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MARKS
Let's talk about marks, ba-by. Let's talk about them, you and me. Let's talk about all the dumb pricks and all the stupid fans we have seen.
OK, enough with the Salt, although I could use a little more Pepa! Get it? Get it? (2 drums and a cymbal) (sound of crickets). Anywayz... We are all too familiar with the everyday mark, or stupid fan. These people can be found all over the place, from AOL to those guys at the mall with Goldberg T-shirts. Not only do marks not know shit about wrestling, most of the time they are just stupid people. The first thing I'd like to share with you is the typical AOL chat. AOL users can relate to this I'm sure...
Here is the typical context of a WWF room at the time of a PPV. Let's just say King of the Ring for example. Normally, someone is expected to do a PBP, however there usually isn't really a person
doing PBP.
OnlineHost: You are in "WWF KOTR PBP"
HBKDxKid: whos doin pbp
MikeDSCSA: austin 316
OnlineHost: Benoit97o has entered the room.
Benoit97o: press 3 to join my 16 line multi e-fed!
Benoit97o: press 3 to join my 16 line multi e-fed!
Socko18: WHOS WINNIN THE ROYAL ROMBEL?
Benoit97o: press 3 to join my 16 line multi e-fed!
Benoit97o: press 3 to join my 16 line multi e-fed!
Benoit97o: press 3 to join my 16 line multi e-fed!
JeffyD182: 4 (get it? LOL because he said press 3 and I pressed 4 instead!
LOL!)
HBKDxKid: whos doin pbp?
Gangrel323: This is X-pac.
MikeDSCSA: i liek ston clod pres 6 if u lik ston clod
JeffyD182: 5 (LOL!)
Gangrel323: I am really X-pac I swear to God.
NashB392: what are results so far?
NashB392: what match is on?
NashB392: whats happening?
NashB392: whats going on right now?
NashB392: AHHHHHH!
HBKDxKid: whos doin PBP?
MikeDSCSA: ston clod ccould beet glodberg
Eric93932: austin sucks
MikeDSCSA: shut up eric i giive u stuner becuz autin 316
SeanM193: hhh
SeanM193: hhh
SeanM193: hhh
SeanM193: hhh
SeanM193: hhh
WillSmith39: \sean i got 2 words 4 ya s*ck it!!!111
JeffyD182: someone do a scrambler
HBKDxKid: whos doin PBP?
Gangrel323: I am really X-pac. Seriously.
MikeDSCSA: gangrel no your not xpac. really? are you really x-pac?
Gangrel323: yes.
MikeDSCSA: no your not. ill stun you.
Gangrel323: yea right
MikeDSCSA: no i really will. ill come to your house and find where you live.
HBKDxKid: whos doin PBP?
Socko18: Goldberg just came in and speared Austin.
Socko18: Goldberg's got a gun!
Willsmith39: REALLY?
Socko18: He shot Austin!
Willsmith39: NO WAY!
Gangrel323: the ppv has been over for 2 hours idiots
Willsmith39: s*ck it!
JeffyD182: I'll report u to TOS.
HBKDxKid: whos doin pbp?
MikeDSCSA: HREF = wwf.com
MikeDSCSA: A HREF wwf.com
MikeDSCSA: hey i messed up. how do you do links.
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Here are common phrases heard in the WWF member chat rooms:
1. "hhey i liek ston clod pres 3 if u lik ston clod"
2. "shut up or else i giive you stuner becuz autin 316"
3. "press 776 if you wanna join my sweet rp 30 line multi e-fed becuz the rock
is open"
4. "and if u aint down wit hbk i got 2 words for you s*ck it!"
5. "hhh
hhh
hhh
hhh
hhh
hhh"
Index:
1. Notice the constant misspelling by the Stone Cold mark. This is often
accompanied by the classic "ston clod ccould beet glodberg" line.
2. Making the mark mad inspires a wave of threats of using wrestling moves on
you. No matter how far away you live, or how much they will have to pay to
find you and come to your house, they still claim that they would travel 3,000
miles just to do a wrestling move on you.
3. These people almost ALWAYS type in red, with REALLY big letters, and will
flood the screen instantly, saying it about 20 times, and at this point nobody
wants to join their stupid fed.
4. This prepubescent 11 year old fan can only use this phrase. Notice the *
because they are afraid of Guides and TOS.
5. This person isn't actually trying to accomplish anything. You could go on
for days trying to figure out why they are doing this. Are people supposed to
say "Yeah, hhh is cool" or are they waiting for someone to tell them to shut
up. Nobody knows....
And finally...there's always the idiot that claims to be a wrestler.
Now, EVERYBODY can get a kick out of this. It's an IM from a person that KNOWS DAVID FLAIR. AND THEY LIKE HIM!!! It came from one of those people who IM you out of the blue because they saw your profile. You know the kind: "Hey I saw your profile, wanna cyber?" Anyway, here goes:
VanillaMLG: hi, your profile, is very um...interesting
TacoElf2: does your name mean "vanilla midgets"?
TacoElf2: oh and thanks
TacoElf2: i tried to make it interesting
VanillaMLG: no
VanillaMLG: your welcome
TacoElf2: you get the slim jim part?
TacoElf2: have you seen those commercials?
VanillaMLG: yep. hate them..i know macho man..well. i've meet him a few times, my friends dad is a wrestler...
TacoElf2: you know macho man?
TacoElf2: whos your friends dad?
TacoElf2: WHOA!
TacoElf2: who's your friends dad?
VanillaMLG: um,have you ever heard or ric flair...or david flair?
TacoElf2: yea ive heard of them
TacoElf2: you know them?
TacoElf2: david is stupid
VanillaMLG: my best friends dad is ric, and david is her brother
VanillaMLG: david is hot, well, he was b 4 he dyed his hair!
TacoElf2: they brought david out the other day and gave him a championship belt for no reason, and hes goofy and cant wrestle
VanillaMLG: be for he started wrestling
TacoElf2: and he always has that blank stare
TacoElf2: yea before he became a mini-ric
VanillaMDG: lol...he is REALLY shy!
VanillaMLG: hehe thats cute..i will have to call him that next time i see him
VanillaMLG: do you watch wrestling?
TacoElf2: tell them wcw is losing ratings by having david on tv
TacoElf2: hey what is your friends name?
VanillaMLG: oh..ashley
TacoElf2: whats the little kids name?
TacoElf2: theres a little kid
TacoElf2: that was on once
VanillaMLG: reid
TacoElf2: wow you really do know them
VanillaMLG: yep
TacoElf2: is ric ever home?
VanillaMLG: their house got struck by lightning the other night
TacoElf2: do you know davids s/n?
VanillaMLG: um, not really that often, 2 or 3 days a week at the most
VanillaMLG: nope.i know ashleys...david has one but i dont know it
TacoElf2: blankstupidstare@aol.com
TacoElf2: thats all he does on tv
TacoElf2: oh well i gotta go
VanillaMLG: ok well bye and ill tell david what you said about ratings :)
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Now of course, marks aren't limited to people in chat. Some posters on big newsboards are MAJOR marks. TWNP, Lordsofpain, IWZ, you name it, all have their share of mark reporters. Remember those ridiculous Raven rumors? I once read on a newsboard that when Sensational Sherri was in WWF, she took a bet to give oral sex to a dog. No telling how far these reporters will go to try to start something...
WOW, someone out there likes David Flair. Now here are two things that MUST be addressed:
1. David Flair -- I don't think he's for real. Nobody is THAT horrible. Schiavone mentioned on Thunder that he is a disgrace to the US title. Do you think they would let him say that if he was actually trying? NO! They TOLD him to say that because they WANT people to think that. I think David will show his REAL skills one day.
2. The two RAW spoilers. Vince is just a genius. Posters on newsboards are all over the RAW spoilers every Tuesday, so WWF put out a fake one. What a way to throw everyone off! I really hope the Jake Roberts one is true though....
Well that's it for this week, I'll be back next Wednesday with more. E-mail me HERE and tell me what you think. PLEASE!
'Till next time, say your prayers, take your vitamins, and practice your blading skills.
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