6:21. While I had an away message up, Josh IMed me. He said he never told some other chick that he loved her. I hope he got that that wasn't what I meant.I dont know, but he better get on tonight. I'm gonna be so pissed if he just lies to me about this whole thing and says he didn't go with a girl when he did.I just wrote him this letter that I'm never going to give him but oh well it let me take off some of my steam. I kinda just want something to happen now. I know I'll be okay without him, but god are the memories going to haunt me forever. Especially the night before he left. It made me wanna cry when I had to leave. I never ever ever thought he would cheat on me. But, here I am. He's cheating on me.I think this entry is gonna be short.
I really miss him though. I'm not sure what I would do without him. He's always kinda been more than a boyfriend. It's always comforting to think that there's someone out there who actually cares about YOU..not just yalls relationship, but me as a person. I really respect that. I really love that. I really need that...I still don't know if I'm ever going to show him this. Probably not.If we ever get okay again, I probably won't until we break up or something. I donno...it makes me upset that I know he has access to the internet like all the time ...and he used to talk to me, but now he doesn't. It makes me think his mind is already occupied by the other girl who's prettier than me, and better than me and all. No time for the girl who's cared about him for more than 7 months, no just the new girl. I wish he'd think about that. There's no one I've thought about while I'm with him than him. Maybe while we weren't going out, I liked other people, but he was the only one I loved.
I just wish I could be better. He deserves it. I miss him so much.