so I gave him the space that HAD BELONGED TO BY NO-SHOW UNGRATEFUL FUCKING GUEST

The bowling thing itself was a horrendously organized conglomerate stone consisting of cold dry pizzas, mean dirty looks, and folks streaming out for smoke breaks when awards time came. Fucked up, junky. That guy Brian who runs "Student Services" or whatever the fuck he calls it has given me the cold shoulder for the last time. Fuckhead. See if HE gets another of my smiles ever again. I hate him.

Then, for my "girlfriend" who begged me to, I went to hear her ex-husbands band play their last performance and she left me SITTING OUT IN THE FUCKING RAIN THAT BITCH! I hate her, too. I can't believe I've been so supportive of her and she has been sabotaging me. Jim was right, she sees me as a threat to their relationship even though he is allegedly not lovers with her (though that's their own business, and does not affect me).

The guy who treated me like a princess the first night I slept at his home is already acting weird, though I think part of it is due to the fact that an ex-girlfriends daughter keeps coming to his house whenever she has an emotional crises, which is frequently, and crawls into his bed, and, drunk and/or on some serious medication, passes out naked which kinda gives me the creeps and so

I'm staying out except to sleep although we have a date tonight, I told him to please call my voicemail if there is even the CHANCE of trauma and drama cause then I WANT THE OPPORTUNITY TO AVOID IT THIS IS GETTING VERY VERY VERY VERY OLD ALREADY !!!!!

Like I'll find peace anywhere! Last night I went to Baldwin beach for my evening singing practice. Wind was awful. Found sweet lil' trees to shelter me. Then, took a 45 min nap (I'm SO TIRED, did I mention that this guy I'm staying with gets calls all through the night, and also has an almost insatiable sexual drive. Whew. And, what a host! He wakes me up to ask if I'm hungry, and, even if I say no, insists on feeding me!) and went into the covered well lit table area to read Othello. Went to call Michaela before leaving, and some guy called me over. We started talking (there were two) and he was such a self righteous intolerant pig, considering himself SOME KIND of fucking Shaman I guess, and was (trying to) bully me and/or act "high maka maka", you'all would'uh been proud of me, I put him in his place and rejected his idiocy while still being very sweet.....yet I have stronger language for this pig (sucking up beer, was I that fucked up when I drank. Oh yes! It's a poison, it's a demon, alcohol, no matter who thinks they can handle it) and perhaps I'll stop there to practice on the way to my date, or to practice then stay there awhile if my date is canceled, and run into him, and give him a firmer piece of my mind, the piece that right about now is working on getting the stuck window open so that I can SCREAM out LOUD AND STRONG:

"I'm as mad as hell and I am NOT going to take it ANYMORE!"

So, if you pass by a beach park on the island of Maui and see some small radiant fairy-like woman SCREAMING AS IF SHE WAS TRYING OUT FOR A POSITION AS A BANSHEE it may

Just be me.

Till next week, or sooner if I'm at a cafe somewhere,

Do not take the bullshit, friends.

"Shout, shout, let it all out. These are the things we can DO WITHOUT!"  -Tears For Fears

Love to you, as long as you have not abused me, because at this point I have the scissors and I am doing some serious trimming of idiots. I really prefer to be alone, but, IF I'm going to be around people, it'll be people that don't act like complete and total assholes. Tiny or even medium range fuck ups are fine, of course. Large ones with amends can work too. Any others...... GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME AND STAY THERE!

Aloha mai,
3SE's  :)

Wow. Two Wizards fighting over me. One blows a wind that sends a tractor trailer crashing into the mouth of the road downing all telephone and electric poles, spilling blood, and making the road filled with electricity so dangerous they would let no one in or out, so I had to turn around and go back to the former magician's bed. Hot chocolate for ME, and for him, the only one who understands him, to talk for hours. Wow. Guess it was worth the wind. Good there's a blood drive here today. Gonna give a little, think that's good medicine? Pay for the lust I incur in these Wizards. Wow. How can a little fuck up of a chick like me just keep growing in power? People are looking up from what they're doing when I'm blocks away because of the radiance? What the fuck IS this? Were the prophecies about me all true? Am I really some kind of fucking HOLY WOMAN????

More later. Give blood for the people. Get juice and cookies. As usual, the sacrifice is bitter, The rewards sweet.

Hot chocolate and brown hashish
In the bedroom of my mind
Swimming, till I unite one day
Someday soon, me hopes,
With The Magician who eludes me
And is still closer than my own
Heartbeat

4/4

well, gave blood and for the first time in my long life it hurt owee

and i gotta finish sortin the storage bin today. hope food stamps came through even though i got the paperwork in all late, since i'm stuck down here without food, and am HUNGRY

off to find food, do storage bin work, oh- drink plenty water.........

then back later for a movie.

maybe i'll check in again. if my left arm stops hurting enough i may even give you caps!

excited? thrilled?

bait your breath with calamari, anon dear ones,
"dizzy" 3singingeagles  :)

4/5

Wow okay. Got offered 100 dollars today to spend an hour having sex with a very handsome Mexican sailor, workin for Matson.

Coulduh used the money. Too bad I had a math test 10 minutes from then, and he's shippin out tonight. Haven't tried prostitution yet, cept in its mild form (marriage) (hum?!?)

Got 98 points out of a hundred on the test!

Well well well.

Goin to see if everything I own has been thrown out of the storage place parking lot, then back here for dinner and a movie (political science).

Tomorrow, dudes and dudesses:)
3SE's  :)

4/7

"You're my obsession,
My possession,
What do you want me to be
To make you sleep with me?"

                           - 1980's song I used to sing with gusto but am unable to relate to anymore.
 

Good mornin guys. Yeah, it seems I've changed a lot in these decades of living here. I used to relate to pretty much every song, now I hardly relate to any. Not interested in seeing if that's really devolution or evolution for my soul, not at this point anyway. Just observing at this point. There's another thing that's changed, I used to knee-jerk automatically analyze everything and now I can, on occasion at least, pause to drink it in without thinking (too much) (AT ALL!) about it........

Trained in the brain. Science nerd. Now a radical poet. Hum. Guess some things HAD to change through THAT switching of the hats! Yet, still a science nerd at heart.

Speaking of my professed and/or real sciencenerdism (I mean, really, who would make up they were if they weren't!) , it ain't helpin me much in dees moon project regardin

Gravity and antigravity theories and etc. SHIT. I look at some of these on-line published papers, and they make my head go a swimmin dizzy like when you first come on to shrooms, that 5-10 minutes where you think you're gonna pass out!

Think I'll go eat some 12 grain bread, soft mozzarella, and avocado in my car for awhile. I'm cold and hungry. Take care of myself a little, then be back later. Will bring the web site addresses then, and maybe some of you Physics geniuses out there can help me get this. Report due Monday. Enigma stays, I'll just have to use my psychic powers to find out how the 1.6 gravity on the moon and the negative effects on the human body, particularly the bone marrow (!?!) can be avoided or circumnavigated by the ability to make some significant gravity in an enclosed space (such as a biodome, ey?) though, frankly, domes on the moon seem impractical due to the almost constant bombardment by meteors.
OH OH OH! I figured out

Woops, I just totally forgot the enormously significant revelation I was just about to speak of! Woah! Okay. Need food, juice, and a smoke, after brief search and print-out of moon myths (need to consider cultural moon related concerns too, it is significant in the religions and/or philosophies and even creation myths of many cultures, this must be taken into account by those desiring to dwell upon da' kine moon, ey?) to read while eating.

Bye really now,
Laytuh,
Love,
3singingeagles  :)

Headed off to the car for a smoke and reading. Here till 10 or so tonight, but won't get to talk with you guys till tomorrow. I feel very alone and peaceful in that. I have many people trying to put pressure on my head. I am systematically AND systemically rejecting it. ALL GOOD, otherwise, fuck it!

Just wait till you hear what I went through this weekend, you'll bust up laughing or screaming, one of them.....

Love always,
3singingeagles  :)

April 11th?!?

    Hi beautiful loved ones! I am glowing and there is no practical reason for it. I feel as though someone is really intensely in love with me, though they have said nothing and I am not consciously aware of it..... but that I am feeling it.... it's true. Should I try to find out who is doing this and offer my love back.... the spirit of whoever this is feels SO good to me, and familiar....... hum.

Went to an interesting workshop on Non-violent political action last night. ("Just HOW do you do that leg-wrap thing now?) (could you show me with your body, sweet dear one? Hum? Please babes?) oh, god, the older I get the more intensely all the things that give me pleasure become. I am becoming so sensitive. Ummmmmm. Yummmmmy affection. Yummy.

So, towards the end my usually AWESOME listening skills were becoming drifted my the physical urge to sing, it's become one of the two things I like to do before goin to sleep each night. Oh, 3. If you count listening to Jay Leno's monologue it's 4......but, anyway, getting fucked (or, making love if I'm not too tired), having a toke, and singing for at least a half-hour are the three.

And SO (so so so , I'll show you a NOTHER good trick that I know) (that's from "Cat In The Hat" by Dr. Seuss in case your now tuning out on my highly personal exposure of what's happening with me today and wondering "who is that" or even "where is that from". So, now, curious one, you SHOULD be able to focus here with me. One can dream.) I'm spacing out, traveling to Baldwin beach in my mind, which, as regular followers of these reflections know, is my fav place to go (perched on one of the many sweet little dunes) to go sing.

Man, I'm kinda scattered today, huh? And there's another thing.... I am SO feisty and even walking aroused today, it's as if I've had a Major Mojo Infusion (MMI for you initials for every fuckin thing fanatics) and now it seems I must wrap up this story because one of the men who adore me quite a lot (COULD it be love. Depends on your definition of said "L" word methink

"You almost done here? (I nod my head yes) then, WRAP IT UP BABY we're off to lunch, so, more later.....

3singingeagles

Yeah, I let him call me baby. It's not words that maim, (hurt) it's the intention behind them. "Baby" in a sexy semi rough manner is cool, sometimes even arousing. In a demeaning way it can be QUITE ANNOYING . I used to tell "my" kids (I DO NOT own them thank ya very much. Kahil Gibran put it well when he said we are the bows and they are the arrows. In fact, a couple of mine shot out like arrows at birth come to think of it!) that any word could be a curse/insult. We'd have good fun, "You PAPAYA! PA-PAY-A!" "Yeah, well you Cantaloupe! Member of the MELon family!" (etc.)

Ya know, I'm feelin kinda uninspired right about now. More later maybe. Let me print up something on this space-plan that's popped up in my research that may make mucho imperitivo the suggestions (now, impassioned pleas?!?) to the general assembly from Dr. (and respected ambassador, and moon-mad pagan maiden) Moonbeam Forrester.

Later, dear sweet ones,
"Moonbeam" :)

So, guess I'll go call them. Oh, my voice mail, which is ALSO paid up, had ALSO shut me out (beep beep beep beep ska- reeeeech.

You know, I need some beef and mashed potatoes and I need them now. And an avocado. And something cool to drink. Or warm. Okay, I don't NEED them, but I greatly desire them. I'm gonna blow this joint and get some Kau kau before Uncle Dukes talk tonight. Forget phone calls and such. Chill, baby. Chill.

Love to you'all,
Praying for smoother sailing on this roughocean called life,
3singingeagles Ma'hinahinahina Grady :)

4/13/00

Aloha again! Well, slept near the lighthouse at the furthest point north again last night. Wind whipping. Lights swirling round in a circular beacon, wow. dizzying. strong.

I am so fullfilled in my heart. I got to look in his eyes, to hear his sweet voice again today. I bear the envelope of my non-sheltered dreams and his I mused him Work and if I could just bury myself in him and not ever withdraw from there..........

Well, off to work till sundown, then dinner, then Pather time (the hawk he hovers) and slide from there with the extra energy I always have afterwards to his envelope, and my love for him which uncorks the champagne bottle of my muse's secret bottle....... I will be drinking with him, as I reply to his queries, open sliced salmon, with my teeth, not snoring.

Till the 'morrow sweet ones.
3SE's  :)

April 21st I think, or, 23? 4?

Wow. Could it be I'm about to make it through this semester? My mind is on other things right now. Going to be on the land. Duke bade me PLEASE to return AS SOON AS POSSIBLE and stay awhile..................

He saw me. I should have known. I think he did the night of the talk but now I'm quite certain he knows exactly who I am. Beings like me can not be in hiding to everyone, even if we do not speak who we are to a soul.

It is better we be alone together for this. It was perfect that I had to leave early. Others would have seen his awe, in the position he had to be in for them this would not have been good. Soon Duke will take me to the Heiau, we are already dreaming together, walking together, the Aka is nearly completely cellular........ this is intense. I am dizzy. Woah.

Please note that my e-mail address is different, put it on main page. Love you guys. Home, need shower, Mucho homework, Jay Leno in Bob's arms later perhaps, all good. Sorry for the lapse guys, for those who were worried.

Much love now and always,
Ma'hinahinahina, 1st and only wife of Ka'aumuali'i, Queen of the peoples of Mu, Manahunes and Menehunes, carrier of The Sacred Pohaku handed down for long from Queen to Queen to.........

Malama pono, Aloha oe ea.

And I feel, still, in a dream state. Feel that part of me is on the land, with Duke and/or waiting for him, speaking with the land, listening well as well. I feel dreamy and ungrounded yet I've been doing great in Math even though everywhere I go people need me..... even here (college) in the library, at secluded picnic tables. Sometimes I must go into Lokahi Alanui (the best car ever born) to find some peace. Have a smoke and do some work. I'm feeling kinda nauseous since I held Duke.... almost as if pregnant. Only time that ever happened was with Rolling Thunder. Maybe I'll get to fulfill with Duke what I was unable to with RT........ since it has been so long since I have heard for him, I fear the rumors of his death are true. Maybe I should visit Meta Tantey while I'm in Texas anyways, Carson's not really that far...... even if he's not there, parts of him with be around..... whiffs of him in the air..... touches of him in the soil.....

Think I'll have a smoke, finish Math homework for section 3, quick review, take test, then home. Forget Othello thing today? We'll see. Resolution for mock UN seems a moot point since Josh seems to not be here. Was it really him sleeping near me at the land? Why? I am confused by him on a regular basis. Does he care for me or hate me...... how can it be hard to tell this you may ask but if you've met the Josh I have you would understand.

The enigmas of this life making me dizzy,
I am your,
3singingeagles :)

Life is winding down
I'm sweating bullets just to live I'm
Drinking really cold water too fast and
Laughing as it goes down my throat I
Am preparing for a life where
All bets are off.

3SE's

I'm going to close this page today, I'll archive it on Monday at the latest, and upload the new one befor I go on my Journey, either to a place where I may change history forever.... or alone to the mountain if the Magician has lost his nerve, this I strongly doubt, however, he is extremly powerful.

Everything's gone full circle. I sat on the floor at Josh's feet in political science yesterday, like I did the first day. The queen on the floor. But noone there knows, so it's all good. They probubly wouldn't believe it anyway. But HE knows...... hum. Well, who knows where the next week will lead me, but may I go gracefully, always, do everything with grace and fluid beauty!

My children are coming back here, I am not going to Texas. Since Bob's daughter is going to the mainland this summer, we might be able to stay in her space.... at least a tent there and use The Wizards shower and stove if neccesary, Prentice is thinking a bunch of us woman are gonna get a place together. It seems strange to say this, but through two of my professors this year, combined with this intense vision-quest-with-one-foot-in-the-world I've been going through, my life has changed forever. After being celibate for so many years (except by an occasion visit by one of my husbands, and one boyfriend I had for a few months.... George the musician.... wonder how he's doing in Canada? Sigh) I have really explored my sexuality, and have become more healthy and radiant than I can even remember. I think my art is gonna have to continue it's focus-bend towards this.

Love you guys, shoots! Gotta get to the art club meeting in 10 minutes (eating Mana health food salad bar stuff, taking minutes, AND running meeting all at the same time. I burn rubber in the cosmos. Shit. WHERE did I come from? )

Amazing even myself,
I am yours, affectionately,
3singingeagles :)