as much as i'd hate to admit it
as much as i hate myself for being so weak
i miss you.
i miss the love we had that was so real.

as much as i know that we couldnt be together
as much as i wish we could
i still cry.
i still wish everything could go back to the way it was.

how could you have changed?
how could you be so heartless?
how could i have fallen so deeply in love?

i smile and cry at the same time.

as i think of the water fights and just trying to be mad at you, i think of the hate in your voice when you said you were over loving me.
as i think of you reminding myself who i was when i was lost that night, i think of you making me feel completely worthless when you dropped me so quickly.
as i think of all the nights when i didnt think love could get any better and this love was perfect, i think of how badly that knife hurt going through my heart when you said you werent in love with me for the past four months.
as i think of how good it felt to have you hold me and kiss me, i think of how the only thing i ever did wrong on purpose- is love you too much.
all i wanted is to talk more, kiss more, sleep more, touch more- love you as much as i could.
but that wasnt enough.
i wasnt enough.
i wasnt pretty enough.
i wasnt blonde enough.
i wasnt fun enough.
i wasnt thin enough.
i wasnt perfect enough.

promises arent made to be broken.
but-
i'll love you forever- is a promise you broke.
i want to spend the rest of my life with you- is a promise you broke.
i wont cut myself anymore- is a promise i broke.
yes, i miss you.
yes, i miss your lips.
yes, i miss your touch.
yes, i miss your love.
but you hurt me.
you destroyed me.
you didnt care.
you left me for your own selfish needs.
you didnt realize that i had feelings too.
you didnt give a shit about me.
you forgot me.
5.10.02