TEASER: A quick story from Lindsey McDonald's point of view. A look at his mind and his views on Angel. Not really relevent to the series itself, just something I wanted to write.
DISCLAIMER:I don't own Lindsey, Lilah or Angel. They belong to Joss Whedon and co. I do own Grace.
RATING: PG - for suggestions of violence.
From my office window I could see him walking down the street. He strolled casually through the light rain, his hand wrapped protectively around that of the demon girl. A light smile touched his lips in the brief moment that I saw his face. A light smile, then his mouth opened in laughter. The woman laughed too and they travelled on. Rain closed around them, taking them from my sight and my left hand slammed down brutally on the window.
I hated him. My God, I hated him. He was such a hypocrite. A killer, then a do-gooder. He had been a cold blooded murderer and now he did good deeds, worked for the white hats. I could see it in his eyes when he and the woman passed my office. He thought he was better than me, believed he was so perfect. Angel. I hared him.
He and Grace "patrolled" by the law firm ever evening as soon as the sun set. I knew they had planned this, they taunted me. They were so happy in the perfect little lives and they wanted me to believe I was like an insignificant bug to them. But I knew better, I would kill him.
My hatred grew as I stared at the place my right hand should have been. Angel had done this to me and it was a disability that still surprised me at times. I'd lower my hand to pick up my coffee cup, then realize I had no hand to curl around the mug. I'd be working at the computer and reach for the mouse before it dawned on me that I had no fingers to click the buttons. It enraged me.
"Lindsey?" Lilah entered my office and I flinched when she spoke my name. I had changed since losing my hand, I knew I had. I was jumpy, I scared easily and I was very irritable.
"What?" I asked, not turning toward her.
"I wanted to see how you're doing."
"Fine!" I snapped. "I'm just fine."
Lilah backed away slowly. "Sorry Lindsey. I just," she paused to collect her thoughts, "I just feel like I'm losing you."
I didn't know how to answer at first. I lay my forehead against the cool glass of the window. Staring out, I could imagine Grace and Angel as they walked back toward me. Smiling, laughing, holding hands.
"You have lost me." I whispered, still not looking at her.
I heard her leave, the door shutting softly behind her.
I felt bad about the way I treated her. Sometimes, I felt really bad. But I needed to keep my distance from her. I couldn't risk getting close to anyone, not now. There was one thing I wanted at that moment and I couldn't let people interfere. That included Lilah.
The one thing I wanted; Angel's ashes at my feet. There was no way that he was getting away from me again. He already had the scroll, no one knew what he had learned and what he had gotten his friends to decipher for him. It could spell the end of Wolfram and Hart. I shivered violently, thinking of that.
"Cold Lindsey?" A voice asked from behind me and I whirled around to see Angel standing in my doorway.
"How did you get in?" I asked, knowing my voice would quaver.
He smiled softly. "There's a fabulous thing about an enemy turning to you for one day. Look what you gave me." He held his arms out wide. "I can basically gain entrance without anyone knowing. And you can't tell the senior partners that you messed up and I can continue getting in."
"I can't tell them, can I?" I realized what he was saying was true.
Angel shot me a cocky grin. "Just goes to show you Lindsey, what you tell you former enemy one day might come back to bite you in the ass the next."
My face flushed angrily at the thought of Angel taunting me and I felt the heat in my body climb.
I could still feel his smile burning into me and I avoided looking straight at him.
"If you can't stand the heat Lindsey, you might as well get out of the game."
"I will not leave this game." I growled in a low voice, approaching him quickly and shoving my right arm into his face. "You took a part of me away and while you may have the upper hand right now, I will win this game Angel." I shook my head, my anger distorting my face into an ugly sneer. "This game is far from over. I have so many things you'll never even expect and in the end, you will be dead."
The smile never once left his face as he turned to leave. "I'll be looking forward to our next match." He said, then turned and shut the door.
I was shaking I was so angry at him. I knew the vampire was taunting me, using my newly found disability to his advantage and I was letting him. But what I had said was true. I had things up my sleeve that Angel could never even dream of. And when he finally realized what was going on, it would be too late. They'd all be dead.
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