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What is Self-Esteem?






~~Building Self-Esteem~~


     Copeland, M.E. & McKay, M. (1992). The Depression Workbook  Calif: New Harbinger Publications, Inc.


Mood disorders can have a disasterous effect on self-esteem, severely aggravating depression and mania and diminishing the quality of your life.(p.177)

In what ways have mood disorders contributed to lowering your self-esteem?

* weakened credibility
* feeling negative about myself
* feeling different from others
* failing at most things
* adversely affecting performance
* fear of interacting with others
* inability to reach goals
* inability to complete anything
* continually finding fault with myself
* rages and fits that cause self-loathing
* guilt and shame arising from actions
* inability to trust my own perceptions
* stimatization
* inability to commit
* difficulty with self-care
* feeling as if people know there's something wrong with me, no matter what I do
* feeling like I'm not as good as others
* loss of confidence in ability to accomplish even the smallest tasks
* guilt over what family members and friends have to go through because of my mood swings (p.178)

Raising your self-esteem is absolutely essential to alleviating or eliminating your depression and/or manic depression.

* changing my thought processes
* measuring and focusing on my past successes
* believing in myself
* giving myself credit for accomplishments
* doing things I find scary or hard
* determination to get more out of life
* self-affirmation
* self-acceptance
* doing my best at all times
* self-discipline
* lowering my perfectionist standards
* not getting upset over things
* focusing on the positive
* living one day at a time
* believing others who affirm my worth
* realizing that I have not quit-that I've worked through my problems
* partitioning myself off from the bad memories of the past
* knowing that the mood swings are not my fault
* knowing that the stigma of mental illness is no basis for shame
* knowing that I am the same as others
* accepting that it will take longer to accomplish my goals
* thinking of myself as a good and positive person
* affirming, "I think and act with self-confidence"(p.179)

You FEEL the way you THINK


     Burns, D.D. (1993).Ten Days To Self-Esteem New York: William Morrow & Co.

When you are upset, you probably think about something bad that has happened to you. You may feel angry or discouraged because you lost your job, because you were criticized or rejected by someone you loved, or because you had to be hospitalized for emotional problems. It's natural to feel unhappy when bad things happen. (p.42).

Do you know what causes these bad feelings? Scientists and philosphers have been speculating about this for centuries. Some people believe their bad moods result from their hormones or body chemistry. They may think they have a medical condition, hormone problems, a chemical imbalance, an allergy, or a vitamin deficiency that makes them feel gloomy and irritable.

Certainly there is some truth to this idea. Medications such as lithium and antidepressants can be quite helpful for certain kinds of emotional problems, and this suggest that brain chemistry does play an importtant role in the way we think, feel, and behave.

Below is a list of Feeling Words and words that express this feeling.

___________________________________________________________

Angry:

Mad, resentful, upset, p.o.'d, irritate, furious, ticked off, incensed, enraged

Anxious:
Worried,panicky, nervous, afraid, fearful, concerned, scared, frightened, uneasy

Embarrassed:
Foolish, self-conscious, flustered

Guilty:
Ashamed, at fault, bad

Hopeless:
Discouraged, pessimistic, desperate

Lonely:
Abandoned, alone, rejected

Sad:
Bummed out, depressed,down, disappointed, unhappy, hurt

Stressed:
Overwhelmed, pressured, burned out, overworked, tense, uptight

Only one person in this world can ever make you feel depressed, worried, or angry -- and that person is you! This idea can change your life.

Most bad feelings come from illogical thoughts (distorted thinking)
Bad feelings like depression, anxiety, guilt, hopelessness, frustration, and anger are often caused by distorted thoughts. When you put the lie to these distorted thoughts, you can CHANGE the way you FEEL

~~Distorted Thinking~~

1. All-or-nothing thinking: You look at things in absolute, black-and-white categories.
2. Overgeneralization:
You view a negative event as a never-ending pattern of defeat.
3. Mental filter:
You dwell on the negatives and ignore the positives.
4. Discounting the positives:
You insist that your accomplishments or positive qualities don't count.
5. Jumping to conclusions:
You conclude things are bad without any definite evidence.
(a) Mind reading:You assume that people are reacting negatively to you.
(b) Fortune-telling:You predict that things will turn out badly.

6. Magnification or minimization:
You blow things way out of proportion or you shrink their importance.
7. Emotional reasoning:
You reason from how you feel: "I feel like an idiot, so I must be one."
8. "Should" statements:
You criticize yourself or other people with "shoulds," and "shouldn'ts"; "musts", "oughts", and "have-to's".
9. Labeling:
Instead of saying, "I made a mistake", you tell yourself, "I'm a jerk" or "a loser".
10. Blame:
You blame yourself for something you weren't entirely responsible for, or you blame other people and overlook ways that you contributed to a problem.(p.50).


I caught you! I saw you smiling as you went down this list. So how many of those phrases did you continously think "yep that's me"?That many huh? So maybe now is the right moment to start changing how 'you think you feel'........ And you CAN change the way you FEEL! In order to do this, please keep reading and you will learn the difference between healthy and unhealthy feelings. Is anger good or bad? What's the difference between healthy sadness and clinical depression?(p. 63)

Some negative feelings are healthy and some negative feelings are unhealthy. For every negative emotion, there's a healthy and an unhealthy version. Healthy sadness is not the same as clinical depression. Healthy fear is not the same as neurotic guilt. Healthy, constructive anger is not the same as unhealthy, destructive anger.(p.68).

Below please find a list of characteristics of healthy sadness(blue) and characteristics of depression (black).

1. You are sad but don't feel a loss of self-esteem
You feel a loss of self-esteem

2. Your negative feelings are an appropriate reaction to an upsetting event.
Your negative feelings are far out of proportion to the even that triggered your bad mood
3. Your feelings go away after a period of time.
Your feelings may go on and on endlessly
4. Although ou feel sad, you do not feel discouraged about the future.
You feel demoralized and convinced that things will never get better
5. You continue to be productively involved with life.
You give up on life and lose interest in your frineds and your career
6. Your negative thoughts are realistic.
Your negative thoughts are exaggerated and distorted, even though they seem valid

Below please find a list of characteristics of healthy, constructive anger(blue) and characteristics of unhealthy, destrucive anger (black).

1. You express your feelings in a tactful way.
You deny your feelings and pout (passive aggression) or lash out and attack the other person (active aggression)
2. You try to see the world through the other person's eyes, even if you disagree.
You argue defensively and insist there's no validity in what the other person is saying
3. You convey a spirit of respect for the other person, even though you may feel quite angry with him/her.
You believe the other person is despicable and deserving of punishment. You appear condescending or disrespectful
4. You do something productive and try to solve the problem.
You give up and see yourself as a helpless victim
5. You try to learn from the situation so you will be wiser in the future.
You don't learn anything new. You feel that your view of the situation is absolutely valid
6. You eventually let go of the anger and feel happy again.
Your anger becomes addictive. You won't let go of it
7. You examine your own behavior to see how you may have contributed to the problem.
You blame the other person and see yourself as an innocent victim
8. You believe that you and the other person both have valid ideas and feelings that deserve to be understood.
You insist that you are entirely right and the other person is entirely wrong. You feel convinced that truth and justice are on your side
9. Your commitment to the other person increases. Your goal is to feel closer to him/her.
You avoid or reject the other person. You write him/her off
10. You look for a solution where you can both win and nobody has to lose.
You feel like you're in a battle or a competition. If one person wins, you feel that the other one will be a loser













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