You moan, you groan, till you could bawl,

From colds to flu, you've got it all.

I'm sure you started the latest rumor,

Something about you having a brain tumor.

I'd think you'd tire of all the complaining,

Yes, I know, your sinuses are draining.

You say your headaches are atrocious,

Are you sure you don't have tuberculosis?

Your stomach's so holey it looks like a sieve,

I can't believe you even live.

The ulcers bleed from day to day,

In such a painful, agonizing way.

Your kidney stones like boulders grow,

You've even got a callous on your big toe.

No matter how ill someone else might be,

You're always sicker and so dreadfully.

Your lungs won't breathe, your temps too low,

The ol' ticker's probably the next to go.

I'm sure you've got blood clots, and a bad back too,

You know what I'm sick of? I'm sick of you.