Ok, here's the deal. Periodically, I'll put a movie review on this page. My scale is as follows:
Utter crap; a total waste of 90 minutes of your existence
Possibly worth watching if you're suicidal or drunk or high or immortal

Slightly below par of standard Hollywood fare

A decent movie, worth seeing once


A good movie; a candidate for multiple viewings


An excellent piece of cinematic work; worthy of high praise and a spot on your video rack
The Relic - (reviewed 8/16/97) a not-particularly-suspenseful film starring Penelope Ann Miller, Linda Hunt, and several other forgettable individuals; chock full of more juicy bad science per ounce than Jurassic Park and The Rocky and Bullwinkle Show combined; herpetologists will cringe to hear Penelope Ann Miller flub the Latin binomial of a very familiar non-native gecko; molecular biologists will marvel at her "Analyzer," a combination DNA-extractor-and-isolator, thermocycler (with built-in primers), automated sequencer (with no messy gels to fool with!), automated sequence aligner (another new one to me), and, last but not least, GenBank cross-referencer; acting is competent, but can't save a sorry excuse for a storyline revolving around a parasitic fungus from Brazil which, through the magical use of reverse transcriptase, is capable of transforming the host organism into a wildly-improbable amalgam of several known animals and some heretofore unknown to science; rating: 
Guardian Angel - (1994; 97 mins.; reviewed 11/22/97) well, it's been three months since I last rented a movie--you see, science is my life (or something); anyway, I should preface this review by pointing out that I selected this movie because I was sitting around by myself in my apartment on a Saturday night (which comes as no surprise to anyone who knows me), so I didn't have to worry about picking something that someone else would like; so basically what I'm saying is that this is a martial-arts flick, which is not everyone's cup of tea, but I like them and I particularly like Cynthia Rothrock movies; but enough about me--on with the show; as previously indicated, Guardian Angel stars Cynthia Rothrock, Daniel McVicar, and a full cast of other people I've never heard of; Cynthia plays Christine McKay, a police officer in some generic city whose partner and fiancee (both cops) are killed by members or associates of a counterfeiting ring headed by the artist brother of a millionaire and his psychotic female sidekick; after the aforementioned emotionally-disturbed woman shoots her fiancee in cold blood, McKay quits the force; six months later, she is advertising herself as a bodyguard; not coincidentally, when Nina (the psycho bitch) escapes from prison, the aforementioned millionaire hires McKay, because he dated Nina for a year before discovering her mental problems [did you follow that?]; well, there are a few holes in the twisty plot (like why the two rich guys who probably have O.J. Simpson's defense team on retainer start talking after being threatened in a somewhat menacing way, while the two low-level scumbags the cops pick up require an interrogation downtown), but plots in martial-arts films are generally just excuses for a series of fight scenes and chase scenes, so that's forgivable; most of the fight scenes are actually pretty routine, except for the fight with the dirty cop and the trashing of the country-and-western bar (I can never get enough of that!); that's a little surprising considering that the fights were choreographed by Richard Norton, Australian martial artist and frequent Rothrock collaborator; there were actually a few good one-liners too; so what can I say: it was an enjoyable waste of an hour and half for me; chauvinist male buffoon count: 2; my rating: