Before we start folks, let me make it clear that this retort was meant for the "Chain Email Originators", not the decent sammaratins with the very best intentions that are caught up in the middle of this debacle.
HAVE A GOOD LAUGH!
Hello, my name is Alfonso Merkin. I am suffering from rare and
deadly diseases, poor scores on final exams, lack of sexual activity,
fear of being kidnapped and executed by anal electrocution, and guilt
for not sending out 50 billion f**king forwards sent to me by people
who actually believe that if you send them, that poor 6 year old girl
in Arkansas with lung cancer brought on by secondhand smoke from the
cigarettes smoked by the big bad men who kidnapped her and took
pornographic pictures of her for use on their child pornography web
site will get 6 f**king cents every time you send me the letter.
Do you honestly believe that Bill Gates is going to give you and
everyone you send "his" email to $1000? How f**king stupid are you?
Ooooh, looky here! If I scroll down this page and make a wish,
I'll get laid by every Victoria's Secret model in the catalog! What a
bunch of bullshit. So basically, this message is a big F**K YOU to all
the people out there who have nothing better to do than to send me
stupid chain mail forwards. Maybe the evil chain letter leprechauns
will come into my apartment and sodomize me in my sleep for not
continuing the chain which was started by Jesus in 5 AD and was
brought to this country by midget pilgrims on the Mayflower and if it
makes it to the year 2000,
it'll be in the Guinness Book of World Records for longest continuous
streak of blatant stupidity. F**k them.
If you're going to forward something, at least send something
mildly amusing. I've seen all the "send this to 50 of your closest
friends, and this poor, wretched excuse for a human being will somehow
receive a nickel from some "omniscient being" forwards about 90 times.
I don't f**king care. Show a little intelligence and think about what
you're actually contributing to by sending out forwards. Chances are
it's your own unpopularity.
P.S. Please forward this to at least 50 of your best friends!
There is no kidney theft ring in New Orleans. No
one is waking up in a bathtub full of ice, even if a
friend of a friend swears it happened to their
cousin.
If you are hell-bent on believing the kidney-theft
ring stories, please see:
My Best Friend In The Whole World Page. Get a lot of Friendship Email or LINKs to Friendship pages? Check This Page Out. Warning; You will be entering a Zone of Sarcam, please wear your sense of humor."LoL"..
Wasn't that fun? Hope you made a great wish. Now, to make you
feel guilty, here's what I'll do. First of all, if you don't send this
to 5096 people in the next 5 seconds, you will be raped by a mad goat
and then thrown off a high building into a pile of manure. It's true!
Because, THIS letter isn't like all of those fake ones, THIS one
is TRUE!! Really!!! Here's how it goes:
*Send this to 1 person: One person will be pissed off at you for
sending them a stupid chain letter.
*Send this to 2-5 people: 2-5 people will be pissed off at you
for sending them a stupid chain letter.
*5-10 people: 5-10 people will be pissed off at you for sending
them a stupid chain letter.
*10-20 people: 10-20 people will be pissed off at you for sending
them a stupid chain letter.
Thanks!!!! Good Luck!!!
Hello, and thank you for reading this letter. You see, there is a
starving little boy in Baklaliviatatlaglooshen who has no arms, no
legs, no parents, and no goats. This little boy's life could be saved,
because for every time you pass this on, a dollar will be donated to
the Little Starving Legless Armless Goatless Boy from
Baklaliviatatlaglooshen Fund. Remember, we have no way of counting
letters sent and this is all bull. So go on, reach out. Send this to
5 people in the next 47 seconds. Oh, and a reminder - if you
accidentally send this to 4 or 6 people, you will die instantly.
Hi there!! This chain letter has been in existence since 1897.
This is absolutely incredible because there was no email then and
probably not as many little 8 year olds writing chain letters. So this
is how it works. Pass this on to 15,067 people in the next 7 minutes
or something horrible will happen to you like:
Queer Horror Story #1
Miranda Pinsley was walking home from school on Saturday. She had
recently received this letter and ignored it. She then tripped in a
crack in the sidewalk, fell into the sewer, was gushed down a
drainpipe in a flood of poopie, and went flying out over a waterfall.
Not only did she smell nasty, she died. This Could Happen To You!!!
Queer Horror Story #2
Dexter Bip, a 13 year old boy, got a chain letter in his mail and
ignored it. Later that day, he was hit by a car and so was his
boyfriend (hey, some people swing that way). They both died and went
to hell. They continued to suffer in hell where they were both cursed
to eat adorable kittens every day for eternity. This Could Happen To
You!!!
Remember, you could end up like Pinsley and Bip did. Just send
this letter to all of your loser friends, and everything will be OK.
As if you care, here is a poem that I wrote. Send it to every one
of your friends.
Friends
-A friend is someone who is always at your side,
-A friend is someone who likes you even though you smell like poop,
-A friend is someone who likes you even though you're disgustingly
ugly,
-A friend is someone who cleans up for you after you've soiled
yourself,
-A friend is someone who stays with you all night while you cry
about your loser life,
-A friend is someone who pretends they like you when
theyreallythink you should be raped by a mad goat and then thrown to
vicious dogs,
-A friend is someone who scrubs your toilet and vacuums and then
gets the check and leaves and doesn't speak much English, no sorry
that's the cleaning lady,
-A friend is not someone who sends you chain letters because he
wants his wish of being rich to come true. Now pass this on! If you
don't, you'll be eaten by wild mutts.
There. Now that we've covered and dumped on the four main types
of chain letters, onto the ironic part. In order for this to get any
popularity, send it on!!! If you don't think it was funny at all,
don't bother, but otherwise forward this sucker to everyone you know!!
If you don't, I don't care, but why not show this around? Take two
minutes and forward it. Thanks!
Remember, the moral of the story is, if you get a chain letter,
ignore it. If it's a joke or something, send it, sure, but if it's
gonna make people feel guilty (i.e., the willieless boy from
Baklaliviatatlaglooshen) or nervous (i.e., Miranda Pinsley who ended
up in a waterfall of turds) just delete it. Do yourself a favor, and
everyone else in the world, and say, F**K CHAIN LETTERS!!"
On the other hand, some are cute and funny.. Here is one from my Compadre DavidDow, not sure who that is ? Aw c'mon, everybody knows DavidDow.. No No, nuthin to do with Golaith, it's DAVE ANDRADE, DuH ! Anyways, here is "The Blue Man Luck", what the heck, it'll put a smile on some faces, Thanx Dave, and go by my main page and look at the whole thing, {;o)..
Click on "The Blue Man Luck" to get to the first chainEmail page.
Oh, and how many are still waiting for that video to appear outa nowhere, right their on your monitor ? Hah, don't hold your breath.. Imagine that?
