“Of Love--may God exalt you! -the first part is jesting, and the last part is right earnestness. So majestic are its diverse aspects, they are too subtle to be described; their reality can only be apprehended by personal experience. Love is neither disapproved by Religion, nor prohibited by the Law; for every heart is in God's hands.”

Ibn Hazm

 

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Preface

The Faqeeh of Love

Imam Ibn Hazm Al-Andalusee

(384 H. – 456 H.) 994 – 1064 CE.

A Dove from Andalusia

 

4 books that the scholars say if you read them, you will be the perfect Aalim

Al mughni

Al muhalaem or muhalim

Al talheem

Subr wal kuburah

 

The other face of the Imam

  1. The life of the Imam
  2. The many different characters of Ibn Hazm:

The minister.

2 times confirmed, 1 time disputable

The scholar.

The Faqeeh.

The human being.

  1. ‘The Passions’ of the Imam.
  2. Women in the life of Ibn Hazm.
  3. The incomplete love story in the life of Ibn Hazm
  4. A critique of Ibn Hazm’s: “The Ring of the Dove” or طوق الحمامة i

What was the name of the rival family of Ummayid - Banu Hamood

It was a personal letter response to a friend

Written in 417 Hijri/1027 A.D.

Only 2/3rds of book present – because the scribe summarized it

Fragrance of perfume (Nafathi) – by Imam Al-Makhari mentioned ring of dove in this book

Ring of Dove – A treatise on the art and practice of Arab love

Collar around neck

Carries the meaning of love and passion

Ring – symbol of obedience;  naturally causes people to submit

The book for the lovers would be like rain. 

Some say that the book is for obedience

When Arabs talk about love, they talk about pigeons/doves

Ibn Hazm – 34 years old when he written; about the incidents and events of his lifetime

Book of history – story of Spain

Invastion of Cordoba by Barbers

Book of psychology

Demonstration of his life and love

Collection of poetry - Some people says that he was not a good poet and the language (strong) he uses was more like puzzles and not poetry

Promotion of chastity and piety

30 chapters and 4 sections

                                                  

  1. The views of Ibn Hazm on Love.

ü      He has a philosophy about love, he believes that souls are scattered in the air and when they meet, they feel love. 

ü      The theory of love is based on similar characteristics.  Al hubbil hudri (the love that is humble and not lustful). 

ü      The first part is jesting and the last part is right earnestness. 

ü      Love is neither disapproved by Religion nor prohibited by law for every heart is in God’s hands

ü      Love is not about physical attraction but it starts with it.  Love just happens; it is natural. 

ü      The noble love – passions of heart with righteousness and piety

ü      Nature of love – conjunction between scattered parts of souls that have met in universe

ü      Loves is based on assimilations and similarity in characteristics

ü      Physical attraction not very important, but it is what leads love

ü      Try to find natural attributes that you both share

ü      He takes the literal meaning of things…..In this book he was looking for noble love not lustful love

ü      Love is halal, for every heart is in Allah’s hands

ü      Love is a sickness, ailment; its remedy depends on the degree of their love

ü      Ibn Hazm says that love is natural, but can Allah test us with this?

o       Yes, Allah always tests us to see our obedience in him

ü      Does Ibn Hazm agree with “opposites attract”?

o       Yes, these characteristics are like having similarities in love.

o       Ex. Hold a snowball in your hand and it will still have the same effect as holding a burning coal.

ü      In conclusion, you will not find two people in love unless there are some similarities.  Humans are born perfect and you are attracted to the perfection of the person

 

 

Questions

In which Hijree year did Ibn Hazm rahimahullah die?

456 H

 

What is the Arabic title of Ibn Hazm’s famous treaties?

Tawkhal Hamama

 

“Of Love-may God exalt you! -is in truth a baffling ailment, and its remedy is in strict accord with the degree to which it is treated; it is a delightful malady, a most desirable sickness. Whoever is free of it likes not to be immune, and whoever is struck down by it yearns not to recover. Love represents as glamorous that which a man formerly disdained, and renders easy for him that which he hitherto found hard; so that it even transforms established temperaments and inborn dispositions.”  - Ibn Hazm[1]

Chapter One

‘Jesting about Love’ Introductions

 

"ومن آياته أن خلق لكم من أنفسكم أزواجا لتسكنوا إليها وجعل بينكم مودة ورحمة إن في ذلك لآيات لقوم يتفكرون"

 

“And among His signs is this that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that ye may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts). Verily in that are signs for those who reflect.”

Ar-room 30:21.[2]

 

Intro I:

Islam and Love

 

قال رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم في خديجة – رضي الله عنها- : "إني رزقت حبها."

 

The Messenger of Allah salla Allahu alayhi wa sallm speaking about his wife Khadija said: “Verily, I was filled with love for her.”

 

ü      Mawahdah – love/intimacy

ü      Wa rahma - mercy

 

  1. Love: The definition

ü      As a noun

Ø      Strong and positive emotion of regard and affection

Ø      Passion

Ø      Any object of form or affection

Ø      Beloved

Ø      Dearest

Ø      Sexual love (lust and desire)

Ø      Love making

ü      As a verb – Liking for someone; having great affection

ü      A feeling of intense affection given freely without any restriction

ü      Love exists in all persons either with sensibility (for all people) or passion (strongly excited or a particular person)

 

  1. The Nature of Love

ü      Hub - Love

ü      Ishq – deeper love and becomes obsessive and commit haraam deeds.

ü      Love is a human sickness (Psychological)

ü      Spiritually: natural instinct

ü      Sacrificial love – religious love (ex. Allah)

ü      Muslim Scholars – Al Jaahab/ Ibn Qiyah in the book of Al Nisa (book of women) say the difference between Hub – which they think is natural and Ishq is something intellectual, going beyond for what they desire.

ü      Muhammad Ibn Dawood – Al Zooah

o       Speak about the 100 qualities of Bin Udrah on how they exercised love in their life

ü      All scholars share the same theory – about similarities of two people

ü      Datul hadif – long conversations; hugging; kissing

ü      Arabs say – the eye is the white gate into the heart

ü      The three pillars

Ø      Attributes of the beloved one

Ø      Feelings of love - intention (you have choice) and inclination

Ø      Relationship similarities between two people

ü      4 steps to develop love

Ø      Using your eye (sight of heart).  You should not describe another woman to a married man

Ø      Admiration – to various characteristics

Ø      Obsession – thoughts of future, logistics

Ø      Building hope and establishing commitment – if you don’t then you are looking for haraam things

 

  1. The categories of love

ü      Natural love/passion

ü      Rational/religious love

ü      All forms of love are parallel unless one does not surpass the other (this become shirk)

 

  1. The signs of love

ü      The broadening gaze

ü      Directing the conversations to a beloved one

ü      Resemblance

ü      Engage in a playful tug of war – breaking plates

ü      Opposite do attract

ü      Sometimes they fight – it is a sign of love

ü      Hurrying to their locations

ü      Happy/cheerful when close

ü      Weeping

ü      Dec. sleep and appetite

 

  1. The ruling of love in Islam

ü      Love is not in your hand, it is in Allah’s hand

ü      Surah Al-Imran (A 14) – desire to love from women. Men to women and vice versa

ü      Those who don’t love are the people who are hard as rocks. 

ü      They are two types 

o       Optional – leads to love; sudden look

o       Natural - how you are going to react to this will be asked by Allah

 

From the Sunnah of Prophet (s)...

Ibn Majjah: A man came to Rasullah and said that "Yah Rasullah, we are taking care of an orphan girl.  A man came and said that two men came and asked for the hand in marriage for the orphan girl, one rich one poor, but she loves the poor man.  He said that "we liked the rich man".  The man said "who should I choose?"  Rasullah told him to allow the girl to marry the poor one.

The mate should not be judged on their status, or wealth

 

Amr bin Aas came to the Prophet (s) after he gave Amr the commander of an expedition, and asked, "O Rasulllah, who is the most beloved to you amongst all mankind?"  Rasullah said, "Aisha".  Amr said, "Then?"  Rasullah said, "Her father"  (Sahih Bukhari)

 

Fatimah, daughter of Prophet (s), came to the Prophet (s) and said for him to be just with the other wives.  The Prophet (s) said that, "I love her (Aisha), so love her too".  Fatimah said, "I love her".

Az-Zuhri said:  "the first love recognized in Islam was the love of the Prophet (s) for Aisha"

 

  1. Stories of love

Love – do not have control over it; you will not be accounted unless you pursue in unlawful way.

 - Predating Islamic era

ü      Arabs are considered to be lustful people

ü      Antara  – He was born from a female slave. 

ü      Al Abdah  - was his cousin from a free women

 

He was inferior because of the way he was born.  He became the strongest warrior of his tribe.  He even asked for his cousin’s hand in marriage but her father refused her hand.  Started to write Arab poetry.

 

- Islamic era

ü      The first love in Islam was recognized by Prophet SWS for Ayesha RTA.  He loved Ayesha RTA more than his other wives.

ü      Last thing Prophet had in his mouth was Ayesha RTA saliva – because she just fixed his miswak for him

ü      If love happens naturally then you are not answerable to Allah. 

ü      Hub – came from many narrations

 

  1. Scholarly works on love

ü      Kitalb us-Zohra – by Mohammed Ibn Dawood

ü      Zammul Hawaah – by Ibn Jowsi (condemning desire & lust)

ü      Raudatul Muhibbin – by Ibn Al Qairi

ü      Al Masoon – Ibrahim Al Husari (preserved, protected)

 

  1. Al Bousseeri said in his poetry:

“Does the lover think that his love can be concealed?

While his eyes are shedding tears and his heart is glowing,

Had it not been for love, you would not have shed tears at the ruins (of your beloved), nor would you become restless at the remembrance of the cypress (tree) at the high mountain, How do you deny love after the testimony, Borne against you by (such) reliable witnesses as your tears and your illness.”[3]

 

Intro II:

Falling in love

 

قال رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم للعباس عمه في قصة مغيث وبريرة: "يا عباس ألا تعجب من حب مغيث بريرة , وبغض بريرة مغيثا؟"

 

The Messenger of Allah salla Allahu alayhi wa sallam was telling his uncle Al Abbas the story of Mugheeth and Bareerah, he said: “O Abbas! Isn’t it amazing how much Mugheeth loves Bareerah and how much Bareerah hates Mugheeth?”

 

Excess of love cause loss of shyness

 

Prophet (s) and telling the story of Bareerah (slave girl) and Mugheeth (owner) to his uncle Al-Abbas.  Aisha bought the slave girl and freed her.  Mugheeth married Bareerah, but she left him.  Mugheeth loved her so much and was crying in public for her.  Prophet (s) was asked to intercede and he asked Bareerah if she wanted to take him back.  She didn't want to take him back and Prophet (s) was fine with this, so Mugheeth spent the rest of his life crying for her.  Mugheeth was acting on his own human nature - Prophet (s) did not prohibit his actions because he saw it was out of Mugheeth's hands.  Prophet (s) felt mercy for Mugheeth because of his love for Bareerah.

 

Ibn Hajjar said it is permissible for this feeling of human nature.

 

  1. The mystery of  the ‘in-love’ case

ü      Love is the nutrition for the soul

ü      Love is illusive - because it does not last forever and attachment to physical characters

Ø      The average romantic life is 2 yrs

Ø      “In Love” is a temporary emotion

 

  1. The gradual levels of love

ü      Al Mayaa – inclination of heart

ü      Al Hawwa – desire

ü      Al Mawaddah - love

ü      As Sabawa - obsession

ü      Al Walaa - madness

ü      Al Guyam – craziness

ü      Antatayyum – the highest level of admiration/love

 

  1. The means of nurturing love.  How to keep love alive

ü      Think love is action, practice it on a daily basis

Ø      Love is like a tank, and you need to fill it periodically

Ø      Love is also like a bank account, you need to deposit in early days of marriage, that way you can withdraw it in your middle age crises.

ü      Confession – Say “Honey I love you”, say it sincerely and don’t lie.

ü      Correspondence is good – try doing it.  Sahaba’s used to do it often.  Ex. Gifts, flowers, post cards

ü      Mutual obedience and respect from your spouse

ü      Acts of amusements

 

  1. What harms love?

ü      Exploitation of affection

ü      Acts of disrespect

ü      Slanderer – creating Fitnah out of jealousy and ignorance

ü      Long and unnecessary distance

ü      Infidelity and betrayal

ü      Television/computer

 

  1. Sex, passions and love: are they synonymous?

ü      No

ü      Women think of love as empathy and sympathy from their husband, while men think of sex

ü      Sexual intercourse can harm love? A sinful relationship will cause animosity and hatred, but this relationship (sex) that is halal will increase love between husband and wife

 

  1. Decency or indecency?

ü      The inclination to the desire is equal for the men and the women. 

ü      Both have the choice to guard their chastity. 

ü      If you expose yourself to the sinful path, you will be punished especially if you are in an area of righteousness

 

  1. What then is: Real Love?

Intro III:

A Story of Real ‘Love’

 

لما سأل عمرو بن العاص رضي الله عنه رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم عن أحب الناس إليه قال: "عائشة." قال: من الرجال؟ قال: "أبوها."

 

When Amr ibn-ul Aas radi allahu anhu asked the Messenger of Allah salla Allahu alayhi wa sallam who the most beloved person was for him, He answered: “Aisha.” He then said: “From men?” He replied: “Her father.”

 

قال الزهري: "أول حب كان في الإسلام حب النبي صلى الله عليه وسلم عائشة رضي الله عنها، وكان مسروق يسميها حبيبة رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم"

 روى ذلك الإمام ابن القيم

 

Imam Az-zuhri said:

“The first love story ever known in the history of Islam was the love of Rasulullah salla Allahu alayhi wa sallam for Aisha, and Masrouq used to call her The love of Rasulullah salla Allahu alayhi wa sallam.”

 

Ibnul Qayyim in Raoudatul Muhibbeen.

 

  1. The most rehearsed love story in history

Ø      The first love story ever know in the history of Islam was the love of Prophet SAS for Ayesha and Masrooq used to call her The Love of Prophet

Ø      The love was not practiced

2.      From the story of Romeo and Juliet

Ø      They never got married and they were not put the test of life – marriage.

3.      Infidelity in the western family life

4.      Muslims at the door step of the western version of Marriage, why?

Ø      Why love stories don’t last forever?  People take wrong examples for marriage like celebrities, where marriages don’t last long

Ø      The pre-marriage relationship – they consume their emotions, passions, love and when they start plan to marry they break and marry some place else

Ø      Friend marriage – usually happens on the campuses – (zina)

Ø      Divorce rates are getting high -  either Denmark or Sweden, US, and Turkey

Ø      Lack of knowledge – we just get married by the tradition, obligation, rights of marriages etc

Ø      Feminist and independence – women are getting more independent and responsible.  This would mean that men will loose the authority of the home

5.      The real love story

Ø      Rasulallah – Khadeejah - Rasulallah giving meat to friends of Khadijah, and Aisha got mad and made a bad comment about her.  He got mad and told her to not say anything bad about Khadijah because she was there for him in his time of need the most

Ø      Rasulallah – Ayesha

Ø      Rauslallah – The wives

 

Who was the most beloved wife?

Invalid question because they lived in different times so can't compare.

Khadijah was the best for her time…

Aisha was the best for her time…

 

“The main concept of the Fiqh of Love is to learn, appreciate and respect as a spouse; what is your right and what is your obligation”[4]

 

Chapter Two

‘The earnestness of Love’ Marriage and Family life

 

"يا أيها الناس اتقوا ربكم الذي خلقكم من نفس واحدة وخلق منها زوجها وبث منهما رجالا كثيرا ونساءا واتقوا الله الذي تساءلون به والأرحام إن الله كان عليكم رقيبا."

 

“O Mankind, be conscious of your duty to your Lord, who created you from a single soul, created of like nature his mate and from the two created and spread many men and women, and be mindful of your duty to Allah whose name you appeal to one another and to (the ties of) the womb. Verily, Allah watches over you.”

An-nisaa’ 4:1

 

The Status of Family in Islam

  1. Family life: basic principles

ü     The family system is divinely inspired institution.  Allah SWT called Marriage a (Methaakan Galidah) “strong and dangerous covenant” – serious (not easy contract) regulation of divorce, child custody

ü     Social contract:  lends to relationship beyond contracting parties.  Children with marriage – no legal relations (no right of inheritance)

ü     Faith and family 

Ø      Men are also respectable for children

Ø      Marrying non-muslims is forbidden for Muslim women, but for man its ok

Ø      Faithful people should marry each other. 

Ø      Faith matters when it come to inheritance

Ø      Forbidden outside marriage relationships

Ø      Free mixing is not allowed as it leads to haraam things and you might get married with out the extended family

 

  1. Structures and rules

ü      Even if you are divorced the family remains intact

ü      Closest fold - Husband and wife, their children’s, their parents, and slaves

ü      Central fold – close relative who have special roles and who move freely inside the house and marriage is forbidden. Hijab is not required

ü      Other fold – really extended family, maternal uncle and aunt, nieces and nephews, step kids

ü      Distance fold - Collateral relatives like cousins

ü      Men

Ø      The oldest member of the family is considered the head of the family – they are considered more wiser, more respected etc

Ø      The man’s major responsibility lies outside the family

ü      Women

Ø      The major responsibility is at the house

Ø      The eldest female is the head of the social life

ü      Equal right and responsibility or even rights or responsibility – it is more inclined towards even rights

 

  1. Love, Marriage and Family life

ü      Family life has to be established by marriage

ü      Marriage in Islam is the only legal way to express love to your spouse.  So if you have an illegitimate affairs it has to go through with marriage to be legal

 

  1. The Family and society

ü      Islamic law came to protect the structure to protect sex out of marriage to protect the family

ü      It is important for the Ummah and the community. 

ü      It is based on Deen and faith and should be looked at as an ideological society

 

The structure of Family law

  1. Family law: The definition

ü      The ruling (Ihkam) of fiqh the regulates  the relationship of a man and women starts with marriage and ends with the distribution of estates and inheritance

 

  1. The characteristics of Islamic law

ü      Nobility of the goal and the end; can never change the law because it is from Allah

ü     Human being should recreate themselves by the rule of Islam

ü     The divine inspiration for family law ( not made by humans)

ü     The application is the act of worship

ü      The generalization and  comprehensive are regulated by relationship of Allah and everyone in the family system

 

  1. The areas covered by Islamic family law

ü      Marriage and its rulings

Ø      Contract, dowry, match, etc

ü      Separation forms and its rulings

Ø      Death, divorce, ghulm (divorce by women), Al lian (spouse accuses of adultery and they only know themselves)

ü      Child rights and its rulings

ü      Inheritance Law and its rulings

 

History of Marriage

  1. Marriage: The definition

ü      It was redefined from all mankind. 

ü      It is a legal union between one man and one women

ü      As set of cultural rules for bringing men and women together to bring the family together

ü      An ancient practice as taken a life’s term companion for sexual partner

ü      A civil contract between a man and a women

ü      A man and women living as husband and wife together

ü      A legally recognized and or socially approved arranged between two individuals that carries certain rights and responsibilities that involves sexual activities

 

  1. The first marriage ‘Adam and Eve’       

ü      Zoug – spouse

ü      Scholars say they did not have intercourse in Jannah, because they did not know about their private parts

ü      Marriage was first established when he created Adam and Hawwa.  The details of this marriage only Allah knows best. 

ü      The oldest family known to mankind is the marriage of Adam and Hawwa

 

  1. Marriage before Islam

ü     Marriage in ancient history

ü     Marriage in other religions

Ø      Jews - contract of marriage is almost similar to the Islamic contract.  They should be relatives, legal obligations etc.  Also similar because of Musa (AS) who brought the shariah.

Ø      Christian – when Isa (AS) did not bring any ruling when he came.  The perfect way was to get married is to have a church wedding.  They did not have a concept of family.

§         Marriage was not clear cut and the Christians were following Jews – after separted from Jews, didn’t’ have anything, except getting married in a church – have no mahr, no concept of family; not a religious marriage

ü     Marriage in the Arab culture

Ø      Ayesha RTA said that the way to get married is as similar currently like asking for hand in marriage from the family

Ø      Shigar – I get married to your sister and your sister gets married to my brother.  This is haraam in Islam

Ø      Zina in group – with the women’s approval and after she is pregnant she gets married to the person who she had sex with.  Another concept is the after having intercourse she would get pregnant, deliver the baby the would go to the persons with genealogy experience and she would call all the guys who she had sex with and say that the child would belong to person and then get married.  This practice is haraam in Islam now.

Ø      Group intercourse – after baby is born; geneology picks father

 

  1. Polygamy or Monogamy?

ü      Monogamy – marrying only one wife

ü      Polygamy – the practice of having more than one spouse at one time. 

Ø      Polygyny – more than one wife at one time

Ø      Polyandry – more than one husband at one time

Ø      The Christians don’t have the concept of Polygany, or polygamy, however, some say that they have this concept.

 

  1. Heterosexuality or Homosexuality?

ü      Homosexuality - The attraction to the same sex.

Ø      It was first known in the times of Luth Alaihisalam about 5000 to 6000 yrs ago.

Ø      It was practice in ancient China, native Americans, ancient European times, Africa etc

Ø      This is accepted in Holland, Netherlands, and Canada.

ü      Heterosexuality – attraction to the opposite sex.

 

Islam and Marriage

 

قال صلى الله عليه وسلم : "...وأتزوج النساء , فمن رغب عن سنتي فليس مني"

 

The Messenger of Allah salla Allahu alayhi wa sallam said: “…and I marry women. Therefore, one who shows disinterest in my Sunnah is not from (my true followers).”

 

  1. The legal definition of Marriage

ü      Marriage is a contract between a man and a women, which allows both to enjoy the person of one another, their cooperation and decides the rights of each and their obligations

ü      Arabic word for marriage is  - Zawaj

ü      In Quran – Nikkah – meaning physical relationship between man and women (intercourse).  Also, it means a contract of marriage which makes the relationship lawful.

 

  1. Preserving the ‘Five Necessitates’ (Ad Daurat Al Khams)

ü      Faith

Ø      Shadah (have own identity)

ü      Life/Blood (Arridah) – prohibited killing, physical abuse

ü      Intellect (Al Atal)  – prohibited intoxications

ü      Progeny (An Nasial Duriah) – prescribed marriage, prohibited Zina

ü      Wealth -  prohibited the waste of money, haraam resources, like Ribah, Give charity, Zakath etc

 

  1. The purpose of marriage

ü      Advantages:

Ø      Seek in the pleasure of SAS

Ø      Pleasure – the natural inning, the inclination of the opposite sex

Ø      Procreation - Children – people like to be fathers and mothers.  The kids are the dormant of this life

Ø      Seeking intercession of the righteous child – when you leave this world to leave a righteous child

Ø      Protection from evil – it helps you protect from gaze and zina

Ø      To free sometime from the responsibility of this life

Ø      Mujahadatun Nafs – Hardship of bringing up a righteous family. 

ü      Disadvantages:

Ø      Inability to maintain the rights and responsibility of their spouses

Ø      Distraction from worship ex. Going to tarawih/Juma prayers in Ramadan because of children, unable to go

Ø      Being unable to support family financially – doing haraam things like taking loans etc

 

  1. The ruling of marriage

ü      Fard (obligatory ) – financially capable and can treat wife properly

ü      Waajib

Ø      If a man is financially stable  and can treat wife properly

Ø      But, will commit Zinna if he doesn’t marry

ü      Mustahab (recommended)

Ø      Similar to waajib

Ø      If he has the means and can treat wife properly

Ø      But no fear of committing Zinna 

ü      Makrooh

Ø      A person has the financial capability

Ø      But knows they will not be good as father/husband

®    Ex. will be away from home for long periods of time

ü      Haraam

Ø      A person does not have financial capability

Ø      Knows that they cannot treat wife properly and will commit Zinna

 

  1. Marriage as an act of worship

ü      It is an act of worship

ü      Iman-e-shaafi - say that it is not an act of worship as it is a worldly thing

 

  1. The different categories of marriage

 

 

Questions

What does the first Aayah of Soorah An-Nisaa’ talk about?

Marriage of Adam and Eve

 

What are the five necessities?

Faith

Life

Intellect

Progeny

Wealth

 

The definition of legal marriage:

“Marriage is a contract between a man and a woman, which allows both to enjoy the person of one another. It is their cooperation and understanding of the rights of each and their obligations.”[5]

 

Chapter Three

‘In the pursuit of virtue’ The Rules of Betrothal

 

"ولا جناح عليكم فيما عرضتم به من خطبة النساء أو أكننتم في أنفسكم..."

 

“There is no blame on you if ye make an offer of betrothal or hold it in your hearts.” Al Baqarah 2:235.

 

Engagement (Qhutbah) & Proposal

  1. Definition of the legal engagement

ü      Khutbah – engagement/betrothal

ü      Expressing ones desire to marry a specific women by informing her waali (guardian), whether expressed directly from suitor or representative

ü      The engagement comes from a man always and a proposal can come from a man or woman

 

  1. Legal status of the engagement

ü      This has been approved by SAS and Quran

 

  1. The wisdom behind the engagement

ü      To get acquainted with the person you will be engaged

ü      Give a clear cut judgment on the status of both parties

ü      Getting idea of physical appearance and attraction

 

  1. The categories of the engagement

ü      Explicit one – by using the word khutbah – you should mention the name of the person who you want to get engaged to

ü      Indirect proposal – it’s the indirect way of proposing like sending chocolates etc.  Used for Widows/ divorces

 

  1. The effect of the engagement

ü      Is it considered a marriage contract?

Ø      It is not a marriage contact, but it is a promise of marriage

Ø      Both parties are still considered non-mahram

Ø      Women should still wear hijab

Ø      Can accept rewards

Ø      He/she can disapprove of the proposal at any time

Ø      If a proposal is already accepted you cannot go and propose again

 

  1. Unlawful engagement proposals

ü      Proposing to a married woman

Ø      It is strictly haraam

Ø      Since they under the contract of marriage this is not permissible

ü      Proposing to a woman in her waiting period (Divorce/Widow)

Ø      This is also strictly prohibited

Ø      She is still considered as a married women

ü      Proposing to a woman over another proposal

Ø      If you get a proposal and you say that you will think about it, you (second person) can still propose.  However, if your proposal is already accepted then you cannot do it

Ø      If you accept the second proposal and then you get married, then it is halal


Conditions of a Prospective Bride

  1. To be free from any legal prohibitive

ü      You cannot marry a mahram

 

  1. To be free from any other engagement

ü      Already married 

ü      Is in the waiting period

 

Characteristics of a Prospective Spouse

1)    Desirable Characteristics in a Bride

‏

عن ‏ ‏أبي هريرة ‏ ‏رضي الله عنه ‏ ‏عن النبي ‏ ‏صلى الله عليه وسلم ‏ ‏قال: ‏‏" تنكح المرأة لأربع لمالها ولحسبها وجمالها ولدينها فاظفر بذات الدين ‏ ‏تربت يداك ‏ "

 

"A woman may be married for four reasons: for her property, her status, her beauty, and her religion; so try to get one who is religious, may you be blessed."

 

If you are a religious man then you still should look for everything else also like status, beauty, and property

 

What are the qualities in the bride?

  1. To be of good manners and religious
  2. Fertile and affection
  3. First time marriage – to be maiden
  4. To be content or pleased – not with the pleasure of this life
  5. To be of a good linage
  6. Beauty – something relative; what is inferior to you might be superior for someone else
  7. Age – recommended for her to be younger than him
  8. Easy dowry (Mahr)

 

2)    Desirable Characteristics in a Groom

 

يقول صلى الله عليه وسلم : " إذا خطب إليكم من ترضون دينه وخلقه فزوجوه إلا تفعلوا تكن فتنة في الأرض وفساد عريض. "

 (ابن ماجه)

 

“If somebody comes to you and you are pleased with his character and religion then marry him. If you do not, there will be discord on earth and widespread corruption.”  Ibn Majah

 

Ø      To be religious

Ø      Marry your daughters to someone who fears Allah because if he loves her he will be generous to her and if he hates her, he will not commit any justice towards her

 

3)    Importance of Piety and Righteousness

a)      In the bride

b)     In the groom

 

 

Selecting a Prospective Spouse

  1. Preference of a relative or a non-relative?

ü      The prophet set the example he married both relatives and non-relative  Ex. Prophet married Zainab daughter of Sophia, who was first cousin through his aunt

ü      Relative

Ø      Strengthening the ties

Ø      A better chance of getting early marriage

Ø      It helps relieves the pressure

Ø      Keep the wealth inside the family

 

  1. Set up family marriages, is it allowable?

ü      It is allowed to for pre arranged marriage (usually happens among relatives)

ü      2 types

Ø                        Consummated marriage

Ø                        Celibate marriage – young; unable to consummate marry

 

  1. Engagement by commissioning

ü      You are allowed to tell someone to find you your spouse.  You have to give them the specification to find the spouse

 

  1. Why is dating Haram?

ü      Because it leads to being in privacy with a non-mahram person

ü      It can lead to unlawful acts – touching , kissing, coming close to each other

ü      It is illusive; still a new adventure

ü      Exhausting their emotions before getting married

ü      Damages reputation of culture

 

  1. Matrimonial services, what is the ruling?

Yes, it is allowed as long as it with the Islamic rulings

 

  1. The engagement ring

ü      Gold for men is haraam

ü      Gold for women is allowed

ü      Engagement ring in Islam is not allowed (bidah)

 

 

The Procedure of Selecting a Bride

  1. The role of female family members

ü      Take delegation of women family members

ü      Community women know each other

ü      Interested in the physical appearance

 

  1. Direct proposal to a female, is it allowable?

ü      There is no ruling that prohibits this, but you have to be modest

 

 

The Procedure of Selecting a Groom

  1. The right of the woman to select her prospective husband

ü      It is allowed for her to ask her father to see if the guy that she likes would be interested in getting married with her

ü      According to the culture it is forbidden

 

  1. Offering ones female family member to a righteous person

ü      Like father asking the guy if he would be interested in getting married to her daughter

ü      It is permissible

ü      Ex. Umar bin Khattab and his daughter Hafsa

Ø                        Umar went to Uthman and asked him to marry her, Uthman said no.  Umar want to Abu Baker, Abu Bakr didn’t say anything.  Prophet asked to marry Hafsa, and Umar said yes.  Abu Bakr then told Umar that he heard the Prophet wanted to marry her, so he did not want to respond and say yes.

 

  1. Direct proposal to a man, is it allowable?

ü      It is permissible

 

Looking at the Opposite Sex

  1. The ruling of lowering ones gaze

ü      They have to lower your gaze, do not look into the eyes

ü      If you don’t lower your gaze, it will lead to haraam things

ü      It starts with a look, turns into a obsession, and leads to sins

ü      Ali RTA - Do not follow a look with another look, if it is a first look and look away its ok, and the second look would be considered as intentional and this is wrong

ü      This applies to both men and women

 

  1. The ‘Awrah’  of a non Mahram man

ü      From his navel to his knees

 

  1. The ‘Awrah’  of a non Mahram woman

ü      The Awrah is all her body

 

  1. Awrah of members of same sex

ü      Men - from his waist to his knees

ü      Women from her waist to her knees

 

  1. Awrah of a Muslim woman in front of a non-Muslim woman

ü      Some scholars say that a Muslim cannot go a public restroom/bathroom with a non-Muslim women; this is because a non-Muslim women might speak about them

ü      Some scholars say that Muslim women can remove Hijab in front of the non-Muslim women, as long as they are trustworthy

 

  1. Awrah of a male and female Mahram

ü      Hands to elbows, legs to knees, and neck

 

  1. Awrah in front of children

ü      Only during the time that kids cannot recognize the Awrah, then its ok

Ø                        It would be the same as with Muslim women

ü      However, if they can recognize the Awrah then you cannot

 

  1. Exemptions?

ü      Men that do not have desire to women, but if they have any desires then you cannot

ü      People with no gender that have desire

 

 

The Rulings of Hijab

 

"يا أيها النبي قل لأزواجك وبناتك ونساء المؤمنين يدنين عليهن من جلابيبهن ذلك أدني أن يعرفن فلا يؤذين"

 

“O Prophet! Tell thy wives and daughters, and the believing women, that they should cast their outer garments over their persons (when abroad): that is most convenient, that they should be known (as such) and not molested. And Allah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.”

Al Ahzaab 33:59.

 

This is also mentioned in surah Noor Ayah 30 & 31

  1. Hijab: The definition

ü      Covering the body in general

ü      Covering women’s body in front of the non-mahram people

ü      The real definition – a collection of legal rulings and etiquettes which regulates relationship between men and women who are not related (non-mahram)

 

  1. Hijab: Islamic or religious injunction?

ü      Religious practice, its not Islamic

ü      Jews and Christians also practice Hijab, but their way is just different

ü      The Omish people also practice Hijab

 

  1. Purpose and reason

ü      According to SAS, he told women don’t go out and behave like non believing women (this differentiate it between a non believing women and a believing women)

ü      Hijab purifies the soul

ü      No reason to go out if unnecessary

ü      It was prescribed to protect the women to identify them and not harm them

ü      Modesty

 

  1. Proofs and evidences

ü      Surah Al-Noor

ü      Surah Al-Ahzaab

 

  1. Rulings of legal apparels