'barbie'
you were the most rare person i'd had ever met.
you used your endless caring ways to make me fall in love with you.
now i'm alone.
i dont know who i am anymore.
you helped me forget who i was
and then you left me.
you hurt me beyond all imagination.
did you ever really care or was i just another barbie to your collection?
i am just another barbie.
another ex to brag about.
another barbie to your collection.
collection of heartbroken girls that you've torn apart.
i should have known it.
when you told me.
i am an asshole.
but you actually made me feel something.
you were the first to make me FEEL BEAUTIFUL.
to me, that is love.
that was love.
4.22.01

'you lost'
i cannot decide
what is right.
i cannot choose
my mood.
i miss the old you.
where did you go?
why did you change?
what happened to you?
i miss the real lover i knew.
and i hate this foreign boy that i dont even know.
i miss the old lover who used to make me laugh, make me smile, hold me, kiss me, hug me and who was the first ever in my life to make me feel beautiful.
but that boy doesn't exist anymore.
that old lover lost himself.
he did show me love
but when he lost himself,
he showed me hate.
he took my heart and killed it
and still to this day, i do not know why or how someone as strong as him could lose himself.
4.23.02

'empty'
as i see you now
how stupid could you look.
as i see me now
how strong could i look.
even if i fell into your arms
it could feel good to feel nothing.
but i'd rather go back to myself
and feel that love from someone with a heart.
it does feel good that the only tears i cry now
are tears of disappointment that we didn't last.
tears of you are long gone.
tears of you ran out.
as i see you now
you look so stupid.
as i see me now
i look so blind.
havent i always?
after all, i am a blonde, right?
just a stupid blonde, right?
5.8.02