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1 1 9 Okay!!!!! I have updated everything that I could most possibly update on the web page. That means Morgan is the next victim of the embarrassing picture bargade and the staff page is complete! So go and see the humiliation and all that jazz.... Now to loosen things up for those nasty final weeks ahead of us... Silly Story 119 Log 74: Brain Fried Friday
It was a Friday. Me and my partner had been crusin the streets lookin for one of them charmin lemonade stands. Yano the type, crooked ass little sign out front. 50cents for a cup of liquid sugar. It was mid-spring. All the college students we're stuffed inside preparing for finals or outside fucking their grades and the freshman two floors up. It was breezy out.
We hadn't had a real bust all day. No big cases. No big leads. Thought about helpin some old broad across the street but it wasn't even worth it. She was a crank and a half anyway. I think it had somthin ta do wit the wedgies five miles up her crack. Not that I was lookin.
We'd finally found our lemonade stand. Damn little brats were chargin a buck fifty and pokin holes in the bottom of da cups. I was bout to give em a lesson in good buissness dealin when we got a call on the radio. There was some sorta problem up at the local college. We were in the area. I took the pitcher of overprices pucker and got in the car. A kid threw a rock at us. No respect for the law these days.
4:45. We arrived at the dorm People were crowdin round in the halls on the second floor. We told em ta step aside. We got ta the room. There he was. Case Victom number 447320, Brain Fried. Smoke was curlin outta his ears. His eyes were blood shot and glued to the three or four books open in front of him. Sad sight.
"Brain overload" said my partner. I just nodded
We wheeled him out and took him to the loacl hospital for some treatment. They gave him activities ta do like starrin at da wall and listening to George Bush, things that took no brain power. After two seconds of Bush he attacked the television. Then we knew he'd be okay. But sumpin wasn't restin right wit me and my partner. That was the seventh brain fry that week.
We drove around for a bit and returned the pitcher to the dirty lil bastards, who consequently had upped their price to two fifty for compensation loss of the pitcher. We let it alone. We had stuff to think about.
We went to the local Krispy Kreme and considered the situation. It was then that we got another call. Another Brain Fry. Another student just pressured too hard into studin crap. I once saw a brain fry case over what color hat the proffesser was wearin on certain days of the week. The finals were gettin worse. Something had to be done.
Saturday 5pm. I slept with the dean's wife. My partner slept with the cheif wife. Trust me, this is good brivary. 7pm finals were banned for this semester. Every one was to receive an A. We felt good bout ourselves. It made me remmeber why I joined the law force. I felt so good I even paid three fifty for my lemonade. They said they had to hire another man to make lemonade since they could now fill two pitchers. I put on my hat and headed out for a dounut.
The End Moral: If your brain overloads, you still can't listen to Bush.
RESPONSES
Well, I don't know about fucking the freshman two floors up, but he sure is a good kisser . Anywho, I think I may shortly become a victim of Brain Fryage. I joke you not, I've been writing Word documents so much lately that when I was proofreading Roxanne's paper (which was printed out and sitting in front of me) and I got to the bottom of the page, I reached for my mouse and tried to scroll down. Um, YOU CAN'T DO THAT. Not to mention that last night the words started blurring and dancing around on the screen. Teachers should not be allowed to do this to us. Get those cops up here so they can work their magic (Or their mojo. Whatever). Kyla the brain dead
hear hear. Bush is a jack off who only cares about rich people, and finals suck Morgan
Meagan~ My brain is mush. They should cancel finals week here and give me A's in all my classes. I would like that. Could it be possible to arrange that here? Anywho, yay for the page update but where are the pics of Fred. Sarah
Well, it's me again! Same old...about to give up and head for bed. My brain is mush too. My head hurts!!!! Make it stop!!!! Kisses! Ian
Good story Meg. I think you should have more detective stories. It was a fun read. Finals are a pain in the neck...and various other places. My economics final wasn't so bad, I think it went well. At least I only have 1 per day, 2 per day if you count my piano jury on Wednesday...Then I'll be done and coming home for the summer! Who's ready to party?!ME!! Good Luck on Finals Everyone! Love Always, Lisa ( the emotionally, mentally drained who anxiously awaits coming home tomorrow night!)
I won't even comment on you Bush haters. I personally like how he is dealing with this war issue, even though I don't agree on some of his other ideas. He is ok, not horrid like you make it out.... Anywho, I thoroughly enjoyed the embarassing picture of Morgan. She is so cute! I loved the story. I wish somebody would've sleep with either the president or his wife, so that I didn't have to take finals (i finished my last final today, one more 10 page paper due tomorrow, then I'm outta here!). I liked how you wrote the story. Very interesting. Good job! ~Krista~
I agree with you about President Bush, Krista. Anyway- who's ready to be finished with finals? Me!! I have one more left to go, and then my piano jury. I'll be home Wednesday night! When's everybody else get done? Good Luck with the rest of finals! Love, Lisa :) p.s. I'll have more information on my start of summer/ end of school pool party at the end of May coming soon- for anyone interested.
hahah i liked the 50's flair to this story meggie :) i think the kids poking holes in the lemonade cups is funny lol we should still beat them though Good luck on finals everyone Pinky the Great
I like this story, especalliy the way with was written, you could totally picture everthing, hope there are more like this Courtney the so sick of school
120 Is there something better I should be doing? Something like homework... ?Oh No.. there's not :-d Yippee Now if I could get a job.... Well for thsoe of you still studying here is another way the school can and will screw you over. This is a true story!!
SS 120 Your Local News For Thrusday, May 6th 2004
Smy L. Biggs: Hello all you loyal news watchers. What a fabulous day full news have we for you!
Bud News: Aw put a sock in it Smy. You're always so damn cheerful.
Smy: Why Bud, if you want me tone done my cheerfulness for you I guess I could if you makes you happy and all, but where exactly is it that you want me to put the sock?
Bud: Good God. Today in the news I lost my left shoe.
Smy: What?
Bud: I lost my left shoe on the shuttle today.
Smy: How dreadful. But what does this have to do with the news.
Bud: Well the producer was kind of getting on my case about lieing and stuff... you know saying people died when they really didn't. He was pretty sore when I killed off Rudalph and Bambi... So yano I had to find some bad news that was true.
Smy: Well I'm afraid that this next story will be right up your ally Bud.
Bud. Yippe F'in Doo. WE go to Ian Urfuss for the report.
Ian:Thanks Bud, I'm standing outside of Bluff Hall at Southern Illinois University of Edwardsville. There seems to be a riot going on. Apparantly it all started with a hole in the wall. I have here a student-
Sarah Crouch: It was not a hole!! It was a paint chip! A paint chip! Do want to read this? It says "Hole in the wall less than one inch in diameter charge 100% of fee: $33." That's ridiculous. I can get a whole gallon of paint from Wal-Mart for $8 and fix it myself.
Ian U.: I'm sorry but we're not allowed to advertise for Wal-Mart.
Sarah: That;s not the point. The point is they're charging me $33 for a 1/2 inch chip of paint so that some guy can come and scratch his ass for an hour
Ian: I don't belevie we can say ass on television
Smy: Oh yes you can. You just can't say your sticking something in your ass.
Sarah: The whole reason there's even a chip there is because I was moving the bed. The bed has to be there or they'd charge me $25. I should have just left the bed where it was.
Ian: Brilliant, but what about the riot and the whole in the wall?
Sarah: It wasn't a hole!
Smy: Thanks In that's all the time we have for you. We know go to Sonny Shine for the weather. Sonny
Sonny: Well as you can see on my brarmater... oh what's that.. Our bramater is broken. So I'm just going to make it up. You'll get the same result anyhow. I think it will be hot tomarrow and it will probably rain within the next six months..
Bud: remind me to have my gloushes ready. We now go to sports. Iwana Winne.
Iwana: Yeah sorry, I went to the game and the peanut boy was a total hottie. So we sorta had sex in the peanut storage room and I missed the whole thing. But hey, I know someone sure hit a home run! (Laughs) Hey can we wrap this up soon? I want to be home in time for the final episode of friends
Smy: Well, I guess that's all we have for today
Bud: hey can we wrap this up. I wanted to see that to.
Smy: Bud I didn't know you watched Friends
Bud: I don't shut up!
Smy: Riiight. Okay yall. Remember to tune in whenever we're around to tune to and smile big in the face of Bud News
Bud: (scoffs)
(cue cheesy news music dadadadadadadadooooooooooooooo) '
The End Moral: It's better to leave your bed where it is and hit a homerun in the peanut room, than to try and do the right thing.
RESPONSES
So, great story. Poor Sarah! Damn SIUE and their stupid little charges!!!! This storyt also gave me a reason not to watch the damn friends crap! Thinks Meagan and as far as any rafting goes Meagan, no rafting happened!!!! Just, normal, like 6:30 in the morning kinda of things and I think I am going to see him on sunday so haha!!!! Have frun on your date!!!! Kisses!!!! Ian
Meggie~ Damn right. My advice to all of you would be leave your bed where it is. DON"T UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES MOVE THE BED!!!!!!! Besides that i am surprised the sports guy didn't have the story get better as he told it. Teeeheee. Sarah
hmm... yea id leave my bed where it was :) cute peanut boy?? how cute? eh.. politics in the peanut room? doesnt sound clean! why not just take the peanut boy back to your house??? wierdos! i think saying ass on TV is GREAT!! hey,, just watch south park :) nice story meggie :) i always love our news updates! Marla the Great
Yeah, um, our beds can't be moved in the good ol' G-spot (aka Geisert Hall for you non-Bradley students). So I guess that's one thing I don't have to worry about. Excellent moral, by the way. Kudos, I enjoyed it. Kyla the hot 'n' sweaty (and not in a good way)
erin had a problem with that at her school. fill the hole in with toothpaste and paint over it with cheap craft paint. Thats what she told people to do and apparently it works. morgan
IT WASN'T a HOLE!! Did people miss this?? -Meagan
Very cute. I want a hot peanut guy to let me hit a home run! Just kidding! I want a cowboy! duh! ~Krista the tired off her ass from driving 5 hours round trip to see her wonderful sister and Pub~
When i was in the dorms at SIUE, i left a hole the size of my head in the wall of our room...........they didn't charge me. Duct tape and touch up paint could fix the wall for 3 dollars. -Marv
121
hola faithful readers,
I apologize for the lack of storiage, but in all fairness you were warned. We avg about one story per month in the summer. Yeah it sucks. But here it is. In light of the fact that IAN just ran out of gas and I had to go save him.
SIlly STory One hundred and something 121
Randy Loves Loretta
This is a touching story about Randy the Ranger and Loretta the Lexis. Yes, a truck and a car. Don't let that throw you off though. It is still a touching story. You see Randy's primary driver, (Ian), worked at Shop N Save in Edwardsville. Loretta's primary driver Worked at Kohls. You see After Randy was parked, a bit crooked but safe, in his parking spot out side Shop N Save, Loretta would usually come driving by.
Randy usually didn't see Loretta and in fact was often off in la la land. But Loretta always saw Randy. She slowly grew to love Randy. Maybe it was when it was late at night, and the parking lot was mostly deserted, and Loretta would drive by and hear Randy singing at the top of his lungs Celine Dion "My Heart Will Go On." Or maybe it was when he was singing "Like a Virgin" at lunch time, slightly intoxicated. AT any rate she fell in love.
Now no offense to Loretta, but Loretta apart from being lude and lusty... well she was a bit of a slut. She wrote Randy a saucy love letter that went something like this:
Hello Lover,
I really want your hot blue body. Your muffler seems to be of a desirable size. I hope you like speeding cause I'm a real fast driver. We should go parking some time and suck motor oil. I'll even flash you my head lights.
VROOOOOOOOOOOOOM
Lusting and Loving you always,
Loretta The Lexis
The two drove all around town, exploring the less explored parts of Edwardsville. They parked by a ditch and Loretta did exactly was she sad she would, and tottally exhausted Randy's gas supply. He barely had enough to make it back to Shop N Save.
So two blocks from home and four and half hours later, Ian and Randy ran out of gas. It was a mystery to Ian, but Randy remember. A week later he recieved a letter from Loretta saying that she was going to have twin four wheelers. Randy was thrilled. After the four wheelers were born, and sold Loretta told Randy she didn't need his support any more and was interested in a Red Ranger parked at Burger King.
At first Randy was devestated, but then he decided to be proud of his freedom. After all he couldn't keep running out of gas like that. He thought it was just a lust love affair. But since this is a touching story, it must be soap operaish. Within a month Loretta was crying to Randy and writing him letters. There was no Red Ranger she was only testing how much he loved her and since he was happy he obviously didn't want her and she wanted to tottal herself. So Randy explained and they double parked a bit and promised never to dumbly test each other again.
The only witness to this was a cart boy, who was later commited to a mental hospital and diagnosed of being over worked.
The End
Moral: Sucking motor oil and flashing your headlights is not only exauhsting and bad on gas mileage but may make you the parent of some wild four wheelers.
RESPONSES:
I don't know how I really feel about that, but I guess that cars can have relationships...but hey, my car is masculinely gay so I wonder what he has been up to morgan
I am so glad to see that you wrote another story! I have been missing the wonderful humor of Megan. I have to admit that I was really elated when Randy and Loretta got back together. Also, I hope that the cart boy recovers from his psychosis with some good medication and a lot of sex from the hospital nurses!! Keep up the good work! Kendra
Oh, that is so sweet! Young cars in love always make me weepy. You know, I always wondered how my car miraculously ended up with a full tank of gas when I didn't refill it, but I guess that just proves that she's a real slut. Going out and getting filled up by poor unsuspecting male vehicles......what a bitch. She's the kind of car that gives the rest of them a bad name. But, if I was a car, Randy the Ranger would be boggin foggin. Damn, that is a nice muffler........ < (Ok, I'll stop now) Kyla
Yay! Randy the Ranger finally got some action!!!! AT the cost of me running out of gas!!!! It's all good though!!!! Kisses! Ian
Sucking motor oil out of a tail pipe sounds like fun. Interesting choice of names...Ian and Loretta. Those names sound familiar.... Jill
Totally cute story! Great job! Well done! I loved the love letter (totally funny, must use this letter to some guy on valentine's day or something). Ian, I am glad you had such a wonderful friend to bail you out of a very sticky situation! Hooray for Meagan, the ran-out-of-gas superwoman! Woo-hoo! ~krista~
122??? hola classy people well her we go. It's not much. You may hate it. But I had to send something out. 122… Story Time
"So there once was this Hippo right, and he was all like 'yo, I'm a hippo.' He had his cool little groovy ra a tat tat shin digs goin on down at the waterin hole every moon. So this Hippo, who's name happened to be like BeBop Yoyo (peeps called him like Be for short), also happened to be maroon."
"Wait ! So there's this maroon hippo named Be?"
"Yes," replies Kathy.
"Hippos aren't maroon," replies Jon.
"My cool zip zappin hippo can be maroon if I want him to be maroon"
"Mrs. Greensberry says that hippos are grey and they have big teeth and that they will eat me."
"Look kid, you're the one you asked for a freaking bed time-"
"You said a bad word!!"
"I did not"
"You did tooo!" screamed Jon now jumping on the bed.
"No, I said like Freaking, which is not the same thing."
"Mrs. Greensberry said that if you use a word the same way as a bad word than it is a bad word."
"Do you like even understand that concept? I'm not even sure if I like buy it. Besides, I'm the one telling the story here."
"Cindy tells better bedtime stories."
"Well Cindy has no imagination and neither do you if you think hippos can't be maroon. Aren't you suppose to like be a kid and think you're like superman or something."
"Superman was a figment of some poor lonely man's delusional mind."
"Who told you that? Becasue like I know you didn't pull that right out of your... well you didn't come up with that on your own."
"Father."
"'Father?' don't tell me you call him father."
"That's what everyone else at church calls him."
Kathy sighs, "Ok that's enough. It's time for bed."
"but you didn't finish my story."
"You didn't like my story."
"Well you need to come up with a good one... or well a bad story is better than no story."
"Fine! There once princess named Cindy who came down with the flu and begged and begged the good queen Kathy to watch the horrible little goblin down the road."
Jon just starred at her. "I don't like this story either."
"Well you're completely ungratful that's what you are. And like for your information hippos are maroon. I don't know what that dumb Mrs.Greensberry has been pumpin your head full of, but they are maroon. I've seen one."
"You have not."
"Yes I did. Superman took me to see him. His name was Bebop Yoyo and we had a great time at his party and he said no little goblins were allowed."
"Is Cindy going to be better next Friday night?"
"God willing."
"Good. Can I pray for God to will it?"
"Look, do what ever you want I'm going to go watch Tv."
KAthy gets up and goes down stairs and sits on the couch next to Be. Be, a large maroon hippo, turns to her and asks, "How'd it go?"
"Poorly. Dumb kid didn't want to hear any stories."
"You should have told him about my party last week and how you spiked the punch and Zagger got drunk and fell into the watering hole and splashed Sissy and-"
"Yeah Yeah. I like tried. Oh well, dumb kids. Pass the popcorn."
The End.
Moral: Beleive in the hippo. RESPONSES:
this reminds me of our song!! about wanting hippos for x-mas!! yeah!!! gold star for you -courtney
Um...interesting story megan. I am not sure I like it. It was a little weird. OH well. Adios!~Krista the girl who does NOT want to go back to school~
Um...interesting story megan. I am not sure I like it. It was a little weird. OH well. Adios!~Krista the girl who does NOT want to go back to school~
Great Morale!!!!!! I believe in the hippo! Stupid kids have no imagination. Maroon hippos rock! The next time Cindy asked me to babysit for her i would tell her to piss off and go so the little bastards will get her germs. Have i mentioned i don't like kids. Sarah
It's ok Sarah; I'm not a kid fan either. That stupid kid needs to stop acting so uptight. Geez, I'm not even that bad, and I'm a regular stick in the mud. Isn't that right, Big Bird? What's that? You wish I had never put lipstick and blush on you? Yeah me too. The colors clash with your feathers.....kyla
ive seen maroon hippos!!! they exist dangit!!! good moral, and interesting change of pace. :) im home all.. hello! Marla the tan, buff, and pissed off that she isnt still at corps with the hot blonde DM from madison scouts -marala the great
123
So now it's a super speedy deleivery. I hope everyone is enjoying their new classes and the people that are in them. such as cute members of the opposite sex. :-D Ok... I'm boy crazy. Just have me committed why don't you! It's not my fault after all... They may be inbalanced and the whole testoterone thing really screws with their heads but... ok ok I'm off subject. it's silly story time. Start responding you lousy hoosiers. Pinkster is back in town and she wont stand for this non respondingness.
SSI?? 123
Confessions of a College Trash Can.
Ok *sniff* I'm better now. I guess you guys aren't all that bad. And it's not like I support littering or anything... I'd just like some respect from time to time. I'd really like to be apprciated not just expected to be there. Well there was this one time... There was this girl... She was returning after one of those big parties. You know the kind. KegGer KegGer KegGer!!! Yeah so anyway, she was looking a little green. It was what I would like to call old letuce green. She was grabbing her stomache and looking really miserable. Then she saw me. Her eyes lit up for just a second. She started running over to me. I think she was just so over joyed she threw up all over the floor. Only four feet away. After that I guess she was kind of embarrassed and couldn't stand to be in my presence. She kind of hopped and crawled outta there.
So I guess I'm appriciated from time to time. Being a trashcan I get to learn a lot of things that most people don't. I'm up on all that gossip. For instance I know that Bryan Johnson was about to fail History 111. I heard it from Cassie and Jenna (don't ask for last names, I'm not that informed) while they shared a hot dog. He was doing really bad. Hardly ever went. I guess he shaped up though. Well whatever it was that he did sure made Mrs. Domeandullpass happy. She was even discussing his extra credit. He said he was very excited about it and before I knew it she ripped off her blouse and pulled him into that closet across the way. Well, lets just say that she was all the way pleased with his efforts. I heard her screaming his name in joy. Then they came out and disposed of some fould smelling rubber thing. I don't know what it was but I'm glad they made me apart of their joy.
So maybe being an on campus trashcan isn't as bad as I thought it was. I'm appriciated and I'm in the loop. Wow I feel great. Excuse but I'll have to let you go now. I have to read some really disturbing love letters that were just tossed in about an hour ago. Have fun, and do me a favor. Could you kindly tell the rats that there are other places to eat? Thanks.
Trevor the Trashcan.
The End
Moral: You can never learn too much from a trashcan.
RESPONSE:
Hey All- Sorry for my lack of responding. Great story Meagan! I'll stop and think twice before I throw anything away down the trash chute or other trash can around campus. Thanks for keeping us informed about the unnoticed and unnappreciated trash cans on our college campuses. Lisa
wow that was special muffin Courtney
This story was VERY disturbing...it bothered me much. Meghan...sometimes you worry me, but I am just glad to have the silly stories coming back. By the way, was the hot dog joke suppose to be sexual?....Naw...not Meghan! Lol. Looking forward to more stories! Kendra
Hola all!!!!! Good story Meggie. I am going to have to watch what i say in front of trashcans from now on. Although this one seems nice they could do some devious things with our information. hmmmmmmmmm Anyway off to read massive amounts about the president for poli sci. ~Sarah who has way too much to do this early in the year.
awww! i feel bad for trevor! everyone should take a sec out of their day to thank a trashcan on campus! Although.. i would like to hear some of the juicy gossip.. but only if its of people i know OR if its just too damn good to miss. Speaking of juicy gossip, i got some today from... a trashcan! bethy is engaged, and living with whomever this guy is. Yup! thats what i heard! Im not so sure i support, i think she should finish school and whatnot, but hey, what do i know anyways?? ALrighty, grand story meggie, very amusing! Respond you lazy hoosiers! Like meggie said, im back in town, and i wont tolerate the non response crap. by the by.. i have pics from corps on my AOL profile, look them up! Pinky the tan and buff
I feel bad for trashcan. So anyway, the beth gossip isis that she is engaged and she won't be gettingmarried until she graduates. Whenever he fiance askedchris and debbie if he could marry her they said yesas long as he waits until she graduates.love you all lotsmorgan
Dude! I so loved the part about the student and teacher hookin' up for some extra credit *wink wink*. That really cracked me up! Hmm...I wonder if that would ever help me out in my classes....j/k! Great story! ~Krista, the also boy crazy freak~
That was a very cute and clever idea for a story, Meagan! I'd love to see it turned into a series -- "Trevor the Trashcan does Chirstmas", anyone? -Roxanne
Holy crap; Beth is engaged? When did this happen?? I mean, I'm so excited for her, but I want to know more! Maybe I could ask a trashcan from her neck of the woods......Seriously though, I'm not ready to be of the age where people I know are getting married and having baby-childs. That's too scary to think about. On a different note: Pinky, it's good to have you back. To everyone who cares: Hopefully my internet will be hooked up within the next week. Then you all can enjoy my happy, joyous personality all the time (yeah right). Anywho, I'll see you later! Kyla the Already Overwhelmed
Okay, I like roxannes idea, even if she was being a smartass (which I can not tell if she is or not) I think that it's funny Morgan
I wasn't being a smartass at all!! I want more trashcan adventures! –Roxanne
Hey Everyone! I can't believe Beth is engaged! I agree with Kyla that it doesn't seem like we should be old enough to be getting engaged, married, and having children. I hope the guy is decent. I don't know anything about him. Hope that everyone survived their first week of classes. Good luck! Love Always, Lisa :) the tired, and also slightly overwhelmed the amount of projects and papers lining up before her.