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Women

A WOMAN'S RANDOM THOUGHTS

"Skinny people piss me off! Especially when they say things like," You know sometimes I just forget to eat." Now I've forgotten my address, my mother's maiden name, and my keys. But I've never forgotten to eat. You have to be a special kind of stupid to forget to eat.

A friend of mine confused her valium with her birth control pills. She had 14 kids, but she doesn't give a damn.

They keep telling us to get in touch with our bodies. Mine isn't all that communicative but I heard from it the other day after I said, "Body, how'd you like to go to the six o'clock class in vigorous toning?" Clear as a bell my body said, "Listen bitch... do it and die."

The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing and then they marry him.

I read this article that said the typical symptoms of stress are eating too much, smoking too much, impulse buying, and driving too fast. Are they kidding? That is my idea of a perfect day.

I know what Victoria's Secret is. The secret is that nobody older than 30 can fit into their stuff.

If men can run the world, why can't they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a noose around your neck?"

~I have no idea who wrote this, but I love it!

"Whatever women do, they must do twice as well as men to be thought of as half as good. Luckily, this is not hard." ~Charlotte Whitton

"The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure she carries, or the way she combs her hair. The beauty of a woman must be seen from in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart-- the place where love resides." ~Audrey Hepburn

"I dress for women, I undress for men." ~Angie Dickinson

"A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle." ~Gloria Steinem

"The first woman was created from the rib of a man. She wasn't made from his head to top him, nor from his feet to be trampled upon by him, but out of his side to be equal to him." ~Anonymous

"All these nineteenth-century artists who had painted her as a sphinx and a panther and a vampire sensed the truth of it: woman is a perilous country." ~Elizabeth Hand, Waking the Moon

"God made men before women, but you always make a rough draft before the masterpiece" ~Unknown

"Girls are like pianos. When they're not upright, they're grand." ~Benny Hill

"Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea." ~Robert Heinlein

"There is a relationship between women and chocolate no man will ever understand." ~Unknown