Everyone's Free (To Watch Early Edition)
Ladies and Gentlemen from the viewers of 99, watch Early Edition.
If I could offer you only one tip for the future, reading the local newspaper would
be it.
The long term benefits of reading the newspaper have been proved by Gary,
whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering observations.
I will dispense this advice now.
Enjoy the power and beauty of the first season. Oh, never mind. You won't understand
the power and beauty of the first season because it's faded. But trust me, in two
or three years, you'll look back at tapes of those shows and recall in a way in a
way that you just can't grasp now how much possibility lay before the cast and how great
they really were.
Chuck Fishman is not as bad as you imagine.
Don't worry about the future of the show; let us do it for you! Or worry, but know
that worrying is as effective as trying to save someone by sleeping late. The real
troubles in the show are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind. The
kind that blindside you at 6:30 AM on some idle Monday or at 8:00 PM on Saturday when
you remember your out of blank VCR tapes.
Listen to Marissa's advice, even if it scares you.
Feed the Cat.
Don't be reckless with other people's cars, don't put up with people who are reckless
with yours.
Bet at the Race Track.
Don't waste your time on being jealous of Erica; sometimes we're lucky and she acts
like an idiot, sometimes we're not... the season is long, and in the end she left
and took the kid with her anyway.
Remember the good episodes, forget the bad ones. If you succeed in doing this, tell
me how.
Keep your faith in the show, recycle your old newspapers.
Live your life.
Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life...
Look at Gary, he's one of the most interesting people on tv and do you think he knows
what he wants to be doing when he's 40?
Get plenty of sleep.
Appreciate Crumb and Chuck, you'll miss them when they're gone.
Maybe the paper is magic, maybe it isn't. Maybe the Cat is magic, maybe it isn't.
Maybe you'll be divorced at thirty like Gary, maybe you'll dance the funky chicken
on your 75th wedding anniversary... Whatever you do, don't congratulate the producers
too much or berate them, either. Their choice of scripts are half chance. So are
everybody else's.
Enjoy your leather jacket. Use it as much as you can. Don't be afraid of what it
will do to you or what other people think of it. It's the coolest thing you will
ever own.
Run... even if you have nowhere to do it but in on a treadmill in your own living
room.
Read the full article, even if it contains no further relevant information.
Do not read TV Guide, it will only make you feel sick when you realize there's nothing on
for months but repeats.
Get to know Gary's parents, you never know when they'll be gone for good. Be nice
to the regulars; they are the best link to your past and the people most likely to
stick with you in the future.
Understand that good shows come and go but with a precious few you should hold on.
Work hard to tape the shows that mean the most to you, because the older you get,
the more you need the shows you knew when you were young.
Live in New York City once with the knowledge they almost placed the show there, but
leave quickly before it makes you weird; live in Chicago once, then leave before
they find out it was you stalking the cast.
Get in the paper, but not too much.
Accept certain inalienable truths: ratings will rise and fall, networks will be stupid,
your favorite show, too, will get old. And when it does, you'll fantasize that when
you were young, ratings were steady, networks were smart, and shows were good.
This show is.
Don't expect anyone else to understand your obsession with the show, but don't hold
it against them. Maybe your friends watch wrestling and Party of Five, maybe your
siblings watch nothing but cartoons- you never know when they'll come to their senses.
No one should mess with anything to much, at 40, 85, or anytime.
Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it. Advice
from the Paper is from the future. Using it is a way of salvaging hopeless relationships,
pushing people out of the way of speeding trucks, and getting blamed for being a
fire starter.
But trust me on the local newspaper!
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Influenced by Everyone's Free (To Watch NewsRadio), which probably stole some idea's
from Everyone's Free (To Watch Homicide).
In the end it all comes back to Everyone's Free (To Wear Sunscreen) by Baz Luhrmann.
(Which I do not recommend, because it is lame.)
-Kate Bonita O'Neil- EEAC
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