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Roleplay Is A Dying Art Form

Greetings, my friends. Professor Peabody here, back with important information which to impart. It's come to my attention that many believe that computer role playing games are in decline, and are crossing over too deeply into the action/strategy market. This to me seems to be due to a number of factors, but perhaps the most important one is that our society has become too fixated upon capitalist philosophies, leaving behind the lifestyle of peace, harmony and nonconformist nature of the 1960's and 1970's. Collectively we are now a culture of greed, valuing allocation of resources and economic strategy over personal interaction and freedom of expression. To test this theory, I conducted an experiment, using subjects I had no prior relations with, and exposing them to a number of hypothetical situations, in order to determine just why the freedom has gone out of roleplay. The Experiment My first task was to find some "willing" participants for the hypothesis. I left my lead lined laboratory, after consuming my special mushrooms, in search of volunteers. On the corner, I met a rather pleasant woman named "Za Za" who demanded I pay for her services. Wasn't exactly what I had in mind, but many of the city's denizens seemed none too impressed with my suggestions, so I thought "What the heck." A few hours later we dressed and left her hotel room, and I had my first volunteer. She was to be the "Damsel In Distress". Next I was in search of a likely Paladin. Keeping in mind that I required roleplay, and not a simple demonstration of self, I found a delightful little bar named "The Lubricated Goat" and approached a likely sort at the bar. His name was Hellbringer. We had a brief disagreement, but once I assured him that I had indeed far more money in a safety deposit box of unknown location, he was more than happy to participate. Even set up a temporary sling for my broken arm using his skull and crossbones bandana, Paladin characteristics already! The experiment was advancing quicker than even I had dared to hope. Lastly, I required a villainish Warlock, one for whom evil was hardly second nature. I required someone fairly unschooled in the arts of dastardiness - so of course I wandered with my two new companions to the local parish. There I met a friendly Jesuit named Franko, who at first was fairly reluctant, and asked that I remove my "heathen scum" from his church. My companions were becoming a little feisty and vocal, so I realised that a more subtle form of persuasion was required. I pulled out my .22 and asked if perhaps he was open to negotiation. I'm pleased to report that he was. We returned to my lab, where I had set up my scenario. I had laid out a suit of armour, a wedding dress, and a monk's habit for my honoured guests. Above a concrete tank of hydrochloric acid I had suspended a steel cage, with padlocks on the outside. A length of industrial rope was attached to the top, and ran down to a metal hook which I had welded to the ground earlier. The rope in effect suspended the cage above the acid, and I had tested the strength of the fibre - it could sustain about 12 stone - more than enough to withstand the weight of a suitable damsel such as Za Za. Still holding my revolver, I handed Franko a heavy titanium blade, which I had purchased on the Home Shopping Network. Those nightowl hours were really paying off! I must say he looked resplendant in his habit - I had indeed chosen wisely, as his beard looked decidedly Mephistophelean, peaking from under his cowl. I motioned that he stand besides the metal hook, and behind the rope. Za Za was only too happy to enter the cage. "Oooh, kinky" she exclaimed, rather perplexingly. Of course, it cost extra - I began at this point to wonder exactly what point I was proving. Hellbringer was formidable in his suit of iron, and I stationed him near the door. I then explained the scenario. Franko seemed reluctant, but I assured him that suicide was a sin, and besides, his parishioners needed him. He was to begin hacking at the rope with his sword, thus causing the damsel to cry for help, lest she fall into the acid. It was the Paladin's job to rescue the maiden, first by subduing the evil Warlock, and then by releasing the maiden from her deathtrap. But the Paladin was to stay in character, showing mercy on the vanquished Magic User, thus displaying the honourable code of Lordship, as well as not taking advantage of said maiden. Of course the Warlock would have a few tricks up his sleeve - I had provided Franko with a rather huge canister of laughing gas, which protruded from his habit impressively bulkily. Hellbringer was armed with a heavy club - I didn't want any sharp weapons in the hands of the Paladin, as I wanted to avoid the death of any participants if possible - I had already had enough run ins with the long arm of the law for my liking. The scenario was set - would the maiden live or die? And would the Paladin and Warlock be forced to act in character? Having created the necessary conditions, I retreated behind my one way mirrored window in my second lab to watch the action. I cleared my throat, and bellowed into my PA microphone - "Begin!" and settled back to watch. Rather listlessly, the Warlock began to hack at the rope that suspended the fair maiden from a Disprin like grave. The Paladin advanced cautiously, wary of the tricks a Warlock can produce in the heat of battle. "Put the f****** sword down!" screamed the Paladin. I became nervous, for this was the crucial stage - and it had not begun exactly as I intended. Still, language is but a coloured description of events... I looked at the maiden. Somehow she had smuggled a file into her wedding dress, and was busy with her nails. The Warlock appeared close to tears - perhaps another deception? "Please, step away!" he implored. "I'm not going to cut the rope!" He threw his sword down. The experiment wasn't looking in great shape. "Don't be such a chicken****!" yelled the Paladin, and he rushed the Warlock. The Warlock backed away in panic, and fumbled with his canister. He twisted off the cap, and pointed the nozzle at the Paladin. "Don't come any closer!" he snivelled, "You'll make me use this!" The Paladin halted, and grunted. "Whattya got in there, preacherboy, fire extinguisher?" He advanced a step, and then another. Didn't sound very Lordlike, I have to confess. With that, the Warlock depressed the top of the canister, and the room was flooded with gas - I'd thought I'd set the pressure adequately, but perhaps I'd overcompensated. It began to seep through the airvents, and into my laboratory! Being allergic to the stuff, I ran for the door to my third laboratory, but alas, too late. The room went black..... I awoke feeling quite dizzy, and stumbled back to my viewing window, wondering what carnage I would see. The sight was indeed distressing, but unfortunately one I could not possibly hope to describe in such a family forum such as this one. Sadly I polished my glasses, and entered my primary lab. Having disentangled my participants, and given them some spare safari suits that I had just lying around to wear, I ignored their delerious rantings, and ushered them to the door, where I paid them for their services. I had to quickly close it too, for their intimate gestures and behaviour would be quite embarrassing, were Mrs Maple upstairs to witness it. I glanced at the lab - the tank was undisturbed of course, and garments were strewn throughout the laboratory interior. A habit here, a breastplate there, and a codpiece..... And the floor would need a mop. So you see my friends - our nature has fallen to such a depth that true roleplaying these days is not enough of a reward for those raised post WW2. It would seem that most of today's generation would rather surrender themselves to hedonistic and material gain before defending the age old concepts of good and evil. Thus it is now the golden age of the strategy and empire building computer game, leaving a die hard communist and philosopher wondering where we as the previous old guard went wrong. If our lives only reward greed, power and physical gratification, what hope is there for the CRPG? Hmm.... Onto my next experiment it seems...... Professor Ezra D. Peabody