8.He didn't go to the movies with another girl. But he was still all mad at me. I wrote him this email, and he took it as "im breaking up with u" when I meant " I love you but i dont wanna tell you because you haven't been supportive of me lately." He insists I broke up with him. (Which we all know I would never, ever do.)Then this guy named Jake Miller has on his profile "Maria-luv ya", I thought he was Tess' friend....it turns out Tess' friend's name is Jake Brewer. Whoops. So Josh thinks I like Tess' friend, when in the first place I had never talked to him except like once for 20 seconds, and now it turns out it was a guy I've never met before and have no idea who it is, who probably has a girlfriend named Maria. Great. Party. I would be so happy if he called.grr.How can he NOT know I love him soooooooooooooooo incredibly much? It's crazy. I don't know what to do to get him to believe me. I'm just really scared to try because I'm so scared he'll already be over me, and I'll get my heart broken again. But, I guess even if he doesn't still like me he deserves to know how I feel. Maybe even prove I really DO love him more. I just want my baby back. =(. I seriously don't want us to ever end. Every time I'm not with him I'm hurting. I don't want to go through that again. I've never felt this way about someone before. He really just lightens up everything. I know that sounds really overused, but it's so true. And, like, every fight we're in, is SO worth it for when we aren't in fights. I really felt like I found someone who cared (almost) about me as much as I care about him.
Especially the night before he left. I just wanted to be near him, like, the whole time. I wanted to be in that moment forever, and I would give anything to go back to it. I love him so much. I want him to want me. I want him. I want him to "love me more than anything" again. God I'm so spoiled. And I want to kiss him so bad. Now I'll just like randomly lay my head down and just think about him. I'm always thinking about him. He has something in me that I know I can't find with anyone else. I would never want to just be there with someone, and be around them forever. But I do with him. And it's weird. I love every single thing about him. And his flaws...I love them too. It makes him perfect. Even fights he starts. I dont like them at the time but I know it makes us stronger and it makes me realize how much I need him...especially this last one. I have never missed him more than I miss him right now. I need to be with him. We can't just let like 7 months end now. I know we can make it if we try. I have enough love for him for both of us to be completely in love. And it's so true. God I wish he knew. I can't live my life without knowing he's there to talk to..and to love me no matter what happens, because that's how I feel about him. I miss him so much.