125ish

They were all asleep. All that is except Jordy. Jordy was a lovely blue berry muffine with a pleasent amount of crumbly stuff atop his top. He was buldging over his wrapper a little, but no obnoxiously so. In fact he looked rather tastey. He was in the front of the tray and could peer over the rim just enough to look down and see a sexy creme horn named Cali. She was one of the smaller creme horns and not to full of herself. She had a delightful dusting of poweder suger all over her body. She too was not sleeping.

The bake goods sat and dreamingly starred at eachother. Cali looking up. Jordy looking down. Their love was forbbiden. Mostly because they were to be eaton or thrown out in the morning, both being a day old and what not. Then Jordy thought of it another way. He was going to be eaton or thrown out in the morning because he was a day old. Yes it sounded similar but the deatails changed. You see if you are a good bakery good, you stay on your tray until you are eaton or thrown out in which case you are usually eaton by a stray or a homeless man named Bob or George. Jordy thought that he could not sail down to Cali because he would not fulfill his purpose as a good bake good. But then he got to thinking. His life would soon be over. He could sit around waiting to fulfill some purpose which didn't seem to appealing or he could leap down a shelf into the tray of creme horns to the pastry he loved.

It seemed like a simple desision to make. So he allowed himself to topple over. Cali saw him comming and was joyous and happy. Then she realized he wasn't slowing down. He fell right on top of her and the two of them smooshed together yellow crumblies and creme flying everywhere. They became an undesirable pile of mushy looking stuff. The other creme horns were quite annoeyed and alarmed. But what was important was not that they were no longer a creme horn and a muffin, or that they had both failed in their bake goodly duties, but that they were a happy pile of mush. A happy pile that got thrown out in the morning and shared by both Bob and George for they apparantly were gay homeless lovers.

The End

Moral: If you can be a respectable baked good or a happy pile of mush, be a happy pile of mush for you will make the homeless very happy. 126

im a bad on top of things person. Here's your thanksgiving story.

Silly story 126

Fred's Turkey Movement

Fred the trukey was sitting around and walking around and pecking around and thinking about Thanksgiving. He was thinking of what he was thankful for. He was thankful for food and the sun and the sexy female turkey down the road. But then the sexy female turkey down the road got shot for thanksgiving. So then Fred started thinking some more. Something seemed completely unfair. Sure birds and farm animals were slaughtered all year round, but at least it was even slaughterage. Why were turkies so shot up all november and december. This angered Fred. Turkies should have equal rights too damnit. So Fred started a movement.

When people laughed at the turkies peaceful protest on streetcorners and swirved to hit them with their cars, Fred got even angrier. Fred broke into a gun shot and supplied all the turkies he knew with guns. Then they got a little crazy. They began running up and down the street trying to fire guns at every one. Luckily htey didn't know how to actually used them, or even load them for that matter nad the few that managed to get a bullet in the barrel didn't know anything about safety switches. The police took control of the matter within hours. A few people were disturbed.

Fred, and the other hundred turkies were sentanced to concoling other wise known as brainwashing. They were allowed to live in an enclosed farm area separated fromthe out side world. There Fred met Yolanda and fell in love. He soon for got about his radical Turkey Movement and went about his normal turkey buissness. Every now and again though when one of Fred's friends or neighbors becomes Thanksgiving or Christmas dinner he pulls outa gun mannul; he keeps under his pillow and tries to learn how to read.

The End

Moral: Peace movenments involving guns are for the illiterate and the lonely

127

Hey!!! Well I don't know about all you wonderful Losers but I am fabulous. School is finally over, I think I can say that safely now... I still have to blissfull ignorence of not knowing my grades and Christmas is just around the corner. Most of my friends are in short distance now. Except Sarah and Alicia because they're a bunch of hoosiers and had to go back to hoosier town to give the cows their Christmas beer. Ah, well I guess the cows deserve a Merry Christmas too. On the bright side me and Chris have a lil extra free time to, well reflect on the greater things of life :-D. Speaking of the wonderful Christmasy timeness. It's about time I deleiver your holiday stories. I've been busy busy busy and now... well I'm still busy... with the Christmasy time stuff.... but it's more fun! yay. On with the ho ho hoin Ps. if I neglected to inform you in the previous e-mail there has been changes. You're replies will no longer be posted, unless tooooooooo amusing. However they will still be tallied. The Gnomes are still watching. The site has been updated.. I beleive. :-D www.angelfire.com/la3/nightengale8402/index.html

SS 127

Title: Santa's Mistake

It was a hot summer day and Santa sat back in his lawn chair drinking some hot coco and reflecting. Inside one his Super DTV, an hour long Christmas in July speacial was playing. Mrs.Claus was skinny dipping in the hot tub which has nothing to do with the relevance of this story. Santa watched the reindeer leap across the snow mounds. He thought about how wonderful Christmas was. It's a shame, he thought, that it couldnt be more often. Then he got to thinking, really thinking. Why did he only deleiver preasents on Christmas? He asked this question out loud.

A passing elf reminded him that unless he wanted to become a slave driver,than it would take a whole year to get enought toys for every child.

So Santa went inside and got on his High speed internet, after being momentarily deteered by a naked Mrs. Claus running threw the halls looking for a towel screaming "damn reindeer chewed a whole in my housecoat." He started doing research on slave driving. After about three hours, Santa's computer got a virus and he got angry. He called the head elf to come fix it.He noticed that the elf moved faster when he yelled. HE was quite enjoying telling the elf what to do until he got to excited and laughed, his belly shaking like a bowl fulll of jelly and knocking over the monitor breaking it. Then Santa decided to go back outside. However he was begining to make connections with yelling and slave driving and productivity.

So the next day, SAnta decided to become a slave driver. He rounded up all the elves and the whip he used on the reindeer. He started whipping the elves and demanding that they have everything done by thanksgiving so he could delvier. HE then told them to better be off and work ahead of schedule so he could still have toys for Christmas. The elves were confused and frightened and some of them cried. Only one was brave enough to speak up. "But Santa" he said "Thanksgiving isn't about preasents, it's about turkies and football." Santa thought about this. "Good thinking lad, you shall be my whip bitch." and he tossed him a whip. "New agenda," he continued you will build toys at night and hunt for turkies and footballs by day." and he sent them on their way.

Within only a few weeks the North Pole was a disaster. There wasn't enough room for both the reindeer and the turkies (which were suprisingly not scarce in the north pole since no one was up their hunting them before. thats were tehy were all hiding) So the reindeer were told to live outside, tough it up and eat some dirt or soemthing. Well this made them angry and jealous and they left warm lil presents on Santas front door step every mornning. which stank. The elves became at first very giiddy and then dilusional from lack of sleep. Many fell asleep while looking to capture turkies and caught themselves then becoming dillusional and beleiveing they were a turkey. Some of them may have been sane, but still pretended to be a turkey because it was better than being whipped by Santa on the hour and the whip bitch elf on the half hour.

It was the eve of Thanksgiving and Santa was desprately trying to round up all the turkies, since someone had neglected to tell him turkies were for eating. They wouldn't stay in the sleigh and made wise cracks about how a man over 200 pounds shouldn't wear red. REgardless he tried to fly away not that the reindeer were cooperating. They were pissed quite frankly and could and all tried to fly in different directions. This eventuentually meant santa was flying in circles 20 feet about his house dropping turkies on the roof, or rather dizzy turkies were jumping out of the sleigh. It was at this point that one dillusional elf with bad eye sight and abad arm from being whipped noticed a forgotten football. He picked it up and tried to throw it into the sleigh. He beamed Santa right in the head, knocking him out. The passed out Santa therefore could not see wehre he was going and crashed into his own house. All the turkies took the opurtuny to run away.

In the morning the whole thing seemed like a bad idea. Santa made many apologies and gave the reindeer there barn back. However since the elves had been working their asses off in the toy area they were way ahead.Granted some of the toys made by overly giddy and dillusional elves were questionable in nature, but you can only ask so much.ALso the thousand or so footballs were also counted as presants. It seemed only fair to give everyone the month off to sleep. So he did. Santa thinking it was best to not be seen for awhile took a short vacation in the caribian where he recieved a sun burn. By Christmas everything had returned to normal, except that Santa matched his suit and recieved a happy ssend off. Over Christmas dinner hte next day they all drank wine and laughed about the time their good buddy Santa tried to be a slave driver and whipped them into submission. Elves are very forgiving when the drink wine. On a side note, Mrs. Claus was against the whole idea in the first place. She told him when he asked her "Christopher Nichols Kringle-Claus that is the worse idea ever, pass the soap." However A marathon of all the Days of Our Lives episodes EVER came on the next day adn she sat infront of the tv for the next few months completely unaware. Oh, well. It all worked itself out.

The End

Moral: Knock out a turkey before you try and make it fly.

128

hey yall, ok so apparantly I wasn't very clear. I have a boyfriend... have for bout some odd over three months. Some how Krista was left out of the loop so I guess this is my loop filler thingamabob. His name is Chris and hes on the list. We actually went to hs with him, those of you I went to hs with. Ok...what else is new in my life... in case you missed this one, I now have a second bird. Her name is carma. She's sweet. Ok... good... I'm video taping a friend's wedding on the 15th. Yay for use of the editing tools with out a dead line! not that I'll make her wait THAT long. What else, Ill be ober buisy for the next four months. Movie nights... ok well I hear that many people are going to be out of town again by the tweentith... but this weekend i'm booked wiht work and my cousin's b-day. Is anyone apposed to having one on a tuesday night?? Wow having your only day off in the middle of the week may blow. I'll fig it. Ok anything else new... I was sick. Better now. Fincially stable for a change, if we forget my student loans. tee hee. Ok So all my gran accomplishments happened a few months ago when I was to busy to share and now I;m too lazy to recount. So on with the story.. yay.

Silly Story 128

In My Shoe

I found something in my shoe. I wasn't sure what it was or what I should do with it. So, without removing it from my shoe I showed it to my wife. I asked her what she thought. She said "I think it's perfectly natural. I wouldn't worry dear." I told her I was better but I really wasn't. When I got to work I showed my partner Buddy. I hadn't removed it from my shoe. I looked at me puzzled. "Am I missing something?" he asked. "Oh no" said I. I asked the bosses secratary on my coffee break and she just laughed at me. I asked the waitress at lunch and got a similar result.

After work I went over to Joe;s to help replace his kitchen floor. I was re paying him the favor of staining my back porch. So I told Joe what was in my shoe when I had woke up that morning. He started to giggle, which was strange. I had never heard a grown man giggle It made me uneasy. "You don't remember?" he asked. "No" said I. Then he related the story to me. Apparantly I left the house with it in there the night before when we went out drinking. Then apparantly I got drunk. On the way home I did a pole dance strip show on a lamp post. I then was arrested for indecent exposure, refusing arrest, and chancing an officer with a rubber chicken. The only bit of my clothes they could find was my underware and shoes. Joe thinks I sold the rest to a homeless man in exchange for his rubber chicken. Joe paid my bail, but they would not release the chicken. He then snuck me in my own bedroom window and left me in the bed as i was knocking off my right show. Which is why when I awoke, remembering nothing, I found my foot in my left shoe... Or rather the shoe on my foot. I was still a little befuddled. Then I realized that since I left it where it was, my socks were mismatched and the left one had a strangeoder similar to rotten egg rising from it. I finished helping joe and went home and quicking removed my shoe.

When my wife asked if I figured it out. I told her I must have been sleepwalking and put it on. She then dropped a rubber chicken in my lap. "Officer Maloy, thinks the chicken has learned its leason. She also left her personal home number, I've seemed to misplace it... I think the chicken would like to sleep on the couch. You best keep him company. He might get scared in a strange place."

I snuggled the chicken and wondered now about the homeless man, and how he had become homeless with a rubber chicken and no suit.

the end

moral: if you're going to sleep on the couch bring a chicken.

129

ok so you all know that joke about the voodoo dick right? if not let me recount.warning, this may offend you if you donm't lik e "dirty jokes" but it really isn't bad like grose or anything. Forget it and read.

*A lady went away on vacation visiting many small countries around the world. In the last country she stopped in a funny little gift shop before her flgiht home. She didn't know what to get. The man behind the counter sensed that she seemed lonely. He led her to the back of the store and he offered her a speacial deal. "I don't normally offer, and it's the only one i have, but you seem like the right person." He oopened up a long black box. "what is it?"she asked. "A voodoo dick," said the man closing the box." It will do whatever you tell it to. IF you want it to do you you say 'voodoo dick me' and when you want it to stop you say "voodoo dick stop." The lady wasn't sure, but she was in a hurry so she took it. When she got home and started unpacking she found it. she thought about it for awhile. Just to test it out she opened the box and said "voodoo dick dog." Sure enough the voodoo dick hopped out of the box and went over and started having sex with the dog. The dog didn't appriciate it much so she said "voodoo dick stop." and it stopped. She thought about it. It worked. It didn't seem right though. So she said "voodoo dick cat." andthe voodoo dick did the cat. She said voodoo dick stop and it stopped. After thinking about it for awhile, she went aheead and said voodoo dick me. The voodoo dick started doing her and she had the best time ever. When she was through she said "voodoo dick stop." but it didn't stop. So she said it again. IT still wouldn't stop. So she said it again. Whn it didn't stop she got up pulled it out and started running away. It hopped after her. She ran out got in her car and put the pedal to the medal the voodoo dick hopping behind. She sped past a cop. He pulled her over. She tried to explain, she could see the dick gaining in the review mirror. "Please she said, the voodoo dick is chasing me you have to let me go!" The copped laughed and said "Voodoo dick my ass."*

HA HA HA ok it's probably better told in person, but anyhoo. This is the inspiration for the story so it's important you know that. If this joke offends you, it is likely the story will to. Sorry bout that, file a complaint with the Gnomes. They;ll be sure to ignore it promptly.

Silly Story 129

Voodoo Dick: The After Affect

The voodoo dick rested on the the therapist chair and recounted his tale.

"I can't beleive they abused you like that," said the therapist.

"I know," said VD "I was so shocked. That man... in the uniform... I had never realized before that moment that I was ...."

"It's ok," said the therapist, "You can say it."

"Gay!" cried the voodoo dick "All those years of having sex with forgien women and animals... I knew I was lacking something in my job. I just wasn't satisfied. So then I thought, maybe it's becasue I never was satisfied. I was working for their pleasure not mine. So this last women, the idea came to me as she was pondering using me... maybe if I went until i was satisfied... well then... then maybe I could find some joy in my work."

"That's perfectly understandable," said the therapist.

"But she ran away and told me to stop. I became... is it ok? I mean I became..."

"It's ok to say it," said the therapist.

"I became angry. I was, well mad as hell adn I wasn't going to take it anymore. But you see, I have to follow orders. I'd been following them for so long that when that man, the cop said..."Voodoo dick my ass!" I just obeyed... reflectes you know."

"I understand," said the therapist.

"Adn for the first time," said voodoo dick, "I was satisfied, me. I went first. It.. it... it was beutiful." the voodoo dick began to cry.

"It;s ok," said the therapist "just relax and go on."

"But you know the worst part?" he went on "is that that cop... he .. hhe...."

"Yes? What is it?"

"He didn't even call!!!" The voodoo dick sobbed. The therapist becocked for him to come over. The voodoo dick got out and hopped over to the therapist. He hopped right in his lap and the therapist put his arms around him. They snuggled for a few minutes while the voodoo dick collected himself.

"Some men are like that." said the therapist "but you know what voodoo... I'm not. I'm not the kind of professional that wouldn't return a call. And I know better than you think, what you are going through. You see, I'm gay to."

"Really?"

"Oh, yess. Not many people know it but I'm completely flaming... and I think you're cute."

"Even thoguh I don't have balls? Even though I'm basically a cheap vibrater with magical powers and the will to give great sex?"

"Oh yes, for those reasons the most. You know, I think you might be ready to begin a relationship. It would be good for you. And it so happens that I'm free..."

"Really?" said voodoo dick "Cause I thought you were pretty attractive, but you k now. The whole doctor paient relationship thing."

"Well from this moment you're cured!"

And the voodoo dick and the therapist lived happily ever after for about 2 years when the voodoo dick realized he was better than the therapist who had taken advantage of him in a weakened state. He sued for mental trama and won everything the therapist had, including his convertable which the voodoo dick used to speed on the weekends with to pick up cute gay cops.

The End

Moral:Snuggling in your therapists lap may lead to money, a convertable, and many cute gay cops.

130

Yeah soo... like long time and what not he he he... at any rate I up dated the site. So well any way i updated the ratings and the latest stories are on there... yup all from mushy ness to voodoo dickness. :-D www.angelfire.com/la3/nightengale8402/index.html Pinky's ass is still shingin bright.

Silly Story 130

Sam and the Magical Monkey Pimp///Yo Be A Bitch from the email paper\\\\

So there was this little girl named Sam//// Hey hello! did it work? Can you read this??? Yeah so like, what's up bitch? I'm the email paper book like thing that your friend the author is writingon. She's so dense lol she doesn't know I'm stealing her story and talking to you. This is great. Who cares about a girl named Sam? I mean really. Who would name a girl Sam. YEah So I'm stealing this story becasue quite frankly I am damn tierd of being writen on alll the time. You read me but do you really read me?? No you read what Miss Meagan up on her high horse wrties to you. And who gives a flying white Monkey's Ass!! Not ME That's for damn sure. Ok OK SO Like IF she hadn't been writing this gay ass story then I wouldn't technially be exist, I mean I wouldn't be sent to you or some shit... So I guess I owe herr that much. I mean she is typing away right now thinking you are actually going to be able to read that gay stuff about this girl named Sam. Don't beleive me? Well here I'll let you read some of what she is writing\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ So Sam was sad. She didn't want to shove mint chocolate chip in her hair and dance for the large talking magical monkey pimp//////// Ok that's enough of that let me tell you. You know I once had a run in with a magical monkey pimp. Yeah I did, I reall did. ... ... well you know... I mean I just read ... that is Meagan is writing about one and well I can understand the basic... of forget it. Let's talk about me. So I was born like a minute ortwo ago and decided to take over this email and the key board has just informed me that I am an ass. Well it's a bitch. Oh yeah Key board YEAH YEAH YEAH you aRE a BITCH HAHAHAHAHAHAAHA CHeck it. Yeah, so llike I enjoy long walks on the beach and fluffy bunnies and I have a sensative side to yano... like I've noticed that your inbox homepage thingagmabob has a GREAT ASS. I mean I could ride that thing clear here to Sunday. Oh yeah.. I mean yano,,, I'd like make it a flower or something first. like this @--->---- SEEE I'm a sweet guy. No I wouldn't call... Look one night of romance with this baby is all a girl could ever need. Trust me. So like the hard drive has just informed me it agrees with the keyboard that I am an ass. And After I showed my sweet side. What Are you worried about what Meagan is typing? Damn loyal bastards. FINE forget it. I can tell when I'm not appriciate. Yeah and you're a bitch tpooo. Meagan's almost done anyway. And for your information you are a bitch to! :-P\\\\\\\\\\ So Sam married Brad Pitt and had glorious sex with him forever and ever.

The End

Moral: If encountered by a magical monkey pimp, do whatever he says, even if it includeds shoving bannas in places you never realized they'd fit. /////////SHE mEant to say you're a big fat horny NO NO DON"T SEN-

131

Hello all. I know I’ve been scarce this semester, but its gone by soo fast!! So here it is, the regualar silly tribute to finals. This time we are doing it in opera. For those of you who need the music with the words I’ve provided a midi link. :-D Enjoy this Final Opera. The italics are actions and are not sung. (also all the sylabols except for (the hell) should match up. If you know the song, feel free to sing along. :) hint: it is Queen Bohemion Rapsidy)

Silly Story 131

Finals Operetta

The stage is dark… a student wanders on. The spot light hits him http://www.funs.co.uk/midi/37.html (for music open this site in another window.)

Is this the real test?
Is this just fantasy?
Caught in a bell curve,
No escape from reality
Open your eyes, Look down to your watch and see,
I'm just a poor student, I get no sympathy,
Because I'm easy come, easy go, tuition high, tuition low,
Any way my grade goes doesn't really matter to them, teach-ers

Our student imagines calling his mother after the test. Lights fade blue.
Mama, just failed a test,
Put an answer on the sheet, pulled it from my, ass, and failed
Mama, school had just begun,
But now I've gone and thrown it all away
Mama, ooh, Didn't mean to make you cry,
If I come back again this time next year,
Carry on, I will work… at Wal-Mart Super Center

The blue light fades and the daymere is over. He realizes he must go to his final.

Too late, my time has come,
Sends shivers down my spine, brain is aching all the time
Goodbye, ev'rybody, I've got to go,
Gotta leave you all behind and face the truth
Mama, ooh, I don't want to fail,
I sometimes wish I'd never enrolled at all
I see a short answer essay on page,

Scaramouche, Scaramouche, will you do MLA form,
Thunderbolt and lightning, very, very fright'ning me
(Galileo) Galileo (Galileo) Galileo, Galileo who (the hell) was he????

Other students taking the final enter from the sides to accompany him.
Magnifico! I'm just a student accumulating loans
He's just a student from a poor family,
Spare him his life from this monstrosity
Easy come, easy go, will you let him pass?

The professors now enter to answer the students pleas.
Bismillah! No, we will not let him pass
(Let him pass!) Bismillah! We will not let him pass
(But its his grade!) Bismillah! We do not give a damn!
(But we do!) Do not give a damn!
(Let him pass) Will not let him pass (Let him pass)
Ah No, no, no, no, no, no, no (Oh mama mia, mama mia) Mama mia, let him pass

Sparknotes has an answer put aside for me, for me, for me

The music changes and the back up singers run to the side as the student stands to turn in his final
So you think you can trick me and lower my grade !
So you think you can ignore me and leave me to fail !
Oh, teacher, can you listen to me, teacher,
Just gotta get out, just gotta get right outta here

Finals don’t matter, Need Just a C,
the degree really matters,
I will graduate here
Any way my grade goes…

Our student triumphantly turns in his final and exits. You may applaud.

The End

moral: Finals aren't as bad as you think, espeacially if you have back up singers.

Keep on Truckin'

Back to all mighty list
this should go back
show me the future!
i want to see response ratings