BANDS ON THE RUN
SCRIPTMENT v1.3
Started 26/09/01
Completed 4/09/02
This Version - 9/12/03
We start on a busy city street downtown. Traffic bustles, as do the hordes of pedestrians up and down the streets. We hold outside a tall building, labelled by a huge sign outside as "WANING BROS. RECORDS." As we hold, a black limousine drives into shot and screeches to a halt. The rear passenger door facing us swings open, and Martyn is thrown out to land in a heap on the pavement. The door slams shut and the car speeds off.
Martyn is 23, slim, 5' 12" with spiky brown hair, and a little unkempt looking from his hit with the pavement, dressed in the kind of clothes someone without a big wardrobe wears to try and look smart. In his hand he clutches an open and empty CD case, with "DEMO" labelled in marker on the front. After a beat, another screech of tires is heard O.C, and a CD rolls slowly past him to land at his feet. With a resigned sigh, Martyn picks it up, places it back in the box, and turns to look up at the tall building in front of him.
We follow Martyn as the credits roll around him. He crosses the busy road and bounds up the steps leading to the outside of the building. The security guard eyes him warily as he enters, before talking into his radio.
GUARD
Attention, all floor staff,
looks like we have another
musician in here.
Martyn is oblivious to this and continues inside. He walks up to the front reception desk and stands there patiently, as the receptionist chews gum and listens to a phone call with a bored look on her face. Martyn coughs. She looks up, looks him up and down, and lowers the receiver from her mouth.
RECEPTIONIST
All demo material, tenth
floor.
MARTYN
How did -
RECEPTIONIST
Elevators are that way.
(points)
Thank you.
MARTYN
Who do -
RECEPTIONIST
Ask for a Mr. Barrington.
The receptionist returns to her call. Martyn heads for the elevators. We ride with him to the tenth floor. As he leaves the elevator, we hold on a small security camera positioned in the lift, its red light blinking like a tiny evil eye.
We cut to the security office, where a guard before a wall of TV screens is watching Martyn leave the elevator.
GUARD #2
Copy that, we have him
on floor 10. All units, stay
alert.
Cut back to Martyn, walking down a short corridor and turning into a large open plan office area. Cubeville, 2001 style. Lots of different pieces of music float around from numerous radios, TV sets, internet connections and the like. The office workers are in clumps, each group listening to something being played to them. Martyn stops one, an attractive OFFICE GIRL as she walks past.
MARTYN
'Scuse me. Where is -
OFFICE GIRL
(looks him up and down)
Mr. Barrington's office is that
way.
(points)
MARTYN
Why do -
OFFICE GIRL
It's your clothes. Trust me,
we get thousands of wannabe
rock stars in here every week,
and you match the description.
MARTYN
Thanks, I guess.
OFFICE GIRL
Don't mention it.
Martyn heads for the office. At the door, he is about to knock when the door flies open and another MUSICIAN, dressed surprisingly similar to Martyn, storms out of the office. He turns in the doorframe to yell back into the room.
MUSICIAN
You corporate fat cat
capitalist pigs wouldn't
know a new and original
sound if it stole your damn
wallet!
A CD labelled "DEMO" with black marker pen flies out of the room, striking the Musician squarely in his forehead. He hits the deck like a sack of potatoes. As Martyn watches, shocked, two OFFICE WORKERS pop up from their cubicles, sigh, and walk over to drag the unfortunate musician O.S.
VOICE (O.S.)
Well?
Martyn jumps as a gruff voice calls him from inside the office. He peers round into the room. BARRINGTON sits behind his desk. Despite his position of power, Barrington is not dressed like a typical executive. He has long, wavy black hair, a lip ring and a jet black suit on with a tasteful red tie. Barrington is tall and well built. He blows a puff of cigar smoke out and motions for Martyn to enter.
BARRINGTON
Come on, kid, don't waste
everyone's time. I promise
I won't stun you like I had
to with that one.
MARTYN
How did -
BARRINGTON
It's your clothes. Now
take a seat before I call
security.
Martyn races into the office and hops into a seat opposite Barrington. The door behind him swings slowly closed all by itself. As it slams, Martyn jumps again.
BARRINGTON
You look nervous, kid. Don't
be. Now tell me your story.
MARTYN
(deep breath)
Well, I could -
BARRINGTON
Leave out the boring stuff.
MARTYN
Boring stuff?
BARRINGTON
You know, your name, the
band's name, your "sound,"
how you met, that crap. Do
you want a record deal?
MARTYN
Yes.
BARRINGTON
Do you have a demo?
MARTYN
Yes.
(holds it out)
BARRINGTON
Then let's cut to the chase.
Barrington takes the CD and opens the disk tray on his stereo, which sits beside him on top of the desk. He presses play. We close up on the machinery of the stereo working - the laser glides into places, the CD begins spinning, and we follow an electrical pulse through to the speakers and back out into the office. Two seconds of music are heard before Barrington pauses the CD.
BARRINGTON
Is this crap?
MARTYN
No way. Top stuff, I
assure you.
BARRINGTON
(grins)
Last person who said that
to me is a rich man by now.
The CD continues. We hear two more seconds before Barrington stops it. Martyn looks a little confused.
MARTYN
Aren't you going to listen
to it?
BARRINGTON
I'm a busy man, son. If I
spent my time listening to
every single demo that gets
handed to me, I'd die before
I was halfway through that
lot over there.
Barrington points O.S. We follow his finger to a HUGE pile of CDs that fills one wall almost to the ceiling. It looks extremely precarious, stacked in random piles and heaped on top of one another. One slides out and hits the floor as we watch, a plain CD case labelled "DEMO" in black marker.
BARRINGTON
Fact is, I have a trained
ear that can detect crap at
a thousand paces. Your
stuff sounds okay.
Martyn breathes out, looks a little more relaxed.
BARRINGTON
But that's just step one.
You have a long way to
go to make it here yet.
MARTYN
Name your price.
BARRINGTON
That's what I'm supposed
to say! Are your band ready
to play tonight?
MARTYN
If you book them, they
will come.
BARRINGTON
Can you make it back here
with them by..
(consults watch)
8 tonight?
MARTYN
Not a problem.
BARRINGTON
I'm holding an A&R thing
tonight for a new idea I had.
You interested?
MARTYN
So far. Tell me more!
Barrington stands and begins to pace back and forth in front of the windows in the back wall of his office, waving his hands as he talks, explaining his great vision.
BARRINGTON
Four bands, each hungry
for a record deal, each hand
picked by me from the A&R
showcase tonight. We set them
up with transport and send them
off round the country, going
from city to city, playing at
venues we arrange for them,
each competing against the other
to earn as much cash as possible
from ticket sales and merchandise.
At the end of the tour, the band
with the most cash gets the contract.
MARTYN
Sounds perfect!
BARRINGTON
I know. Plus, it gets my
business a crapload of free
publicity and also hands me
a band proven to succeed in
the outside world and
guaranteed public support.
It's every record label's dream.
Bands like that are one in a
million, so I figured I'd find
myself one of them.
MARTYN
I'm in. So is my band.
BARRINGTON
Name?
MARTYN
I'm Martyn, my band is
called Wavelength.
BARRINGTON
Welcome aboard.
Barrington leans across the desk and offers Martyn his hand. He shakes it, standing himself.
BARRINGTON
Just don't play like crap
tonight and you're sorted.
I like you, Martyn, you've
got good manners. That's
a rare thing in this business.
Martyn smiles, so does Barrington. He turns and leaves as another OFFICE WORKER runs into the room past him.
OFFICE WORKER
More problems with Cosmic
Space Vibe Babies, Sir! It seems
that Chet, the singer, has
apparently lost his mojo again and
he's refusing to play.
BARRINGTON
(mutters)
Bloody hippies..
(shouts)
Martyn! See you tonight!
(to Office Worker)
Close the door after him, man!
Were you raised in a barn?
Martyn steps outside the office as the worker swings the door shut.
BARRINGTON (O.S.)
But don't slam it!
The door slams. There is a cry of terror and then the sound of hundreds of CD cases labelled "DEMO" in black marker sliding from the wall and burying the unfortunate worker. Martyn shakes his head and walks away with a smile. As he reaches the end of the open plan area, Barrington forces the door open and sticks his head out into the office.
BARRINGTON
Does anyone have a shovel?
Martyn steps out of the elevator and back onto the ground floor, where he is immediately grabbed by a bunch of security guards. He struggles as they drag him across the lobby towards the front doors.
MARTYN
What's going on? I didn't
do anything!
GUARD #3
We had reports of a fatality
on the tenth floor.
MARTYN
What?!
GUARD #4
Some poor office guy got
flattened by a pile of demo
CDs.
MARTYN
But why me?
GUARD #3
What's that in your hand,
sir?
Martyn looks down. He is holding his demo CD. It is cracked from when it was thrown from the car earlier. He looks up at the guards again, whose steely eyes mean trouble.
MARTYN
Now wait just a minute..
GUARD #4
Are you familiar with Paul
McCartney, sir?
MARTYN
I never - huh? Yes, why?
GUARD #3
Remember the band he made
after leaving the Beatles?
MARTYN
Yes, Wings. Why?
GUARD #4
You may be in need of some.
We cut to a worm's eye view of the outside of the building as Martyn is thrown into the air by the guards. He sails past the camera with a shout, his arms flailing, until he lands O.S. with a thump. After a beat, his CD flies past after him. There is a thunk as it hits him.
Martyn heads back home to the Wavelength HQ, which is an average flat in an average neighbourhood. He greets various people as he heads up the stairs to the fourth floor. Sounds of various instruments being tuned up and cranking out warm up riffs can be heard up the stairs. Martyn gets to the top and heads for the door to room 401, unlocking it and stepping inside.
The other members of the band are all here: SARAH, who is performing vocal warm up exercises by the apartments window, and is 25, same height as Martyn with wavy black shoulder length hair, wearing a floor length black sparkly dress; STEVEN, sat cross legged on the floor next to a guitar amp and a stack of effects units, fiddling around with a large circuit board that appears to be part of one of the units, who is 24, average height, wiry frame, with neck length parted hair and a pointy moustache/beard combo, wearing an obscure industrial band's t-shirt, combats and a baseball cap; JOHN, who is loading things into his keyboard stand while absent mindedly flicking through channels on the TV, who is 23, tall, well built with shorter parted black hair, wearing a NIN hooded top and combats; NEIL, who is restringing his bass guitar, the youngest at 21, 5' 9" but very thin, with big brown eyes and slicked parted black hair, but smartly dressed in expensive looking black trousers and a grey shirt; and JIM, whose drum kit sits in several pieces around him as he plays furiously on the Playstation in the other corner of the room, who is 23, 6', well built with a floppy brown hairdo and big, mischievously glinting eyes. Jim wears a pair of faded jeans and a plain red t-shirt. The apartment is sparsely furnished but it is all these guys need - guitars, keyboards, amps and drum kits take up most of the space. The floor is bare except for odd patches of rug, and there are two large, squashy sofas. The general detritus of six twentysomethings living together covers every available surface - magazines, food wrappers, videos, CD cases and the like. As Martyn enters they all stop their fiddling and turn to look expectantly at him.
SARAH
Well?
STEVEN
Any luck today?
MARTYN
I got us something.
NEIL
Yes! What?
MARTYN
I have no idea.
JIM
This isn't going to be
another wind up, is it?
JOHN
Yeah, like that radio station
launch party.
NEIL
The pirate station?
JOHN
The one that got raided by the
police while we were playing.
STEVEN
Yeah, Sarah got confiscated.
SARAH
I was not resisting arrest!
STEVEN
No, but your outfit was very
arresting.
JOHN
Yeah, the schoolgirl thing
did the trick alright.
MARTYN
(coughs to gain their attention)
Hem-hem.
SARAH
Sorry, you were saying?
MARTYN
I went to see Barrington at
Waning Bros. Records today.
JOHN
Why them?
MARTYN
Lucky hunch.
JIM
So you weren't thrown out of
a car in front of the nearest
record company this time?
MARTYN
(beat)
No. Anyway, they're holding
some kind of A&R thing this
evening, and they invited us
along.
NEIL
What time?
MARTYN
Their building, at 8.
STEVEN
That only gives us..
(consults watch)
two and a half hours.
MARTYN
We've got ready in less.
SARAH
Yeah, the Philadelphia
Experiment comes to mind.
JIM
I'm not the one who wanted
the full pyrotechnics show!
JOHN
You weren't the one who got
electrocuted when the sprinkler
system shorted out my keyboards,
either..
MARTYN
ANYWAY!!
They all turn to look. Martyn holds up the (now pretty battered) demo CD.
MARTYN
Mr. Barrington listened to the
demo, liked it, made us a
proposition. He's planning this
new tour or something..
Dissolve as Martyn explains things to the outside of the Waning Bros. building, accelerated time photography to fast forward two and a half hours. As night falls, the building and those around it gradually light up for the night, and a stream of people head inside - the other bands and their entourages. The accelerated time shot stops as we watch the Wavelength tour bus, a plain black minivan with the band's logo on the side, pull up at the entrance to the underground parking lot at the side of the building. A security barrier and guard stop the bus at the entrance, and Martyn winds the window down to address the guard.
MARTYN
Hi, we're -
GUARD #5
All bands head for the
far side of the lot.
MARTYN
How did -
GUARD #5
It's the van. In you go.
The barrier lifts and the bus drives inside. Inside the tour bus, we see that the six members are quite cramped with their equipment squeezed in as well, but are upbeat and chatting about what to expect. Martyn parks the bus next to a line of similar minivans, and the band slide the side doors open and climb out. Two uniformed Waning Bros. staff come over to help them unload. A large elevator can be seen about ten metres away, and the lift doors are just closing on another band, five guys looking like rockers. The skin on their drum kit can be read, and it says "Southern Voodoo."
UNLOADER #1
So, who are you guys?
MARTYN
We're Wavelength.
UNLOADER #2
Oh yeah, the British guys.
STEVEN
How do you know?
UNLOADER #2
We've all been briefed on who's
attending tonight. We always get
a few uninvited guests trying to
sneak in.
SARAH
How many other bands are there?
UNLOADER #1
Eight including you.
NEIL
So four go and four stay?
UNLOADER #1
Right. You get time to set up
and soundcheck, then you get
three songs to impress the
bosses.
MARTYN
No problem.
One of the show's organisers, a thirty year old brunette woman called MADELINE, walks over. She is tall, slim and dressed in expensive jeans and a CK top - your standard outfit for a suit in "casuals." She holds a clipboard and takes down the details of the band. As she talks to them, an old, beaten up bus coughs and splutters its way in and parks up next to the Wavelength bus. Martyn and Steven walk round to see who the other band is, but the van's panels are blank. The engine backfires a few times then comes to a stop, and the van's doors are thrown open. Smoke pours out from the inside, and the members of UNDERDOG step out, coughing and trying to waft away the fumes.
Alex is the same height as Martyn but a little stockier, with short spiky black hair and glasses, wearing all black. Simon is tall, wiry and sporting a brown closely shaven head, with the bombed out look of someone whose nervous system has seen better days. Simon wears a brown leather jacket with a blue t-shirt and black jeans. Ian is short and thin, with closely cropped black hair and glasses, wearing jeans and a t-shirt. Rob is Martyn's height, pretty skinny, and dressed in a garish clash of t-shirt, long sleeve and bermuda shirt. Matthew is short and of average build, with very curly blonde hair and a big baggy jumper on over his jeans.
ALEX
How old is this damn thing?
IAN
Older than your last girlfriend,
that's for sure.
ROB
Smells alright to me.
ALEX
This coming from a man who
washes in the morning by dousing
himself in baby powder..
ROB
Never had any complaints so far.
Not that anyone comes near enough..
SIMON
(emerging from the smoke)
What? What? Are we at war?
ALEX
Calm down, dude. It's okay.
We're here, not back in 'Nam.
SIMON
Right. Yes. Good. Okay then.
MARTYN
Er, hi there.
ALEX
Hey.
(comes over, shakes hands)
I'm Alex. This is my band,
Underdog.
MARTYN
I'm Martyn, this is Steve.
We're Wavelength.
ALEX
So, what's the story here?
I mean, we've heard about
this cross-country tour thing,
but we're still a bit in the dark.
STEVEN
(off Rob)
So I see.
IAN
We need to make it onto
the tour. Things aren't looking
too rosy for us right now.
ALEX
Yeah, this is a one way trip
for us.
As if to compliment him, the Underdog bus groans once and then collapses down as its wheels fall off. The bus seems to sag visibly, its spirit leaving once and for all.
ALEX
Literally.
MARTYN
Here. We'll help you guys
load up and then we'll all
head upstairs.
IAN
Thanks a lot.
The unloaders come over and help Underdog get their stuff out, before the two bands and their equipment are helped into the lift and sent up to the stage floor.
The doors open and we are greeted with a large room and a stage at one end roughly six feet off the ground. There is a dazzling array of lights bathing the stage in several different colours as the technicians play around and test things out, and there is a buzz of voices and activity as the six other bands sort themselves out. Two EXECUTIVES, trying to dress smart and official, yet still "trendy," walk over. The first, BLACKSHAW, wearing a Pearl Jam "Ten" cap on, shakes the hands of Alex and Martyn enthusiastically. The other, PETE, looks on with a roll of his eyes at his colleague and greets the other band members.
BLACKSHAW
Hello! Hello! Welcome
aboard, boys. Good to see
you. Oh, and hello, er, girl.
SARAH
Thanks.
PETE
What my colleague here is
trying to say is, put your
stuff over there and then go
mingle with the other bands.
We'll sort you out a soundcheck
slot in a second.
MARTYN
Cheers.
ALEX
So how does this work?
BLACKSHAW
You each play three songs. The
four bands we like best, after a
vote by the members of the board,
will go on the tour.
STEVEN
What's the tour called?
PETE
Provisionally, "Bands On The
Run."
IAN
(sideways look at Rob and Simon)
How appropriate.
PETE
We'll tell you more about the
tour if you actually get on it.
MARTYN
Then let's get set up.
The two bands lug their equipment over towards the stage, glancing around at the crowd of people in front of it as they pass. The other six bands are formed into separate groups, and then there are twenty or so executives and office staff milling around and chatting to the bands. From the equipment cases and drum skins, we see SOUTHERN VOODOO again, then four goth chicks who are HAIKU, next to four long-haired metalheads called SPITBOX, followed by five glam rock types called DABROWSKI, then three punks who are HAIL TO THE KING, and finally two girls and two boys who all look like very out-of-place trendies, called REVOLUTION BABY. Underdog and Wavelength dump their stuff down and begin taking guitars out of cases, setting up keyboard stands, etc. Scanning around, Martyn catches the eye of one of the girls from Haiku, who smiles as her bandmates talk around her. Martyn grins back and waves. She waves back. She is short and pretty, slim with long, curly blonde hair. Dressed like her bandmates in a mix of blacks and reds, she looks good. Martyn keeps his eye on her for a beat, but then he is tapped on the shoulder by Steven, and the two of them help Jim unload his drum kit. Martyn glances back, but the girl and her band are now busy talking to one of the executives. Blackshaw and Madeline step onto the stage. Blackshaw taps one of the three microphones set up, causing a feedback whine which makes everyone wince in pain.
BLACKSHAW
Uh, ah, sorry. Well! Here we
all are then. All eight of you,
ready to find out which four
will be on Waning Bros. records'
inaugural Bands On The Run!
Blackshaw waits for the applause. After a long beat, the suits get the message and start clapping, followed by the bands. Blackshaw sighs with relief.
MADELINE
We'll be on our way soon.
The two bands left to sound
check are..
(consults clipboard)
Wavelength and Underdog.
If those two groups would
like to make their way over to
the stage, the rest of you are
free to watch or head for the
refreshments over there.
She points, and we follow her aim to a long row of tables against one wall. Lots of plates of food, beer and drink are set up there. Without a second's hesitation, every member of the other bands heads for the free food and beer, leaving only the executives in front of the stage. They look at one another for a second, then head for the food too.
JOHN
Good job. I hate people
watching us check.
SIMON
Why's that?
JOHN
Not that it's like a free
preview, it's just an easy
way for people to not like
you straight away as you
tune up and get settled.
ALEX
I hear ya. You never play
well straight away. You
gotta warm up first.
ROB
I got the best way to warm up!
(swigs from a bottle of JD)
Now let's go before I can't
focus anymore!
IAN
Hey Rob, how does the bass
line to "Jeremy" go?
ROB
Screw you!
MARTYN
Huh?
IAN
Long story. We'll tell you
later on.
MADELINE
Wavelength, you ready?
STEVEN
Yup.
Wavelength plug in, tune up and let rip, playing one of their songs. We cut over to the refreshments stand, where the other bands, armed with their free stuff, are leaning against the tables and watching the band play. Everyone looks impressed apart from Dabrowksi and Southern Voodoo. Wavelength finish and Underdog step up, playing their main song. Again, Dabrowksi and Southern Voodoo look bored. They want to show the execs how good they are and show up the other bands. Wavelength and Underdog both get a round of applause when they finish. Blackshaw calls all the bands back over.
BLACKSHAW
Right, we're all set. First on are
Southern Voodoo, next are
Dabrowski, then Haiku, Spitbox,
Revolution Baby, Hail To The King,
Underdog and Wavelength. So
let's get started!
MADELINE
Southern Voodoo, please make
your way to the stage.
The other bands manage a round of sporting applause as Voodoo take their guitars up and start playing. We watch one song of each band, dissolving from one to the next and playing about a minute of each. Voodoo play a bouncy, RATM style number that goes down well. Dabrowski play a painfully waily heavy indie song that almost gets booed. Haiku hit out with a rocky goth song, punctuated by excellent guitar solos. Spitbox thrash out a fast speed metal tune which isn't bad, but a bit too extreme for what the executives want. Revolution Baby, looking very uncomfortable, turn out a radio friendly Transvision Vamp-esque number, which is met with very weak applause afterwards. Hail To The King get through three songs in five minutes flat, 100% pure punk. Underdog's U2 style song is a big hit, as is Wavelength's NIN sounding tune. When all the bands have finished, they take up positions before the stage again as Blackshaw and Madeline take to the stage again.
MADELINE
Thanks to everyone. The
panel will make their decisions
shortly. In the meantime, well,
you know where the free stuff is.
The crowd of musicians head back to the free food as the suits huddle and talk to each other, with Madeline and Blackshaw making marks on their clipboards as they talk. After the marks have been made, Madeline takes the stage one last time.
MADELINE
Okay, here are the votes.
Southern Voodoo, 20 votes. You're
on the tour. Dabrowski, 0 votes.
Sorry, guys. Haiku, 15 votes. You're
on the tour too.
Haiku whoop with delight and are congratulated by the other bands, except Dabrowski, who sulk and start loading up with the rest of the free food and drink to compensate themselves.
MADELINE
Spitbox, 8 votes. Revolution
Baby, 3 votes. Hail To The King,
4 votes. Underdog, 15 votes. You're
on the tour. And last up, Wavelength,
20 votes. You're the fourth band.
Cheers. Applause. Spitbox, Revolution Baby and Hail To The King are gracious in defeat. Southern Voodoo look smug and pleased, like this was just a formality. Alex and Martyn congratulate each other.
ALEX
Nice work, man.
MARTYN
You too. Now comes the
hard part.
ALEX
Aah, it'll be a cinch.
MADELINE
If the four winning bands
could follow my associates
upstairs to the meeting room,
my staff will help you pack up
your gear. My condolences to
the four losers. Better luck next
time.
The bands pack up their stuff. Martyn manoeuvres himself so he can bump into the girl from Haiku he was smiling at earlier. She is hefting up the bass drum from her kit into its bag when Martyn nudges her. She almost drops it, but he helps her grab it.
MARTYN
Whoops! Almost lost you
there.
ALICIA
Thanks. I'm Alicia.
MARTYN
Martyn.
(they shake hands, more smiles)
Good job up there.
ALICIA
You too! That's an interesting
sound you guys have.
MARTYN
"Interesting" is one word for
it. "Hard to explain" are a few
more. We're a bit too different
to fit in most places.
ALICIA
Try being in an all girl goth
band.
EMILY
Tell me about it! We get two
lots of hassle - one for being
girls, and two for wearing black
and listening to Siouxsie and the
Banshees.
ALICIA
Allow me to introduce my girls.
That's Emily.
EMILY
Hi.
ALICIA
Professional man-hater and band
founder. That there is Kate.
Kate waves with a quick, shy glance up. She's a lot more covered up than the other girls, and doesn't say much either. Kate is short and a little stocky with curly ginger hair, dressed in black and not showing too much of her pale skin. Emily, however, is hot and knows it. Dressed to kill in a PVC miniskirt and bust-flattering black and white top, her shoulder-length black hair floats from side to side as she whips her head round, keeping an eye on everything. Jesse is tall and another redhead, in a short black leather coat and a long skirt underneath.
ALICIA
She's the quiet one. And that
there is Jesse, our career girl.
JESSE
Don't be fooled. Having a real
job just pays the bills of being
a rock star.
MARTYN
Well, my crew is Steven, Neil,
Jim, John and Sarah. Looks like
we'll all get chance to get more
acquainted on the tour.
ALICIA
I hope so.
MARTYN
Right, I've got to dash. Catch
you girls later!
ALICIA
See you soon.
JESSE
(off Martyn as he walks away)
Cute.
ALICIA
Not bad at all.
EMILY
If you turn traitor to the band,
you're walking home, sister.
ALICIA
Don't tempt me!
Back with Underdog, Alex and Ian wander over to meet the Southern Voodoo boys. Lawrence is a little taller than Martyn and well built with it, with short, curly brown hair and the kind of good looks that leaves babies all over the world. Lawrence is dressed in the ever-vague "smart casual" way, with a swish leather jacket and smart trousers and a shirt on. Jeffries, average height with very pale blonde hair, is in sports gear, brand name tops and tracksuit bottoms. Bill is tall at 6' 3" and powerfully packed, dressed plainly in a tight-fitting t-shirt and jeans. Mike is shorter than his fellows but you can tell he works out. As classically handsome as Lawrence, he dresses like an extra from Goodfellas. Rich is a physically unattractive ginger guy, in the band to make his bandmates look more visually appealing. Tall and stocky, he shares Jeffries's taste in sports gear.
ALEX
Hey there. I’m Alex, this is
Ian.
LAWRENCE
Lawrence. This is Jeffries,
Bill, Mike and Rich.
IAN
Good show up there.
JEFFRIES
We know! We knew we
could make it. You three
were the only real competition.
ALEX
I dunno, Spitbox weren't bad.
BILL
Yeah, but we're better.
IAN
(with a "these guys are pricks" look)
Well, we'd best finish packing
up.
ALEX
Yup, see you boys later.
IAN
(once out of earshot)
They seem confident.
ALEX
Yeah, a little too confident.
IAN
Remind me to beat them.
Back with Southern Voodoo, packed up and enjoying a post-gig smoke.
LAWRENCE
Bunch of pussies. This'll be
a cakewalk.
BILL
I dunno, the other bands
are pretty good.
JEFFRIES
We'll be fine, I think.
MIKE
We have plenty of back
up plans, remember?
BILL
Suits me.
Cut to the conference room. A long, rectangular table with three chairs at its head and a map of the States on the wall behind it. Framed photos of the company's big name artists and their platinum records adorn the walls. The four bands file in and take their seats, admiring the rock and roll heritage on display. Martyn and Alicia end up opposite one another, grinning like schoolkids as they chat to their bandmates. The doors open again as Barrington walks in, followed by BLAKE and KENNY, the other two Chief Executives. The bands quieten down as the three suits take their seats. Blake is tall and thin, while Kenny is short and dumpy.
BARRINGTON
Hello everyone. This is Mr. Blake
and Mr. Kenny, chief execs here at
Waning Bros. Records. I'd like to be
the first to congratulate you on
making it onto the Bands On The
Run 2001 tour. Well done.
The bands exchange satisfied looks with one another. Blake and Kenny bring up manilla folders and start passing them down the table to each of the bands.
BARRINGTON
While my colleagues here pass
around some handy information
for you all, I'll explain the details
of the tour a little bit better.
Barrington stands and paces around the room, behind the chairs, smoking a cigar as he talks.
BARRINGTON
Each band will receive a brand
spanking new tour bus, with
a trailer to carry your equipment
and plenty of room for the band
members inside. Fuel will be paid
for through credit cards we will
issue you. Each member will receive
$20 a day spending money, but if
you wish to use money from your
ticket and merch sales, you may.
In each city along the route, you
have each been assigned a venue
to play, and you will have two days
in each city to promote your show
and sell merchandise, supplies of
which we have already begun to
arrange with your management.
Or your mother, in Underdog's
case.
ALEX
Hey, what can I say, she's
our biggest fan.
IAN
Some would say only.
BARRINGTON
We will add up the totals for
each city along the way, with
bonus opportunities for cash
also arranged should you choose
to accept them, and the band who
has the most money at the tour's
close will be the winner, and will
sign a record contract with me on
your return. Any questions?
MARTYN
Where will we stay?
BARRINGTON
Hotel reservations are already
booked. Bed, breakfast and dinner.
During the day, you take care of
yourself.
LAWRENCE
What do you get out of this?
BARRINGTON
A proven band and crap loads
of free publicity.
EMILY
What kinds of places will we
be playing?
BARRINGTON
Mostly rock clubs. Decent places
to go. No-one gets stiffed with the
town's crap place.
STEVEN
What about promotion? How
can we go about that?
BARRINGTON
You'll get fliers and posters at
each stop, but radio appearances,
public gigs, that sort of thing
is positively encouraged. Is that
everything?
Nods and murmurs of assent. Everyone seems satisfied.
BARRINGTON
Good. We'll meet back here at
10am tomorrow to give you
your trucks and your first
lot of cash. Accommodation
for the night is arranged at
the B&B over the road. Try
not to be late. Bands on the
run, dismissed!
The bands get up and shuffle out of the room, chatting to one another and shaking hands with Barrington and the other two suits on their way out. When they have all left, the three suits sit down again and relax.
BARRINGTON
Well? Are we onto a
good thing here?
BLAKE
They all look great. I
think we're onto a winner
whoever gets it.
KENNY
I think it'll be either Southern
Voodoo or Wavelength.
BARRINGTON
Why?
KENNY
Voodoo are the most professional,
but Wavelength are unusual
enough to be very appealing.
I think we'll see a good match.
BLAKE
What about the other two?
KENNY
Haiku are four chicks. 'Nuff said.
Name me an all-girl band that
ever got anywhere.
BARRINGTON
The Bangles. The Spice Girls.
Toto Coleo. Bananarama.
KENNY
A rock band.
BLAKE
Kitte? Drain? The Donnas? L7?
Pat Benatar? Bonnie Tyler?
KENNY
'Nuff said.
BARRINGTON
Kenny, you talk a lot of crap.
Why not Underdog?
KENNY
A van full of pissheads. Only
the Stones and Aerosmith ever
got big acting like that.
BARRINGTON
We'll have to find out, then,
won't we?
Dissolve to a nightclub, and a big party. The four winning bands have been joined by Hail To The King and Spitbox, and they are all tearing the place up. Rock music blasts out of the places speakers as band members dance, drink and try to get their hands on any ladies (or guys, in Jesse's case). Martyn is trying to speak to Alicia but they can't hear each other over the noise. He gives up, and motions for the two of them to head outside. Steven and Jim watch them go, then Jim laughs as Steven shakes his head and hands over some money - clearly the bets are already on.
Outside, Martyn and Alicia sit on beer crates outside the club's rear entrance. It is halfway down an alley, and we can see the street at the far end of it. Alicia smokes, both are drinking bottled beers.
MARTYN
So what do we think?
ALICIA
About the club? Noisy.
MARTYN
This tour. The whole thing
seems a little..
ALICIA
Yeah, I know. Too good to
be true?
MARTYN
I keep thinking at any minute
I'm going to hear an alarm go
off, and when I wake up I'll
be back at my flat and none of
this will have happened.
ALICIA
(making a noise like an alarm clock)
Baaa! Baaa! Baaa!
MARTYN
(grins)
Knock it off!
ALICIA
(smiles)
Sorry. You're a nice guy,
Martyn.
MARTYN
Yeah, I hear that a lot. Usually
right before: "And I still want
us to be friends, but.."
ALICIA
You're too hard on yourself.
MARTYN
Sometimes you have to be your
own critic. Keeps your feet on the
ground.
ALICIA
I think we have just reason
to celebrate tonight.
MARTYN
Yeah, I guess so. I'm just
trying not to get carried away
by all this.
ALICIA
Not yet, anyway..
They smile at each other. The air of flirting gets a lot more intense all of a sudden. There's an obvious, mutual attraction between these two. Alicia stubs out her cigarette and eyes Martyn up, looking like she wants to kiss him, when - BEEP BEEP BEEP! Her beeper goes off, killing the moment. They both laugh at the irony of it all. Martyn stands, helps Alicia to her feet.
ALICIA
You know, you're the first guy
who hasn't either said he "finds
the whole vampire thing really
sexy," or "always goes for the
freaky ones."
MARTYN
I'm honoured.. I think.
ALICIA
I have a feeling this tour may
turn out pretty good after all.
(checks her bleeper)
It's my mom. I gotta call home.
I'll see you in the morning. Say
bye to the others for me!
She swigs the last of her beer, throws her bottle O.S. with a smash, then jogs down the alley back out onto the street. Martyn goes to head back inside, but stops in the doorway to watch her go. As she gets to the end of the alley, she turns, sees him, smiles, and blows him a kiss. Martyn catches it and goes inside.
Inside the club, the music has slowed down a little. Most of the musicians are now very thoroughly wasted, slowdancing with whoever is in reach or propping up the bar. Martyn rejoins his band members, sat at a table against one wall except for Sarah and Steven, the group's couple, who dance over on the dancefloor. Martyn sits back down and is passed a beer by Jim.
JIM
There you go, my friend.
MARTYN
Thanks.
JOHN
How was the alleyway?
MARTYN
Guys, I think I'm in love.
JOHN
You'll have to do pretty good
to beat Bonnie & Clyde over
there.
(points to Sarah and Steven)
Our resident lovebirds have
been on the happy pills all
night so far.
MARTYN
I think I might join them.
NEIL
Threesome! Alright!
Neil is slapped good naturedly by the others. Slow fade to:
Morning. Wavelength are tucked up in their beds at the B&B, dozing quietly. Martyn and Jim are already up, sitting out on the room's balcony watching the sunrise, sipping from huge coffee mugs. We cut to see them from outside the balcony, then pan across the other rooms. All the bands are on the same floor. Underdog are next door, then Voodoo, then Haiku. Underdog are all asleep, still blasted from last night's partying. Voodoo are all up, getting ready for the meeting back at the record company. In Haiku's room, Alicia and Kate sit out on the balcony, sipping coffee like Martyn and Jim. We cut between the two balconies as the conversation flows.
MARTYN
I'm telling you, Jim, that girl
is beautiful.
JIM
I know, I saw her too! She
is pretty fit.
ALICIA
He's pretty cute, isn't he?
KATE
Very. Nice eyes.
MARTYN
This gorgeous hair that looks
all shiny and lovely..
JIM
(sniggers)
You've got it bad. Been a
while since we last, er..
(mimes having a wank)
..has it, sir?
ALICIA
I had an interesting dream last
night.
KATE
Who was in it?
ALICIA
He was. And me.
(off Kate's raised eyebrow)
There was nudity.
The girls laugh and carry on drinking their coffee, before Emily calls them and they go back inside. Back to Jim and Martyn.
MARTYN
Seems weird that I'll be
trying to beat her.
JIM
Dude, you hardly know her!
MARTYN
I mean in the contest.
JIM
Yeah, I know. It's like we've
just made friends with these
people and now we have to
go out and try to outperform
them all!
MARTYN
Won't be hard to beat Southern
Voodoo.
JIM
Guess not.
They go back inside. Lawrence, in the room next door, pokes his head round the balcony as they go.
LAWRENCE
We'll see.
The parking lot of the Waning Bros. building. The bands are assembled in various states of alertness, with Underdog looking the worse for wear, clad in sunglasses and displaying messy bedhead hairdos. Haiku are neatly turned out, as are Southern Voodoo. Wavelength look relaxed, joking with members of Underdog as they wait for the record company staff to arrive. They are standing next to four minivans and their trailers, each displaying the logo of the band they serve - black for Haiku, blue for Wavelength, red for Voodoo and grey for Underdog. Madeline, Blackshaw, Pete and Barrington walk over to the groups.
BARRINGTON
Morning rock stars! Good
to see you all dragged your
inebriated carcasses out of
bed this morning. My tour
manager Madeline will fill
you in.
MADELINE
Each band member will get $20 for
today, with another $20 each day
after that, given out by WB staff
who will follow the tour. Each
band will also receive a phone
and gas card. The directions are
simple: drive to the city in
question, promote, play, sell,
move on. The first city will be
San Francisco.
Murmurs of assent from the assembled rockers - a good city to start in.
MADELINE