Thoughts on Thinking

"I think; therefore I am."
Rene Descarte expressed.
So if we are not thinking,
Then we don't exist.

If the census were taken
By Descarte's delineation,
The world would be in a state
Of under-population.

I bought some fat burner pills;
But I took too many.
Children roasted marshmallows over my ass,
Which is now quite charred and skinny.

It is a small world;
This is true and we know it.
But I'd hate to be the one
Who had to mow it.


If Jim Bowie had not died
And left us quite so soon,
There would have been a Bowie Knife,
And a fork and spoon.


When I heard about lesbians
And what they like to do,
I decided that I
Was a lesbian too.


"Into each life some rain must fall,"
Said Henry Wadsworth Longfellow;
A man who obviously never owned
The device we call an umbrella.


A thought occurred to me which has great appeal;
I can get something for nothing if I steal.
And to think that I was once so dense
That I paid for things with dollars and cents.
Stealing rules!  Without doubt.
I just hope those poor, stupid, honest people
Never find out. 



There were times,
I must confess,
That I faked a sneeze
Just to get blessed.



I went to buy a sweater.
The size? What the heck!
I'm only gonna wear it
Tied around my neck.



I used to drink beer,
From bottle or tap,
But I stopped when I realized
That it tasted like crap.



My dog likes to kiss me.
She is the sweetest little mutt!
But I make her wait an hour
After licking her butt.



There is little difference
On the surface of it,
Between forgiveness
And not giving a shit.



"Til death do us part
Would be more truthful
If more people died
When they were youthful.



Instead of electing a president,
We should open it up for all,
And give the job to the lucky person
Who is the seventh one to call.



The smartest people
In the world must be
Those who always
Agree with me.
And each time they concur
With what I construe,
They get even better
Looking too!



Whenever I go to the casino
It looks like I'm wanting romance.
But it's only the rolls of quarters
In the pocket of my pants.



My life was all the stuff
That happened to me
While I was busy dreaming
What I wanted it to be.
And now that so much
Of my life is gone,
I wish I'd paid attention
To what was going on.



Weekends are good
Until Sunday afternoon.
For it is then that I realize
It will be over soon.

And Monday will surely come
And show its ugly butt,
And for five days
I'll be stuck in a rut.

But the enjoyment of my Sunday
Would certainly extend,
If the lottery drawing were held
Sunday night at ten.

Then I could enjoy
This final day of rest,
Until 10:01,
Then I'd get depressed.



Bowlers understand each other,
They don't criticize or accuse.
Because they're always walking
In other bowler's shoes.



Life is a matter
Of take and give.
Something must die
So that something might live.

Chicken and cow
Are no longer alive.
They died
So that we might survive.

Wheat and corn,
Turnip and sugar cane,
Sacrifices in
The living game.

We sow and grow,
Slaughter and devour,
To live another minute--
Another hour,

Until we die
and become a grand feast
For every manner
Of wee beast.

So what life is all about,
I have grown to discover,
Is a continuous bout
Of feeding on each other.

There once was a man who loved junk food;
He ate and ate and ate.
And when he died God sent him to
Hog heaven by mistake.

So pass the potatoes;
Pass the ham.
I eat;
Therefore I am.