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Wednesday March10, 2004

It's official...i'm making the switch...go to www.xanga.com/laura22513/ for today's real entry...

I feel like i should hang on to this site, simply because I've had it for a while....well, since january...anyway, for longevity sake maybe i should keep it...but I've been impressed by xanga lately...it seems like it's easier to put pictures and make entries...pero no se yet...i might keep this one....

The weather outside really cheered me up today. It would've been the perfect day for a picnic, but I didn't think to suggest it. Mikey being his hilarious mikey self and getting an A in chemistry also made me happy. And I have an A in english. yay! But then I looked at the calendar, and it turns out that I have to present major author on the same day as chris...bad news for me...he'll play his violin and awe everyone, and i'll be like ummm...i could play the bells, but it wouldn't be as impressive. So i'm going to have to start planning something. I think doing a power point for mine, because that would make make presenting easier...people aren't watching you, they're watching the screen. And maybe I'll make a video, or scarlet letter cookies, or play a game called "find the adulterer"...I also need to reread/understand each of my books better. Damn Hawthorne. I still have like two months. yep. procrastination is a biotch. But it's been a good day, starting at like lunch because I could forget about calculus...Let us just say that the morning was rough. All is well in the world.

They say that the period of time where you aren't in a REM cycle and you aren't fully awake...That is the time when you have your most telling dreams. Thank you holistic medicine Duke TIP Year 3..So when I'm napping, which has become a regular daily occurance, I am in this type of suspension for however long i nap. Today, after I promised myself I would not nap, grrr, I fell asleep. And I'm only writing this because i had the weirdest dream...I was in this room, and I was having to paint the walls, over and over again, each time a different color. And then I finally painted it the "right" color and i could leave. The whole time I was like trapped. It was so strange. There was more, but those details are fuzzy..I can really remember this part. I don't know. I didn't really take the whole dream analysis part of the holistic medicine seriously, but you can't help but look at that and see a message/meaning. hmmmm....maybe i should nap more often. It's like when I searched for Let it Be by the Beatles in my music program, it came up with a song by Alan Jackson that freaked me the hell out. It was so what we were talking about online, the whole prom drama....

My internet connection last night was going down the crapper, so I didn't get a lot of IMs. It was like people just disappeared. I was like, hmmmm. It was rather anoying. And then finally it quit. So I'm sorry if i missed your im's...blame the damn comcast people. Anyway, last night was sooo much fun. State Fair went well, we all went out afterward, and then walmart. It was very fun, except I don't know what we were doing in walmart besides being stupid. I think we went through and made judgements on every single CD and DVD they had. It reminded me of how I haven't seen a lot of good movies. Like Runaway Jury. Yeah. It was a blast, though Chris refused to race me on the way home, and we plodded along at 40 mph. He seemed a little tired. Plus Beth showed up at rubys, and I'm sure he was thinking about that.

What else...Oh! at ruby tuesdays i decided I wanted a drink, and our waitress was no where in sight, so I just got up and got my own..hehe..crazy...Ruby tuesdays also made me think about prom. sigh. The way we were sitting were the prom dates...sorta...there was lauren and prish, who were on a date but not a date because prish isn't allowed to date. and ryan lee and breony...hehe...that'd be so cutesy, though it's not happened yet. Chuck and Ariella...yay..so cute...so yeah. Here's the dilemna. I would only be comfortable and happy going with a certain person, but I have this fear that I'll be asked by someone else first. which no me gusta. I really don't know what I'm talking about. All I know is who I would have the best time with, and who I wouldn't have the best time with. And I'd rather do something else on prom night if I'm not asked by who I want. wow. that sounded inflexible, but it's the truth. so don't ask me unless I want you to. and that's a pretty limited list. Let's list the real couples so far, that I know about: Nicole and Oren (not sure about this one), Ariella and Chuck (aww), Sesha and Mikey (again..awww), Eugenio and Shelley, Allan and Stacy...and I can't think of any more....now potential couples: kyle and lydia (that'd be soo cute), joy and someone (she's going to get a date), me and someone (haha..fat chance...i don't even curr), and finally breony and ryan lee...hehe...

I hate how I keep saying this, but it has been so far a beautiful day. The weather is wonderful, Ariella and I are going running later, all is good in the world. My mom has been in a surprisingly good/happy/helpful mood today. She gave me a book called A is for Admission: The Insiders Guide to Getting into the Ivy League and Other Top Colleges. It's a very informative book, though it puts more pressure on me to do well on all the upcoming tests, because according to this book, those are more useful in comparing students than a high school transcript. Which makes sense to me...but I'm still under a lot of pressure, mostly self-imposed. It's interesting how different schools rate students. Stanford is different from the other top schools because they use a more subjective, prose evaluation of prospective students. Schools like Brown and Princeton use a numbering system that is a fraction of an academic rating over extracurricular/personal rating. So if their system ranks from 1-9, with 9 being the best, the ideal situation would be to be a 9/9. But unfortunately for me, I don't spend my free time pursuing research projects or setting up volunteering programs, so I'm not going to be a 9. I think my mom is becoming more optimistic on my chances of getting into one of these top schools, so that's good. I wish our class wasn't so competitive because those admission officers at stanford will see the app of ryan lee or owen or chris or eugenio and compare it with mine, and promptly burn mine to a fine ash while laughing histerically. I'm beginning to like the prospect of Brown, but Stanford would still be the dream school. I think I should stop saying I want to go there so that when I don't get accepted I won't be as disappointed. what a random paragraph.

I finished Angels and Demons this morning, and damn, what a good book. I think I'd say it's as good if not better than DaVinci Code. This book goes into fundamental human questions about religion, the beginning, the conflict between science and the church, and the tradition of the catholic church. Dan Brown weaves all these questions through the book while making a suspenseful read. It's one of those books that you just can't put down. For god's sake, when he's about to blow up the vatican with antimatter, could YOU stop reading? (wow...laura's a dork) Anyway, this is a blatant endorsement of the book. I could go on and on...so READ IT! Forget about Great Gatsby or Hawthorne (my dear sir hawthorne) or Huckleberry Finn...or any other english homework...

What else...estoy muy aburrido ahora, y para pasar el tiempo, estoy escribiendo este....I suppose I could talk about the disappointing test day yesterday. Calc test yesterday was quite possibly the worst of my life, and the chem test, which is supposed to be saving my grade, is on the contrary going to ruin me. When I look at a question and don't know what in the hell it is asking, it sucks...Chemistry right now sucks...Calc right now sucks...well, it's not that bad...I'll be fine...luck is on my side...Anyway, all of this was overshadowed by the happiness of State Fair...It went better than I ever expected. Except I didn't know that people could see that I was barefoot, and I had to keep running back and forth between the timpani and bells...One time I went to the bells to play something, and got there just in time to miss it, probably looked like an idiot. But I hit the things I was supposed to, and it went extremely well. Spangler was there, and said I looked pretty, which was soo sweet of him. I like getting compliments from guys, cause most of the compliments last night were from girls that liked my dress. I love that dress, and I wish I could wear it again for tonight's show. Oh! And I got to see christopher's adorable little sister..I thought my sister was cute when she was that age, but chris's sister was sooo cute...he "missed his house", so he missed out on ruby tuesdays. s'all good though, cause I think we're going to do something tonight. Bre and I had fun chit chatting, and the whole cast showed up, singing and being weird theater people. It was fun. good night, all things considered.

And I don't know what else to say, other than it's been a wonderful week, one week till spring break (hopefully we'll still have this weather), and I think I'll sqeak through this term with straight A's...yay! what more could I ask for? an aston martin vanquish V12, and early acceptance to stanford with free airfare to and from? sure. thank you. I appreciate it, my misterious benefactor in the sky.

I have to type this fast, because state fair is in like an hour....eh...nevermind...i'm not in the mood...there are so many things that are bothering me right now, most of which I have to keep to myself because I don't like pity.

In spanish today, somehow we got on the topic of marriage. I think I was thinking about bush's proposed constitutional amendment...and religion...and I made a comment about how technically I can't get married because it's a union under god. Of course, I was playing devil's advocate, because I think i've actually decided I do believe in a higher power. I do say the under god in the pledge of allegiance, and I do not object to the statement of the US as a country in which in god we trust. It's when you attach christianity that I object. I'm not to the point where I can accept a specific faith, or tell you exactly what role, if any, that higher power plays in my life. I love playing devil's advocate.

I'm absolutely ecstatic! I'm IRC Secretary!! Wahoo!! Kyle won president, meredith james VP, and joy treasurer. IRC is one club that I'm not doing just because it looks impressive. I'm not an officer because college admissions like that. I really love the club, and NAIMUN, and debating. I especially like debating.

State Fair is coming together quite nicely. The show is really good, and I hope everyone likes it. Unfortunately for me, it's probably going to suck because Daniel Henry, who plays the timpani part, surprise! told me that he won't be able to play opening night or saturday night. Mind you, he told me today, in the middle of dress rehearsal. Which means, if you're not connecting the dots, that I'm going to be sight reading daniel's part while keeping up with my parts. And I cannot stand timpani. So this is not the best situation. I really don't want to tell Ragan either, cause Daniel, the wimpy asian that he is, was too afraid to tell her. He's the only lazy asian I know. Insane. So opening is going to be really horrible.

I don't know what else to say. So I won't say any more.

It's settled. I've signed away my senior year. It will be hell. Here's what I've got: Sr. AP english, Calc 2, Bio 2, Physics C, MicroEcon, Spanish 5. My only break is that I'm aiding for Benita, as mikey calls her, for a semester. First of all, after slacking off in english this year, I'm going to DIE next year. I've resolved to turn a new leaf next year and be like an asian. Work ahead, do my homework, not procrastinate, etcetera and the like. And I think I'm going to start college apps this summer sometime, because I don't have to go to band camp. sigh. There was the thing I had to pray over in my schedule. I love playing percussion, and I'm not being arrogant, but I'm good at it. I'm going to miss band, damnit. grr...I hope taking physics is not a huge mistake, but I'll have plenty of smart people to help me. or something. or I can help myself. Isn't there some bible verse that Jesus only helps those who help themselves? I'm not much of a bible scholar, as most people know. After reading angels and demons, i think I'm like Langdon, the main character. Good book. damn. I use that word a lot. forgive me. Ha dado cuento que me encanta espanol. Es posible que vaya a "minor" en espanol en la universidad. Which would be why it would be extremely nice to get into stanford. I could major in some sort of genetics and minor in spanish, or major in history, or anything. The only downside is the distance. California is really far away. It would be three day road trips to get home for breaks to see all you people. Stanford is placed on a pedestal in my mind, the school with which all others are compared. It's like the standard in a titration reaction. It's like the unattainable dream, though they might be looking for poor white girls from a small town in Tennessee. maybe? If not the beautiful, serene setting of Palo Alto, Brown is next choice I think. I'll know more when we go on a northern college tour this summer.

I've decided I'm no longer going to comment on my social problems. Oooh!! I had a wonderful lunch today. Alone, but it was still fun. Nice little drive, adventure, risk, all of the things I love. No mas detailes. Adios.

Number One happiness of the day: I NO LONGER have braces!! I'm extremely pleased/relieved with the results, though I was afraid my teeth were too small...haha...just the opposite is true. I though it was funny how people had different reactions. My friends and most girls noticed, cause girls are observant that way, but it took some people a while to say anything. Some people still haven't. It took me telling Nicole before she noticed...but then she gave me a compliment, so it's all good. I was so happy after I got them off that I drove home to see my mom and chill out until the period ended. Extremely thrilled. I could've done some sort of prancing in celebration, but I restrained myself. Mr. Senter even shook my hand in congratulations...he's so funny. I couldn't stop smiling all through rehersals for State Fair, which is coming together beautifully. In the middle of a solo, the mic started working all of a sudden, and it made the loudest noise..scared me half to death, so I shout "SHIT!!"..I think I must have yelled in the middle of a lull in the music, because Breony heard me...ooops....I don't know what else to say, but yay!

Number Two Happiness of the Day: I got an A- on my calculus series test, which is really good, if you consider the fact that I didn't do most of the homework. At first I was rather disappointed, and in hindsight for no reason, because I'm tired of only being mediocre, as I think I've said before. I wish mrs. Albert would compliment me on my grades. But I'm extremely happy, and I did better than I expected. All of this switching between being happy and disappointed prompted Ariella to nickname me bipolie. whatever...haha...Anyway, if I get A's for the rest of the term, I'll have a strong A-, and if I get a A+, I'll have a chance at an A...fat chance..but i'm happy about that too...Yay!! that is all...

So I'm writing this after dinner, at which we had another wonderful family time...cough cough...somehow my dad always takes Melissa and my joking sarcasm toward him as disrespect, and in this house, that is a BIG deal. Don't ask me why. You cannot joke with the parents in this house. Nope. It won't happen. Cause Dad gets angry very quickly, and when that happens...run!! Anyway, we were talking about getting cable channels, beyond our five basic channels, and Melissa and I both agreed that we would rather have raises from $10 a week. So replace $100 extra cable bill with maybe a $5-10 raise. Sounds reasonable, right? NO..YOU ARE WRONG!! Apparently I don't do my chores with enough promtness or timelyness as my parents wish, though I do them eventually. NO! Chores come before all other things in this world. It doesn't matter that I'm surviving and thriving my junior year, arguably the hardest year of high school, with straight A's, with no problems. It doesn't matter that I find time to do extracurriculars, albeit I don't do as many as a lot of people, or that I'm doing really well in swimming, or that I cheuffer my sister around, or that whenever I go out, I always come home safe and sound, without doing anything my parents would not be proud of. All of this plays no role in deciding my "salary". To suggest that, seeing as I am a junior, I should get a raise from the allowance I got as a 7th grader would be ludicrous, even though I help out and contribute to the family. Whatever though. I'm making it out ok with 10 bucks a week. I guess...Even this can't darken my mood though!

Finally, I talked to Joy today, which is always a joy...hahaha. I crack myself up. Anyway, she was lamenting the fact that she doesn't have a prom date, though I think she will have no problem finding one. Thereby prompting me to wonder, am I going to have a prom date? Probably not, my insecure innards tell me. But I, the eternal optimist, keep hope alive that maybe, just maybe, the person I want to ask will. I know who I would have the most fun with, with no strings attached, but apparently it's not that simple. Why? Don't ask me. Insecure me can think of plenty of reasons, but I keep thinking that it shouldn't matter. I keep telling myself that it is only March, prom is a whole month and more away. And I keep hoping, though outwardly it might seem like I don't give a damn, that I'll be asked by the right person, not certain other people, and that I'll have a great time. Though lately there's been a wall, a barrier of silence, maybe I'm not putting in the effort, maybe it's not being reciprocated, I don't really know. But I'm not looking for anything more but to go as friends and have a good time. Although I'm not going otherwise. Not enough confidence to go alone. Incomplete sentences are fun. I'm still in a good mood, even though I just reminded myself of my brief sad lonely spurts. Nothing can darken my spirits hoy! I think that's all for today.

Today has been a good day. It started WAY too early for my liking, and I don't think going into calc at 6:50 helped me much. I think the test will be decent; i'm counting on most people doing as bad as me, curves are my friend. Actually, I've had several academic disappointments today. In the overall scheme of things, I'm fine...these are just minor setbacks, right? Chem 2 is bothering the hell out of me. I CAN freaking fucking NOT get anymore of these bad grades. I'm pissing myself off...only two weeks left. And I think we're going to see Jesus this weekend...well, I haven't asked anyone, really, but I've made that decision for everyone. State Fair was so fun. It made me happy. I'm not writing very well today. well, fun...I need more colorful diction.. Ariella was reallly mad about something, but she wouldn't tell me what. Something about other things being much more important than school, which I completely understand. That's why I only fret about school when I need to. Other times I just pay more attention to more important things. But I wish she would tell me what's bothering her, cause I'd just want to help. (sidenote: $120 million for Passions...crazy..People are taking it as a status/cool thing to do. I just want perspective.)...Anyway, in other thoughts, particular people confuse me; when you don't talk, I don't know what's wrong, or what you're thinking, or where we are, or anything...

I need to talk about the gay marriage Bush constitutional amendment proposal one day...It's bothering me..I'm being forced from moderate republican toward the left. Actually wait...Let's define my politics. I'd say that I'm apolitical..I think it just keeps things from getting done, but this country needs that kind of balance. I believe in the Constitution and all it entails, I believe in small national government, strong national defense, no handouts, fair taxation, religion not in government ...isn't it funny how on our dollar bills, the translated latin New Secular Order is right next to In God We Trust?...the things you learn from dan brown...I believe gays have a right to marry, that love is the same, no matter if you're homosexual or heterosexual. but whatever.

The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King. in the words of stephen spielburg, a clean sweep. Best motion picture. Tied with Titanic and Ben Hur for the most Oscars. And I took the time out of my night, midnight, that beautiful night, to see this awesome indescribable epic movie on the first night it opened....wow...I feel like a part of history, and melodramatic, all at the same time...