'fate'
but this time, i know something new about fate.
'my.empty.heart'
All the dumb little boys love my craziness and sense of freedom/carelessness while it only pushes me farther away from you.
'you.said'
'loving you is like a battle
i change myself for you.
it's deep.
no one loves you more than me
what forces you to act this way?
i'm never mature enough for you.
you said you'd always love me.
maybe it's time.
01.05.03
i never knew what fate was.
i never believed in it either.
but the only thing i do know about it, is it causes love.
causes us to love who we love despite what we want.
causes us to love who we love despite "what's best".
causes us to love those who have hurt us.
causes us to forgive those even when its hardest.
and when it's meant to be, fate doesn't give up.
if you kick fate out the door enough times, it'll storm out for good.
whether you can help it or not.
what if fate stops trying because you keep pushing me away?
what if fate is telling you to do what feels right but you just wont listen?
what if you're ending this beautiful love because you cant just stop and smell the fucking roses?
12.20.02
Confusion consumes my mind because love ran out on my heart.
You've always been able to do the right thing while I remain a child.
You've always been able to do the right thing yet make a few senseless choices.
But it's okay,right?
I know it's not what you want in me.
(It isn't even what I want in me.)
I know you wish I was more mature.
And I try to change myself for you.
But look where it's gotten me.
Cheated, dumped and in endless drunken tears.
Confusion consumes my mind because love ran out on my heart.
No kiss or smile will ever fill my heart the way yours do.
.....did.
01.03.03
i wish i saw you the same way i used to.
genuine and selflessly loving.
why do you always look for someone new?
am i not good enough for you?
and we both end up with scars.'
and it still doesnt work.
you try to laugh a little more.
and it still doesnt work.
what's the solution?
who has the answer?
deeper than we'll ever know.
but you never could believe me
when i said our love will always grow.
and no one ever will.
in your heart, there is an empty hole
that only i can fulfill.
what forces you to always go away?
why cant i force you to stay?
you never laugh enough for me.
but i keep letting you back in.
as painful as it can be, i just cant be with anyone else.
or can i and i just wont let myself give up.
but why dont i feel your love right now?
you said you'd always care for me.
then why are you in bed with someone else?
you said you would die if we ever broke up.
why are you alive and fine without me?
you said you always take care of me.
then why am i forcing myself to allow him to take care of me?
you said you'd never leave me alone by myself.
then why do i have to kiss him just to think of you?
you said you'd always love me.
but why dont i feel your love right now?
time to let go.
time to give up.