Way way back and long long ago, back when every one wore sandals and togas (or ran around in the nude) There was a man with three sons. He was a simple man who made flour for a living. He was proud of his three sons. (He had a daughter to but women just didn't get the respect then as they do now.) But as all stories go, (including the three little pigs.) The father would soon have to kick his unprepared sons out into the cruel cold world so they could fend for themselves and quite eating him out of house and home.
This father was nicer than most and gave his sons warning so they could prepare what they would do for life. The first son, Jon, said he would go to the king and join the army. Do the manly man things like breaking rocks, playing with swords, fighting dragons and scratching himself. The youngest son said he would farm and dabble in magic on the side. Every day fending for him self and rolling in the dirt. The father then asked his second son, the middle son, what it was he planned to do with his life. Jason proudly stood up and proclaimed he would become an entertainer, a player. (An Actor, duh.) His brothers laughed at him, but his father was concerned.
"Jason, I've always known you weren't the brightest man on this earth, but how will you ever survive off of acting?"
Ignoring the "concerns" of his father and the harassment of his brothers he set out into the world. His first brother built a house of straw because he was dumb. The youngest built a house of sticks, to get to earth. Jason rented a house of bricks because it was nice looking.
A few months later it was announced that the king's daughter was to be married off. Afraid of the wrath of the queen the king was allowing her to pick. Soon there was a bet between the three brothers who would win her heart. (As if you didn't see that coming) On the selected day all the eligible men gathered. After about a week the finalist had been chosen. (surprise surprise it was the three brothers!
The princess was to spend an evening with each to decide. The youngest brother went first...
He cooked her a homegrown meal and then took her pig wraslin'. The princess's dress was ruined and she ran all the way home while being chased by an enormous sow.
The oldest brother went next....
He took her to a field of rocks so that he could show her how much he could lift. He dropped a rather large boulder on her big toe and broke it. He then tried to carry her home and slipped in a mud puddle ruining her dress.... If this wasn't enough he called her the wrong name seven times.(including Bubba and Jim)
Of course the third brother, Jason went last HE took her to see a show that he was in, She loved his performance. He introduced her to some famous writers and poets. he then read her some poetry of his own. She loved his acting style, his connections, and that he had concern for what she really wanted.
Of course the other two brothers were at home talking about how boring the princess would find Jason. (Even she had to admit he was bit clumsy and bit rambunctious) There was a knock on the door. It was a messenger from the king announcing their brother’s marriage.
So of course Jason and the princess were married and lived happily ever after the father did to and never doubted his son again. The oldest brother did marry a princess and started a long line of inbreeding....yuck the youngest brother was trampled by pigs.
The End
Responses: I loved this story, it is a work of art! But what was the moral?!!? didnt we discuss this already??? WE NEED MORALS HERE MEGGY ya, so you get on that :*:*:*:* i guess the moral could have been,, dont name your daughter victoria, kim, or cindy. Dont take a princess to see pig wrastlin,, and definetly dont drop a boulder on her toe. – marla
hey bubba..uh.. jim...uh....meagan.. good story:) -mary Yeah for this story for making us relize how much freedom women have today...boo on jason I think the story should have a revision letting you out of the marriage and find a new and better prince
CDR (courtney the determined responder)
I like all of marla'a moral I think they could be made into other new stories too
good response mary
cdrr
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Ok Ok, My dear Pinky is right. I have been neglecting the pure and wonderful morals to all the stories lately...So let me think. The moral of the Pinky story is to clearly "Love your Pinky" the moral for The Rock is :"Be kind to your befriended bum, he may save your life." The moral to the Kiwi story is: "Even the skankiest of deeds can be replaced with love." the moral to the turkey story is to: "Always listen to your food and the advice of crazy penguins." The morals of the Second Son Story are: "Never take your love pig wraslin' less she be a pig wrasler true" and "Not all actors are gay"
So if I have caught you all up on the morals of things then I can begin to attack my next victim...er..umm... I mean write a loving story about one of my good friends....oh and to remember why this story is so silly, just take a look at Mary next time you see her, isn't she Threatening?
ISLLY YROTS 17
A Little Thug Named Mary
Mary O. That’s what they called her. Yea, it may seem like a pretty name. yea, she had a pretty face to. and a down right gorgeous right hook. What? Didn't see that coming. Don't feel bad most didn't. That's right on the out side she was all sugar, mush, and smiles, but on the insides she was hard as stone... and scary. Mary was an all American thug.
Yes sir, you wouldn't want to go down an ally and find her waiting there for you. A former dancer she was 5ft and 3inches of pure muscle. She had a wrath larger and more dreadful than any man's. In fact some called her man hunter, and She-Cobra, and the Hyena. Her favorite form of punishment was a swift kick to the head. Her tall accomplice would kick her victims in the shins until they fell to Mary's level where they would receive a swift kick to the head. It was her joy.
What happened you ask to this fearsome thug? Listen to her story...
One day while Mary was out looking for someone to kick in the head, she came across a turtle. The turtle looked up at her and she looked down at the turtle. The turtle looked to the side slyly and then bite Mary O. right in the toe! She screamed in pain and she was getting ready to kick the turtle in the head when she realized that the turtle was just like her. Small, insignificant and yet very ferocious. Mar found a new love for the turtle. She picked it up and took it home. She taught it the ways of the street and how to be a true thug. The turtle in turn taught Mary to stop and smell the roses and to swim in mossy pounds. A friendship developed that was truly deep.
It wasn't long before the turtle convinced her to give up her thuggin ways and live in the pound of happiness. She lived happily with the turtles there, but soon left to get a new take on life...
So she found her self at SIUE, starting a new. But be ware... There's still a thug lurking deep in side and need to kick someone in the head....So be careful on the out side she may be all giggles, mush, and cheery ness, but inside there's still a pebble...
The End
Moral: 1.Even Thug's have feelings....somewhere.....
2.Always trust a turtle over own instincts
Responses: bEware the mary dodododododododododododoodododo AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH – Jason This story is VERY important...when I was living with the thug I had to be very careful not to look at her or breath too heavy cause she would beat me up
CDR
wow jason is being dumb again!! he's such a scaredy cat what a loser...let's put a sock in his mouth
CDRR
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Hello all. How are you today??? "So insightful and new information?? Well... I got a haircut! Took off a total of 5 inches. Biggest hair cut since...eight grade? HA ha! I like it. You all will have to let me know what you think. :) Any way I guess I should get a move on with the story since I have class in like 50 min. Fun fun. Any way here we go...Danny this one is just for you. It's amazing what one can do with a simple remark made at lunch...
SiLLy SotRy 18
Male Ballerinas on Parade
The annual Winter Fairy Dance production was to be held at Minor's Theater in Collinsville. All the ballerinas in the area were so excited. There was to be a entire half dedicated to Ballet. On the day of auditions it was said that a mysterious figure had auditioned early and already made the cut...
Through all the practices the mysterious ballerina came early and left before any one could see. Everyone was waiting for the night of the production to see whom this figure was. The secret Ballerina was to open the Ballet half.
On the night of the show the dancers began to worry. The mysterious ballerina hadn't showed! By the time intermission hit they were frantic. How unprofessional! Then just as intermission was called to an end someone entered. They wore a long dark hooded cloak and made there way to the edge of the curtain. The director gave the MC the thumbs up to announce the mysterious dancer.
At the tone of a high C, the dancer threw the cloak off and leaped onto the stage. The audience gasped. There standing before them was a large male with thin hair and glasses. This was very different from the tiny full haired red head that was rumored to be the mysterious dancer. Around his waist was a pure green tutu. The audience watched as he jumped around and did pellets and twists.
Suddenly the music changed and a voice, assumingly belonging to the dancer boomed through the speakers. To a quite chaotic beat the music played. He danced to the words:
"My name is Danny, no not Fanny. - I'm not a nanny but a male- -A male ballerina- who's on parade." A chorus shot up behind him ("A male ballerina who is on parade)
"Boys should be certainly--allowed to wear the tutus as girls-- as girls do" (chorus: As girls do)
"I am a male, a male ballerina who is on parade- I'm not a fairy--no I'm not gay. Though I am happy when I'm on parade" (Chorus: he is happy when he's on parade)
"I knew I couldn't hide it, that I was a guy, though at first I tried,-- I just wanted a damn tutu" (Chorus: A damn tutu A damn tutu. he says he just wanted a damn tutu)
"So now I wear it-- I wear it just for you. Just for you I wear my damn tutu. It is green, it's pretty and mean." (Chorus: It’s pretty and mean his damn tutu)
"So now I dance oh yes I dance. I don't make fun of any one. I just like to dance in my damn tutu" (Chorus : In his damn tutu!!!!) <>The song came to a high-pitched end and Danny fluttered off the stage. The audience sat in silence, very unsure what to think. His dance moves were actually quite impressive. Suddenly before they could decide a loud trumpet sounded and Danny leaped back onto stage. He was followed by ten other male ballerinas in tutus.
As they all leap off stage and paraded out the door they sang: "No we're not gay, No were not play (in) No we just like to dance in our damn tutus"
Some of the audience fainted, others applauded, other did nothing at all. A few left and a few gagged, but one thing was for sure... The annual winter Fairy Dance Production would never be the same again.
The End: Moral? The moral of this tale is to "Get a damn tutu and happiness will come to you but acceptance may not follow."
Responses: THis gives me quite a frightening Mental image. Danny in a tutu is very grouse. I think this one was meanier than petes though. love ya jay
YAYYYY!!!!!! *much applause* I loved the story!! AND the damn tutu part!! hooooray!!! im glad that you took my advice on adding morals to the stories, it really gives us life lessons that we wouldnt normally have in a regular day
Now, all you damnpeople she sends these wonderful stories too,, WE WANT REPLYS DAMNIT you reply and tell her what a wonderful job she does
and pay attn to the morals of the stories! you may find them helpful!
Marla the great
NightenGale8402: responses people!
Fullback3221: lol
Fullback3221: good enough?
NightenGale8402: oh sure *sigh* --- me and pete
Ooooo.....k... /=O
Well, I will admit that i laughed from "At the tone of a high C..."
all the way to the end. OH MY GOD!!! that was hilarious!!! One note
though...what is up with the green tutu? Brown is more my color. But then
you do know that green is my favorite color, so that is it right...? ...and
annother thing, I would never rap, now a nice ballad I could do, or maby some
swing, but...not so much with the rap...
I like it,
Danny
PS if you ever publish this I will have to pay Mary to beat you for a
while...unless i get 50% then ...maby.....we'll see...
I loved it! I thought it was very witty and humorous. Good job!
-Krista- I like this moral!!! I miss my tutu days!!! I think we should go back to them!! I mean come on a pink tutu what more could you ask for!! ps danny isn't invited
CDR
pete's response was lame!! There should be a standard!
jason is being dumb again...I think there's something mental wrong with him n ot just the images in his haed
CDRR
19 1919 911! 911! 911! oh uh... 19 191 919 1919
Ok every one. I will be making a web site to post all the silly stories... It is not up yet due to serious formatting problems. I will let you all know when it is ready and what the site is. This way you can read your fav. silly stories over and over again. Your wonderful responses will also be posted... So this next story is about...hmm... who should I embarrass now? Let's see... Lisa. Lisa will be my next victim! so here we go! (PS Lisa really lies harry potter
SILLY SOTRY 19
A Hogwarty Experience
Lisa slammed the door shut. "No No No!"She shouted. "No Adam Anderson you may not borrow my underwear!!" Ugh, she thought as slide on to her comfortable dorm bed. Finals were almost through.
She closed her eyes in hope of relaxation, but before she could drift off into slumber she heard a knock on the door. She groaned. "Adam I said no!" She swung open the door and blinked in disbelief. Before her stood a house elf named Dobby. Her eyes widen and she backed away. "I don['t usually knock." He said Lisa fainted.
She woke up in a very strange place known as Hogwarts' School of witchcraft and wizardry. Before he stood professor Dumbledore. "Ah it seems you have awoken." He said and smiled his famous smile. "Am I where I think I am?"She asked. "Why of course, unless that is you had another Hogwarts in mind?" "I don't believe it!"She said. "I figured as much." He responded pleasantly. "You see we need your help."
"My help?"
"Yes your help. You see this may come as discouraging news to you but you were suppose to be a student here. There was much debate over you."
"Over me?"
"Yes. It seems about 100 years ago there was a wizard in your family. Only all that have followed him have been failures. So we decided it best not to admit you. But it seems your great great great great great grandfather has left us a little puzzle."
"Oh?"
"And it lives inside of Adam Anderson."
"What!?!?!?!?" She screamed. "You're kidding!"
"I'm afraid not. You must go to him and discover what it is that makes him tick. Hermione has been doing much research on the matter and still has not been able to find the answers."
With that Lisa found herself standing inside of Adam's room. "Gimme gimme a man after midnight. Won't somebody help me chase these shadows away!" He sang out loud and clear. Lisa grimaced.
Suddenly she was transported bask to Dumble dore who was laughing hysterically. "Just kidding he said. We know that he was taken over by aliens years ago. No your real tasks is this list here."
Lisa examined the list and for the next few weeks tried to accomplish them. She wasn't very good at it however and had many failures. She accidentally her hair green and your nose into a carrot. She put the taste of ear wax and toe jam every flavor beans into everyone's mouth. Got Bush elected president. She made some pigs fly. she turned three muggles into birds. She also made rabbits run ramped every where. Luckily Dumbledore was able to fix most of the mistakes and soon Lisa was doing quite well and completed her tasks. By completing the tasks she unlocked a secret door the had been hidden by her college. Inside were many cueing spells and helpful items. Lisa was rewarded by becoming a substitute teacher at hogwarts. She was allowed to tell only a selected number of people. she would also continue advancing her magical skills. she was also allowed to co ntinue her studies at WIU
In short she was set up to live happily ever after.
Moral: "Don't lend Adam Anderson your Underwear"
The end
Responses: thenearnessofyou: three cheers for the harry potter plot! --mary
A moral, and WHAT a moral!!! I will charish that bit of information in my
heart forever...ok has it been forever yet?
ok, now back to reality (yah right, and pigs fly) I thought it was better
than Meagan told me she thought it was...but that is her, always the
critic... – Danny
THat is a wonderful moral for all of us to follow! In fact, dont lend anyone your underware! underware are private things, unless you are me and courtney,,,ehhem,,, anyways ya, so this is definetly a moral to live by people,,, SO LIVE BY IT.
Marla the magnificent—marla
Meagan,
How hilarious!!! Your best story yet!!! I was very amused. I'm so glad I got
to go to Hogwarts. But I didn't get to meet Harry or Ron or those other cute
Gryfindor quiditch players. Oh well. – Lisa Dude! This was DEFINITELY my favorite story yet (but I am also partial to Harry Potter stories)! I loved it, but like Lisa said...I wish we could have met some of the Gryffindor quidditch players and Harry and Ron and...nevermind! It was a great story!
~Krista~ I love anything to do with Harry Potter, I can't wait for the new book this summer, I plan to read it on the beach!!! And we should all go see the next movie when it comes out.
CDR
Marla is so right underwear are very private things unless you are us...hehehehe we match sometimes!
CDRR
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Woo woo as I said updates are constantly being made at that wonderful websites. New responses have been added to story 19...and a picture to the kiwi story. Any way. ( also fixed the colors of the links Danny) So Sara is my next victim only are you guys really victims any more? hmmm there's a thought to ponder...Any way onward ho!
ILSYL ORYTS 20
Sara Visits Joe
Sara starred out the window on here long trip to the Crazy House. It was a very famous asylum for the not-completely-there. She was making the long trip to see Joe the Penguin. Yes THEE Joe the penguin. It was rumored that he knew the meaning of life...
Sara was very excited she had heard great things about the penguin. Maybe he wasn't really crazy. Maybe knowing the meaning of life is what made him happy all the time. Maybe it was his great knowledge that gave him that glazed stare...Or was that the sedatives...
She arrived to the hospital right on schedule and was lead into a padded room. There she saw the little fella bouncing from wall to wall with the biggest grin on his face. He sang "Daisy, daisy give me your answer true! I'm half crazy all for the love of you! Squawk!" he was the cutest damn penguin any one could imagine. he wore a pink and white knit hat.
He immediately ran right over to Sara when he saw here. "Squawk! Hi!" he said. She laughed out loud.It was so cute.
"hi" she said.
"I like salmon" he said.
"well...that's good"she said "do you know why I am here?"
"You like cows?"
"Well yes I do but that isn't exactly why..."
"Cows are black and white. Just like me! " With that Joe returned to bouncing on the walls. Ok Sara thought. Hmm. "Joe" she called "I was actually wondering about the meaning of life." Joe stopped bouncing. He walked over to her really cautious. Looked around then whispered. "It's a secret"
The rest of day Sara found it difficult to get any information out of Joe. He seemed to know a lot about her however. He reminded her that he liked salmon about 50 times. At dinner time she followed him down to the cafeteria. While waiting in line she meet an interesting fellow named Billy. "It's turkey Tuesday" He said. "The evil bastards! They should be hung form their toes above a burning flame! but I digress. Peace to all" Joe seemingly un affected by the disturbing remark of Billy turned to Sara and said. "You know they never have salmon here. But they are really nice."
Sara spent the entire week at the crazy house. She found out that Billy, though slightly disturbed really was a nice guy. She like playing ping pong with Joe and was glad to get to know him. She helped him write letters to his friend Rico the over grown Atlantic sea rat. (Rico had matted with a parrie dog and they were expecting a litter in may.) Before Sara left she decide to do the Christian thing and buy Joe some salmon.
On the night of her departure she gave the package of salmon. He was so ecstatic. he bounced off his rubber walls for five minutes! Then in the middle of the padded room, with the white rubber drowning out his soft whisper, he pulled Sara's ear down to his beak and told her the meaning of life.
Moral: "Impulse Buy, especially fish"
The End
. Responses: Crazy8116: here it is...
Things that are like Tom are good. Sows are like Tom they are black and white. Tom likes cows.
Things that are like me are good. I like things that are like me...I like Silly people, and refrigerators =] –danny (and he meant Joe and Cows…) Now if Joe knows the meaning of life and You are the mind behind joe then that means you know the meaning of life. What is it, what is it, Jo Jo want some salmon, come on what is it. (damn bird)--jason Let's go and visit him! I want to know the meaning of life too...or at least see him bounce off the walls!!
CDR
jason should be nicer to Joe!!! don't call him a "damn bird" and just because Joe knows the meaning of life doesn't mean you will and if you do he shouldn't be pressuring like that for the secret!!
CDRR
Respond to a silly story: Meagan84@charter.net
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