Tarzan

There was a zoo in West Virginia which specialized in exotic animals. For instance, it had a pair of albino toucans. But one day one of the toucans died, so the zoo owner sent his best assistant, Fred, to find another. But since the zoo didn't have much money, Fred couldn't afford to either fly or take a cruise ship to Africa, so he took a rowboat, and rowed across the Atlantic, row, row, row, row, row. When he got to Africa he used a machete to hack and slash his way through the jungle, hack and slash, hack and slash, hack and slash. He came across a clearing where he saw Tarzan painting stripes on a zebra.

Now, whether Tarzan was painting black stripes on a white zebra or white stripes on a black zebra is not important to the outcome of the story.

"Hey Tarzan," Fred said. "Know where I can find an albino toucan?" And Tarzan interrupted his work long enough to point to a path and say, "Ugh. Five miles." So Fred made his way down the heavily overgrown path, hack and slash, hack and slash, hack and slash, until he found an albino toucan. He caught it and headed back, hack and slash, hack and slash, hack and slash. When he came to the clearing where Tarzan was painting stripes on the zebra -- and whether he was painting black stripes on a white zebra or white stripes on a black zebra is not important to the outcome of the story -- he said, "Thanks, Tarzan." And Tarzan just said "ugh." And Fred continued back to the coast, hack and slash, hack and slash, hack and slash. Then he rowed back across the Atlantic, row, row, row, row, row. And he delivered the albino toucan to the zoo.

A few years passed, and one day the zoo's pygmy giraffe, Zella, died. Fred was now manager of the zoo, so he sent his son, Fred Jr., to Africa to get another. So Fred Jr. took the rowboat across the Atlantic, row, row, row, row, row. When he got to Africa he used a machete to hack and slash his way through the jungle, hack and slash, hack and slash, hack and slash. He came across a clearing where he saw Tarzan painting stripes on a zebra.

Now, whether Tarzan was painting black stripes on a white zebra or white stripes on a black zebra is not important to the outcome of the story.

"Hey Tarzan," Fred Jr. said. "Know where I can find a pygmy giraffe?" And Tarzan interrupted his work long enough to point to a path and say, "Ugh. Seven miles." So Fred Jr. made his way down the heavily overgrown path, hack and slash, hack and slash, hack and slash, until he found a pygmy giraffe. He caught it and headed back, hack and slash, hack and slash, hack and slash. When he came to the clearing where Tarzan was painting stripes on the zebra -- and whether he was painting black stripes on a white zebra or white stripes on a black zebra is not important to the outcome of the story -- he said, "Thanks, Tarzan." And Tarzan just said "ugh." And Fred Jr. continued back to the coast, hack and slash, hack and slash, hack and slash. Then he rowed back across the Atlantic, row, row, row, row, row. And he delivered the pygmy giraffe to the zoo.

Some more years passed, and one day the zoo's bald gorilla died. These things happen. Fred was still in charge, so again he designated Fred Jr. to go to Africa to get a new one. And Fred Jr. took the rowboat across the Atlantic, row, row, row, row, row. When he got to Africa he used a machete to hack and slash his way through the jungle, hack and slash, hack and slash, hack and slash. He came across a clearing where he saw Tarzan painting stripes on a zebra.

Now, whether Tarzan was painting black stripes on a white zebra or white stripes on a black zebra is not important to the outcome of the story.

"Hey Tarzan," Fred Jr. said. "Know where I can find a bald gorilla?" And Tarzan interrupted his work long enough to point to a path and say, "Ugh. 14 miles." So Fred Jr. made his way down the heavily overgrown path, hack and slash, hack and slash, hack and slash, until he found a bald gorilla. He caught it and headed back, hack and slash, hack and slash, hack and slash. When he came to the clearing where Tarzan was painting stripes on the zebra -- and whether he was painting black stripes on a white zebra or white stripes on a black zebra is not important to the outcome of the story -- he said, "Thanks, Tarzan." And Tarzan just said "ugh." And Fred Jr. continued back to the coast, hack and slash, hack and slash, hack and slash. Then he rowed back across the Atlantic, row, row, row, row, row. And he delivered the bald gorilla to the zoo.

More years passed. Fred retired and Fred Jr. took over. So when the zoo's fabulous two-horned unicorn died, Fred Jr. sent his son, Fred III, to go get a new one. And Fred III took the rowboat across the Atlantic, row, row, row, row, row. When he got to Africa he used a machete to hack and slash his way through the jungle, hack and slash, hack and slash, hack and slash. He came across a clearing where he saw Tarzan painting stripes on a zebra.

Now, whether Tarzan was painting black stripes on a white zebra or white stripes on a black zebra is not important to the outcome of the story.

"Hey Tarzan," Fred III said. "Know where I can find a fabulous two-horned unicorn?" And Tarzan interrupted his work long enough to point to a path and say, "Ugh. 43 miles." So Fred III made his way down the heavily overgrown path, hack and slash, hack and slash, hack and slash, until he found a fabulous two-horned unicorn. He caught it and headed back, hack and slash, hack and slash, hack and slash. When he came to the clearing where Tarzan was painting stripes on the zebra -- and whether he was painting black stripes on a white zebra or white stripes on a black zebra is not important to the outcome of the story - he said, "Thanks, Tarzan." And Tarzan just said "ugh." And Fred III continued back to the coast, hack and slash, hack and slash, hack and slash. Then he rowed back across the Atlantic, row, row, row, row, row. And he delivered the fabulous two-horned unicorn to the zoo.

Years went by. And one day the zoo's Incredibly Ugly Pink Hippopotamus died. Fred III was now running the zoo, but he didn't have any children, so he sent his wife, Frieda, to go get a new one. And Frieda took the rowboat across the Atlantic, row, row, row, row, row. When she got to Africa she used a machete to hack and slash her way through the jungle, hack and slash, hack and slash, hack and slash. She came across a clearing where she saw Tarzan painting stripes on a zebra.

Now, whether Tarzan was painting black stripes on a white zebra or white stripes on a black zebra is not important to the outcome of the story.

"Hey Tarzan," Frieda said. "Know where I can find an incredibly ugly pink hippopotamus, just as ugly as our last one?" And Tarzan interrupted his work long enough to point to a path and say, "Ugh. Three miles." So Frieda made her way down the heavily overgrown path, hack and slash, hack and slash, hack and slash, until she found an incredibly ugly pink hippopotamus; uglier, if possible, than the one the zoo had had. She caught it and headed back, hack and slash, hack and slash, hack and slash. When she came to the clearing where Tarzan was painting stripes on the zebra -- and whether he was painting black stripes on a white zebra or white stripes on a black zebra is not important to the outcome of the story -- she said, "Thanks, Tarzan." And Tarzan just said "ugh." And Frieda continued back to the coast, hack and slash, hack and slash, hack and slash. Then she rowed back across the Atlantic, row, row, row, row, row. And she delivered the incredibly ugly pink hippopotamus to the zoo.

Still more years passed. Fred III and Frieda never did have any children, But they did have grandchildren. So when the zoo's famous mile-long snake died, they sent the grandchildren, Sam, Sally and Clarence, to go get a new one. They took the rowboat across the Atlantic, row, row, row, row, row. They used their machetes to cut through the jungle, hack and slash, hack and slash, hack and slash. And they came to a clearing where Tarzan was painting stripes on a zebra.

Now, whether Tarzan was painting black stripes on a white zebra or white stripes on a black zebra is not important to the outcome of the story.

But what it does go to show is.....

Tarzan stripes forever.