11.I found out last night that he went to see a movie with another girl. How does my life get any worse than this Im not sure but I know it will. Tim wasnt sure if they were just going as friends, but I think he was just trying to save me some heartbreak. I wish he wouldnt. I was up all last night thinking of what I was going to say to him. Then this morning I woke up really early and couldnt go back to sleep because I was thinking about it so much. Thinking about it makes me sick..probably why I found myself next to the toilet gagging. I still feel kind of shaky. I dont know how this could have happened to me. He used to be so...perfect. What did I do to deserve this? All in like 2 weeks. My cat dying, fights, this. Im not the kind of person who gets played...but I should have seen this coming. I should have believed Aaron when I told him Josh would be gone for a week and he said "he's gonna play you" but I didn't know it was true. Josh PROMISED me he wouldn't find someone new. I guess you can't promise that but he along with that promise comes "I wont date anyone while I'm gone".Bullshit I guess. It hasnt been hard for me. He's still the only one on my mind day and night. No one else. I fell in love with the perfect person I thought. Everyone has flaws. And why wouldnt he have just broken up with me? Atleast then he wouldn't be lying to anyone. God, I hope he feels guilty. He damn should. I still didn't cry. That promise I made to myself is working. I donno, maybe it would be better if I did cry. But I cry so much it's not really that big of a deal anymore. Im not ready for this relationship to be over. He has so much of me that I wont ever be able to get back. Never will be able to get it back. I thought I had found someone who was different. Someone who would care....but like Sally said..even though I was acting different that gives him no right to go to the movies with a different girl. I still don't know what I'm going to say if he gets on. But I think I have an idea. I really do want to be with him. I really do love him.And I miss him. I don't know what I'd do if we weren't together, also. I'm thinking about showing him this. Maybe it'll give him some perspective of what goes through my head and why I do some things. But I'm only gonna show him if it's really over. It just seems like I've been waiting way too long to see him for us to just break up. God I should have told him to come like a week ago. Maybe it would all be OK now. I'm definitely going to tell him how much I love him. He deserves to know that. And that I'm sorry for being depressed and acting the way he didn't want me to.I just wish he knew. Maybe he wouldnt have gone with her if he knew. Maybe he'd still love me if he knew. I guess this is fate. I donno. I believe we'll be together again if he really did love me. But I cant decide that. I wonder what girl it was. I bet shes better than me. Prettier. Smarter. Funnier. I wonder if anyone will ever actually put me infront of someone else. He put her in front of me. I really miss him. I just wish he would get on or call me or something. If he called me it would put more effect on it. But I could do a lot better job of tellin him how I feel on AIM.I can't believe he's doing this to me. I still love him.