5-04-03
CW: Kracka releases him. Lunt lunges at him, and Kracka delivers a vicious spine buster on him. Lunt gets up and Kracka in an amazing feat of strength picks him up and body slams him. Kracka strikes a pose for the crowd.
Heather: Lunt gets up to feet and goes behind Kracka and spins him around. Kracka kicks him in the gut and scoops him up on his shoulders. He spins him around for a neck breaker!
CW: That’s the Kracka Jack! He covers…
1…
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3…
Heather: And Kracka gets up and leaves. He strikes a pose under the Hood-a-Tron and goes to the back.
(Later that night)
Heather: Wolf looks under the ring, and there’s a cloud of white powder! Wolf is blinded! Dark Fire comes out from underneath, and has an unnatural bulge in his pants. This must really be exciting him. He gets in the cage. Hikari is trying to comfort her man. Meanwhile Saentia has made her way to the top of the cage to try and help Chase. It appears that the bobby pin they have is not working.
CW: Wolf finds his way into the ring, and Saentia gets off the cage. Chase apparently has a new plan, and that is to kick the roof in his handcuffed, prone position. Wolf clears his vision, and runs at Dark Fire… HAMMER TIME!
Heather: Dark Fire just pulled a hammer from his pants and whacked Wolf in the head with it! I knew he wasn’t aroused! Dark Fire looks up at Chase, winks, and places a foot on Wolf! The ref gets in position…
1…
2…
CW: GOOD GAWD! THE SECTION OF ROOFING JUST FELL AND TOOK OUT DARK FIRE! I HAVE NEVER SEEN ANYTHING LIKE THAT!
Heather: Chase looks at the ref who he JUST missed, and tells him to count!
1…
2…
3…
Brad: Ladies and gentlemen, the winner of this match, THE CHASE!
CW: Security gets in the ring and removes the cuffs off of Chase. He helps officials move the metal off of his two foes. Paramedics are in the ring. Hikari and Saentia each get to their men too. Chase goes out the door, and collapses in the aisle way.
Voice: Two careers paralleled in success. Both jumpstarted their careers with impressive winning streaks.
5-16-03CW: Chase falls into the corner. He goes for a cover, but Stewart grabs him by the foot. Freeman gets up, and clobbers Chase from behind. He starts working Chase over with forearms to the face. He goes for a kick, Chase catches him by the foot. Freeman goes for an enziguri, Chase ducks it too.
Heather: Freeman gets off the ground. He lunges at Chase. Chase ducks him, and gets behind. He grabs Freeman by the head, pulls back and drops him with his inverted DDT! There’s the cover…
1…
2…
3…
Brad: Ladies and gentlemen, the winner of this match The Chase!
Heather: And Chase picks up the victory here tonight.
(8-1-03)
Heather: The hardcore champion backs away from the corner and is hobbling around in the middle of the ring. Kracka walks up to him and sticks him the middle finger. I think we have a mic in the ring.
Kracka: Fuck you bitch!
CW: Kracka lifts Wolfdogg on his shoulers and hits a KRACKA JACK! Holy Shit! That’s 510 pounds he just lifted! I knew Kracka was strong from lifting weights in his football career but DAMN! Kracka covers…
1…
2…
3…
Brad: The winner of the match, Kracka!
With two emerging superstars rising to the top like cream, it was only a matter of time before the two successful men encountered each other. Now in an epic encounter, both men square off in a battle for the ages. The winner goes on to fight for the right of the greatest prize in the game. Ladies and gentlemen, this one is fire hot. Can you feel it? Ladies and gentlemen this is HWF
Summer Heat!
(scene opens in Hood’s office with Ramona barking orders at the corporation)
Ramona: Alright, Chase, you have to win this opening bout with Kracka! Slappy and FOM will accompany you to the ring to make sure all goes as planned. And then, for the tag match, Chase, you will not accompany them. You have to pull double duty and face Jerome.
Slappy: Are you on your period?
(scene opens in the arena)
Brad: Hello everyone and Welcome to HWF’s Summer Heat live at Death Valley in Baton Rouge!
Heather: It’s been raining all day here in Baton Rouge, but the rain has finally subsided. The ring crew has removed the tarp off the ring and ringside area. The fans are filing in from all areas of the stadium. We have a lot of people here for an HWF pay per view.
CW: You know, this looks like it might break the Superdome record at Renaissance. Brad is in the ring.
Brad: Ladies and gentlemen, here tonight to sing the National Anthem, Louisiana’s own, Brittany Spears!
Brittany: Thank y’all so much. It means so much to me to be a part of this important….
Guess who’s back
Back again
Flasher’s back
Tell a friend
CW: It’s Flasher! He slides in the ring and he’s pacing around the pop princess with fire in his eyes.
Flasher: Don’t move sweetheart, after I get done with this, you can do what you got to do.
Heather: He’s taking his eyes off of her, I thought he was going to flash her.
Flasher: So Cenobite died huh? He had to go and get himself killed to get out of fighting the Infamous Flasher. He knew that I had the move perfected now, and did not want to be the first person to experience it’s pain! He also did not want to be the first to meet my new little friend either now did he!
CW: Flasher normally a jovial guy looks pissed.
Flasher: Well, bottom line, I came here to cause some havoc, and I will!
Heather: Holy shit! Flasher just turned around and flashed Brittany Spears! And she just fell over with shock on her face!
CW: Flasher is no Timberlake! Here come medics to tend to her.
Flasher: Now I already talked to Hood’s secretary and she acted in loco parentis of Hood and authorized this match…
Heather: Wait, what’s that drumming stuff? Is that a tribal call I hear?
CW: It’s Kamala, the man that killed Cenobite! He’s looking at Flasher licking his lips. He runs his fat ass to the ring and slides in! There’s the bell!
Heather: Well, I guess that video package for the opening bout is wasted. Flasher is putting the boots to Kamala. Kamala gets up! Flasher sends him running and catches the man with a spinning power slam!
CW: Well Flasher has him by the legs early! He’s going for a figure four, stops, and pulls out a piece of paper! He’s studying it and breaks the hold, and is getting over top Kamala and is trying to hook his legs again! It’s still not working, and Kamala shoves him off!
Heather: Kamala Irish Whips Flasher to the corner! HE runs at Flasher with a body splash, but Flasher moves, Kamala crashes into the turnbuckles!
CW: Flasher spins him around and monkey flips him to mid ring! He gets on the top rope and does a flying elbow and covers…
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2…
Heather: Kamala kicks out! Flasher waits for him to get up. He hits a high kick to his chin! Kamala stumbles back. Flasher undoes his trench coat again and FLASHES KAMALA! Wait! What is that on his penis? It’s a Chick a dee! Oh my god!
CW: Flasher has a 6 inch Chick a dee puppet on his dick! And it’s pointing north at Kamala! Kamala is shocked at what he sees! Flasher grabs him and hits a stunner! There’s the cover…
1…
2…
3…
Brad: The winner of this bout, The Infamous Flasher!
CW: Well, that was an interesting way to start the show. You never know what is going to happen on pay per view!
Live this Sunday on NBC see the death defying attempt of executive to put on a reality show that isn’t a ripoff or totally shitty in concept!
Brad: The following contest is scheduled for one fall and it is for the right to face Jerome in the main event!
Yo, after this match I’m goin to the main event looking for gold
This guy still calls himself the future, man that shit got old
You think you’re hard cuz you won a battle royal but that shit’s in the past
We all know you won that motherfucker by kissing Hood’s ass
You need to take all that endurance shit back to Houston
We all know when you’re in that closet, it’s a dildo you’re using
Like Fred Durst said, I do it all for the nookie
You don’t wanna step to me kid, you’re still a rookie
Step in the ring with me and you won’t last but a minute
You talked that shit bout me before now you gon’ wish that you didn’t
So, move bitch get out of my way
I left you speechless, boy you don’t have nothin’ to say
Word on that, kid
Brad: Introducing first, from Ashland South, Louisiana, weighing in at 155 pounds, he is the master of the Freestyle, here is Kracka!
CW: And Kracka lays down a killer on there.
Darkness chokes my emotions
Your breath numbs my soul
Stand with me, by my side
Take my hand and lead the way
Brad: And from Houston, Texas, weighing in at 229 pounds, he is accompanied by Saetia, Slappy, and FOM, here is the HWF Frenzy Champion, here is The Chase!
CW: Wait and the ref is in the aisle! He’s ordering Slappy and FOM back to the dressing room! They are arguing with the ref, but he’s telling them to leave or he’ll DQ Chase!
Heather: Holy shit!
CW: This wouldn’t happen if Hood wasn’t half dead.
Heather: Well, Chase continues to the ring. He gets in and he and Kracka are nose to nose. The ref gets between them, lays down the law, and calls for the bell.
CW: They tie up. Chase with an arm wringer on Kracka! Kracka flips, rolls, and gets out of it! They tie up again! Kracka goes behind Chase, grabs him by the waist and flips him over with a belly to back suplex, but Chase lands on his feet!
Heather: He grabs Kracka, shoves him into the ropes, and rolls him up, but no, Kracka reverses, and lands on top of Chase! No Chase, pushes forward, and he winds up on top! Wait, they’re in the ropes!
CW: The ref orders them up. They tie up again! Chase sends Kracka running. Kracka comes back with a clothesline, but Chase ducks. Kracka rebounds, but Chase catches him with an arm drag! No, Kracka doesn’t budge. He hooks Chase by both arms, and gets him in a backslide! Chase falls out of the pinning predicament and rolls on top of Kracka, hooking both legs with his shoulders!
Heather: Kracka grabs the ropes and the ref doesn’t count the pin. Obviously both men have each other well scouted in this one. They tie up again. Kracka with a headlock on Chase. Chase shoves him off. Kracka jumps on the middle rope, and fakes an Asai Moonsault! Chase sidesteps it, but Kracka didn’t leap! Kracka adjusts his torque and launches himself at Chase! He lands on top of Chase, but the momentum winds up having Chase on top! Kracka gets him off though!
CW: They get up. They tie up again. Kracka backs Chase into the corner! The ref calls for a break. Kracka breaks, but Chase slaps him! Oh shit. Kracka shoves the ref aside and starts laying knee lifts on Chase! Chase rakes Kracka in the eyes, and grabs Kracka and slams him into the corner!
Heather: Chase is laying the rights on Kracka! He lifts Kracka onto the top rope…Wait a minute, that’s the Ashland south hand signal Chase just flashed. He does a tiger driver to Kracka!
CW: That was a rip off of Kracka’s Thugged out! And the Ashland section of fans is booing.
Heather: Yeah, but the Chase-ites are loving it. Chase pulls Kracka up and kicks him in the gut! He sets him up for a DDT! He flashes the Y2Hood sign! He hits the Y2Drop!
CW: Chase did it for Hood! Now what is he doing? He pulls Kracka up again! He’s setting him up for the Future’s End! Wait, no! Kracka stands up and drops Chase with a sidewalk slam!
Heather: Kracka is rubbing his head.
CW (rubbing a scar on his head): Yeah, them Y2 Drops hurt. Especially when Hood does them. He grabs Chase and hits a suplex! He gets him in a chin lock! Chase is fighting his way to his feet. He elbows Kracka, breaks the hold, but Kracka sends him running! Chase hits the ropes and launches himself air borne with a flying clothesline! Kracka with a super kick though!
Heather: Kracka covers Chase, but Chase quickly gets a foot on the rope! Kracka stands up. He pulls Chase to his feet and punches him! Chase punches back.
CW: The ref is warning them about closed fists. Kracka gives the ref the finger. He open hand slaps Chase and winks at the ref. Chase kicks Kracka in the gut and sets him up for a power bomb, but no, Kracka pulls chase over with his legs, and lands on top of him, but Chase puts his legs on Kracka’s shoulders and sits up!
1…
2…
CW: And Kracka gets out of it! They get to their feet. Kracka and Chase tie up! Chase wraps Kracka up in a belly to belly suplex, lifts, throws, Kracka in mid toss grabs Chase by the arm and arm drags him into the corner! Chase lands in the corner! Kracka lands on his side! Kracka slowly gets his feet under him.
Heather: He leans up against Chase, and PICKS HIM UP ON HIS SHOULDERS! He’s going for the Kracka Jack! Wait Chase gets off his shoulders! Future’s END! Chase covers Kracka!
1…
2…
CW: Kracka gets his foot on the ropes! The ref is showing Chase. Chase gets up and starts laying the rights on Kracka! He pulls Kracka to his feet sends him running and catches him with a back drop! Chase gets on the top rope! What’s he doing?
Heather: Chase flashes the Y2Hood sign again! He’s going for the System Meltdown Shooting star Leg drop! Kracka moves! Kracka hits a kick to the back of Chase’s head! He covers Chase!
1…
2…
Heather: Chase kicks out! Dear God what a match up! Kracka pulls Chase to his feet. He scoops him up for a suplex, no wait, he’s walking to the corner! He drops Chase onto the top turnbuckle and is setting him up for a Thugged out! He hits it! He covers Chase…
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CW: Chase somehow found the guts and courage to kick out of that devastating top rope maneuver! Kracka pulls Chase to his feet again. Chase kicks Kracka in the gut! Hits the ropes and comes down with a leg scissors on Kracka! He covers…
1…
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Heather: Kracka kicks out! Chase pulls him up, sends him running. Kracka comes back, ducks the clothesline! Stops, Chase turns around, Kracka scoops him on his shoulders, Kracka Jack! Kracka collapses on top of Chase!
1…
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3…
CW: Chase gets a shoulder up! Wait, it was after the three count! There’s the bell!
Brad: The winner of this bout, Kracka!
Heather: Let’s go to the back, Wolfdogg is doing something…
We see Sniperdude, outside of the locker room in the hallway of "Death Valley" Tiger Stadium. We can hear him conversing with Wolfdogg, who is behind the door.
Wolf: Okay, so take this and bring it to the 'copter.
Sniper: Why the fuck are you bringing this?
Wolf: Wait. You hear that? I hear a camera rolling! Get 'im!
Sniper looks over and looks directly at the camera(man) Sniperdude charges at the cameraman and tackles him.
(The scene cuts to static)
Well, let's begin...
You see, this Wolfdogg guy,
he says he's friend to some, (Uh-huh.)
he says he's enemy to many, (Yeah, that's true.)
and he says he's an annoyance to all. (AH YEAH!)
But here's my take...let's begin...shall we?
He's the big man, from the "Windy City",
he's been considered a hulking monstrosity,
he's been around the world, from Australia to Japan,
but what the fuck is he, uh...he's the man!
Wolfdogg-sama,
in the slamma,
killed a brahma,
with a hamma'!
Just breakin' down the beat...(GIVE THE DOGG A BONE!)
Just takin' in the heat...(GIVE THE DOGG A BONE!)
Just rippin' up the meat...(GIVE THE DOGG A BONE!)
Just layin' down...some teriyaki funk. (TERIYAKI FUNK!)
(TERIYAKI FUNK!)
(TERIYAKI FUNK!)
(TERIYAKI FUNK!)
(TERIYAKI FUNK!)
Brad: Ladies and Gentlemen The following contest is a Unification Match for the HWF Hardcore title. It is a BEST 2 OUT OF 3 FALLS match. Making his way to the ring weighing in at 510 lbs. from Chicago, Illinois WOLFDOGG!!
CW; Well Heather, We’re in for a major treat tonight. The ring is surrounded by pool tables for this 1st of the three falls. Wolfdogg is on his way to the ring and has a look of determination on his face. He looks like he’s intent on taking back what he feels is his.
The midnight hour approaches
The killing chill takes over him
His victims will not know when he appears
The lust of death's possession
Will overtake his psycho mind
He won't be happy till he smells their fear
chorus:
(he's the angel of death)
Psycho man, psycho man, looking for a victim wherever he can
(he's the angel of death)
Psycho man, psycho man, he's a killer
Brad: And his opponent, weighing in at 285 lbs., from Vacherie, Louisiana…APOCALYPSE!
Heather: And here comes Apocalypse. He doesn’t look too concerned by the challenge before him. The 1st 2 matches are old bar room favorites. Right up his alley.
Wolfdogg reaches into his pocket and pulls out a microphone. He then begins speaking...
Wolfdogg: Apocalypse, you still have time to back out. And I'll remind you why it would be a good idea...
The crowd boos, as Wolfdogg points at the Hood-A-Tron.
Wolf: HIT THE CLIP!!!
The Hood-A-Tron lights up with footage from the Scaffold Match at the previous Frenzy. Wolf attempts to kick Hood, but gets low-blowed and gets flipped over the rail.
Wolf: It looks like the end for Wolfdogg...but...
Wolf catches the ledge, the crowd boos. Wolf pulls himself back up and gets Hood into position for the Screwjob, he spins around twice and tosses him off.
Wolf: The match looks like it's over now, but...
The clip where Hood gets caught on the camera cables rolls.
Wolf: And...
Wolf walks over to the rail...
Wolf: Here...
Wolf jumps off the scaffold.
Wolf: It...
Wolf and Hood crash through the table pyramid.
Wolf: Goes!!!
The scene then cuts to when the paramedics are trying to put Wolf in a C-Collar, but then he shoves them off.
Wolf: And barely a scratch. Apocalypse. If you don't want to give up, then at least do me a favor...
Wolf reaches behind his back, and tosses a white object at Apocalypse. It lands at his feet.
Wolf: For the sake of my eyes and stomach, please...
Apocalypse looks down at the object. It's a hockey mask. He soccer kicks it out the ring and the ref separates them before they start a prematch brawl.
The Irish National Anthem plays on the speakers and Lamont Cranston comes out. He walks over to the announce table
CW: Well, Mr. Cranston. It’s a pleasure and an honor to have you here.
Lamont: Aye. I cannot say the same about being here. I’m only here to make sure that everything goes according to plan. Today is the beginning of the end for that rat bastard Apocalypse.
Heather: There’s the bell and the match is on. Apocalypse goes to suplex Wolf out of the ring and through a table right off the bat, but he slips out the backdoor. Wolf gets to his feet but is met with a botched bodyslam by Apocalypse.
CW: Lamont, just what is your beef with Apocalypse. What did he ever do to you.?
Lamont: What do ye mean? No one has to do anything to me for me to dislike them. Meerly existing is annoyance enough.
Heather: Wolfdogg gets taken down out of nowhere. Apocalypse stands him up and uses a forearm to the face. Running knee lift from Apocalypse, and Wolfdogg is down again.
Lamont: Come on Wolf. Yere looking like a worthless piece of crap out there. No better than that toerag Apocalypse. Pick up the pace son.
CW: Lamont. I was asking about why you have set your sights on Apocalypse.
Lamont: Apocalypse is nothing but a…….
Heather: Apocalypse goes to slam Wolf through a table, but he manages to escape again. Sweet Wolf Music by Wolfdogg near the ropes sends Apocalypse flying out of the ring.. He lands on a table, but it doesn’t break.
Lamont: Heather, would ye kindly not interrupt me ever again. If ye do, ye’ll find yerself on the receiving end of the Corporate Takeover. Now, as I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted. I chose Apocalypse because he is the lowest of the low. The worst of what society has been plagued with.:
CW: Wolf goes to the turnbuckle and leaps at apocalypse to give him a big splash, but Apocalypse rolls out of the way and Wolf smashes through the table. Both men are on the ground and the ref is starting the count.
1
2
3
4
5
Heather: Both men are on their feet and back in the ring. Wolfdogg counters a sleeper hold by turning it into a jawbreaker. He kicks Apocalypse in the stomach while he’s on the mat. Wolf picks up Apocalypse and hits a sloppy bulldog off the ropes.
CW: Mr. Cranston, why start off with the worst. Why not start off with the lesser evil. How about….Hood. Tornado punch from Wolfdogg. Apocalypse is mad. He starts throwing hard rights and lefts into Wolfdogg.
Lamont: Wolf!. Stop getting backed into the corner ye big lug head. Fight back….CW, ye want to know why I started with the worst. Because I don’t want to waste me time or energy fighting the peopn when I can take out the big one 1st. Besides, Hood will get his soon enough.
Heather: You certainly are a hypocrite Mr. Cranston.
Lamont: I am the epitome of society. I am the aristocrat. I am Superior.
Heather: You’re full of yourself. Big forearm by Apocalypse. Apocalypse throws pulls Wold to his feet and whips him into the ropes. Big back body drop over the ropes. Wolfdogg lands on his feet. He turns around and sees Apocalypse perched on the top rope.
Lamont: Apparently he doesn’t see the table behind him. TURN AROUND YOU BIG STUPID OAF.
CW: DOOMBRINGER from the top rope lands Wolfdogg through the table. OH MY GOD. Apocalypse has beaten Wolfdogg at his own game.
Lamont: Bloody hell. Well, this won’t happen again. The refs are setting up for the second match. The big man can’t lose this one. He’s genetically predisposition to win.
CW: Wolfdogg has said that it takes him 4 kegs of whisky to get drunk, but my question is how is he still alive after all that.
Heather: He’s a genetic freak. The stage hands are finished wheeling the cases out and the ref calls for the bell. Both men come to the middle of the ring. Sluggish brawling from Wolfdogg. He must be a bit dazed after that fall through the pool table.
CW: Apocalypse steps back towards the corner and grabs a case unseen by Wolfdogg. Wolf goes for a hard right hand, but Apocalypse smashed the case into Wolf’s head. Apoc applies a headlock but Wolf powers out and nails Apocalypse with a hard shot to the temple.
Lamont: Look at this barbaric event. Ye wanted to know why I chose Apocalypse, this is why. This serves no purpose but to degrade the morality of civilization. I would never take part in such foolishness.
Heather: Apocalypse reverses an irish whip...and Wolf runs into the referee. Both men grab beers and down them. Apocalypse runs at wolfdogg but gets a bottle to the face. He gts up and rushes again only to be tripped and taken down into a pile of bottles. That must hurt.
CW: The ref is up and Wolf makes the cover.
1
2
KICKOUT!!!
CW: Wow, Wolfdogg almost had it there. Both men to their feet. Apocalypse is bleeding profusely from the side of his head. Lifting DDT by Wolf, looked good. Hooks the leg
1
KICKOUT!!
Lamont: Come on Ref. Get in position. That should have been three. It should be over.
Heather: This is going to be one bloody brawl. Apocalypse reverses a hammerlock. DDT by Apocalypse, and he down another beer. He smashes the bottle into Wolfdogg. Both men are pretty intoxicated by this point.
CW: That’s right Heather. The more active you are, the quicker the alcohol takes effect. Both men to their feet. Apocalypse pulls a mule kick out of nowhere. Wolfdogg pops right back up. Attempted spear by Apocalypse, stopped by SWEET WOLF MUSIC. Apocalypse is down.
1
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KICKOUT!!!
Lamont: If this ref doesn’t value his job enough to make an accurate count, I know a few who would love to be in his shoes. One of them is a fellow Irishman if you catch me drift.
CW: I think I do, but Fred hasn’t been seen for 2 or 3 weeks now. Ever since the match that sparked this one. Brainbuster by Apocalypse. Goes for the cover but a quick kickout by Wolf.
Heather: Wolf downs a few more beers and starts to juggle the bottles to the bewilderment of Apocalypse. Oh, It was a trick by wolfdogg. He spits beer in Apocalypse’s face and throws the bottles right in his face.
He goes for the cover.
1
2
3!!!!
Heather: And there’s the bell. Wolfdogg ties it all up one to one, with a bit of trickery.
Lamont: These two don’t know when to stop. They’re still going at it even through the bell has rung and they don’t know what sort of match is going to be the tiebreaker.
Hood appears on the Hood-A-Tron
Hood: Hey you two. Since I’ve enjoyed what I’ve seen so far, and the score is even…and since you can’t stop fighting, let’s make fall number 3 a ….oh…I don’t know…. Falls Count Anywhere, No DQ match. Anything goes.
CW: WOW did you hear that. Falls count anywhere. No DQ. What an exciting finish to an already breathtaking match. What a blockbuster made by Hood in that prerecorded message!
Lamont: Thank ye laddie. I didn’t hear what it was going to be from the giant picture of that arse Hood on the screen and his annoying little voice on the bloody speakers.
Heather: Speaking of bloody, both men are bleeding at this point. This is going to be very interesting. They both lock up and Wolfdogg whips Apocalypse down the isle towards the stage. Fallaway slam by Wolfdogg puts Apocalypse on his back.
CW: Massive backbreaker…Apocalypse got planted as soon as he stood up. Early reports indicate that the back was *not* actually broken, so the move's name should actually be backhurter. Wolfdogg picks him up and carries him behind the curtain.
Lamont: That backbreaker comment was cute laddie. Really cute. Perhaps ye’d like me to fetch ye a dress and a bow for yer hair. Bloody American know it all. Ye’re lucky I didn’t pick ye to be me 1st victim. Ye’d be easy pickings.
Heather: Finally a cameraman has caught up to them. They’re in the receiving area of the arena. Apocalypse ducks a wild right hand. Sluggish brawling from Wolfdogg is easily avoided by Apoc. Both men must be exhausted by this point.
CW: You’re probably right about that. Combined with the amount of blood lost, any normal man would have passed out by now, but not these two. Incredible powerslam on Wolfdogg by Apocalypse.
1
2
KICKOUT!!!
Heather: Wolfdogg powers out and hops to his feet. Looks like he’s got his second wind. Apocalypse grabs him by the neck and throws him into the loading bay doors. WOLFDOGG BUSTS RIGHT THROUGH INTO THE PARKING LOT. OH MY GOD. THAT WAS AMAZING.
Lamont: Calm down ye bloody whore. It wasn’t that impressive. Ye’ll see impressive, but that wasn’t it.
CW: What does that mean?
Lamont: Like I said…Ye’ll see.
Heather: Up your’s. I’m tired of you men always calling me a whore. Apocalypse scores with a crappy looking standing spinebuster. Cover, but there's a quick kick-out.
CW: We call them like we see them Heather. Wolfdogg whips Apocalypse into a car and shatters the windshield with his head. Apocalypse is even bloodier if that’s possible. Fate can be so cruel.
Heather: I was talking about Lamont, CW. Wolfdogg goes to pick him up but Apocalypse shoves him back into the side of the Wolfdogg express. Spear by Apocalypse.
I now when I’m not wanted. I’ll take me leave now.
Lamont gets up and walks to the back.
CW: Where the hell is he going?
Heather: Good riddance. What’s this…Apocalypse has climbed to the top of the Wolfdogg Express. Wolf is getting up from that hard spear and is looking around for Apocalypse.
CW: DOOMBRINGER off the Wolfdogg Express. Apocalypse goes for the cover.
1
2
CW: And Lamont Cranston has come out of no where and smashed Apocalypse with a Fire Extinguisher. He pulls Wolfdogg on top of Apocalypse and makes the ref count.
1
2
3
Heather: It’s over. Wolfdogg has won the Undisputed HWF Hardcore Title with a lot of help from Lamont Cranston. This is a damn shame. Now Wolfdogg is getting in the Wolfdogg Express and driving off to the loading area for the helicopter. He’s got a long way ahead of him to get to Vacherie for the Cane Filed match.
CW: Apocalypse is stirring. He’s getting up. Lamont has a look of panic in his face. There’s a limo speeding up. Lamont jumps in the back an it speeds away leaving Apocalypse alone and pissed off..
Apocalypse looks right in the camera
Apocalypse: LAMONT. That’s it. I’ve had it with your Irish ass. I’d take you on right here tonight if you weren’t such a coward and hadn’t run off. If that’s the way you want it, then I’ll take you out next week on Frenzy. Next Week…You’re Mine.
CW: Oh man that was some serious shit! Let’s go to commercial!
Throw it up Mother fucker throw it up
Throw it up Mother fucker throw it up
Throw it up Mother fucker throw it up
Throw it up Mother fucker throw it up
You know the song. You know the man behind the man that uses the song. Each Frenzy you wait in anticipation of his segment. But this Frenzy, the Greatest Fishing Reel ever will go down. Room 245 at Terrebonne General Medical Center. For the first time since his match with Wolfdogg, Greg Hood breaks his silence in this one on one interview. Tune in next week on Frenzy!
Heather: And word is that Hood suffered some serious shit in that match. And despite Wolfdogg’s boasting, you know he was feeling it during his hardcore matches earlier.
CW: I wonder if Ass Clown is going to give Hood beer.
Heather: I seriously doubt it. I don’t think they’ll let him bring it into the hospital.
CW: I don’t know. Hood likes beer. Just ask him about new years.
Heather: In any case, earlier this week, special investigator Slappy had a sit down interview with former HWF Champ, and current holder of the Tag Team Championship, Nebula.
CW: Well, he’s got about 35 minutes before he defends it, but let’s go to the pretaped interview…
(Scene opens in Slidell, Louisiana)
Slappy: Nebula, welcome to La Casa Del Slap. Can I interest you in some fresh brewed tea?
Nebula: Sure.
Slappy: Would you like cream or sugar?
Nebula: Cream only please.
Slappy: Very well. Now then…
Nebula: Hold up. Before we begin, if you so much as try to do something fishy, I will see to it that you are crippled. I remember what you and Hood did to me back in the cane field two years ago. You were my investigator then.
Slappy: Yes, I remember that. Fun times… er… I mean… forget it, it is in the past. Now, as far as Kracka is concerned. Where were you when he got run down?
Nebula: I was in the back getting a rub down by federation trainers. I just finished getting screwed by Jerome in the ladder match.
Slappy: So you are saying that you did not run down Kracka with a white Ford Escort? Everyone saw him climb the ladder. That had to be eating you alive.
Nebula: I was mad that I lost. But that’s anytime you lose. You should know about losing yourself. But I didn’t run Kracka down.
Slappy: When you first entered the HWF, you rose to the top pretty quickly. You won your first HWF championship via a tap out on the previously near unbeatable Big Lou. Many compare Kracka to a younger version of you. They say that you may have decided there can be only one, so you took matters into your own hands and ran the fool down.
Nebula: Bottom line is, after the match, I went to the locker room. I had two matches already that night and I was in some serious pain. I still had the battle royal to prepare for at that. I did not run down Kracka.
Slappy: Well Nebula, based on your testimony, and the evidence that I have, I clear you of all suspicion. Want to shoot some pool?
Nebula: Nope. I got to get to Vacherie and start training.
Slappy: Well, let yourself out the same way you came in. And don’t be a stranger. You know where I live. Come by and we can reminisce some more sometime.
(scene fades)
CW: Well now HWF officials are setting up some poles in the ring. In one corner, a bong. In the other a beer bottle.
So let's go there
Let's make our escape
Come on, let's go there
Let's ask can we stay?
Can you take me higher?
To the place where blind men see
Can you take me higher?
To the place with golden streets
Brad: Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is a Pole Match, introducing first, weighing in at 300 pounds, from Las Vegas, Nevada, “The man that can’t go wrong when he has a bong,” here is Bernie Lunt!
Throw it up motherfucker, throw it up
Throw it up motherfucker, throw it up
Throw it up motherfucker, throw it up
Throw it up motherfucker, throw it up
Brad: And his opponent, weighing in at 160 pounds, from Ashland South, Louisiana. “King of Drunk,” Ass Clown!
Heather: Ass Clown makes his way to the ring with his ice chest in his hands. Of course at the last Frenzy show, Bernie Lunt stole Ass Clown’s ice chest from him! That caused Ass Clown to challenge Lunt to this type of match. The object of this match is to retrive either the bong or beer bottle from either pole and bash it across your opponent’s head.
CW: Ass Clown gets into the ring and gets in the face of Bernie Lunt. Lunt shoves Ass Clown. Ass Clown backs away and has a grin on his face. He charges at Lunt and gives him a quick rake to the eyes. Ass Clown delivers two huge European uppercuts to Bernie Lunt and backs him to the ropes, he throws Lunt to the far side ropes and catches him with a knee lift to the face! You know, these two guys are probably the most evenly matched fighters on tonight’s card. I mean think about it, Ass Clown is drunk, and Bernie Lunt is high!
Heather: There’s no doubt about that one! But, Bernie Lunt is getting even higher because Ass Clown is lifting him up, and he hits a supex! Ass Clown is heading towards the corner and he climbs up the turnbuckles, He’s reaching for the beer bottle but can’t seem to get a hold of it. Bernie Lunt gets to his feet and runs at the ropes and causes Ass Clown to fall on that top turnbuckle right on his…
CW: Anyways, Bernie Lunt heads to the corner and grabs Ass Clown’s neck. Bernie Lunt hits a running neckbreaker on Ass Clown as he was sitting on the top ropes! This could be Bernie Lunt’s opportunity to get some momentum going. Bernie Lunt lifts Ass Clown up and he hits an Inverted DDT! Bernie Lunt throws Ass Clown in the corner. He charges at Ass Clown but Ass Clown catches him with an elbow to the face, Bernie Lunt backs away. Ass Clown comes behind Lunt and hits a low blow!
Heather: Ass Clown rolls to the outside of the ring and looks for something under the ring. I don’t know what he’s looking for. The two main weapons that he should be interested in using is that bong or the beer bottle, but whatever else he chooses to use is still legal. Ass Clown looks like he’s found something. I can’t exactly see what that is.
CW: Holy shit, Heather! That’s a dildo! Look at Ass Clown’s face! He can’t believe it. Ass Clown doesn’t know what to do. Oh, no he didn’t! Ass Clown just sniffed that dildo! And look at him, he has a big smile across his face. Bernie Lunt hits a baseball slide to the face of Ass Clown on the outside of the ring. Bernie Lunt grabs that dildo from off the ground and has it in his hand. Look at that! He’s dangling the dildo around in the face of Ass Clown. The fans are all laughing their asses off. Bernie Lunt lifts Ass Clown to his feet and lifts him up and drops him on top of the steel guard rail!
Heather: Lunt throws Ass Clown back into the ring. Lunt lifts him up and delivers a body slam on Ass Clown. Bernie Lunt is headed to the top ropes looking to retrieve his bong. Ass Clown gets to his feet and climbs to the top ropes with Bernie Lunt. Ass Clown delivers some forearm shots to the back of Bernie Lunt. Ass Clown sets him up and hits the Clownin’ Around spinning-out powerbomb on Bernie Lunt from the top ropes!
Crowd: HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT!
CW: Ass Clown gets to his feet and heads toward the top ropes on the side with the beer bottle on top of the pole. Bernie Lunt is trying to crawl toward the corner. Ass Clown still can’t seem to get a grip of the beer bottle because every time he attempts to grabs it, it looks like it would tip over. Bernie Lunt is still crawling toward the corner getting closer and he grabs the ref and shoves him into the corner and sends Ass Clown off the ropes and onto the floor below!
Heather: Ass Clown knocked that beer bottle of the top ropes and it fell and shattered on the floor! Bernie Lunt rolls under the ropes and looks under the ring and grabs a steel chair. He waits for Ass Clown to get to his feet and charges at Ass Clown and delivers a huge chair shot right on top of the head on Ass Clown! Bernie Lunt lifts Ass Clown to his feet and rolls him back into the ring. Lunt lifts Ass Clown to the top ropes. He sets him up but Ass Clown gives him some hard rights to the gut. Ass Clown sets him up and hits a Sky High from the top ropes!
CW: Man, those top ropes are coming in handy tonight for Ass Clown! Both men are in the ring trying to get a breather. Whoever gets to their feet first could have the advantage of climbing that pole. Well, the beer bottle fell from the pole and onto the floor earlier and shattered. So, the only thing in reach right now is the bong. I don’t think the referee even knows that the beer bottle fell from that pole either. Ass Clown lifts Bernie Lunt to his feet and throws him to the ropes and attempts a running clothesline but Lunt catches his arm and drops him and locks in the Hemp tie-up! Ass Clown is screaming in pain!
Heather: Well, that won’t help him too much because submissions won’t work in this match. But, Lunt is keeping the hold on Ass Clown to keep working on those arms and pectorals of Ass Clown. Bernie Lunt releases the hold and heads for the top ropes. He reaches for that bong and he grabs it! He jumps from the top ropes and back into the ring. He’s waiting for Ass Clown to get to his feet. Ass Clown gets to his feet and sees Lunt with the bong in his hand and Ass Clown quickly slides under the ropes and to the outside. Bernie Lunt rolls to the outside of the ring with Ass Clown. Ass Clown rolls back into the ring and hits a baseball slide to Bernie Lunt and that bong hits Lunt right in the face!
CW: But, it didn’t break! Bernie Lunt drops the bong on the floor. Lunt climbs on the ring apron and Ass Clown delivers some hard rights to the face of Bernie Lune before Lunt can get into the ring. Ass Clown goes on the outside onto the apron with Bernie Lunt. Ass Clown grabs him by the head and jumps on the middle ropes and delivers a DDT from the ring apron to Bernie Lunt on the floor outside the ring. Both men are out!
Heather: Both of these guys have been through a lot in this match and let’s not forget the fact that neither of these two are sober! Ass Clown showing a few signs of life as he begins to roll around. He rolls in the ring. Bernie Lunt gets to his feet and he picks up that dildo from the ground on the outside. Ass Clown charges at Lunt and Lunt quickly swings that dildo right into the face of Ass Clown! Bernie Lunt tosses the dildo into the face of the referee. The ref falls over as the dildo hits him. He grabs it and begins to sniff it! Meanwhile, Bernie Lunt heads to the outside of the ring and picks up that bong and waits for Ass Clown to get to his feet. Ass Clown gets to his feet! WHACK! Bernie Lunt just whacked that bong across the face of Ass Clown!
CW: But the ref wasn’t paying attention! He’s too busy laying in the corner sniffing away that dildo. Obviously, that dildo has been used before! Bernie Lunt is trying to get the ref to snap out of his orgasmic mood. Ass Clown rolls outside of the ring and grabs a beer bottle from his ice chest. The referee finally comes to senses. Bernie Lunt tells the ref to look at Ass Clown. But Ass Clown comes and smashes that beer bottle across Lunt’s head! No! Lunt caught it! But, Ass Clown kicks him right into the balls, and Ass Clown grabs that beer bottle back from Bernie Lunt and smashes it right across the head of Bernie Lunt!
DING! DING! DING!
Brad: And the winner of this match, Ass Clown!
CW: And as if the last prerecorded interview wasn’t enough, now we go to another one.
Scene opens out on Ben Arabie’s ranch in Raceland. His extremely hot girlfriend is out tending to the herd with a whip trying to train them to twirl.
An HWF Limo comes up the long driveway. Brett Guillory steps out of the back and knocks on the door. Ben’s housekeeper opens the door, and lets him in. Ben is busy in the Den, stretching and performing a few shadow boxing moves. He sees Brett, and motions to the recliner. He finishes his reps and sits down with the microphone carrier.
Brett: Well Ben, it’s been a while. How are things?
Ben: Brett, things are great. I had a successful return on Frenzy. I’m in the best shape of my life. And I spy great success in my future.
Brett: Right on. The world is wondering, what happened to you though? You returned the night we reopened, and then disappeared.
Ben: Well Brett, as much as I enjoy wrestling for the HWF, as soon as I cut that promo on Hood and got to the locker room, I found out that I had a death in the family, my favorite member, Pudgie. I immediately called the board to ask for time off for mourning, and well Hood apparently intercepted the request and said if I didn’t show up, I would be fired.
Brett: So you went to the funeral and Hood fired you.
Ben: Yeah, he truly is a sick bastard.
Brett: So what did you do to get rehired.
Ben: Well I had my legal team make a few phone calls, but I really had no case. Hood was legally entitled to make that decree. Then I just got an HWF letter in the mail saying my services would be welcomed back at any time. So I called and his secretary said she’d send me the appropriate papers to send back, and here I am.
Brett: And Ben, you’ve battled some of the legends in this company. You return to a flock of new faces peppered with some old. Will we see you rekindle old feuds, or will you light a fire under some of the fresher meat?
Ben: No matter what I do, It’ll be me raising hell like never before, and I’ll stand over my fallen opposition and yell…. “CHUNKY SOUP!”
Brett: Ben, it has been a real pleasure.
Ben: Take it easy Brett.
(Scene goes back to arena)
CW: That was a great interview. Next we have tag team action.
Heather: I just got word that Wolfdogg and Sniper dude have got on the helicopter and are en route to Vacherie. There’s a camera up there with them…
Sniper dude: Why are you bringing your katana sheathead?
Wolfdogg: I’m going to help that little farm boy with his harvest.
CW: That’s just crazy.
Brad: Ladies and gentlemen, if I can have you attention please. I have just been informed that tonight here in Tiger Stadium, we have a NEW HWF Attendance record!
CW: Oh my!
Brad: So behalf on the HWF we say THANK You to each of you thiry-nine thousand nine hundred and sixty seven! (39,967)
Heather: WOW! That’s dynamite here tonight!
This is your time to pay
This is your judgement day
we made a sacrifice and now we’ve come to take your life.
We shoot with out a gun
We’ll take on anyone
It’s really nothing new
It’s just a thing we like to do.
Brad: The following contest is scheduled for one fall and it is for the right to battle for the HWF tag team championship! Introducing first, representing the corporation, weighing in at a combined weight of 645 pounds, Slappy, Slappy and FOM Fuck of the Mountain!
CW: And here comes the Corporate team. Southside boys have their hands full tonight!
We gon drag em to the swamp Take his body out the trunk Leave a note around his neck Reading bad ass whiteboys Oh, they want some Let em know they can step up to us From the Southside and we don’t give a fuck
Brad: And their opponents, at a combined weight of 430 pounds, here is The Cajun Patriot and Chip!
CW: And here comes the Southside Boys minus Kracka. They slide into the ring. Cajun storms at FOM and Chip goes after Slappy! Slappy tosses Chip out of the ring and throws him into the steps, but Chip tucks and rolls out of the way!
Heather: FOM lifts Cajun over his head and tosses him over the top into Slappy’s waiting arms where he body slams him!
CW: Slappy looks up just in time to see Chip running at him and Slappy catches him by he throat! Cajun low blows Slappy! Slappy drops Chip! The ref is ordering all four men to assume normal tag team match positions!
Heather: Cajun Patriot and Slappy are in the ring. Slappy Irish whips Cajun to the corner and runs at him. Cajun ducks out the way, Slappy crashes into the corner and Cajun rolls him up. FOM is quickly in the ring though and breaks up the pin fall attempt.
CW: The referee admonishes FOM for it and Chip slides in the ring and he and Cajun lift Slappy for a double suplex and then fall forward with it! Chip rolls out the ring. FOM is going nuts telling the ref, but the ref shrugs his shoulders. He didn’t see it so there’s nothing he can do.
Heather: Cajun has Slappy in a arm bar and is working the shoulder. Slappy slowly gets to his feet, but Cajun lifts him up and slams him back down! Cajun backs into the ropes and hits a splash on Slappy and covers him! FOM runs in and jerks Cajun off!
CW: Um… yeah…. He jerked him off. Cajun gets in FOM’s face, and the ref is trying to separate them! Slappy rolls out the ring and comes back in with a mirror! Chip comes behind Slappy and spins him around, and steals the mirror! The ref turns around and sees Chip with the mirror and threatens to disqualify him!
Heather: Cajun comes behind Slappy and traps him in a Cobra Clutch! Chip drops the mirror and gets out the ring and the ref sees the submission hold! Slappy powers to the ropes though and breaks the hold. Cajun sends Slappy running to the corner clotheslines him, tags Chip and picks Slappy up with a bear hug! Chip gets on the top rope and hits a dropkick on Slappy!
CW: Cajun leaves the ring and Chip is now working on Slappy! He hits an atomic drop, backs into the ropes and knocks the bigger man down with a clothesline! He grabs Slappy by the hair and pulls him up! CHIP GETS SLAPPY ON HIS SHOULDERS! He’s going for the Project 69 Death Valley Driver, wait, Slappy falls to his feet and shoves Chip into the ref!
Heather: The ref goes down Chip turns around and Slappy choke slams him! Cajun Patriot runs in, but FOM intercepts him with a big boot! Slappy looks and sees his mirror! He smiles and rolls out the ring and comes back in with it!
CW: He’s waiting for one of the Southside boys to stand up. Chip is up first! Slappy swings! Chip ducks! Cajun is up and he hits a round house kick on the mirror sending it into Slappy’s face! Cajun wakes the ref! Chip covers…
1…
2…
CW: Slappy kicks out! Chip is laying the kicks on Slappy! Slappy Irish Whips him to the corner by FOM! FOM is choking him with the tag rope! Slappy tags FOM and FOM, the seven foot tall enforcer has the miniscule pimp to abuse! Chip is punching FOM though! Chip is not scared of FOM! FOM is stumbling back! Chip has some serious heat behind them punches, probably developed from smacking his hoes! FOM blocks a punch and hits a huge head butt on him sending him to the ground.
Heather: FOM scoops Chip up and has him set of the Falling climber spinning Brain buster! He hits it! He grabs Cajun Patriot! He scoops him up for the Falling climber! The ref is fussing at FOM! FOM spins around , but Cajun slips out of his grip and on the way down catches him with a reverse DDT! Cajun gets on the top rope and hits a shooting star press! Bienvenue Louisiana! The ref orders him out of the ring! Chip drapes an arm over FOM!
1…
2…
3…
CW: Wait, FOM has his foot on the rope! The bell is ringing though! The ref apparently didn’t see it! Slappy is standing outside the ring. The replay shows Slappy putting the foot on the rope! He’s in the ring showing the ref that FOM’s foot was on the rope. The ref is telling him something. He’ saying “I didn’t see it.”
Heather: Slappy is pointing to the replay now. Well this isn’t the NFL, there is no replay rule. Slappy hits the ref! He catches Cajun running in with a spinning back breaker! He grabs Chip and hits a power bomb! Here come some more officials! Slappy is chasing them all off. FOM gets up! He’s looking pretty mad too. Slappy digs into his pocket… he has his fork! Oh no!
CW: Slappy is digging into Chips forehead with it! Chip is bleeding! FOM has Cajun Patriot in a full nelson. Slappy attacks Cajun with the fork! He’s digging into Cajun’s forehead! He’s bleeding too! FOM throws Cajun down! The corporation surveys their carnage and raises their hands to a chorus of boos from the fans here at death valley!
Brad: The winners of this bout, and the number one contenders for the HWF tag team championship, The South Side boys!
CW: Let’s go to commercial!
At the end of the summer, as autumn approaches, farmers begin rounding up the livestock for harvesting. They round them up in transport devices. They take them down where they are humanely destroyed with euthanasia that they did not want. The methods are hardly humane though. Blood splatters all over the slaughter house. The butchers hack away with out a second though to any of the bloodshed. The screams of pain and agony. But the pain goes away with death. The superstars of the HWF will not be so lucky however. This September, the HWF too will experience its own slaughter. Join us this September for the HWF September Slaughter!
CW: There’s the long solo from Van Halen’s “Eruption” song. Here comes Axton.
Brad: Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is a triple threat match, and is scheduled for one fall, first, on his way to the ring, weighing in at 165 pounds, from Liverpool, England, Amp Axton!
Heather: It’s good to see that Axton is okay. We haven’t heard much from him as of late. We seen him on that assault that he and Ass Clown had on Bernie Lunt at the last Frenzy show.
You are the only one
Blow the fucking world to kingdom come
You are the only one
You make me wanna blow the world to kingdom come
Brad: And an opponent, weighing in at 200 pounds, from Parts Unknown, HWF’s one and only pyro maniac, Dark Fire!
Crawling in my skin
These wounds they will not heal
Fear is how I fall
Confusing what is real
Brad: And the opponent, weighing in at 296 pounds, from Hollywood, California, he’s self-proclaimed “Hollywood’s Greatest TV Star,” Peter Brady!
CW: Peter Brady’s coming out with a microphone and those two masked men.
Peter Brady: It’s me again, TV’s greatest star, Peter Brady! I’m here to reveal who these two masked men are that have been accompanying me around lately. So, guys take the masks off!
CW: Oh NO! That’s Greg and Mike Brady!
Peter Brady: Well, how about that? Now only are you seeing TV’s greatest star, ME! But, you also get to see TV’s greatest family!
Heather: Why do I feel like I’m watching Nick at Nite?
CW: Probably because the Brady Bunch plays late night ever night on that tv station. Well, Peter Brady makes his way to the ring and Greg and Mike make their way to their front row seats.
Heather: Brady gets in the ring and the ref rings the bell and this match is underway. The three men are circling each other.
Brad: Hold up, hold up! I have an important announcement! This has just been brought to me from the desk of the boss, “Y2” Hood! The winner of this match will advance to the next Frenzy and get an HWF Frenzy Championship title shot!
CW: Wow! What a blockbuster announcement that was! That should make this match even more important to the three of these guys! Dark Fire immediately charges at Peter Brady but Amp Axton cuts him off and hits a clothesline. Amp Axton is putting the boots to the back of Dark Fire. Peter Brady comes from behind and turns Axton around. Axton gives him a kick to the gut and lifts him up and hits a facebuster on Peter Brady! That’s like a modified version of a suplex only you drop your opponent forward. Amp Axton turns to Dark Fire and attempts to lift to him to his feet but Dark Fire gets him in a small package!
1…
2..
Kick out!
Heather: Good move on the part of Dark Fire. But, Axton kicks out. Axton gets to his feet first, but Dark Fire quickly gives him a quick jab to the jaw and Axtton falls to the mat. Axton quickly gets to his feet. He charges at Dark Fire and Dark Fire catches him with a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker! Peter Brady gets to his feet and spears Dark Fire. He starts laying in some hard rights to the face of Dark Fire and Dark Fire tries to shield himself. Peter Brady lifts the pyro man to his feet. He lifts him over his shoulers and hits a fireman’s carry slam!
CW: Axton charges at Peter Brady but Brady catches him with a side walk slam! He covers Axton! Axton’s foot is under the ropes. Brady lifts Axton to his feet and throws him into the corner. He lifts Axton to the top ropes. Dark Fire comes from behind Peter Brady and lifts him up over his shoulders. Amp Axton delivers a clothesline from the top ropes on Peter Brady as he was on Dark Fire’s shoulders! Shades of the Legion of Doom! The Doomsday Device!
Heather: Well, the teamwork doesn’t continue as Dark Fire and Amp Axton tie-up. Axton puts Dark Fire into an arm bar. Dark Fire reverses and puts Axton into an arm bar. Dark Fire places Axton’s arm behind his back. Axton gives Dark Fire an elbow to the face. Dark Fire breaks the hold. Axton runs at the ropes and comes back with a dropkick to the knee of Dark Fire! Axton heads for the top ropes. He lifts Dark Fire to his feet and throws him in the corner. He gives Dark Fire a few hard rights. He lifts the pyro maniac to the top ropes. He sets him up and he hits that T-bone suplex on Dark Fire from the top ropes!
CW: That took a lot out of both men! Peter Brady capitalizes and rolls over and gets an arm over Dark Fire.
1…
2…
Heather: Axton pulls Brady off of Dark Fire. Peter Brady gets pissed. He gives Amp Axton a kick below the belt! He lifts him over his shoulders and delivers a Samoan drop! Dark Fire comes from behind Peter Brady and hits a reverse DDT! He covers…
1…
2…
Kick out!
CW: That was a close one. Dark Fire lifts Peter Brady to his feet. He gives him a kick to the gut. He sets him up! FIRE BOMB! He covers…
1…
2…
Heather: Amp Axton pulls Dark Fire off of Peter Brady. Amp Axton seems to be having fun stopping the count tonight. Amp Axton pulls Dark Fire to his feet. He hits a full nelson slam! He covers…
1..
Kick out!
Heather: Amp Axton lifts Dark Fire back to his feet. He shoves him into the corner. Peter Brady gets to his feet and comes from behind Amp xton and he gives him a dropkick to the back and he smashes into Dark Fire in the corner. Dark Fire shoves Axton back and Peter Brady catches him in a German suplex position. Dark Fire charges at Axton a delivers a powerful clothesline on Axton and Brady throws him back in a German suplex! DAMN! That was awesome! Dark Fire runs at Brady and Brady catches him with a jawbreaker.
CW: Brady goes behind Dark Fire and he delivers a backdrop. He lifts Dark Fire to his feet and throws him over the top ropes to the outside of the ring. Peter Brady goes over to Amp Axton and Axton catches him with a boot to the gut. He sets Peter Brady up and hits a piledriver! Man, these guys are going back and forth in this match. They know what’s at stake here. One of these three men will face the Frenzy champion at the next Frenzy!
Heather: Axton lifts Brady to his feet and he throws him to the ropes, GARBAGE DAY! He goes for the covers…
1…
2…
CW: Dark Fire pulls the referee outside the ring. He rolls inside the ring and goes jump on top of Axton breaking up his pinfall attempt on Peter Brady. He lifts Axton to his feet and gives him a FIRE BOMB! He covers… But, Peter Brady quickly pulls him off of Axton. Dark Fire gives Peter Brady some hard rights. He lifts him up for a suplex but Brady gets out of it. He sets Dark Fire up and hits a pumphandle slam. He covers…
1…
Heather: Axton pulls him off of Dark Fire. Peter Brady gives Axton some hard rights and sends him to the outside right in front of Greg and Mike Brady! Peter Brady heads to the top ropes. He hits an elbow drop on Dark Fire! He covers…
1…
2…
CW: Wait a minute. He just got off of Dark Fire and is looking on the outside of the ring. What’s going on outside?
Heather: Oh, look what happened! Amp Axton just took a cup of beer from a fan and threw it on both Greg and Mike Brady! They’re arguing on the outside. Peter Brady is about to head to the outside but Dark Fire comes from behind and gets a rollup!
1…
2…
3…
DING! DING! DING!
Brad: The winner of the match, and number one contender for the HWF Frenzy Championship, Dark Fire!
Heather: Peter Brady is extremely pissed off. He doesn’t know what to do. He wants to assault Dark Fire and go and defend his brother and dad at the same time. He goes to the outside. Mike Brady just pulled a tazer from his jacket pocket and just used it on Amp Axton! Greg Brady hands his chair to his brother Peter Brady! BRADY CRUNCH!
CW: Peter Brady just delivered a huge Brady Crunch on Amp Axton. Here comes Ass Clown from the crowd. He just smashed two beer bottles across the heads of both Greg and Mike Brady. He jumps over the rail and gets into the face of Peter Brady! But, a bunch of HWF officials and security comes and separate these two men! What else is going to happen here tonight?
Heather: Well, I know one thing, Dark Fire is the number one contender for the Frenzy Championship!
CW: Wait! I’m getting word that the helicopter has arrived in Vacherie! It’s landing and Wolfdogg and Sniper dude climb out. The helicopter flies off and the two men are observing the clearing. It’s a pretty big area and right in the middle is two huge graves already dug with piles of dirt and bulldozers!
Heather: Wait! What’s that rumbling noise! Here comes Nebula and Jack driving up in a crane! There’s something over the crane… it’s a giant magnet! Wolfdogg’s Katana flies up there and sticks to it! Both men jump out of the crane and charge at their opposition!
CW: Wolfdogg and Nebula are going one on one and Sniper dude and Jack are facing off! Nebula kicks Wolfdogg’s feet out from under him and starts working on his left leg!
Heather: Jack and Sniper dude crash into the bulldozer. Sniper dude slams Jack’s head into the bulldozer and runs over knocking Nebula away from Wolfdogg! Sniper dude picks Nebula up and slams him on the dirt!
CW: Wolfdogg gets to his feet and they both pick Nebula up and toss him into one of the graves! They go to the bulldozer, but they can’t start it! Wait! There’s Jack and he has the key and he’s taunting them!
Heather: Jack takes off running, but wait, the key just flew out of his hand! He went under the range of the magnet! The IWO catches up to him and they hit him with a double clothesline! Wolfdogg holds Jack while Sniper goes into the crane to turn off the magnet! Jack kicks Wolfdogg in the nuts! Sniper dude hits a lever and the magnet comes falling down to the earth! Jack and Wolfdogg both roll out the way just in time!
CW: Sniper dude is playing with the levers. Apparently them cranes are a bit more complex than bulldozers. Wolfdogg runs to the crane cockpit and starts playing with the levers too. Nebula is crawling out of the hole.
Heather: Jack and Nebula both duck the magnet as it flies towards them. This match has now turned into target practice! Jack and Nebula jump into the bulldozer. Jack is trying to hot wire it. Here comes the magnet! They are holding it over the bulldozer! It’s starting to levitate! It crashes to the ground! The magnet is starting to lower!
CW: Sniper dude and Wolfdogg are jerking violently at the levers! Apparently the bulldozer is too heavy to be lifted and the magnet is lowering towards the bulldozer! Nebula climbs onto the roof of the bulldozer, waits for the magnet, grabs the key and rolls out the way!
Heather: Not that it will do any good. The crane has tipped over due to the magnet going after the bulldozer. Jack rolls out of the bulldozer. He tells Nebula something and they dive into a hole as the bulldozer explodes! What the hell?
CW: Bulldozers don’t just explode like that! Sniper dude and Wolfdogg crawl out of the crane cockpit. They see the exploded bulldozer! They give each other high fives! They are looking at the burnt bulldozer looking around.
Heather: The EDW boys crawl into the crane. What are they doing now? They turn it on! They are playing with the levers, the wheels are spinning backwards the Crane is up right! The IWO spins around to see what’s going on! They’re too late! The magnet knocks them both into one of the holes! The magnet falls into the hole!
CW: The cameraman is peering over the side. Sniper dude is on top of Wolfdogg and the magnet is pressing them down! Wolf is trying to push up on Sniper dude, but the added weight of the huge magnet is making the massively strong Wolfdogg struggle! I have a friend that works construction. Them things are heavier than an RV in some cases.
Heather: Jack leaves the crane and goes peek over the hole. He whistles. Here comes someone in another bulldozer! It’s a Rabid Jackass Follower! He’s pushing dirt into the grave! Jack grabs the follower by the ear and yanks him out! He kicks him and gets in the bulldozer and finishes the job!
CW: Well, it looks like the hole is filled with dirt! They are ringing the house bell!
Brad: The winners, and STILL HWF Tag Team Champions, Nebula and Jack, the E.D. White Boys!
Heather: And the RJF is now on his knees worshipping Jack. Here comes some officials and paramedics! They go to the crane and raise the magnet up! It’s slowly rising. It has all that dirt on it. Here it comes up. Wait a minute! THE IWO IS HOLDING ON TO THE MAGNET! They jump off as soon as they get out of the hole!
CW: This battle isn’t over! The RJF runs at Sniper dude, but gets caught by the throat, lifted up and slammed across Sniper’s knee! Meanwhile Jack and Nebula attack the Hardcore champion by giving him a dual spine buster!
Heather: They turn around and duck a clothesline by Sniper dude and hit a dual Russian leg sweep onto Wolfdogg! Jack and Nebula raise their belts over their heads. Where’d they get the belts?
CW: The RJF had them in the bulldozer. He’s on the ground twitching by the way. Jack looks at him and laughs. They get in the helicopter and fly away in glory! What a night and we still have one more title to be decided!
This week on A&E biography, the story of the life of Tommy Wood, the greatest lumberjack of all time. We remember the greatest moments in his life, until the tragic end of his life. Join us for “Mourning Wood.”
Brad: Ladies and gentlemen, it is now time for your main event! This match scheduled for one fall is for the HWF Heavyweight championship!
Yo, clear the room cuz the fight’s about to break out
Jerome’s gonna feel like he’s back home when I knock his lights out
I hope you played it smart and signed that belt to a lease
Just like I hope you got insurance on those fake ass platinum teeth
You ain’t a gangsta cuz you from Harlem cuz they only got fake thugs
Step in the hood in Ashland and I bet yo ass get mean mugged
I haven’t liked you ever since day one
And you not even on my level so step down son
I’ll tell this to ya face like a grown ass man
There’s only room at the top for one so that’s where I stand
Word on that, kid
Brad: Ladies and gentlemen, introducing first the challenger. From Ashland South, Louisiana, weighing in at 155 pounds he is Kracka!
CW: And Kracka lays down a second freestyle here tonight, just as fresh as his last one!
Heather: And he looks pretty confident coming into this match with the tricky Jerome.
Brad: And his opponent…
I came into this world as a reject look into these eyes then you'll see the size of these flames.
dwellin on the past its burnin' up my brain.
Everyone that burns has to learn from the pain.
Hey I think about the day my girlie ran away with my pay.
When fellas come to play.
No she stuck with my homeez that she fucked.
And I'm just a sucker with a lump in my throat, hey like a chump...
Brad: Introducing the HWF Heavyweight champion, from Harlem, New York, weighing in at 300 pounds, here is Jerome Abraham Washington!
CW: And Jerome had a bit of a problem last week with the massive power outage. He’s made it here to LSU in one piece however.
Heather: Well he’s in the ring.
CW: The two men stand face-to-face in the middle of the ring. The
tension between these two superstars has grown into an oblivious
hatred.
Heather: They are just standing there talking smack to each other.
CW: You know Heather, they should be very good at talking smack
because
they both come from two of the most "thuggish" neighborhoods in
America!
Heather: The ref rings the bell and we're underway.
CW: Look at this, Jerome is signaling to Kracka to run at the ropes
and
charge at him. I guess they want to test each other's toughness.
Heather: Kracka runs at the ropes and comes charging back at Jerome.
Holy shit! Jerome didn't budge. Jerome is standing there laughing at
Kracka's failed attempt to take him down.
CW: And look at this! Kracka is signaling Jerome to charge at him.
Jerome runs at the ropes and charges at Kracka. Whoa! Kracka didn't
budge either. Jerome is shocked.
Heather: Let's not forget the fact that Jerome outweighs Kracka 300
pounds to 155 pounds.
CW: Well, Jerome must be 150 pounds of muscle and the other 150
pounds
is stored up "soul" food somewhere in Jerome's body.
Heather: Jerome signals for Kracka to make another charge at him.
Kracka
hits the ropes and comes charging again but Jerome doesn't budge once
again.
CW: It looks like Kracka is signaling for Jerome to charge at him
again.
Jerome runs to the ropes with a head of steam and comes charging back
but sidesteps him and throws Jerome over the top ropes.
Heather: The Harlem thug is lying there on the floor outside the
ring.
Kracka is waiting for Jerome to get up. Jerome gets to his feet and
Kracka attemps a baseball slide, but Jerome sidesteps him. Jerome
lifts
him up and drops him onto the steel barricade. He lifts Kracka to his
feet and this time Irish whips him into the steel steps.
CW: Jerome rolls Kracka into the ring and goes for the cover.
1..
2..
Heather: Kick out! Jerome goes back to the attack and throws Kracka
to
the ropes and Kracka comes back with a dropkick to Jerome's right
knee.
Jerome falls to one knee and Kracka gives him a DDT! Kracka goes
back to
work on Jerome's knee as he delivers some knee drops on him.
CW: This is a smart move to work on Jerome's knee. It might slow the
big
man down.
Heather: Look at this! Kracka is setting up Jerome for the Indian
Death
Lock to inflict more pain to Jerome's already hurt knee. Jerome is
howling in pain. The ref is asking Jerome if he wants to give up but
Jerome ignores him. Jerome is slowly making his way to the ropes.
Finally Jerome makes it forcing Kracka to release the hold.
CW: You have to wonder how much that move took out of Jerome. He's
obviusly in a lot of pain.
Heather: Kracka is heading for the top rope. Jerome is still lying
there
in the ring. Kracka goes for a shooting start press but Jerome rolls
out
of the way at the last second. That may have taken a lot from Kracka
because he's holding his stomache in pain.
CW: This may give Jerome a bit of extra time to recover. Well, he
doesn't have too much time because the referee is beginning to
administer the 10 count. He's at 6 and both men seem to be getting
up.
The ref continues his count and gets to 9 before they both are up.
Jerome gets to his feet first and gives Kracka a kick to the gut and
delivers a piledriver.
Heather: He goes for the cover.
1..
2..
CW: Kick out by Kracka. Jerome brings Kracka to his feet and Irish
whips
him into the corner and Kracka hits it hard and bounces off and here
comes Jerome and hits the Hot Wire! He goes for the cover.
1..
2..
Heather: Kick out by Kracka! Jerome looks a little frustrated. He
lifts
Kracka onto the top turnbuckle and goes for a superplex. But Kracka
shoves Jerome off the top turnbuckle. Jerome falls down hard to the
mat
below. Kracka gets into position and hits a shotting star press. This
time he executes it perfectly He goes for the cover.
1..
2..
CW: Kick out! As Kracka tries to bring Jerome to his feet Jerome
hits a
low blow. Lucky for Jerome, the ref didn't see it. He sets up Kracka
for
a power bomb but falls to one knee. Apparently his knee gave out on
him
as he tried to lift Kracka up. Kracka sees the opportunity and lifts
Jerome over his shoulders and hits a Kracka Jack! He goes for the
cover.
1..
2..
Heather: And a kick out by Jerome. How much punishment can these two
men
take? Kracka brings Jerome to his feet and gives him a clothesline
over
the top ropes. Kracka runs toward the opposite ropes and comes back
with
a suicide dive over the top ropes but Jerome sidesteps him and Kracka
lands face first!
CW: Jerome slowly gets to his fet and lifts Kracka up for a suplex
but
Kracka bounces off the ropes from the outside and delivers a DDT to
Jerome on the way down!
Heather: That wasn't very clever on Jerome's part. He should've known
the ropes were right there. Maybe he was attepting a front suplex or
something.
CW: Man, the ropes are in use even when the wrestlers are on the
outside
of the ring. Where else can you find action like this? Only in the
HWF!
Heather: Kracka rolls Jerome into the ring. He brings Jerome to his
feet
and attempts to Irish whip Jerome into the corner but Jerome
reverses it
and Kracka runs into the corner hitting it hard and again bouncing
off
only to walk into the chicken wing by Jerome! Kracka takes his right
arm
and puts it over Jerome's head and holds on as he delivers a
jawbreaker!
CW: Wow! Jerome had Jerome's left arm behind his back but had his
right
arm free and Kracka found that useful as he counters the chicken
wing.
Heather: Jerome is still holding on to his jaw and Kracka lifts him
over
his shoulders again and hits a Kracka Jack!
He goes for the cover.
1..
2..
3...
Brad: And the winner of the match, and new HWF Heavyweight champion, Kracka!
Heather: Wow, what a match! The fans are standing on their feet
cheering. Those two men gave us everything they had.
CW: The ref is walking over to hand the belt to Kracka but Jerome
trips
him and takes the belt.
Heather: Is Jerome stealing the belt?
CW: Wait a minute, it looks like Jeromes wants to be the one to hand
it
to Kracka. This is good sportsmanship.
Heather: Wait a minute! He just hit Kracka in the face with the
Heavyweight title.
CW: Jerome is standing over Kracka and lays the belt over Kracka’s face. He’s leaving the ring. Ladies and gentlemen we are out of time! Join us next week on Frenzy!
