Episode ONE: The Q-Factor

setting: the Q livingroom

Felicia: Um, hello, everyone, welcome to the first of our competitions for Lila's money. You know the rules--you don't finish the task in the allotted time and you're elminated. Are you ready?
Edward: Dang Nabbit! Lila's going to pay for this if it's the last thing I ever do.
Alan: Father, that's not possible, you won't be going to the same place.
Felicia: Big Alice, bring in the table!
(big Alice steers in giant banquet table)
Emily: Oh, brunch! (claps)
Tracey: You know, you are probably the LEAST smartest person here.
Monica: Put a sock in it Tracey.
Ned: I don't like the looks of this...
Felicia: Contestants, I GIVE YOU....(takes of table cloth) fish guts ala the Port Charles River!
Edward: What in the Sam Hill!?
Monica: I'm going to throw up....
Jason: Blink.
Ned: What I don't get is why HE'S here! He's not in this family...
Emily: Is too..sniff...Jason is so kind and good, just like Lila
Tracey: She had an intact frontal lobe dear, hardly "just like Jason" (eyeroll)
Justus: Fact is, as Lila's lawyer, I must say Jason is included. I am not however, probably because my skin is...
Alan: Oh, brother, here we go...
Justus: I was going to say I'm ALLERGIC to fish, Alan.
Ned: Oh, whoops. His bad.
Felicia: Listen up. You will each have 10 minutes to finish the pile on your plate. Each contestant that takes longer than 10 minutes or throws up is out. Do you understand the rules?
Emily: (tears in her eyes) But..I can't...I had cancer and I'm too fragile..I just...
Ned: She's out!
Justus: Emily, you must try..it's in the rules.
Monica: Emily, honey, come on, choke it down, it will be ok, just think it's a big mass of..uh, rubber ..uh..
Alan: Oh, for God sakes, Monica, just eat it...here, see?
Tracey: You'd eat anything! Dillon! Come on! Hurry up!
Dillon: Dude. That's some nasty stuff on there.
Mini: Oh, Dillon, I know you can do it!
Lois: Yeah, ya can...you ah strong and got muscles and can drive a cah really fast..
Mini: Shut up! He's my boyfriend! God, go botox will ya?
Felicia: Everyone in the audience, please be quiet...you have 6 minutes left...
Edward: That Lila, such a crafty one...can I have more scotch please Alice?
Felicia: Against the rules...but you can have some Pickalila relish...
Tracey: Oh like THAT helps! Ok, ok..(closes eyes...tosses hair) I'm in Paris...at my favorite bistro and they've served me sushi...sushi...nice japanese sushi...(she finishes her plate) There! Done!
Felicia: Tracey, you may stay in the competion!
Ned: I'm gagging over here...uh..uh...
Ned: Oh, here, I'll eat it just to shut you up.
Felicia: Ned, you may continue! 4 minutes people!
Alan: I'm done...hey, can I help Monica?
Felicia: NO HELPING!
Monica: (deep breaths) I'm a doctor..I'm a doctor, I've seen this every day in the operating room. Ok, I haven't eaten it, but...
Emily: (takes a bite) Oh, ewwww. eewwwwwwwww. Sniff..Nikolas...this is yucky. I can't, I shan't EAT IT!
Nikolas: Who are you again? Why am I here?
Emily: Oh, you're no help. (pout)
Monica: Ok! (hands up---done!) I'm going outside now...I haven't eaten that much since 1977!
Dillon: Oh, Dude...Ok..here goes....hey, that's not bad...better than wearing a dress that's for sure, or you know, not being able to get it up when Georgie wants some.
Tracey: (smacks his arm) DILLON! Have some manners. Here, you have an eyeball on your chin...eat it all, we don't want to get disqualified.
Jason: There. Done.
Emily: Oh, you're my hero! (flashes eyelashes)
Heather: Oh, Edward, you're so handsome and strong and...I bet you've eaten MASSES of fish guts in your lifetime. After all, what did you do during the Depression?
Edward: Well, I was a bit YOUNG then, but I'll do it for you bunny face..
Tracey: THAT might make me throw up, not the fish, thank you!
Felicia: 10 seconds. Monica....Dillon..you're still in the race....THREE TWO ONE...
Ned: EMILY'S eliminated!
Tracey: Thank god..that twit needs to go far, far away.
Emily: Sniff...I'm so sorry, I've failed. Sniff...
Monica: It's ok, honey, what's ours is yours....we'll win, we will!
Dillon: Ned, come on, Lois and Georgie are fighting in the fish pond again..Dude, we gotta stop 'em.
Felicia: Dont' go too far..our next competition on the Q Reality Race is coming up in 20 hours!
Tracey: I may not live through this.
Alan: We can only hope.

Thanks to the sponsers of Port Charles Fish and Game for providing the food for this episode. Next up: a little game that involves torches and rice!
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